Just a rant about ungrateful relatives….

[Genie+]

Our intention was never to overwhelm you. We will be happy to alter our gift if desired. Let me know if you’d prefer not using the week. In the past we’ve easily rented out this reservation for $3K, so I can go ahead and do that and we’ll pick something else to celebrate this occasion.

 

[AnnabelleTheTalkingTree]

My guess... she doesn't really recognize the value in what you have gifted her. She probably thinks it's a freebie because you "own DVC" (like someone who owns a camp on the lake), not realizing there are annual dues, etc. and that you typically would rent some of those points for a charge to offset your expense. If you are that close, I'd have a private conversation with you and explain the value, and that extending just isn't in the picture unless she pays for it.

Maybe, but even then, it is insane to flat out ASK someone for a gift like this.

 

[lanejudy]

if any of my kids ever asked for more than the gift being offered & especially if they then acted petulant about it when whatever didn’t go their way.

I didn't read it as the girl was ungrateful or acted petulant. Uninformed and asking a lot, yes. But she's obviously unfamiliar with timeshares in general and DVC in particular so the questions she asked are quite common -- and again as the OP acknowledges, the girl thought the timeshare nights were free therefore didn't realize asking to extend was asking for more. There are plenty of vacation destinations where a certain type of room comes with perks -- be that discounts, free passes, special access, meals, or what have you. It sounds like OP secured the reservation early (which those of us here know has to be done early) but the couple didn't fully have their plans finalized and simply didn't understand. She didn't ask in the best way, but poor communication doesn't make her intent rude and ignorant.

You're reading an attitude on the girl that I didn't get -- neither of us was actually involved so we don't really know. I give the benefit of the doubt.

 

[shh]

A second cousin of mine is getting married this summer. She’s always wanted to honeymoon in Disney so we gifted her some of our DVC points, enough for a week in a GF studio. (We usually rent these out so we’re taking a bit of a hit giving them away). But apparently that wasn’t enough because a week ago she contacted me, saying they can’t really afford park tickets and there’s no point in going without them. Could we get their tickets too?? I said no, but my gullible parents said they’d buy the tickets for them as a wedding present. So fast forward to this morning, I get a text from the bride (group text with her my parents and me) “is it possible to add another 3 days to the reservation? We want to do Universal too, so we need more time. Also if we get the extra days we will need universal tickets. If you guys can’t help with those I’ll ask someone else” I absolutely can’t believe the audacity. Part of me wants to cancel her reservation and rescind our offer. She also has a wedding website where she has a place for people to donate money to her honeymoon. I think she thinks that we’re “rich” (which is laughable) and can easily afford it, and she seems to feel entitled. When I offered the DVC points I thought she’d be so excited but she seemed like she expected it. I’m so angry.

I have no words for this level of entitlement and lack of grace. So I'll just say

 

[jo-jo]

In re-reading the original post, I think it is the OP’s parents who are purchasing the tickets & NOT the bride’s parents.

The OP offered the DVC for a week, & the bride came back & said, “Can you pay for tickets too?” The OP was taken aback, & HER parents (not the bride’s parents) offered to purchase the tickets as their wedding gift.

At least, that’s the way I read it.

And, yes, as a mother - heck, as a PERSON - I’d be mortified if someone close to me was acting the way this bride is.

Edited to Add - Well, you edited your comment, so now mine makes no sense! LOL!

And that gift was about a grand or so too.

 

[shh]

That's what I suspected.



Wow, though, I hope you called her personally and kindly relayed the value of your gift. You seem really angry at someone who didn't understand. Maybe I'm the only DISer who was once young, dumb and naive about a lot of things.

I respectfully disagree. I don't think this is an issue of dumb or naive - the latter simply implies not having knowledge of something. We've all been young, dumb and naive.

But this is next-level rudeness plain and simple - I don't care if her perception was that OP paid nothing, got it free herself...doesn't matter. It. Was. A. Gift.

Everyone from age of 4 years old and up should know to simply say "thank you" for ANY gift - whether you like it, don't, can use it, cannot use it, wanted more or simply hate it.

You NEVER ask for more. If the failure to understand this basic kindergarten lesson is now considered natural for all young adults as "young and naive", lordy help us all.

By the way: I ADORE these community threads and reading everyone's responses - thanks OP! They perk up my day, give me a laugh or two. - sometimes they give me extra patience or appreciation when my own family does something to drive me nuts.

