Journey back to ME!!- I'm getting bugged!!

[toystoryduo]

Julie,

It's good to hear from you, WISH sis! That is so nice of you and your DH to let his sister move in for awhile. I hope everything works out for her and that she can get a job and back on her feet soon.

Sending you some for all that you have going on.

I hope that your Thanksgiving is peaceful and filled with love and happiness. Take good care of you!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Julie, I am sorry things have been so hectic but that is awesome you and dh are taking in his sister. That is what families are for, but these days nobody does that too often! So good for you. I so understand the hectic nature of life (we all do) so come to Wish when you can, we are all thinking of you and pulling for you. And don't worry about what you are eating, do the best you can, you have a very full life! Thats great you did the Tower of Terror, good fo ryou! That Universal thing sounded awful!

 

[traceycooper]

Tracey......I can't wait to hear more of the house SAGA. Last time, I think I remember you getting ready to celebrate!!

Hi Julie - quick update - lost house,then they reconsidered & we got the house (on our wedding anniversary ) frantic packing started, i've fell ill
hoping to move in on 7th or 14th

You scared me when you said your DD hasnt finished unpacking after 6 yrs!!!

Hope DH sisters divorce is quick & painless! & that she gets settled in a new home & job soon.
Its so kind of you to put her up during a difficult time, you are a true angel

Hope you make it back soon, take care

 

[traceycooper]

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving Julie

 

[toystoryduo]

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving, Julie. How did the move go?

Have a great weekend!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Julie, hope things are going well and that the move went smoothly. And of course hope Thanksgiving was awesome (as you deserve) and that Christmastime is now going well too. Its a hectic time of year and given your already hectic life I know you are so busy!

Thanks so much for your pm, it meant so much, brought a happy tear to my eye. We have picked each other up a few times and we aren't stopping anytime soon! Your friendship and prayers mean so much. And you know what, I have been feeling better so they are working! Hang in there and know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers too!

 

[goldcupmom]

Well, DH & DSil arrived the night before Thanksgiving - tired but basically well - except for DH back which is still killing him. Friday DH & DS21 moved her stuff into the storage unit I had rented - in the SNOW!!!!!! (I think she must have brought it from Iowa!)

Sunday after Tgvg we started looking at places for her to live. Spent Sun, Mon, Tues in my car. She's used to brand NEW houses as for the past 8 years her & her ex-DH have been building Spec houses & living in them until sold. Also things are a LOT cheaper in rural Iowa.

Tuesday night, however, she got a wonderful answer to prayer. 1 mile up the street that runs behind my house in a gated community( VERY RARE here!) she rented a 3 bdrm, 2.5 bath, 2 car garage townhouse. for $500 a month LESS than the owners payment!!! They were commuting 1 hr+ each way with a baby every day to work. So, she is busy cleaning & unpacking. On Wed she hired some local movers to get her stuff out of storage so she wouldn't have to pay another month's rent. Thurs & Friday we spent on utilities, etc & yesterday she started unpacking.

She's been having fun using the 'free play' cards for the local casino - you play online to earn $$ to play with at the casino - in 4 visits she's won over $350! So, her new career choice is "gambling for Jesus"!

DH went to his cardiologist for the check up - at last visit 6 mo ago he had lost 8 lbs & the Dr told him he needed to lose at least 6 lbs more before coming back - 1 lb/mo. Well, this time he was 4 lbs HEAVIER than when he had the heart attack 12/21/06. UGH!!!!!! And, he came home & told me that he had read an article in the Dr office that pecans are really good for your heart & proceeded to consume a large part of a pecan pie. Oh well, he's an adult .........

DS21 is still being a royal PAIN!! At least a couple times each week I get overdraft notices in the mail for him - but he insists that the bank is wrong & it says online & at the ATM that he has money. Then last week I started getting automated phone calls from the bank that he's been overdrawn by more than $350 for more than 3 weeks!!! Still insists they're wrong & DH believes him. That, plus the other creditor calls, plus the notice that his car ins. will be cancelled for non-payment on 12/4, tells me that there is something else going on....drugs, alcohol, .......???? no way to know, but DH doesn't believe it. I suggested DH go with DS21 to the bank to get things straightened out but DH won't. Atleast then DH would see that DS21 is lying. And, each contact I have with DS21 is when I wake him for work & he ends up screaming & swearing at me. I told DH I just can't take it & he sides with DS21 & that it shouldn't bother me....but it does!

