Does the word start with a "B'?
wait let me try that again. Family board ya know.
Life’s a beach. No that’s not what I want to say either.
Really? Sounded like what you wanted to say. If say the word beach as 2 different words, I think that might be the word you're looking for.
Oh right, family board.
Karma’s on the way to the beach.
Good Karma or bad karma? If it's bad, hopefully it's only on the way TO the beach and not AT the beach.
I'm glad you finally got that straightened out.
All right kiddies, gather round the glowing screen, uncle pkondz is going to tell you a story. And today, it’s gonna be a loooooong one.
Oh man. I didn't even have time to travel to Backstage Gal's house yet. She has beer and wine you know. Well at least wine. Or she did and may need to already buy more.
We last left our intrepid foursome overjoyed and possibly a little verklempt because the cat was out of the bag. And boy was it ticked!
No, no, no. That’s just an expression. The cat was less than amused. No, no, no. We don’t even have a cat.
Not yet. But I get the sense the way it's going at the Pkondz household, it won't be long. And I'm willing to wager it would be a feminine feline.
Now we do the dance of joy:
http://youtu.be/GfPg5LjGYz8
Everyone was pretty pumped about going to Hawaii.
I like to play a little game with the DDs every now and then. Maybe you play it too with your kids or friends or whatnots. It’s called, “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
Good question? I wish I had a good answer. Oh, you weren't asking me? It's a game you play. Got it.
I actually discourage Disney World… Gasp!
Well, see, we’ve been there a couple of times with the rugrats and I want them to expand their horizons a little. It’s a big, BIG world out there. At first, “Disney!” was the only answer I’d get, but as the curtain climbers evolved, so did their answers.
Yes it is. Walt Disney
WORLD is a big big place. Can let them expand their horizons at Epcot and the World showcase. (pssst.
Kay, Elle; I'm on your side and trying to help you out).
She mentioned France, Germany, Australia… but her number one ‘go to’ spot was Hawaii.
Who's isn't?
Elle, as mentioned, was dying to go to Hawaii. She’d been once before, but had never been.
What? Repeat that?
I said, she’d been to Hawaii once before… but had never been to Hawaii.
This could be what I've been kidding about all along. I guess I'll find out.
Oh, you should see the look on your face!
Do you have some super secret spy camera that you're watching us all on?
“Martha? Get a load ‘a this, heah. The boy says his child ain’t never been to Hawaii, but then he says she wuz there. Tarnation if that boy don’t got rocks in his hayloft.”
Let me see if I can explain this… ummm…. A couple of people mentioned something close to it… let’s see…
Ah. Got it.
Ruby and I were in Hawaii once before. We had a great time. We were young, happy and full of life. Sometimes, I have trouble remembering dates. Like if you ask me when I was first in Disney World, I have to think back to how old I was then do the mental math to figure out what year that was, etc. I do know though when we were in Hawaii our first (and until now only) time. It was 15 years and 9 months ago as of last April.
Did I mention Elle just turned 15 this past April? No? Must’ve slipped my mind.
Ahem.
Yup. That's more or less what I thought you were going to say.
So anyway, Elle was technically sort of in Hawaii once before. She might’ve been a little too young to remember much, though.
Well technically she may or may not have been. But being a family board and all, we'll just keep moving this right on along.
I thought you just told one.
I’ve never been much for souvenirs. When I was about 9 years old, my folks took the family to Europe. I bought a bunch of cheap junky souvenirs… it’s what kids, and some adults, do. When I got a little older and was getting ready to move out on my own, I realized that I had a drawer full of crap that I hadn’t looked at in about 20 years. I tossed almost all of it.
Point being, I’m not much of a souvenir buyer anymore. I might, might buy something… but it has to appeal to me and be somewhat useful. When Ruby and I were in Hawaii, I bought a small teak turtle. Love that souvenir. Don’t know why, just do. What can I say, I like turtles. I think they’re cool.
Anyway, now you know two things. Ruby brought home a little something from Hawaii (and she didn’t have to pay duty either… the payments come later 
) and I brought home a little turtle. It’s always been my favourite souvenir. Elle knows all this. We were in the kitchen discussing how much money the kids should bring for souvenirs or gifts for their friends. I made a comment, “Well I got my all time favourite souvenir in Hawaii.”
