Just need to vent...

[disneymom3]

See this I get too. On one side of my extended family we have some folks that are simpler people- not bridezillas at all, that have what I would term more old fashioned weddings. The mother of the bride makes the dresses, the mothers of bride and groom made all the food, reception in the church all purpose room, uncle DJs....and after the bride and groom leave the reception the wedding party would help clean up and put away all the church folding chairs and tables. Before the rehearsal dinner everyone went to the church and help set up the tables and chairs. Not how my wedding was done but another common thing in some circles.

This is where I get whiplash from theses discussions. On one hand someone is a bridezillas if something is well planned, she's extravagant if she has a wedding planner and pays people for everything, or she's tacky and cheap if her family and friends help provide things for the wedding. People need to be more traditional or people need to get with the times. The one thing you can guarantee doing wedding season is that someone is not going to like your style and someone else will say something snarky about it.

Having family and friends help is totally cool. I have done that many many times. In fact my best friend just got remarried and had a small inexpensive wedding. All of us chipped in to help from picking up and delivering chairs, to decorating the reception space. HOWEVER, she kindly asked people if they could help out in various ways. She didn't demand it.

I was in a wedding right out of college and my friend was totally overwhelmed. She turned to the bridesmaids a few days before the wedding and said she was so overwhelmed and had no idea what she was doing. We all got together, made some lists and divided up the jobs. No problem. We also had all travelled to be there and stayed all week. There was in fact, an impromptu after party and the bride and groom joined us after they changed their clothes. We had a BLAST but at the end of the day, no one was expected to be there. We were there because we chose to be.

I have also been in very extravagant weddings with very organized brides who still managed to not be drama queens and demand to be the end all and be all of everyone's life. As my niece once said about her cousin, "I know it's the most important day of her life, but it's not the most important day of mine." The cousin was a definite Bridezilla.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

 

[Aliceacc]

An old friend of mine got married a million years ago. In February. In New York.

In a blizzard.

The hall called to cancel; they couldn't get anyone in to work. The airport shut down. The limos cancelled. And his brother tried 3 different busses to get him home from college, and had no luck.

But the wedding went on. After the church, we all met Kevin's mom. She was having a party in her house, and she delegated work-- who would clean her basement, who would go to the supermarket and get something that would serve as a wedding cake, who would go to the bar we all hung out in and get some sort of food to go and so on. We had a blast.

Another friend was due to get married in late October 2012. In a part of Long Island called Long Beach.

But Superstorm Sandy had other ideas. Everything anywhere near the beach was destroyed, including her home and the reception hall, and the church was heavily damaged. .

So she rescheduled. For February. Away from the water. And... you guessed it, we had another blizzard.

But her family was there, her fiancé was there, and they had a priest. She got married and had a wonderful time.

We all told her that if rain is supposed to be lucky, then they were set for life.

Not every bride is or has to be a bridezilla, though they certainly make for interesting reading.

 

[RedAngie]

Nah - never mind.

I felt like responding a few times too, but then thought better of it. But let me tell you, it was difficult to refrain.

Some of you may have seen my post a few weeks back about my friend who is getting married Saturday. We had her bachelorette party- which was really fun, all the girls got along, bride had a great time.
I was so happy that it was such a success. All of the bridesmaids agreed that it was a great nite and Bride loved it.
I got an email two days later from the Bride. She wanted to tell us how disappointed and mad she was about her bachelorette party.

So thats the level of Bride I am dealing with. She has been pretty adamant from day 1 about us all getting our make up done. She would cover hair. Makeup would be $65. She emailed us last night reminding us makeup was $90!! WHAT?!
One of the girls can't swing it. You should see the texts I'm getting from the bride. OHH BOY!
This is HOPEFULLY my last stint as a bridesmaid.

