Keli's Journal

[Keli]

10-08-2003
I gotta do something. I'm really nervous about the way things are going. Uggh, I don't really know what to do. That's the problem. Sort of. See I have been following a low carb diet for weeks now. Weeks. I've been pretty faithful to it too. 20 carbs a day or less the majority of the time. Except one weekend. Then I blew the diet for the whole weekend. But otherwise I've worked hard at this.
And I guess I've had some success. I'm not totally sure because brilliant me was too afraid to get on the scales. I was too afraid to see how much I weighed. That sounds terrible to even say but it's true. Everyone been mentioning that it looks like I've lost some weight though so I guess I have. But now I know how much I weigh. Last night I finally conquored my enemy in the bathroom. Amazingly enough it is my scale. I was afraid I would weigh more than it registered. Seriously afraid of that. But I didn't. Now the other huge fear I had is coming to pass. I was worried that once I had this huge number in my head that I would be discouraged about this diet. I mean I have such a large amount to lose. I don't think I can climb that mountain. As a matter of fact, I'm sure I can't. Except, somewhere, somewhere I keep thinking that maybe I can. Maybe.
So why do I feel like crying today? Actually I feel more than like crying. I am crying. The tears keep leaking out. I wipe them away and there's more there. I hate that feeling. Like I'm sad and I don't know why. I think it's because I know exactly how much I weigh and yet that doesn't make sense. I don't look one bit different today than I did yesterday. People can see my size and probably give a good guess as to my weight. So why does having a real number bother me so much?
So I'm starting a journal. Not because I really want to. Actually it's a stop gap measure. I don't want to stop this dieting and I'm scared I will. Except people might have read this journal and I wouldn't want to give up in front of everyone. I can fail in private but you know, I hate to do it in front of people. So maybe if someone knows what's going on, well, I'll give it that much more effort and hang in there. We'll see anyway.
So there it is. My first journal entry. It's more the real me than most people will ever see in writing. I used bad grammer, even ended sentences in a preposition and left it. You know why? Because I'm not going to send this journal though the filter of "What will people think of me if they read this?" that I usually send all my posts through. I end up with stilted, fake sounding posts most of the time like that but at least my grammer is correct, lol. I gotta wonder about my priorities at times.
Keli

 

[Keli]

10-9-03
Ok, Day two of my journal.
I feel much better today. Not so worried that I will lose control or give up. Yea!
I'm looking at the site www.fitday.com and I've been using the food counter. Humm, this is really helpful. I didn't have a way to calculate how much of my diet percentage wise was in fat, carbs, and protien until now. And I see that I have an awfully high level of fat in my diet. I'm not sure what the percentage should be but I know I'm not doing too good here. I'm going to have to check out what the experts say on this and try to bring the level of fats in my diet down. With carbs I'm doing very well though. But I knew I would since I consume very few of them while still consuming a 1200 calorie diet or even more than that some days. The fat level is what surprised me. I wasn't even really thinking about that. This is gonna be such a great tool! Yea!

 

[nancyj_pa]

Keli,
I just read your journal entries and had to respond. You are like so many of us when we first started out and joined the WISH Challenge. There are WISH'ers of all sizes and with different amounts of weight to lose. We're all here for each other...through the ups and downs.

If you read the other journals, you'll see that it's important to set small goals for yourself if the whole seems impossible. Lots of people set a 10% of body weight as their first goal and go from there. Others might have a 10, 15, or 20 pound goal.

I have a lot to lose and prefer to look at this as a change in life style. I'm changing my eating habits and probably will eat like this to some extent for the rest of my life. I'm doing one pound at a time and try to be happy for small accomplishments.

Keep up your journal. In the beginning, list what you eat each day. Others may be able to help you make a choice of what eating plan to follow such as Weight Watchers, low carb, portion control and exercise, etc. I'm doing low carb (Protein Power) and trying to ride my bike or take a short walk a few times a week. Exercise can be difficult when starting out.

Keep a positive attitude and take it one day at a time! No more tears! You can do this.

 

[Keli]

10-11-2003
The suggestion of posting my foods here sounds like a good one. I've been posting them (well, for the last two days, lol) at fitday and starting tonight I'll add my foods here to this journal so that if I'm really messing up (and that's very likely, I've been doing some research on LC eating and some of it's confused me a little but I'm pretty sure I have the overall idea) maybe you guys will see it and let me know.
I think I might ought to stick to "whole foods" at least for now. It's the processed type of foods that are confusing me anyway and I might have a hard time eating LC candy and whatnot in moderation anyway. I'd better give myself some time before I start adding much of that.
I weighed myself again last night. It wasn't nearly as hard and I didn't have an emotional reaction to it this time. And I've lost one pound since the first time.

