kids........... anyone have

[tammyandtommy]

LOL ok I think Im worrying too much, all kids fight but I was thinking of making a contract before we leave that says things like
1. I will not fight with my sibling on the way to, on the way from or in the happiest place on earth
2. I will not argue if I order food I wont like
3. I will not argue if I have to sleep in the same bed as my sibling
4. I will allow my mother to do my hair daily
5. I will not argue about brushing my teeth
6. I will wear matching clean clothes


Have I lost my mind or do I need to get a lawyer to draw up an official contract


Its not that my kdis fight all the time but well if DD does get PI$$Y I will die and if DS antagonizes DD i will strangle them! LOL

 

[monorailsilver]

Good Luck!

You should remind them each morning of that & at the end of the day if they abide by it then give them some cash to spend on something they want to buy in WDW.

I have that problem somedays too but since my kids are 3 (will be 4 on May 5th) & 18 months, I can't do that, YET. IT is just time out in my house.

Kerri

 

[tammyandtommy]

bump please, am I the only one with kids who fight? LOL

 

[dvcmomdeh]

From a siblings point of view...... A very long time ago.

I told our kids (boy and girl) that they are all each other has when we die. Okay it's morbid but it works.

We told them that we would go on vacation every year if they didn't fight and argue while traveling or while we were there. Money also helps. We also said that as long as they sleep in the same bed and don't make a fuss about having to sleep with the other we would continue to go. We started traveling when they were 2 and 5...... we didn't have to make the deals until they were 10 and 7ish. To this day... 17 and 14 we have little arguments like I don't want to watch Aladdin or Hercules or Pretty Woman for the zillionth time. We use to give them an allowance per day too for help in cleaning up the room etc.

The biggest incentive was the they only have each other, they have to make it work.

Hey a family that plays together stays together.

Hope it helps to know that you aren't the only one.

 

[Lynn4Mel]

Sounds like my 2 daughters! Well more like my 12 year old.

I can't wait for the day we go somewhere and sleep in a hotel where I can actually sleep in the same bed as my husband!

 

[zzammmi]

It's great to offer a reward for a day of good behavior. Here's a few more tips: notice when they are getting along well and/or independently resolving conflicts then praise them and offer a hug or some small treat; make their reward contingent on getting along with one another - that is, regardless of who "starts it", they both loose the special treat at the end of the day (this should foster cooperation and reduce their antagonizing one another). Practice these proceedures before the trip so they can strengthen their skills and get used to the contingencies. And make sure they are comfortable (well rested, feet not hurting, not starving, etc.) so they will be more able to control themselves. Notice other signs/circumstances that tend to preceede conflict and avoid or reduce them. Good luck!

 

[Sister Spooky]

Rewarding with treats or money works for about 5 mins with my boys. They are only ten months apart in age and they fight, argue, call each other names, etc. If I can keep them apart, they are fine.

 

[digskat]

My kids ages 5 and 7 beat the snot out of each our on a daily basis. They were excellent for the whole trip. We drove 22hr there and home and they were great I would drive back in a minute. I think that it was ,cause there was so much going on at WDW that they hadn't the time or the energy to fight. You know your kids best and what works for them, but they may just surprize you. Before we went to Florida (weeks before) I warned them when they fought that there tickets to WDW could be traded in and Mommy and Daddy would get to see Mickey all by themselves, even fly down in a plane. It worked!!! I know "I'm the meanest mom in the world " as my 5yr DS used to say. If you are driving and have enough things to keep them occupied you should be fine. If they complain about the sleeping arrangements I'd mention the above for a future trip ie "next time you can stay home" I think they will shock you though. Good luck and try to keep your sanity.

 

[digskat]

.

I told our kids (boy and girl) that they are all each other has when we die. Okay it's morbid but it works.

That sounds soo familiar. I always say "he/she is the only brother/sister you are gonna have, so learn to appreciate each other. Kids will be kids my sis and I used to fight too, she was 6yrs younger, now she's my best friend.

 

[minmate]

Aaahhhh! I know what you mean... my kids are dd6, dd5, ds4 and dd2 1/2... I feel as though I use negotiation skills more than the President! lol....
In reality... it sounds like you've got some of the big issues pegged (food they don't like and sleeping in the same bed for example). I don't know how old your kids are but maybe you can have some real discussions about these issues before you go. Acknowledge that these are things they may not like... I mean, how many of us like to eat food we don't like and sharing a double bed at the hotel with dh, whom I love and adore is no picnic considering we're used to our King size at home. Ask them if they will be able to cope with these disappointments and inconveniences in order to have a fun, wonderful trip.

When my 6yo has been particularly stubborn (we have had ALL the same issues you raised in your post) -- sometimes I will make a deal with her that she needs to just try out listening and agreeing with me for one whole day and see how she feels at the end of the day. She loves to experiment, so we call it "our experiment." The next day, it will be her turn, I won't fight her on anything not safety related (i.e., hurting her siblings and such)... I will suggest she comb her hair or whatnot... but if she doesn't when it's "Her day" then I don't fight (of course, I try to make it so it's not a school day and a day we don't have much planned)... maybe you can come up with something like that? She usually discovers that when she is agreeable and listens she gets more richly rewarded though and usually cooperates the next day anyway...