Is there even a question of there NOT being an after-party!? Tonight is the "setup the venue" party (which I cannot make) tomorrow is the mani/pedi/luncheon (which I also cannot make as I need to be at work) followed by the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, all the girls are sleeping at the hotel Friday evening so we can get up & ready for hair & makeup at 8am, followed by a whole slew of activities which the bride has put into an amazingly detailed excel spreadsheet breaking the day into 15 minute increments. I'm nervous as there was no time mentioned for any bathroom breaks! After the wedding we go back to the hotel for the after party. Three of us bridesmaids live about 10 minutes away from the hotel- so we are not staying there. Im not sure if she knows this yet or not. BUT of course I will be back at the hotel Sunday morning in time for the brunch they are hosting!

and after all that is said and done...I will be burning all of my bridesmaids dresses and dyed shoes (you REALLY thought I could wear those again!?!?) as I dance around the fire in celebration of all my friends being married and never having to do this again!

I will be sure to give her a gentle reminder on Saturday to enjoy herself and not stress the small stuff and if her timeline doesn't work out as she planned.
I will report back on how it all goes.



I put the "set up the venue party" spin on it myself but yes- she is having friends and family set up the entire venue tonight because she doesn't trust the wedding planner provided through the venue to set it up correctly.
You will love this part too- My car was totaled in accident 2 weeks ago (no one was hurt phew!) so I am car-less for the moment. I live about 30 mins from the venue (venue and hotel are about 25 mins apart). She asked today if I could take an Uber to help set up tonight! You can't make this stuff up!

You know, it's not too late to cut your losses, say "screw all this," and stay home this weekend and enjoy yourself.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I wouldn't even call a lot of these get togethers "after parties". Most receptions I've been to, the reception itself ends at 10. A lot of us don't see each other all that often so we go have a few drinks at the bar afterwards. I don't see the issue.

The way people go after others for wanting to do something that, heaven forbid, no one else did 30+ years ago, is ridiculous.

I've been to weddings during that time range here there was an after party. It's not new. I just don't recall any brides getting bent out of shape over guests not sticking around.

This is where I get whiplash from theses discussions. On one hand someone is a bridezillas if something is well planned, she's extravagant if she has a wedding planner and pays people for everything, or she's tacky and cheap if her family and friends help provide things for the wedding. People need to be more traditional or people need to get with the times. The one thing you can guarantee doing wedding season is that someone is not going to like your style and someone else will say something snarky about it.

It's different when it's typical. The poster quoted is in a wedding where the bride hired a venue, the venue has an experienced wedding planner on staff, but the bride expects her wedding party and family members to do the work she's paying the venue to do.

 

[MickeySP]

I feel compelled to channel my inner Gwen Stefani right now: This thread is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

OP, I'm glad you were able to actually talk to your friend, but I hate to hear it didn't go so well. That sounds like a frustrating conversation. At this point, I'd let her bridezilla behavior roll right off your back and do the best you can to just get through all of the wedding festivities. It's going to be okay! You mentioned having other things going on and problems to deal with. As your friend, she should be supporting you as well. I had the pleasure of un-planning a wedding/dealing with a broken engagement several years ago when I was the MOH for my best friend's wedding. She was my rock, and I couldn't have gotten through it without her. Planning a wedding doesn't excuse someone from being a decent person. If this type of behavior is normal for her, she sounds like an exhausting person.

Stop being the voice of reason How dare you make sense on this thread

 

[ronandannette]

See this I get too. On one side of my extended family we have some folks that are simpler people- not bridezillas at all, that have what I would term more old fashioned weddings. The mother of the bride makes the dresses, the mothers of bride and groom made all the food, reception in the church all purpose room, uncle DJs....and after the bride and groom leave the reception the wedding party would help clean up and put away all the church folding chairs and tables. Before the rehearsal dinner everyone went to the church and help set up the tables and chairs. Not how my wedding was done but another common thing in some circles.

This is where I get whiplash from theses discussions. On one hand someone is a bridezillas if something is well planned, she's extravagant if she has a wedding planner and pays people for everything, or she's tacky and cheap if her family and friends help provide things for the wedding. People need to be more traditional or people need to get with the times. The one thing you can guarantee doing wedding season is that someone is not going to like your style and someone else will say something snarky about it.

LOVE this post - it's inspired me to "spin-off"! Thanks gotomu212!