 

[Skippy918]

Yikes, bride sounds entitled. Why isn’t the couple asking their parents to help fund the trip? Seems like they are pretty comfortable asking 2nd cousins.

Anyway, one year my aunt and uncle gifted us DVC points to use since they couldn’t use them that year and we were super grateful to them. We stayed at the yacht club and my parents came too. It was a great vacation.

 

[Lilsia]

Edited to add - I don’t care how young or naive you are or how much you may know or not know about Disney & Disney DVC, but anything beyond just gratitude for a very generous gift is rude & entitled & greedy. And, as a mother, I’d be absolutely mortified if any of my kids ever asked for more than the gift being offered & especially if they then acted petulant about it when whatever didn’t go their way.

This is my way of thinking also. Even when I was "young and dumb", I would never have asked for more from a person who was paying for my hotel stay. We were just raised to be more grateful. This has nothing to do with not knowing the actual dollar value of the gift.

 

[jdb in AZ]

If the newlyweds stay at the "right" hotel in Universal they can include freebie park tickets, so why should they remain at GF for the additional days?

 

[Wendy31]

I didn't read it as the girl was ungrateful or acted petulant. Uninformed and asking a lot, yes. But she's obviously unfamiliar with timeshares in general and DVC in particular so the questions she asked are quite common -- and again as the OP acknowledges, the girl thought the timeshare nights were free therefore didn't realize asking to extend was asking for more. There are plenty of vacation destinations where a certain type of room comes with perks -- be that discounts, free passes, special access, meals, or what have you. It sounds like OP secured the reservation early (which those of us here know has to be done early) but the couple didn't fully have their plans finalized and simply didn't understand. She didn't ask in the best way, but poor communication doesn't make her intent rude and ignorant.

You're reading an attitude on the girl that I didn't get -- neither of us was actually involved so we don't really know. I give the benefit of the doubt.

You’re right. None of us were there. None of us know the bride or the OP & don’t know the family dynamics or anything like that.

However, that said, according to the OP’s account of things - -

The OP offered DVC at the Grand Floridian to the bride as her wedding gift.

The bride accepted the gift.

The bride came back & then said, “Well, we can’t afford tickets. Can you pay for those?”

The OP said she couldn’t. The OP’s parents then offered to pay for the tickets as THEIR gift.

The bride then decides they also want to visit Universal, so she comes back yet again (including her own parents in the text), to not only ask for additional days at the DVC but ALSO to mention that, like the Disney tickets, they can’t afford Universal tickets either, so, if the OP doesn’t want to pay for their Universal tickets, the bride will see if someone else can pay for the Universal tickets.

This is, of course, in addition to having a “Help Us Pay for our Honeymoon” link on their wedding gift registry site.

Even not knowing anything at all about Disney or Disney DVC or maybe even Universal or, going even further, in her whole entire life, her own parents have never included her in any vacation planning & have always paid for everything, so the bride knows nothing about any kind of vacation realities, none of the above strikes you as even a little entitled & rude & greedy?

When someone gives you a gift - even if you don’t know the value of said gift - it’s okay to come back & ask for MORE?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

n re-reading the original post, I think it is the OP’s parents who are purchasing the tickets & NOT the bride’s parents.

You're right which is why I removed my comment about who bought the tickets last minute. Unfortunately that just enables the behavior as I mentioned before

The OP offered the DVC for a week, & the bride came back & said, “Can you pay for tickets too?” The OP was taken aback, & HER parents (not the bride’s parents) offered to purchase the tickets as their wedding gift.

Yes you're correct on that. OP describes it as her gullible parents.

And, as a mother - heck, as a PERSON - I’d be mortified if someone close to me was acting the way this bride is.

I don't think it takes being a parent whatsoever much less a mother specifically to be "mortified" at someone's behavior, I agree about the "heck as a person" there. I wouldn't be mortified though personally. A mixture of partial understanding on lack of knowledge about timeshares combined with sadness that is this is unlikely to have just cropped up and is indicative more of how people have interacted in the past. It's telling to me that someone else in the family is covering the tickets instead of everyone just being real and saying you're on your own (I mean this is a couple getting married after all they should be at that point in their lives where they can be on their own). What do you bet that if this was just a regular vacation that someone would have stepped in and paid for this or that? Because my bet is that's quite likely.

