Just wondering if you came home from the grocery store and asked DH to help carry in groceries, would he willingly, would he do it but complain? Or would he flat out say NO?....
If I go shopping alone while he's here, IF I need help and if I call him from the garage (we live in a condo building so he doesn't automatically know that I'm home), he'll come down. The other day I called him from the store parking lot with a 15 minute ETA, and he was downstairs waiting for me, which was cool.
But long ago the people in our building liberated two ancient shopping carts from somewhere, and that's what we use to get big loads of groceries up the elevator...so I really don't NEED help normally, since I'm not actually carrying them up.
As soon as I get in the door, if he's here he comes over to help unload the cart, and often takes the cart back down for me, though.
Unless he was VERY sick, or working from home and on a conference call, or right in the middle of some schoolwork...I can't imagine him saying no or even complaining about it.
My dad, on the other hand, would hear my mom coming in with bags and bags and he's shout out to her "you need help?" and she always got mad that he didn't just get up so she always said no, go back to your baseball game.
If only your mom had just communicated her wishes.
He only helps when I ask. As much as I would love a He-man to swoop in and do all of the heavy-lifting for me, my husband dated a staunch women's libber for three years before we met and she scared the chivalry right out of him.
I keep telling him that I am not her. Just because I can do something doesn't mean I want to do something.
Keep working on him! You've been married longer than DH and I have been together, but keep trying. It took absolute ages for DH to stop listening to his mother (even if only in his head) and start paying attention to ME, the woman in front of him, telling him crazy things like "I don't like getting dead flowers, they don't mean anything to me, they are expensive and DEAD and then they rot and I have to deal with that", and "I don't need all that jewelry, I don't need an engagement ring from you b/c I want to wear my grandmother's engagement ring", etc etc. He had the diamond industry and his mom (who received big fat rocks every time she found out about ANOTHER affair her husband had had) whispering in his ear for a long time, but now he finally realizes that I'm not either one of them. So keep at it!
DH is always there to help with the groceries. We live on the third floor so how likes to impress me with how many bags he can carry in one load
I mean, really, what is more impressive than a man that can carry 15 grocery bags and a 12 pack at once?
When we lived in a walk-up and he could hear us arrive, DH would do the same thing. And it IS impressive!
Mine will help if I ask. But it doesnt occur to him to offer to help unless I ask. And by the time he gets on his shoes - because he cant stand walking on the garage floor without shoes - I am usually done.
Gotta get some garage slippers! He can open the door, slip his feet into the slippers (if you have bugs, best to keep them in the house right in front of the garage door instead of IN the garage), and come on out and help!