Elle cries out in dismay and disgust, “Dad! That’s gross!”
“I’m talking about my turtle. What are you talking about?”
Picture a young lady. Now picture her much redder and you’ll be bang on.
I collect the occasional souvenir or two or 3. Ok. We collect a lot. My biggest collection is Hard Rock Pins. I should've told you to bring me one back. I don't have one from Hawaii, YET.
That was a funny story. I can only imagine her expression. I don't have the super duper secret spy camera, so no way I could've seen her expression.
Some of you are saying, “Finally? No kidding! The guy hasn’t even left his house and we’re on chapter three!”
Nah. We're having fun laughing at the funny stories you're telling us.
The kids have (and I’m not making this up) been packed for two weeks. Cash has been withdrawn. Credit cards primed. Passports, flight details, reservations all gathered.
Slackers. They should've been packed the second you told them you were going to Hawaii.
Where you going again? 3 chapters and 10 pages later, and I already forgot where you are going since it's taken so long for you to leave. (Scrolls back up) Oh that's right. Hawaii.
The alarm goes off at 3:30am. <groan> You know who else gets up at 3:30?
Nobody! That’s who! And if you[/] get up at 3:30… what are you doing? Go back to bed!
Around 4:00 – 4:30 we make sure the kids are up. Thank goodness the adrenaline kicks in and they’re awake… and happy.
I am too.
Who's WE? Oh you and nobody. Who's on first and what's on second? I don't know - Third base. Gotcha. 
5:00am. Everybody ready? Got everything? Doors locked? Lights off? Lets go!!
Turn off the oven after making breakfast? Turn off the iron? Make the bed? Clean the house? Just checking.
My folks weren’t available that day (nor would I ask them to, that early) so a cab was in order.
You could've gotten them up. Pay back for all those years they made you get up early to go to school.
A stretch limo. Just for the four of us.
Were you expecting more than just the four of you? Or some where down the line think it would stop to pick up more passengers?
When I called the limo company, I was told that their regular limo was already booked for that time. Would a white stretch car be all right? Sure!
I wanted to keep it a secret and surprise everybody, but I just couldn’t do it. Too excited about the whole trip I guess. Something had to give. So I told Ruby.
She thought it was a great idea and we decided to surprise the kids. I opened the garage door and this is what we saw:
Sorry about the picture quality. It was dark (hello! 5 freaking am!), rainy and foggy that morning. Which is perfect weather to leave. And as you’ll have noticed, we did not get a white stretch car… but a whit stretch SUV!
There's a white stretch SUV there? Where? I don't really see it. All I see is a set of taillights.
Ok. I would have to say I'm a little disappointed with that picture. Being the MASTER of PHOTOSHOP and all. One would think you would've adjusted the brightness, fixed the hue, tweeked the contrast, played around with the saturation, etc.. From someone like me, that picture could be expected. From someone with your talents, totally unacceptable. 
The DDs spot the limo… and well, you can guess from this next pic what their reaction was.
I would be excited to if I saw that in my driveway.
Boy, this trip sure is getting started on the right foot!
Usually when I start vacation, I start on both feet, then alternate between the right and left, putting one in front of the other. 
Maybe you should've tried starting on the left foot then.
Continued in next post…
We leave the driveway! No! Really! We do! Honest!
And I'll break down the next post later. I think I better get some work done.
Fast food unfortunately is becoming a bigger health risk in this country and I am not immune to it's siren song. It is very difficult BUT I have made it a journey of self-discovery to see how much I can give up and how long between "breakdowns" of having to have something. So far my longest between slipping is about 2 weeks. And even then I reward myself with the children's menu items (smaller portions). I've started shopping at the local farmer's market for fruits and veggies and I do perimeter shopping at the store (stay to the outside where the "whole" foods are) instead of aisle shopping. I haven't bought a box of processed stuff in over a month and the results showed at my last Dr appt. So to that I say 
and I will never hold anyone accountable when they don't know what I look like in real life.