I think that innocent questions occurred here though. That doesn't mean all questions were but some were IMO. I think it's easy for one to think all or nothing meaning she appeared to not say all the thank you's and express gratitude for the DVC week therefore a question about extending the days must mean she's just that much more entitled but I see them as a possibility of them being separate.

In the end I've been leaning towards the thought the couple got was a vacation/honeymoon was being provided and it's entirely likely assumptions happened on all fronts.

• The OP assuming there was no further expectations from them other than this one week for DVC without additional costs being added because it doesn't sound like it was explicitly stated this is my gift no more (and under normal circumstances people don't often think they have to be this explicit because most people get it but well here we are)
• the wedding couple assuming it's really easy to just add days and that the cost would be covered by someone other than them and that any gaps in the finances would be scooped up by someone else
• the OP's parents may be assuming "it's their wedding/honeymoon" so this gift of tickets is fine enough what's the harm
• Etc

It doesn't mean I think the wedding couple is right here, I really don't think they are but I can understand some back layer stuff that added into this whole mess. When I was liking lanejudy's posts it's not because I agree with the young and dumb part but that I agree with how the timeshare stuff can be complicated.

 

[Lilsia]

I didn't read it as the girl was ungrateful or acted petulant. Uninformed and asking a lot, yes. But she's obviously unfamiliar with timeshares in general and DVC in particular so the questions she asked are quite common -- and again as the OP acknowledges, the girl thought the timeshare nights were free therefore didn't realize asking to extend was asking for more. There are plenty of vacation destinations where a certain type of room comes with perks -- be that discounts, free passes, special access, meals, or what have you. It sounds like OP secured the reservation early (which those of us here know has to be done early) but the couple didn't fully have their plans finalized and simply didn't understand. She didn't ask in the best way, but poor communication doesn't make her intent rude and ignorant.

You're reading an attitude on the girl that I didn't get -- neither of us was actually involved so we don't really know. I give the benefit of the doubt.

I understand your point of view and I know that some people actually think like this. But most reasonable people understand that there is always a cost to a timeshare. If they were free, or even really cheap, everyone would have one, wouldn't they? Even if someone thought that, which the bride evidently did, I still can not imagine going to someone and asking them for hundreds of dollars more in gifts. That blows my mind. Who does that?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

her own parents have never included her in any vacation planning & have always paid for everything, so the bride knows nothing about any kind of vacation realities,

When something is all you know it's all you know. We on the outside may perceive the behavior a certain way because most have been given a different insight. Never really excuses the behavior because it is what it is, it can however change how someone describes it and the exact feeling someone has towards a person who exhibits said behavior. Don't really know that the bride hasn't been taught anything about finances but like I mentioned my bet is people have been acting this way over time towards the bride.

My sister-in-law is in her mid-20s and her concept of money is poor to say the least, having known her since she was a pre-teen I know how and why she got that way.

 

[Taxtherich12]

A second cousin of mine is getting married this summer. She’s always wanted to honeymoon in Disney so we gifted her some of our DVC points, enough for a week in a GF studio. (We usually rent these out so we’re taking a bit of a hit giving them away). But apparently that wasn’t enough because a week ago she contacted me, saying they can’t really afford park tickets and there’s no point in going without them. Could we get their tickets too?? I said no, but my gullible parents said they’d buy the tickets for them as a wedding present. So fast forward to this morning, I get a text from the bride (group text with her my parents and me) “is it possible to add another 3 days to the reservation? We want to do Universal too, so we need more time. Also if we get the extra days we will need universal tickets. If you guys can’t help with those I’ll ask someone else” I absolutely can’t believe the audacity. Part of me wants to cancel her reservation and rescind our offer. She also has a wedding website where she has a place for people to donate money to her honeymoon. I think she thinks that we’re “rich” (which is laughable) and can easily afford it, and she seems to feel entitled. When I offered the DVC points I thought she’d be so excited but she seemed like she expected it. I’m so angry.

Let her go but do not ever offer again. I know you know that but my god. I can’t imagine having the absolute audacity to ask for the points and tickets and more days. Yikes And this is a second cousin???

 

[sam_gordon]

My mother told me the bride told her that she thought since we didn’t put any money out for the points she didn’t think her requests were unreasonable. She clearly doesn’t understand DVC. So I gave her the amount I paid for dues this year and the total I paid for the points she’ll be using and what she’d pay if she rented them and a quote of direct from Disney.

I think you went above and beyond. I would have said "you must not understand how timeshares work then".