 

[kayeandjim00]

Hi Keli - I just read your journal and I hope you don't mind me posting here. You have conquered your fear of the scale and that's a great thing! The first time is hardest and you can't know how GREAT you are doing without having known what that number was to begin with! And you have to know how much you are losing so you can change those clippies - the best part! I think it's important to have a goal - something attainable to begin with - for me it was 10% at someone here at WISH's suggestion. I am just about 4 lbs shy of that goal - and believe me it seemed A LONG way to go when I first started. For me it helps to keep up with every 1/2 lb I lose. In fact I set up a spreadsheet on excel complete with a graph charting my loss so that I can remind myself when I am discouraged that the numbers are going down - and that's all that matters! Another thing that is working well for me is 'rewards'. DH and I set up rewards for every 10% goal we hit and that is an additional encouragement to get there so we can claim our prize! Post often on WISH the people here are so supportive and motivating and many have accomplished so much! It reminds me this CAN be done! Check in weekly on the WISH board check in so that everyone can celebrate your losses with you! Keep up the good work I can tell you are committed to this and I know you will succeed!!

 

[Keli]

10-14-03
I appreciate the comments people have posted to my journal and also the pms. I've been trying to incorporate many of the tips into my daily life and I'm having some success I think.
I've been pretty busy and shook up since this past weekend because my daughter Ashli had her first wreck. She's not a terribly experienced driver and I worried about her a lot anyway and this past weekend she had an awful accident. She rolled the car a couple of times and walked away from it with just a couple scratches/cuts. It has really shaken me up and I've been so stressed about the whole thing that I haven't been posting to my journal as I should but I have been sticking to the diet. That's probably the best thing about this diet- It's easy to do even when you are stressed out and can't spend a lot of time thinking about it and planning meals.
Anyway this is what I ate yesterday:
Breakfast: 2 slices of quiche (total 6 carbs)
Lunch: 1/4 cup of yo-cheese with splenda and sugar free vanilla syrup in it (I'm not sure on the carbs but I think it's about twice as much as yogert so maybe 7 carbs? The yogurt I make it from has 14 carbs per cup)
Dinner: Large salad with six grilled chicken fingers cut up in it and 2 tablespoons of ranch dressing. Total: 6 carbs. I've found that I like my dressing much thinner than what I buy so I water it down to the right consistancy (for me, lol) This works out good since I like tons of dressing (I actually had about 4 tablespoons after I added the water to it and shook it up)

Yesterday I didn't eat at often as I usually do for some reason. I wasn't as hungry but I was also kinda busy and just didn't take time to eat a snack in the afternoon when I did get hungry. I won't do that too often though because then I'll end up eating something convient instead of smart.

If I'm doing anything wrong here with my eating please let me know, I'm still really unsure about how to balance this diet so it's healty for me. Oh, and I'm going to weigh myself tonight so I'll know if I've lost any weight since thursday. Cross your fingers! lol

 

[nancyj_pa]

I'm so glad Ashli is O.K. What a worry! And you did so well with watching your weight and all. That's remarkable.

Your low carb meals sound good to me. Hopefully, your weigh in will show a good weight loss. Sometimes it takes a little longer for some people to show a loss, so don't be discouraged. Make sure to drink at least 64 oz of water a day. This really helps the loss and will make you feel fuller. You also need it to stay healthy while on low carbs.

Make sure to join in on the WISH Challenge when you get a chance. It's so nice to see everyone's successes here and the support is great even when you feel down. I find it better than joining a group.

Make sure to keep posting.

Nancy J.

 

[Keli]

10-15-2003
"Oh happy day, oh happy day..." That tune is going through my head today because I weighed myself this morning and I've lost another 3 pounds which brings my total to 4 lbs from last tuesday to this tuesday.
Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast:
5 strips of bacon
2 eggs

Lunch: none (ate a later breakfast)

Snack 1/2 cup of pecans stir fried in butter with splenda and salt

Dinner: a triple burger from Wendy's sans the bun. I'm not sure the carb count on that, I ate the three burgers, three slices of cheese, lettuce, onions, mayo and two pickles.

 

[nancyj_pa]

Keli,
That is an amazing weight loss for one week! Wow! 4 pounds. I'm lucky to lose 1 a week.