 

[mummabear]

I am going to a wedding this weekend. On her wedding page she has a list of events. There is the wedding, then the reception, and then at 6, the After Party. The description reads 'Continuing the wedding celebration back at the hotel. The hotel restaurant has a full bar and food options available.' So to me, this is another planned party and not an impromptu get together as some have eluded to.

Another vote here that she has eluded to the fact she won't be paying for dinner or drinks. What time is the wedding to have the reception finish at 6pm?

That seems like it could be nice since the after party is at 6. The wording does raise a couple thoughts in my mind. 1) they are trying to make it clear to everyone the after party is on individual tabs. 2) Are they serving much of anything at the reception if they think people can leave the reception at 6 and want more to eat after that? 3) Is this after party a clever way of gathering everyone to party, on their own dime, without throwing a full on reception?

Yup.

And an after party at 6 is much different than an after party that starts at midnight.

I've got to wonder about what kind of withdrawal symptoms these kinds of brides must go through after it's (FINALLY!) all over.

This makes me think about Monica from Friends after she married Chandler

 

[weeniecat2442]

I've got to wonder about what kind of withdrawal symptoms these kinds of brides must go through after it's (FINALLY!) all over.

EXCELLENT point!

I felt like responding a few times too, but then thought better of it. But let me tell you, it was difficult to refrain.

You know, it's not too late to cut your losses, say "screw all this," and stay home this weekend and enjoy yourself.

Oh it's crossed my mind! I've secretly hoped my dog would eat the dress but no such luck! I'm just taking deep breaths and trying to focus on the fun stuff: getting all glammed up (although the dress is awful!) but hair & makeup will be fun and seeing some friends from middle school and high school that I never get to see.
The fact that in 48 hours it will be said and done is lifting my spirits too!

 

[lakelandgal70]

Honestly she sounds like a drama queen. I don't know what it is about weddings that make some people nuts. I had a friend that was getting married for 2nd time and I was to be her maid of honor. Got the dress, shoes and spent money to get hair professionally colored. Well she decided to pick another friend because I wasn't "excited" enough for her. Which means I probably didn't fawn over her. I am not that type of personality. Never have been and never will be. I was so upset she chose someone else after I spent all that money. She called about a week after the wedding to say hello like nothing happened and I told her to never call me again. Life is too short for selfish people. She is same person who accused her step father of molesting her and come to find out it never really happened.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

An old friend of mine got married a million years ago. In February. In New York.

In a blizzard.

The hall called to cancel; they couldn't get anyone in to work. The airport shut down. The limos cancelled. And his brother tried 3 different busses to get him home from college, and had no luck.

But the wedding went on. After the church, we all met Kevin's mom. She was having a party in her house, and she delegated work-- who would clean her basement, who would go to the supermarket and get something that would serve as a wedding cake, who would go to the bar we all hung out in and get some sort of food to go and so on. We had a blast.

I love this story! Great wedding memories!!

 

[phorsenuf]

Another vote here that she has eluded to the fact she won't be paying for dinner or drinks. What time is the wedding to have the reception finish at 6pm?

The wedding is at 11:30.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

I don't know.....pool hopping is pretty lively!! And even I cannot stay off of the 12 year old boys who must accompany Mom into the ladies room so they do not get abducted. LOL!!!!

Right now I trying to remain civil to my DH crazy nasty sister...so I would welcome a good old fashioned DIS DIScussion!

Do you Reddit? There are several subreddits for bad relatives. try justnomil and justnofamily for some fun...

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Wedding season on the DIS...It's the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm gonna push for a Vegas wedding for all my kids. Heck, I'll even throw in an after-party for them and their 14 friends!

We married in a little town in Nevada, in a little wedding chapel. no family, just a few friends and our daughter (my oldest was with her other parent that summer). came back to our house, had cake and drinks with our friends, and then we left for our honeymoon. we'd been together 7 1/2 years at that point, and I can't remember a lot of it, but I certainly remember that day/night.

My oldest chose to get married at a JP, then had her reception later in the year, after she finished getting her bachelors degree. No stress for the wedding, or the reception; no honeymoon, as she was starting a new job the next day, in her new profession.
DD#2 got married at the beach, 3 days before her 21st birthday. There was cake and punch, and about an hour of mingling, then they left to go to WDW for their honeymoon. (They were back to our place on her 21st, where we took them out for dinner, before going to meet friends; then they hopped on a plane the next day to go see his family who couldn't make it to the wedding, then back to their new home to start their life before he went on deployment.)