 

[DLgal]

That's what I suspected.



Wow, though, I hope you called her personally and kindly relayed the value of your gift. You seem really angry at someone who didn't understand. Maybe I'm the only DISer who was once young, dumb and naive about a lot of things.

She had to have some idea of the value of the gift considering she asked for 3 more nights free. She probably tried to price it on her own and freaked out.

 

[Wendy31]

When something is all you know it's all you know. We on the outside may perceive the behavior a certain way because most have been given a different insight. Never really excuses the behavior because it is what it is, it can however change how someone describes it and the exact feeling someone has towards a person who exhibits said behavior. Don't really know that the bride hasn't been taught anything about finances but like I mentioned my bet is people have been acting this way over time towards the bride.

My sister-in-law is in her mid-20s and her concept of money is poor to say the least, having known her since she was a pre-teen I know how and why she got that way.

And my point is, even if you know nothing about vacation or anything else & have never in your life had to adult in any kind of real way, it’s still rude to ask for MORE after you’ve been given a gift - no matter the value of said gift or whatever you may think the value of said gift is & no matter what you may understand or not understand about the gift.

Being young, inexperienced, & not knowledgeable doesn’t excuse rudeness or allow one to be entitled.

And to say, well, she just wasn’t aware, that’s the way she was raised, she didn’t understand, or she has never had to pay for anything, IS excusing her rude, greedy behavior.

Here’s a gift.

Okay, but can I have MORE?

It really doesn’t matter what the situation is or if there is a miscommunication or a lack of understanding or whatever, the above is rude.

EDITED TO ADD - And, if the bride’s parents have always fostered this kind of behavior in the bride, then they’re wrong too, but, as the bride is evidently adult enough to get married, how she was raised still doesn’t excuse her rudeness.

 

[Magical2017]

Our intention was never to overwhelm you. We will be happy to alter our gift if desired. Let me know if you’d prefer not using the week. In the past we’ve easily rented out this reservation for $3K, so I can go ahead and do that and we’ll pick something else to celebrate this occasion.

This is well-worded, but the person might be clueless and ask for the $3K instead! In addition to this, I would also let them know I do not have the funds to pay for an extra grand or so for tickets or hotel room and suggest they could start a "Honeyfund" to pay for the tickets.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

And my point is, even if you know nothing about vacation or anything else & have never in your life had to adult in any kind of real way, it’s still rude to ask for MORE after you’ve been given a gift - no matter the value of said gift or whatever you may think the value of said gift is & no matter what you may understand or not understand about the gift.

Being young, inexperienced, & not knowledgeable doesn’t excuse rudeness or allow one to be entitled.

And to say, well, she just wasn’t aware, that’s the way she was raised, she didn’t understand, or she has never had to pay for anything, IS excusing her rude, greedy behavior.

Here’s a gift.

Okay, but can I have MORE?

It really doesn’t matter what the situation is or if there is a miscommunication or a lack of understanding or whatever, the above is rude.

I don't disagree about rude and already said I didn't agree with the young and dumb part, what I'm trying to say is if everyone around you did this and that for you, if everyone around you paid for your vacations, it's all you know and it often isn't rude to that person in their minds, we think it's rude because we were taught or just naturally did this and that. Clearly the bride thinks others will pick up her slack in costs and guess what others are. Is that the bride's fault entirely?

Sometime there's no point in assigning such harsh motives on people without care to what their reasons may be or without truly knowing if their motives were xyz. You don't have to excuse their behavior though, I guess you think understanding or holding off on the torches is excusing. For me I'm just trying to think about it in different ways. I do personally think one can think of something as rude, tsking someone's audacity and at the same time be like "hmm well maybe there are reasons why" or "wonder if they thought this".

ETA based on your ETA.

as the bride is evidently adult enough to get married, how she was raised still doesn’t excuse her rudeness.

You'll want to see my sister-in-law for that, married and divorced by her mid-20s. She was always wanting to be an adult for so many years. Her parents unfortunately didn't equip her with the full understanding of what that means. And consequences have ensued. Largely financial I might add. I wish that when people got married they were full adults, I personally believe if you're adult to get married you're adult enough to do a lot of things but alas real world doesn't seem to always work like that. But then again you're talking to someone who thinks couples need to pay for their own weddings and honeymoons. If they had they would have gotten a much different wedding and honeymoon but hey then this drama would have been avoided

 

[gmi3804]