Jungle Cruise

[StephSFL]

Great thread! Sorry I don't have any to contribute- just enjoying!

 

[lborne]

As you disembark, note that there are not one, but two docks. That's a paradox.

After this she said "And those two guys that are going to help you out of the boat - they are a pair of dorks."

 

[Golf4food]

I love the Jungle Cruise... very funny stuff. It is probably one of the few places in the parks where the CMs can legally get away with publicly making fun of Dinsey - such as the wisecracks about "knowing Disney, it's probably a gift shop", etc. Most of my favorites have already been covered.

At the end of our last ride the CM was discussing his family and his own education: "Four years in college and an English degree and I get to drive a boat at a theme park. My parents are very proud... of my brother. He's a Doctor."

 

[tinkgurl]

I don't remember the exact quote but we were there in the summer and our tour guide said that he wanted to teach all of the kids who were off from school a little something so that their summer vacation wasn't a complete waste. She said she was going to point out all of the exotic plants in the area, and then he just started pointing to random plants, it was hysterical!

That one gets me every time! I love watchin the newbies trying to figure out what's going on when he does this! P.S. I love your 'Boy Meets World' thing at the bottom! I wish they were still making new ones!

 

[motherhen17404]

As we were getting off the Jungle Cruise "Please take small children by the hair...I mean hand"! The funny thing was there were no children on the ride at the time.

 

[merfsko]

I love the Jungle Cruise... very funny stuff. It is probably one of the few places in the parks where the CMs can legally get away with publicly making fun of Dinsey

On our last ride...
"Remember folks, this is the Year of a Millions Dreams where your wishes and dreams come true. Unless you're wishing for short lines and dreaming of cheap food, then you're out of luck."

 

[nicknamy1996]

They are all great. And our last trip I had fun heckling the driver!

It so over the top! Just on the airplane. "It's PLANE to see" "CRASH course" and 2 more that I can't recall right now. 4 puns in one sentence! Over the top and funny. I always wonder how many I miss because they rattle them off so quick.

... ok stalled long enough now I remember one of my favorites. He takes out a gun to and say I'm going to try to scare them (the hippos)... then he waves the gun and yells "HEY! I have a gun!!"

 

[aurorasleeping]

Leaving the Dock.
My name is.... and I'll be your skipper, tour guide, snake charmer, alligator wrestler and if you choose not to laugh at my jokes your swimming instructor.

In the amazon with the big butterflies (right after leaving the dock).
Now here we have some amazing margarine flies - I know what you're thinking... I can't believe their not butter. Interesting fact, these beautiful creatures can grow anywhere from 12 inches all the way up to a WHOPPING one foot!! Isn't that amazing?!? Just in case any of you were wondering, their scientific name is "plasticus manacicus" and they can be found in any of your finer wal-mart OR K-mart home and garden centers.

Coming up to the Cambodian temple (just after back side of water)
...And up ahead you can see Disney's first attempt at the monorial. (pointing to the falling beams infront of the temple)

Before going into the temple.
Uh oh...I don't like the looks of this...Who wants to turn around and go back the way we came? Raise you're hands And who wants to go in the temple? Raise you're hands?
Well this is Florida...so let's take a re-count.

 

[FigmentGuy]

The two favs for us:

(Jungle cruise LATE at night)
"And if you listen carefully you can hear the baby hippos crying for thier mother..."
TG leaned over the boat and yelled.. "Heeeeeeey Ma!"
We were in tears. I think every other person on the boat was a newbie they just starred like "is this guy for real?"


Our other favorite was a ride during POTC refurbishment, when we went into the temple and it was pure dark he kicked off the music and gave a full reciement of POTC/davy jones. LOL Again we were the only two on the boat who appreciated it.

 

[Poohbear123]

Wants to know WHY I am laughing..... Great thread keep them coming...

 

[foodrocksluver]

"And off to the left you will see my favorite type of plant and if you look over there you will see it again. They are the green ones."
"Over there is the largest butterfly in the Amazon. It's wingspan can grow to be 12 inches or a whopping one foot!"
"We must be in...DeNile."
"Don't worry kids, that zebras only sleeping."
"There's Chief Nami. He's running a special on his shrunken heads today. He'll trade you three of his his heads for one of yours."
"Oh look theres my jeep. I was having trouble getting it to turn over this morning. I guess I don't have that problem anymore."
"Oh no. Britney lost her Spears."

 

[RIDisneyFan]

Heard this one at Disneyland. As the boat was coming back to the dock, there were 5 CM's standing on the dock, and 1 came over to help tie up the boat. The guide says "People often ask me how many people actually work here at the Jungle Cruise. As you can see, it's about 1 out of every 5."
My DH and I thought this was just hilarious for some reason.

 

[MyZoeJane]

I've got a horrible memory and can never remember jokes, but after reading these I am able to remember hearing them myself! Thanks so much for a terrific thread! I hd sort of fallen out of the Disney spirit as of late but now it's back!

 

[bytheblood]

"If you thought this was boring go over to the Hall of Presidents. Come back, we'll talk."

I would have to agree with this.

I am not a fan of Jungle Snooze, but I have to ride it each and every time I go to Magic Kingdom.

 

[Lost in disney]

this has to be onme of the cheesiest scripts ive ever heard but for some reason i keep coming back to hear it again

" see the big elephant under the shower id be embarased if i were him but dont orry hes got his trunk on "
" LOook out on the right hes gonns spray you, mabey not, guess he forgot to pack his trunk " always gets a laugh for some reson

 

[PaMom001]

These are good.

 

[disneyaggie]

These are absolutely hilarious! I am so glad you all remembered some of these "classics" -- keep 'em coming!

 

[wld]

As we pull up to the dock. Now for the same words of advice my father gave me when I turned 18 Get Out!! (everyone just kindof looked at him) No really GET OUT....It was funny.

 

[DepCor0311]

About the back side of water: "Look kids, there is something you don't see everyday...but I do...over and over...20 or 30 times a day...stay in school kids."

About the bengal tiger: "The adult bengal tiger can grow to weigh over 800 pounds and can jump 20 feet."
About the butterflys: "The adult butterfly can grow to weigh over 800 pounds and can jump 20 feet."
About the snakes: "That snake can grow to weigh over 800 pounds and can jump 20 feet."
About all other animals" That _____ can grow to weigh over 800 pounds and jump 20 feet."

At the end: "Please be careful stepping out on to the dock. Like everything else here at the Magic Kingdom, it is very expensive and, trust me, you don't want to be the one to break that dock."
Classic ride!

 

[CaptainJackObsessed]

I'm loving this thread!! I'll be sure to remember them when I down there in 16 days!!!