June & Gay Days

[Mama Twinkles]

Dear Abby,

I’m not sure what to do and hope you can advise me. My non-traditional family will be at WDW for a special day in June where we can spend time in the blessedly relieving company of others like us. Our relationship is not legally recognized, though one state does permit us to marry. Unfortunately, judges there are thought to have overstepped their bounds, there is no federal recognition of our relationship and popular opinion is against us (though we are gaining support among enlightened Americans). My problem is this: how to explain to my young children the whispering and pointing at us, the disapproving looks, the attempts to steer children away from us that they don’t even attempt to hide, and the sanctimonious private messaging among those there who do not approve of us. I mean, we are law-abiding, taxpaying, loving citizens who only want basic protections for our children. The funny thing is, Abby, that we are very ethical people, and would never hurt anyone. In fact, we work tirelessly to help others in our careers. And our detractors think we are hypersexual, which is a big joke if you know anything about sex after children! But above all they think we are sick and immoral, and that we are indulgent for choosing to be together. Abby, we are deeply in love and committed to each other. So how can we explain such bigotry to our young children, especially when we are a bit scared ourselves, having suffered discrimination for many years? Oh, I should have said at the outset, Abby, that we are an interracial, heterosexual couple, and that I am writing in February of 1960. Thank you for your advice.

Signed,
Love and Let Love


http://www.filibustercartoons.com/marriage.htm

 

[beckmrk04]

Dear Abby,

Perfect!

 

[bsusanmb]

I am a 56 yo married heterosexual woman. It isn't planned, but just about every other year we end up at WDW during Gay Pride week. As an adult, it took me a while to figure out what was going on. All I really noticed were a lot of red shirts. I just figured it was some large gathering.
I don't think kids would pick up on anything. I compare it to me and my high school gals going to the beach and acting all silly, like high school girls. We aren't gay, but we laugh and hang on each other, etc.
I must say, I never saw so many handsome men in my life, as I did at gay day in MK. You would have to be really looking hard to find a Bird Cage Nathan Lane type. I honestly got to the point that I realized that there is no way I could recognize a gay man anymore.
I think you will be fine, and just don't make a big deal out of it.
I have been in the pageantry arena for 38 years, and I am great friends with many gay men. I find them charming, sweet, and gentle. I have gay female friends, and again, they are just great people. I am not a liberal, in fact I am am a right wing, born again Christian, and a nurse. I just tend to look for the best in people, and enjoy seeing people having fun.

 

[Mama Twinkles]

Perfect!

Thanks!

 

[padalyn]

wow - that was great!! The analogy is very powerful! well done Mama Twinkles!!!

 

[Holly]

My husband and I have been at WDW twice during Gay Days with our children. What my children were exposed to were same sex couples (with or without their own children) having fun and enjoying WDW just like anyone else.

This type of post always reminds me of that post where the OP asked how to shelter her children from the "magic" at Disney so they wouldn't get exposed to witchcraft.

My thought is always stay home! I'd rather be at WDW when every single guest is there for Gay Days than with one closeminded person like you.

 

[T&KHayes]

Geeeezzzz the only things we think about when we are planning a Disney trip is......

When can we get the time off?
&
When can we afford it?

 

[mickeymousemom]

Mama Twinkles,

LOVED your post..perfectly put!

T&K Hayes,

You have a beautiful family!(I love looking at other people's pictures)


To the OP,

I am having a hard time understanding why(with children aged 9-15) you are concerned about what your children might see and how to "explain" these things to them...esp. the two older ones! In todays society, I find it extremely important to not shelter our kids from the way society is. It can breed hate, ignorance, and prejudice all the way around. Though it looks as though you aren't comfortable enough to be open with your kids about specific issues, I highly believe that most of them have, in some way, been exposed to homosexuality. The fact that Gay Days is going on at WDW during your vacation should be a moot point. Are you not concerned that you might see two heterosexuals lollygagging all over each other in front of your children?(happens) Or that your kids might see someone from another country wearing very revealing clothes?(happens) Or that you might see several teens wearing t-shirts with sayings that would embarrass(happens) Howard Stern?(is that possible?) THAT concerns me(with a 3yo) much more than having them see two men or two women holding hands(which, in reality doesn't concern me at all). Homosexuality is here. Its real. Its about two people of the same sex expressing love and affection for each other. Nothing wrong with that. Its been going on for thousands of years, I'd say and thank goodness it's now, in many ways, accepted. It seems pretty simple to me, TALK to your kids. ALWAYS talk to your children. If any questions are asked while there(I doubt much will be noticed, other than more red shirts than usual) take a lesson from Glass Slipper Girl and Pezpam...simply explain that two men can love each other, as can two women. Sometimes kids have two daddies(that they live with) or two mommies....make no issue of it and move on. Your kids will one day move out and be on their own. I would think you would want them to knowledgeable about what's out there, and to accept a person for who they are..not who they love. Makes me SO thankful that I can talk to my kids about most anything, and that they feel perfectly comfortable asking DH and I questions. My two oldest are 12 and 16 and I can't imagine any comments being made by either of them if we were to go during Gay Days.


At any rate, have a great trip!

 

[Mama Twinkles]

Thanks, padalyn and mickeymousemom, for your kind words about my "Dear Abby" post. Everyone is making such great points. The postings here provide a much-needed antidote to the venom that gets spewed on non-DIS message boards. I also think it sends an important message when gay and straight join together visibly to support equality and understanding.

 

[mickeymousemom]

Thanks, padalyn and mickeymousemom, for your kind words about my "Dear Abby" post. Everyone is making such great points. The postings here provide a much-needed antidote to the venom that gets spewed on non-DIS message boards. I also think it sends an important message when gay and straight join together visibly to support equality and understanding.

