OP here-- I can fully admit our circumstances were a perfect storm of issues that worked against us. First as I stated we used complimentary tickets which meant we couldn't book FP in advance because the tickets weren't linked to
MDE until we got there and claimed them. We went to Disney Springs on arrival to do this Sunday afternoon but our FP choices were limited. At Epcot I did get Soarin FP (test track and frozen were not available) and then 2 lesser ones--Nemo and Spaceship Earth--but couldn't get them too early, mid afternoon. We did Test Track at rope drop twice with 2nd time taking longer than anticipated. Girls decided not to do Frozen because of the 90 min wait. And --we were a party of 5 as my parents were there too-but in general I looked for FP for 3 or 5 when booking.
At MK I did get FP for Buzz and Speedway in the am, couldn't get Thunder Mountain until 7:45. Speedway and TM were my girls' must dos. We tried for SDMT at rope drop and did it but it ate 90 min of our morning, causing us to miss and need to reschedule the Speedway FP--for 6:30 pm. In the morning we also walked into Ariel w 15 min posted wait and it took 45 min to get on-again due to complete standby stoppage. So SDMT and Ariel ate up nearly 3 hours.
I had scheduled 12:30-1pm lunch reservations anticipating needing a mid day break from heat. I didn't anticipate the big long storms that would eat up the afternoons. Monday we made it to 5 pm at Epcot before the storm but Tues at MK it stormed from 3-8 pm. Not sure evening fireworks happened either day since we left in the storms and it didn't let up enough for us to consider going back only to have them end up cancelled. I anticipated the daily afternoon thunderstorm but these were definitely a bit of a bigger longer deal than usual. Had I predicted that we would have skipped lunch and worked harder to get rides in.
Yes I could have worked harder to figure out FP times--but my goal for trip was for all 3 of us to be off our phones--so I didn't want to be spending all my time trying to rearrange things. And i figured out that having dining reservations limits your FP options because you can't book 2 things that overlap at all, even 5 min.
Like I said--not really complaining. It is what it is and Disney can certainly do things their way. It just doesn't work as well for us now. Still grateful we have all the memories that we do.
And the Universal HP rides/areas--unbelievable. Loved them. And Jimmy Fallon--which does have a virtual line pass similar to FP+ that I was easily able to change later and later throughout the day because we got caught up doing other things--great ride! I do think they were actually phasing in EXPass at Forbidden Journey last Friday --there was an extra line happening -- but it wasn't enough to affect standby yet.
I did not realize you could not get advanced FP on the tickets you were using. That would certainly impact our trip. It sounds like you had some very bad luck/long lines- longer than we had the week before- I can understand that being frustrating.
When we go in the summer, we usually hit rope drop and get as much done as possible, then go to the hotel for a rest in the afternoon, then come back in the evening and stay till closing. We usually have good luck with late night crowds. Also, we miss some of the rain storms that way. If we tried to go straight through afternoon till night, I think we would be exhausted.
In my experience, if it is storming in the evening at MK they will postpone the fireworks but will eventually have them, even if later. I'm not sure about Epcot- we have been lucky with storms in Epcot being done by Illuminations time.
I can understand if the crowds have discouraged you and you are ready for a break. The crowds didn't bother me this time, but the heat did- more than when we go in August, even. I will definitely be back, but not sure if I want a summer trip again.
In reference to the bolded above -- can you provide some examples? How and when do you know that the SB will be short?
Thinking mostly of MK here- rides that had long waits in the afternoon had shorter waits during and after the fireworks. OP mentioned Small World, I know we rode it, HM, POTC, Mermaid, Pooh later at night without much wait at all. We were able to get extra FP for the evening for Space Mtn, Buzz, Everst, RnRC, TSMM.
I don't know how things have changed since 2014, but you can get FPs for most attractions as 4th, 5th, ... You might not get exactly what you want at that specific moment, but you can always get something worthwhile.
It does take time to be able to fully utilize the FP system, which is why it works. And it's why people are standing in line when you can still get a FP for that ride at that exact moment...
I think in the past you had to go to a kiosk to add more fast passes same day. I never did that because the kiosk lines looked longer and slower-moving than attraction lines, so I didn't see the point. Every time I walked past those kiosk lines, I heard cast members laboriously explaining FP to bewildered guests. I was sympathetic to those who didn't understand the process. But I don't want to be in line behind them.
Now you can add/change FP right on your phone so it is way more convenient. Which leads to this point....
This is an unfortunate side effect of the new system. Stop and people-watch for a few minutes at the MK and you will see 45,000 people staring at their phones. Given how many little details WDW has if you take the time to look, it is sad to see so many people glued to their screens. "Life from 18 inches" is what I call it.
Yes, I am on my phone more with this system, changing FP, adding FP, checking times, checking email to see if one of our FP attractions is down. Also, being able to check wait times does help with managing wait times. I can remember the days, pre-cell phone, where you would think about riding something and have to get everyone all the way across the park just to find out there was an unusually long wait there. Now you can check instantaneously before you head in that direction. But it does mean checking your phone.
I think it's admirable that OP was trying not to use phones for the trip. But if I were going to try it, then I would have to decide from the outset that it would be a different kind of trip. That either you would enjoy/experience/soak in details and atmosphere and not try to ride much ( I've had trips like that and they're great) or you would just know you would be waiting more than you would if you used your phone.
I will also say that we probably (definitely didn't) utilize our FP+ to their maximum capacity on our last trip. We also had a family member, who lives in Orlando, touring the parks with us so we had to change our strategy a little bit--don't ask why 
story for another day 
Okay edited to add that I actually read and didn't skim anomamatt's post and I saw where he/she mentioned the FAQ's on FP+. Guess it pays to actually read and comprehend things, but you know...lazy 
Someone in your party will always consider x attraction boring/awful/too much/too little. You cannot plan like that! There must be compromise! If Kid #1 wants to go on Mad Tea Party, then Kid#1 has to put up with Winnie-the-Pooh - especially if there aren't enough adults to cater to the small people to escort them all over the place.
