Kids and Christmas lists, ever NOT get the items?

[rszdtrvl]

My son (14 tomorrow!) wants an ipod touch. He is NOT getting it. Instead he is getting a more budget friendly Sansa Fuze ($55 compared to $250+).

He does not want a laptop, but is getting one anyway.

I flat out told him no way was he getting an ipod touch. He has a cd player he uses more often than not, and never uses his mp3 player (it is not a "cool" one). I asked him if he preferred an ipod shuffle, or a fancier Sansa mp3, and he wanted the fancier mp3.

His birthday is tomorrow, so he is getting some pretty neat stuff, and we did great shopping for his Christmas gifts too.

Not giving kids everything that they want, especially when they are older and the magic is not quite so strong, does not hurt them in any way.

 

[java]

My 5 year old's list include a dirt bike- not getting it. And the 8 year old wants a puppy- also a no go(we have 2 dogs already "but mom they are not a puppy"

So no they don't get everything they put on their lists but I try to surprise them and they are never disappointed. At least not so far.

 

[RockAndRollBallerina]

Some advice for parents with older kids who have a better idea of what things cost and what not. Something my mom did when my sister and I were able to understand the meaning of the term budget. Is to make them aware of what your budget is for the holiday before they make out their wish list. Needless to say I still may of had some 15 things on that list, but the ones that were on there were not outrageously expensive either because I knew what my mom was willing to spend. And it didn't hurt me either when I didn't get something on my list.

 

[DVCBELLE]

Dear Santa,

My Christmas wish is for Artie to walk.

Love,

Brittany

That was such a great episode...and exactly why I try to get my kids everything they want...

this year my DH isn't working so we have to scale back and it is hard b/c the kids usually get so much from Santa - but we are getting each of them one BIG gift from Santa for each of them. They know that Santa does not bring anything that mom and dad don't approve of and they are usually very reasonable in their lists!

 

[lisateaches]

I remember when we were old enough to know there wasn't a Santa my parents would warn us (all five of us) that it would be a lean Christmas. I was ALWAYS amazed at what my mom had bargain hunted for.

I am lucky enough that my daughters always seem grateful for what they get. My 8 year old never made a list this year. I asked her, she just never got around to it ( busy playing with the toys she does have). I am actually having trouble evening out the girls presents this year. I mean, the two year old already has everything she could want because of hand-me-downs.

Then, it came to my attention that a friend/acquaintance of mine (daughters old BFF from KG) is having a hard time this year because of medical bills. I figure I'll use the money I would have used to even out the girls gifts to buy her daughters gifts. I let her know so that she would quit worrying about not having any gifts for them. It isn't a lot, but I think that anyone that celebrates Christmas should have the opportunity for Santa to come, whether they have the money or not. That is what Christmas is about.

 

[akenneson]

DS is 5. His list is a mile long and it changes daily. No, I don't get him everything on his list.

I'm in a similar boat...my DD is 4 and says different things every day I don't think she remembers what she has asked for. There are few things that she said a month or so ago that I have picked up for her and told family members about other things she has said because I am done shopping. Am not looking forward to list in the years to come

 

[Diabolicdesire]

No, I do not get everything on DD's list. Especially now that she is 13, a lot of items are costly. I do shop for bargains and get what I can but somethings are automatically disqualified

This years list included a new Ipod touch 4th gen. She just got an Ipod touch last year and there was no way. (Though, I did get an Itouch last year too and would love to have then next gen too ) I can't justify it for either of us. I did tell her if she came up with the money, ie sold her old one and came up with the difference she could get it.

I do not have a problem indulging DD for Xmas but there is also a line. It does not make you a bad parent.

 

[trustknoone]

I think I have posted this on another thread also but... What we did this year was tell DD12 what the budget was for her Christmas ($200) and she could have anything she wanted as long as it was within the budget. She worked and tweaked and whittled that list down to the stuff she truly wanted and is getting everything she asked for and an extra $50 in cash from the amex passcard deal (she asked for $50 in cash and is getting $100) I couponed and sale shopped and kept her apprised of when something was cheaper than we thought so she could add something to her list if she wanted to. She seemed to actually enjoy the hunt and I'm happy knowing I got what she really wanted and not just a bunch of stuff to fill a tree. We will definitely be doing this again next year and may even do it for her birthday.

 

[GJM]

My DS is 11 and his list is so small this year, plus his birthday is next week, and all my family ask me what to get him. I miss the days of shopping for toys.

As long as I can afford it he does get most of what is on his list, he never asks for anything crazy like a pet.

I guess I have gone overboard on some years, because I never got alot as a kid. There have been some Christmas's where he didn't touch something and I would take it back.

 

[GJM]

I actually remember something my DS wanted 1 year - a gas powered back pack so he could travel thru air! I told him Santa doesn't carry gasoline on his sled!!

 

[PrincessParty]

We have always told the kids that they can ask for anything they want but, Santa knows best and will bring them the best thing for them. Santa has not disappointed until this year. My 11 y.o. is asking for stiletto converse high tops! I am still trying to figure out a gift for her.

 

[mamalle]

Not every item. I pick a few things off of it and really try and get the main items. This year my kids didnt even make a list at 8 and 10 I know what they want though from talking with them and picked a few things here and there. Mine are always happy come christmas morning and really all is forgotten about every item on the list..

 

[jacksmomma]

We do not buy everything on DS's list. I do not want him to grow up expecting to get whatever he asks for. Also, in our house Santa only brings 4 gifts plus a stocking. We do the something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read. All of the rest of the gifts come from DH and I. After two December's with DH unemployed we learned that most of the gifts come from us so that we do not have to explain why Santa did not bring much. I have told DS that there are some things that Santa cannot bring on the sled (like live animals) and that Santa will not bring items that DH and I do not approve of.