When my kids started behaving in a way I didn't like at WDW, I would simply ask them, "Is this how you want to remember your Disney Vacation? You get to make a choice right now, to have fun or fight. What do you think will make you happier? You have the power to make this choice... it's up to you." That can really work (and not just at Disney) if spoken gently (NOT angrily).

One other thing, make sure you don't push to hard to do too much so that their coping skills get completely shot... it's almost impossible to reel them in when they're in that kind of condition. Good Luck!

 

[zzammmi]

Spooky Sister makes a good point. It relates to a reward's reinforcing strength. Rewards that are readily accessible without contingencies loose their strength to motivate the child to display the behaviors desired. Rewards used to shape a specific behavior will be more powerful if they are kept special (i.e. only available when the desired response is given). So choose your reward carefully and apply them consistently. Always use verbal praise and affection liberally though (as I'm sure we all do). And God Bless B.F. Skinner!

 

[SqueakyMouse]

Let me know if it works.

 

[kccmommy]

I got this idea from parent's magazine when my DDs were younger. Give them each 2.50/day (more with inflation and age appropriate) in quarters. For every thime you hear "are we there yet" or andy fighting or anything else pre agreed on they must give a quarter back.
I think it works because the get the money up front and it is ongoing throughout the day.
Older kids could get 5 or 10 and have to give back a dollar.

 

[zzammmi]

Let me know if it works.

It does. But don't take my word for it, there's over thirty years of empirical evidence supporting the effectiveness of operant conditioning. It won't work in ALL cases but it can be highly effective when applied appropriately.

To illustrate: dismissing operant conditioning strategies (a behavior) allows avoidance of uncomfortable feelings (positive reinforcement) such as a sense of inadequacy or regret which makes the behavior more likely to occur in the future.

Ahhh, I'm just bustin' your chops, SqueakyMouse...keep on squeaking!

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

DD 10 has learned how to subtly torment DS 7 and the past few months have just been horrible for me, an only child who always wanted a brother or sister. However, the behavior is mostly bickering and driving each other nuts (and me in the process as well). Just today I lost my temper and warned them that they will be unhappy, lonely adults without the love of their sibling if they don't stop being mean to each other now. Then we go into Pizza Hut and observe a brother and sister actually pounding on each other at the next table.

 

[Dumbofan91]

Hi This is from a kids point of view. My borther, sister, and I fight a lot at home. When we went to Disney we didn't fight at all maybe once over who gets to sit next to mom but that was about it. I dont think you need to bother with that.
Hope that helps.

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

DD 10 has learned how to subtly torment DS 7 and the past few months have just been horrible for me, an only child who always wanted a brother or sister. However, the behavior is mostly bickering and driving each other nuts (and me in the process as well). Just today I lost my temper and warned them that they will be unhappy, lonely adults without the love of their sibling if they don't stop being mean to each other now. Then we go into Pizza Hut and observe a brother and sister actually pounding on each other at the next table.

Oh, and BTW, my children have *never* bickered on family trips, whether to WDW, a New England whale watch, Six Flags, etc. I'm not sure if it's because there is so much going on, or they enjoy sharing the experiences with each other, or if it's because I'm such an anal planner that I already have an itinerary set, with no room for negotiation or choices on their part. Of course, they give me their input and make their choices while I create the itinerary, but once it's on paper, they know I'm not going to take any further requests.

 

[qv09vvp]

DS10 & DD8 have started bickering & fighting like cats & dogs for the last 6 months. I've given them the morbid...if dad & I die....and incentives...and threats....

Anywhoooo.... I've started to take away their hard earned Disney money for name calling or physical threats. Unnecessary nastiness or plain old tattle tailing also results in loss of dollars. (1 warning allowed) Kids are behaving MUCH better now.

MY jar gained about 10 dollars before this really started to sink in ...but we're still struggling....

The original post SO sounds like me though...I had to respond.

Have a great day!

 

[Daisy'sMom]

I'll throw in my 2 cents, too. I sat down with my neice10 and nephew8 and had them help me come up with the rules for our trip and the consequences. Now they have no one to blame but themselves if they get in trouble and don't like the consequences. BTW, the rules are simple and the consequences we decided on are natural and fair. They actually suggested much harsher punishments, but I would not allow those. That's were the discussion and reasoning part came in. And these rules apply to the whole family so if my DMIL starts fussing at my DFIL then they will get a warning and then will be seperated. I have no qualms putting them in a "time-out" too. One more thing I'm going to be practicing with them is how to ask politely for something rather than whining about it. I may also reward them with a penny and quarters for the penny presses for every time they say a genuine "thank you" b/c my neice especially does not seem to appreciate anything and always wants more.

 

[dismom9761]

I'm glad I'm not the only one w/ these problems. My DS7 has really been mean to my DD6 lately.Making fun of her,etc. She doesn't take this well and there has been alot of physical contact.It's worrying me bec. we leave for WDW in 5 days.I am going to try some of the suggestions.