Jungle Cruise

[merfsko]

What are some of your favourite jokes from the Jungle Cruise? I know that some are the same for each skipper, every time and that some are different but just want to hear everyone's absolute favourite

Two that made me laugh...

"If you thought this was boring go over to the Hall of Presidents. Come back, we'll talk."

"Please take all your belongings, this includes your children. After 24 hours they become property of WDW. We take them over to 'It's a Small World,' glue their feet to the ground and teach them to sing that song in 17 different languages."

 

[Robo]

Upon return to the dock:

Well, did everyone have a good time?
I know I did.
In fact, it was so much fun that I'm gonna go around again,


and again,


and again,


and again,


every 10 minutes,


for the rest of my life.


(Stay in school, kids.)

 

[MaeDaisy]

Robo, we must have had the same guy -- unless they all share that joke!

He went around the boat asking everyone where they were from, making a crack about each state, but when we said "Michigan" he was stumped and said "I don't have one yet for Michigan, I'll have to get back to you..." I bet if we'd said Detroit he could have come up with something easy.

 

[dixiedizfan]

Gee this job is great ... See what four years and a degree in Philosophy will get you?

If you enjoyed this ride, my name is Sue, and this was the Jungle Cruise.
If you didn't enjoy it, my name is Bob, and this was Splash Mountain.

 

[MouseyMin]

I heard a great ad-lib joke one time when we were stuck for about 15 minutes waiting to disembark. There was a cute little boy (probably about 6 years old) sitting next to the CM and wearing a Winnie baseball cap. The CM looked at the kid and asked "do you know you have Pooh on your head?"

 

[epfootballcutie04]

I went on Jungle cruise for the first time in october and i've got a couple jokes that i liked...

1. Guide: A Rhino! He apparently chased those guys up a tree. By the way, those gentlemen up in the tree are all members of the Hontus tribe. I guess the rhino must be trying to poke-a-hontus


2. Guide: Ever wonder what the back side of water looks like? A lot like the front side. We're in Southeast Asia now on the Boing Makan River in Cambodia. Ah... if you look up ahead, you will see a temple. I'm not sure what could be inside of it. Could be anything from snakes to tigers. I'll make an educated guess. Since we're at Disney World, it'll probably just be a gift shop. We'll check and see

I love the Jungle Cruise! I just wish it had real animals like the safari at DAK.

 

[jenr812]

On the other side is my favorite jungle resident, Old Smiley, one of our laziest crocodiles in these parts. I do suggest that you keep your hands in the boat bc Smiley is always looking for a hand out.

As you disembark, note that there are not one, but two docks. That's a paradox.

See that bamboo over there? It grows to be 6 stories tall. People say it can grow to 7 stories, but that is a whole other story...

See those crocodiles over there? We've trained them to stay perfectly still so you can take better pictures!

 

[Violet Crayon]

Backside of WATER!!!!

"After a career at TGI Fridays..." as the light lit up the head hunter guy with the red and white striped skirt. - TG Doug (Funnie, ha)

"Oh my god! a huge mechanical snake!!" - TG Manuel

 

[babieemelly]

I don't remember the exact quote but we were there in the summer and our tour guide said that he wanted to teach all of the kids who were off from school a little something so that their summer vacation wasn't a complete waste. She said she was going to point out all of the exotic plants in the area, and then he just started pointing to random plants, it was hysterical!

 

[BourbonCigarsSteak]

Mine was pretty random, but I was wearing an alumni hat and the guide happened to go that college as well.....Go Dukes! He threw in some one-liners that were specific to the school, area, and rivals. It was a nice respite from the typical cruise.

 

[dlaushey]

My favorite and I've only heard it once;

"And what you have all been waiting to see - The backside of water!

(I've heard that part many times but this part only once...)

Don't try this at home - you'll hit your head on the back of the sink!"

 

[Smooshdog]

My favorite quotes from the Jungle Cruise

"If you enjoyed your ride my name is Rachel and this is the Jungle Cruise, if you didn't enjoy your ride my name is Bob and this is space mountain."

And while we have some time let me point out some of my favorite plants, there's one, there's one, there's another.

 

[GoodFairies]

"Watch out for Ginger, because Ginger snaps."

"As you get off the boat, watch your head. If you don't watch your head, watch your language. There are children around."

 

[kaybird]

"and these are the Schweitzer Falls, named for the famous Albert Falls"

New to me this trip, rode in the dark, and at the point where the guide usually fires at the hippos he said "hold your ears...Shoo, shoo!"

Guess you had to be there, but I was on the floor of the boat laughing!

 

[MissDisneyTeach]

My favorite is where the rhino. has the guys trapped up in the tree and the guide says, "They'll get the point in the end!"

 

[Robo]

"Watch out for Ginger, because Ginger snaps."

"She's one tough COOKIE!"

 

[krissylynne]

Favorite-
There was a fuddy duddy on the boat. He just sat and starred at the tour guide. This guide was the best we had ever had. So, when we got to the backside of water part, the guide turned his head and said "Oh kids dont look! The shame, the shame. DOnt look cover your eyes! " of course the kids did just that, well the guide saw the man looking at the backside of water and said to him in a stern voice "Sir, I saw you looking, and you should be ashamed of yourself! We are in Adventureland, not Fantasyland!!!"
IT WAS GREAT! The man just turned red and continued starring.

 

[Robo]

I have been Coached!!!

Your Honor, I object.
The witness has been Coached!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

"Look kids! Those lions are babysitting that sleeping zebra! Can you feel the love tonight!!!

 

[jlmarr]

"Over on your right are a pair of toucans. If there were three toucans we'd have a six pack."

"We just took our hippos to see 'Dumbo'. If they weren't chained to the bottom of the river they'd fly away."