Just no love.....help

[Cee]

Sometimes people chase that "being in love" feeling. That feeling doesn't stay. But something better can take it's place. Something to think about.

 

[bumbershoot]

One more thing a therapist told me. If the two of you were in love with each other once but are not now, it is possible to fall back in love. I married my DH when he was a boy and I was a girl. We grew up together and never saw each other as a man and woman, just the boy and girl we fell in love with. The therapist told me to reinvent myself in small ways to get his attention so that he could have a chance to fall in love with the woman. The same advice was given to him. We're working on that now and it's looking promising.

I love your therapist.



OP, what everyone else said sounds good to me.

I also want to say that I'm sorry you didn't have any say in your first marriage. The only arranged marriage in my circles of friends gave the woman all the say she needed; she was lucky enough to actually find someone she loved out of the husband-prospects her family brought by. They've been ridiculously happily married (and let me tell you she was NOT happy with her arranged marriage prospects when she was in high school and talked of running away quite a lot) since just out of college. I really feel for you that you didn't have the say-so that she did.

 

[cinabug]

I found nothing but a love friendship there.
Life is to short to not live a life that you love! But IDK what to do? Live with a friend the rest of my life (BTW he is very demanding!) or move on to find true love. He is no longer and ******* as he was for the 1st 4 years of our marriage, but still......arg
ideas please!!!!!

I think a friendship may be enough in a marriage. If not, I guess get out. Though I would make a very definite distinction between getting out and moving on. I can't even imagine why someone would be thinking about trying to "find true love" at this point. If you are that anxious to find something better, it seems likely you will again end up with something that doesn't meet your expectations. If you really don't want to be with this man anymore, by all means get a divorce, but I think you would be best served by then spending a few years on your own, probably in counseling as others have suggested. After you've given yourself that time, you'll know yourself well enough to select a partner whom you might actually stay with long term.

 

[PatsGirl]

I'm not the OP but some of these posts have really helped me in my dilemma with the new boyfriend