 

[sk!mom]

His major requests for Santa are an iPod Touch or a PSP in blue.

We are getting them one netbook to share.

Yes, I always buy whatever is on the list plus some surprises. When they were young though, I always reminded them to keep the lists reasonable or I would have to make the decision of what to buy and what to skip. They are now 25 and 14, and when I ask what they'd like they still only mention a few ideas.

That being said, I don't think you should get all of it, just because, and you're not a bad mom. However, it seems like it's ruining your Christmas. Probably because you're remembering how you felt as a child when you didn't get your wishes.

My question for you is, if he wants an itouch, why are you getting a netbook? It's still electronics and not what he wants. I bought two refurbed itouches for $149 each from Apple. Why not do that? And if the PSP is his, tell him, so that he won't ask for another. Just tell him that expensive electronics may not be taken to Day Care.

 

[MSSANDRA]

With DS, he has never asked for a lot so between Santa and grandparents he may have never not gotten everything he asked for.

DGS (that lives with us) is MUCH different. He asked Santa for a cell phone! Not a fake one and not a cheap one like Nona's( I always do the freebie) but one that you can do everything with like his Jordan's! Oh, he just turned 4!

Of course that is not going to happen but I have made sure he KNOWS that it is not going to happen. Santa does not do cell phone plans!!!

Do not feel bad but I would be sure he is aware he will not get everything he asked for.

 

[Pigeon]

Our kids know that they'll get some stuff on their lists, they won't get some of the stuff, and they'll get some things that weren't on the list to begin with.

 

[QVCshopper]

Growing up, I never celebrated Christmas. So, I missed out on all of the traditions, toys, parties, etc. So, OP, your socks, etc. sound nice to me.

Now, I don't do the list thing with my kids. We talk about what they want and I try to get it, but they keep trying to add on. I tell them that Santa/me are already done, and it will have to wait until later. To me, Christmas is more about being together and making memories.

 

[MrsPete]

. . . He teared up a bit and said "but mom, I'm a good boy".

So are we bad parents or do you also not buy things on their lists?? . . .

I would never try to buy EVERYTHING that the child writes down. It would give the child the idea that I'd do it again next year and the next year . . . and then what would I do when she wants a pony or a sports car or something else I can't produce? We're pretty indulgent at Christmas (whereas during the rest of the year we're quick to say, "You want it? How much money do you have?"), but I think it's good parenting NOT to buy everything the child requests.

I do try to get the child's #1 and #2 wish (assuming it's practical). I get them a few things from their wish list, and I get them a few things that they don't expect.

Some things just aren't practical. I would never buy Uggs or a leather jacket for a kid who's still growing. I would never buy a new ipod for a kid who has an almost-new one. Other things go against my own ideas of right and wrong. For example, I am not putting TVs in kids' bedrooms (don't care if I'm the last parent on the planet who feels this way). My kids are teens now, and they might well request some movies that I wouldn't allow. Those are just a few examples of things that I personally wouldn't buy for Christmas gifts -- I don't want to feel backed into a corner by a list.

In most cases, I do try to make those #1 and #2 gifts EXACTLY the item they're hoping for. For example, if one of my kids really, really, really wanted the Ipod Touch (which seems to be "the thing" on this particular thread), I'd drop a hint to her that I'd be willing to get it -- but that it would mean very, very little else under the tree. That'd give her a chance to consider whether she really was willing to sacrafice those other wishes for that one item. I know that I personally would usually rather have THE ITEM instead of a pile of junky things, but I try to hint to the kids to gauge their interest level.

This year my oldest chose to get her class ring as her big Christmas gift. She's 16, so I told her up front that choosing the ring would mean that she'd get little else, and that her sister would get much more on Christmas morning. She was fine with that. Also, she had a choice of a basic ring for less than $100 (but she didn't get to make any choices on it) or exactly the ring she wanted. She chose to get exactly the ring she wanted. But I'm not waiting 'til Christmas morning to tell her these things; I don't want her to see her sister get a big pile of things, while she sits there with 2-3 tiny packages and a disappointed face. Actually, one of her packages is a tiny jewelry box with a note saying that I hope she's enjoying her ring -- it's just a reminder, "Hey, you already got the big item."

We don't consider presents a reward for good behavior at Christmas. Presents are something you get because we love you and because we celebrate Christmas. Connecting them too strongly to good behavior could easily backfire. Suppose you have a financial setback and next year's Christmas has to be a lean one -- does that imply to the kids that their behavior is not as good as it was last year? What if they're comparing their Christmas haul to their friend's gifts, and one kid gets a whole lot more than the other? Is he a better kid? Kids DO pick up these unintended messages, so it's a whole lot better to make Christmas gifts a "because I love you" thing.

To me, Christmas is more about being together and making memories.

In our family, Christmas is about Jesus first . . . family, presents, parties, good food, and fun traditions are all wonderful, but we try very hard to keep them secondary.

 

[QVCshopper]

In our family, Christmas is about Jesus first . . . family, presents, parties, good food, and fun traditions are all wonderful, but we try very hard to keep them secondary.

Yes, but remember that I never celebrated Christmas and was raised in a different fashion; i.e., we did not believe that Christmas was Jesus' b-day (I could go on forever on what we did believe, but I've tried hard to forget). I also did not celebrate my b-day, nor did we hardly recognize it. Not saying it's right, just saying to each their own.

 

[pigletto]

Our kids know that they'll get some stuff on their lists, they won't get some of the stuff, and they'll get some things that weren't on the list to begin with.

This is pretty much us as well. The lists are usually pretty reasonable and the kids know they are "suggestions" not "must haves". That being said I can guarantee they have never been let down on Christmas. They love the things that are surprises.