Neither one got to be bridezilla. They each had a friend designated "bridezilla stomper" and if they started getting out of control, that friend swooped in and shut them down. We gave them both a set amount. DD#1 used part of the money on the reception and the rest to purchase some things they wanted/needed. DD#2 spent the money on her wedding/honeymoon.

 

[cabanafrau]

We married in a little town in Nevada, in a little wedding chapel. no family, just a few friends and our daughter (my oldest was with her other parent that summer). came back to our house, had cake and drinks with our friends, and then we left for our honeymoon. we'd been together 7 1/2 years at that point, and I can't remember a lot of it, but I certainly remember that day/night.

My oldest chose to get married at a JP, then had her reception later in the year, after she finished getting her bachelors degree. No stress for the wedding, or the reception; no honeymoon, as she was starting a new job the next day, in her new profession.
DD#2 got married at the beach, 3 days before her 21st birthday. There was cake and punch, and about an hour of mingling, then they left to go to WDW for their honeymoon. (They were back to our place on her 21st, where we took them out for dinner, before going to meet friends; then they hopped on a plane the next day to go see his family who couldn't make it to the wedding, then back to their new home to start their life before he went on deployment.)

Neither one got to be bridezilla. They each had a friend designated "bridezilla stomper" and if they started getting out of control, that friend swooped in and shut them down. We gave them both a set amount. DD#1 used part of the money on the reception and the rest to purchase some things they wanted/needed. DD#2 spent the money on her wedding/honeymoon.

Just wanted to chime in and give your second daughter a standing O for being able to maintain that pace! I couldn't have done that even at 21. At this age I have to go lie down after reading all of that! She was a bridetrooper.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

What's going on, do you people live under a rock? Everyone knows the standard wedding timeline. R. Kelly even wrote a song about it:

"After the show it's the after party
And after the party it's the hotel lobby
And round about 4 you gotta clear the lobby
Then ya take it to ya room and freak somebody"



(As a former bartender, I would like to curse him for screwing up the way everyone orders rum & cokes.)

 

[cabanafrau]

What's going on, do you people live under a rock? Everyone knows the standard wedding timeline. R. Kelly even wrote a song about it:

"After the show it's the after party
And after the party it's the hotel lobby
And round about 4 you gotta clear the lobby
Then ya take it to ya room and freak somebody"



(As a former bartender, I would like to curse him for screwing up the way everyone orders rum & cokes.)

Hilarious response, made all the funnier coming from the "TipsyTraveler"!

 

[fly girl]

What's going on, do you people live under a rock? Everyone knows the standard wedding timeline. R. Kelly even wrote a song about it:

"After the show it's the after party
And after the party it's the hotel lobby
And round about 4 you gotta clear the lobby
Then ya take it to ya room and freak somebody"



(As a former bartender, I would like to curse him for screwing up the way everyone orders rum & cokes.)

R. Kelly?!! Omg I haven't heard that name in forever!

And yet again my age is showing, I don't even know that R. Kelly song.

He dropped off my radar after 1994. Lol. I did have his debut album back in college though.

And now I'm singing I don't see nothin' wrong with a lil bump 'n grind.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

R. Kelly?!! Omg I haven't heard that name in forever!

And yet again my age is showing, I don't even know that R. Kelly song.

He dropped off my radar after 1994. Lol. I did have his debut album back in college though.

And now I'm singing I don't see nothin' wrong with a lil bump 'n grind.

I promise you, you know this song. You did not live through 2003 without hearing the Ignition Remix.

 

[lustergirl]

I just can't believe all the hoops you have to go through. A coworker of mine was just in her brother's wedding, she is best friends with the bride. I can't believe some of the stuff she told me about what the bride wanted and expected. The cost of this wedding was astronomical and my coworker spent alot of money. The bride wasn't pleased and wanted the wedding party to spend more money on things. My coworker finally put a stop to it.