Your food choices have been excellent. Have you been hungry? There were very few carbs in your burger dinner. Try not to skip meals and be sure to drink your water.

Keep up the good work. I'm proud of you.

 

[Keli]

10-16-2003

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby sister Bethani.

You know, I can't wait until I can really start seeing a difference in my clothes. Right now they are a bit looser than they were but it's not a huge difference.
Yesterday I ate:
califlower 1/4 cup, raw, no dressing or anything
5 chicken strips, grilled, with 1/4 cup cheddar cheese melted on them
1 cup of pork rinds with 1/4 cup of cheddar cheese melted on them
One regular arby's roast beef sandwhich without the bun

I think I ate way to much cheese yesterday. I need to be more careful and look at the overall day before I make food choices I think. I'm just so glad that I'm starting to understand some of this stuff.

 

[nancyj_pa]

Keli,
If you're following low carb, the cheese is O.K. You can have dressings on your salads and veggies...check the labels. Ranch, blue cheese, and some others are very low carb as is mayo. It seems to me you should be eating more. If you don't eat enough, your losses will be slower.

It won't be long now before those clothes get a lot looser!

 

[Keli]

11-17-2003

Nancyj_pa,
I wanted to thank you for reading my journal and posting tips and helps to it. I really appreciate your help. And I think you are right, I probably do need to eat more, especially vegatables on some days. I often don't eat, even when I'm hungry because I can't think of anything quick and I'm in a hurry and stuff. I'm afraid if I keep that type of habit up I'll slow my weight loss and I'll also put myself at risk of grabbing something I shouldn't to eat just for the convience. So I'm resolving to put more effort into pre-making some foods and keeping a variety of low carb foods and fresh vegtables on hand for snacking. I don't want to blow this now.

My foods yesterday:
1/2 cup of plain, full fat dannon yogurt sweetened with splenda and sugar free vanilla syrup

2 boneless pork chops dipped in egg and crushed pork rinds and fried
1/2 cup of canned green bean flavored with bacon (about 2 slices in my 1/2 cup I think)
1/2 cup of califlower , boiled and mashed with butter and sour cream

1/2 cup of yogurt fixed the same way as in the morning.

I really hated the califlower. I read recipes that said it was a good 'mashed potato' substitute. But I didn't have any half and half or even any whipping cream to add (and it was a little runny anyway) and it just tasted awful. I'm not going to try this one again unless I find some better instructions on how to make it.

New incentive to lose weight: (as if I needed one!)
Several people have commented lately (most recently last night) that my dh looks too young to have a child as old as our dd is. They never say this about me, lol. And David is four 1/2 years older than I am but the truth is I do look older than I am when my face is fatter like it is now. I want people to say I look too young to have a kid that old, lol!

 

[Camping Griswalds]

I have read your posts and I must say you seem to be doing much better now. Keep up all of the hard work. I'm glad your dgt is okay. I'm doing the Atkins diet and there is a post somewhere on here about those cauliflower/mashed potato recipe. I'll keep checking your post/journal to see how you are doing...good luck!!

 

[nancyj_pa]

Hi Keli,
Keep up the good work. I didn't like the mashed cauliflower either. But I did like the cauliflower "potato salad" recipe.

 

[Keli]

Ok, I am so frustrated again! I cannot believe this! I have been working really hard on this diet. And the first week after I finally weighed myself I had lost four pounds. That was great. Now this past week I weigh myself half way through the week and I've lost two more pounds. Good. Then I way myself at the end of the week and I've gained those two pounds back! I'm not eating enough calories and certainly not enough carbs to GAIN weight! This is no fair and I want to tell someone about it!
Ugh, well at least I didn't regain all six pounds. For that I'm thankful.
Well I guess I need to regroup and see if I can figure out what I'm doing wrong. This week I'm going to watch myself even closer and try to eat a really good balance of veggies and meats just see what happens.
My husband was so sweet last night. I could tell he was really trying to encourage me. That was so nice.

 

[believe]

Make sure you are eating enough......you don't want you body to store anything for later.

Don't give up, you are doing great. Next week will probably show the 2lbs and then more gone bye bye

 

[Strings]

Don't get discuoraged. There could be reasons for that weight variation. Is it thet TOM? I can gain up to (gasp) 6 pounds for the 4 days around the start of TOM. once it's done, I'm back where I started. Did you drink all your water, how much sodium did you consume. You are doing great. Cut yourself a break. You are still on plan.