Amen!

 

[tmorse65]

We've been about four times and about the only thing you'll see are people holding hands.
We're not going to this years GayDays, because last year the humidity was really bad. We're from the dry west and I just don't know how people can even function in humidity like that when its hot.

 

[T&KHayes]

Thank you Mickeymousemom! These pictures were taken when we went on our first Disney cruise last Oct. and we had a blast!

 

[WebmasterPete]

The OP's question was very legitimate, and I felt some responses here went too far in suggesting that she is in some way homophobic for wanting to set limits on what she exposes her children to. I think that is every parents right and responsibility to do, whether or not I agree with their choices or not. I would no more want other people defining my parenting skills for me than I want my government determining what 'love' falls within the category of 'appropriate'.

The OP came here to ask a legitimate question, and I don't feel she deserved to be painted with the brush she was painted with. Tolerance is not a one way street folks. It also requires us to bridge the gap by trying to see things from other perspectives. I seriously doubt that if the OP was a homophobe (as some have suggested here), that she would have posed the question on this board. Considering that the question could have been asked legitimately on several other forums on this site.

Yes, we're all a bit sensitive to the issue because we've been beaten up with it most of our lives - but let's save our fight for the people who would do us harm, not those trying to understand.

Pete

 

[mickeymousemom]

Thank you Mickeymousemom! These pictures were taken when we went on our first Disney cruise last Oct. and we had a blast!

You had those pics taken on a cruise??? They look so professional, I didn't know you could get something like that!

 

[mickeymousemom]

The OP's question was very legitimate, and I felt some responses here went too far in suggesting that she is in some way homophobic for wanting to set limits on what she exposes her children to. I think that is every parents right and responsibility to do, whether or not I agree with their choices or not. I would no more want other people defining my parenting skills for me than I want my government determining what 'love' falls within the category of 'appropriate'.

The OP came here to ask a legitimate question, and I don't feel she deserved to be painted with the brush she was painted with. Tolerance is not a one way street folks. It also requires us to bridge the gap by trying to see things from other perspectives. I seriously doubt that if the OP was a homophobe (as some have suggested here), that she would have posed the question on this board. Considering that the question could have been asked legitimately on several other forums on this site.

Yes, we're all a bit sensitive to the issue because we've been beaten up with it most of our lives - but let's save our fight for the people who would do us harm, not those trying to understand.

Pete

I certainly don't want to upset the OP, and as legit as her question may be, I find it rather odd that she's concerned about her children asking questions. The two youngest, MAYBE. When I said that a person should talk to their children, I meant that EVERYONE should talk to their children..its only common sense that the lines of communication with our kids should always be kept open. Yes, if a 13 and 15 yo know nothing about homosexuality, then I honestly do find that a bit of a problem. As straight as I may be, even I take offense to the fact that the OP would think about changing her vacation dates because of having to answer questions about homosexuality. I'm sorry if it looks as though I'm trying to tell the OP how to parent. That I am not. I am only suggesting that maybe she open up the lines of communication between her and her children. This is the 21st Century. Tolerance of many a thing should be something we automatically WANT to teach our kids. I have no problem tolerating a person who thinks specific things in today's society are wrong...but I would expect the same tolerance from THEM on today's issues(meaning that they keep their judgments to themselves). The OP did not say she thought anything was wrong with homosexuality, though I believe the implication was there. Maybe she is just someone who never thought about talking to her kids on the subject and now it will be in her face...that's fine...which is why I suggested that she TALK to her kids. I just can't stress enough how important this is. If the tone of this sounds bad, I apologize ahead of time. I don;t mean it to be that way. I'm only explaining my post, and explaining things is NOT one of my strong suits .


edited to add:....nothing wrong with setting limits for your children, as far as exposure to certain things, but the limits I set for my children have to do with BAD things, such as porn, alcohol, drugs, violent movies, etc. Homosexuality is not dirty or bad, and I make sure my kids know this. I don't want them seeing two straight OR gay persons doing too much lollygagging in their midst. Okay, I get the feeling I'm rambling here, time to go...excuse my post if its as goofy as I think it might be!



J

 

[Mama Twinkles]

The OP's question was very legitimate, and I felt some responses here went too far in suggesting that she is in some way homophobic for wanting to set limits on what she exposes her children to.

Pete, with all due respect (and I DO respect you, and am very grateful to you for what you give all of us), the OP views the problem as being with what she might encounter at WDW rather than with her own discomfort. This misattribution of the problem is precisely what raises the dander of those of us who live daily with discrimination. Substitute "interracial couples," say, for "gay," and you will understand precisely why the post is hurtful. The judgments contained in her assumptions are no doubt subtle to those who are not on the receiving end of them, but quite blatant to the rest of us. I do agree, though, that we should be understanding and kind, and attempt to educate rather than attack those who do not realize they are assailing us, and I do not doubt the OP's good intentions.

Pete, anyone who thinks they have anything to fear in exposing their children to me or any gay person I have EVER known is misguided. In addition, PDA's among gay people are very unusual. If a few occur at WDW and freak someone out, surely their double standard (if they are not equally freaked out by far more common straight PDA's) is their problem, and not gay people's.

 

[mickeymousemom]

Mama Twinkles,

You speak SOOOO much better than I. I am beginning to think I spoketh too much....

I still stick to my guns about the communication thing. When we communicate with our kids in a positive and open manner, we are then educating them. Maybe I am wrong, but I saw so many things being said in such a short post(the OP)...of course we all know what assumptions can do(and that includes ME!)