DS18 FINALLY got the cycle back....Praise the Lord!!!! He ended up upgrading his wheels to really neat BLUE italian racing wheels to match the bike. He has finals starting this week & 2 of his teachers won't tell anyone how they're doing in the class - haven't gotten any grades back on ANYTHING all semester. He's a bit worried as he doesn't want to lose his scholarship.

DD is sick....again! This time a nasty cold, cough...actually has been running a fever which is REALLY strange for her. But, she can't miss school as it's too close to finals & she's been gone too much, so she's having to tough it out. So far I've been unable to get her into a Dr. at a time when she can go. And, the teachers are really piling on the work. To top it off, this week she has special choir practices each day at 6 a.m......OUCH!!!

As for me, I'm still not making it to the gym. Eating is still pretty out of control. didn't help that DSil & DH brought back SIX bags of chips only available in a couple of counties near where I grew up. They also brought 8 12 pks of caffeine free diet Mt. Dew, though, so that is good. It's my FAV & I can't get it here & I just can't justify driving 6-7 hours to Colorado to get it. My icky 'bubble in the throat' feeling has been coming & going & I've pretty much connected it to certain foods (chips being one), stress, & allergies. Bothersome, but not so worrisome now. Haven't been to WW is a LONG time. Need to just to get myself back on track.

Friday I go back to the breast specialist for my yearly ultrasound - I should have gone in Sept/Oct, but everytime either I or she had to cancel. Praying all is well.

I've had the blues again lately, but I have the feeling that TOM is going to rear it's ugly head again soon after a couple month hiatus which could definitely be contributing to that and my waves of nausea. Oh joy!.....

Off to try to get something done around here... days are too short & so are the nights which are even shorter & almost always interrupted....

 

[Amy&Dan]

Julie, that is really a shame that dh insists on enabling ds21 along this path. Have you ever thought of making ds move out of the house? Is that even possible given what he makes etc? I just feel so bad for you that this is going on again. I wish dh would understand how much he is hurting NOT helping your son. Easier said than done I know.

I am laughing at dh's pecan pie thing, sounds like my friend who heard dairy products can help lose weight, started drinking malts from Sonic, and well you get the picture!

Get back to WW when you can, you might not have picked up much if any weight. One thing about it, WW is always there waiting for us when we can make it back, like the old faithful friend it is!

I hope things get better with ds21, I am really keeping him and you, and the rest of the family in my prayers. And that is wonderful news sil found such a nice place for such a reasonable price. What a relief for you and her. Hope dd gets better soon, this has been a tough fall for colds and flu around here too. Take Care!!!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Julie
Hope all goes well for you at the breast specialist.
Maybe DH is in a kind of denial over DS!!
I hope everything is ok with him, it must be so hard for you!
Great news that DSIL has finally got a place
Take Care

 

[goldcupmom]

thanks, tracey! They just moved my appointment, again, but just til noon instead of 8:30 - more time to stew over it.....

This has NOT been a good week.. Tuesday DD21 car ins. was to be cancelled. He had know for weeks & done nothing. Couldn't get the online pmt to work, called & their system was screwed up. I ended up having to pay w/ my CC (per DH), took over 40 min to get it totally straightened out with DS21 standing in the same room, screaming, yelling, throwing things, swearing like a drunk sailor about the cost, their system problems, etc calling me & them every name you could think of. I was so upset & embarassed as I know the poor lady on the other end could hear & it's my ins. co, too.

Took me several hours to calm down & get my BP back to normal, then it soared again just b/c I had to go wake DS21 up again for work. I felt Horrible, throwing up, diarrhea the rest of the day.

So, I was overstressed when DH came home & apparently wasn't interested enough in what he was saying & he yelled at me for being in a bad mood(plus I was watching the ONE tv show I watch each week (Biggest Loser) & that's truly the only time I sit to relax all week by the TV. I went in to the office where he was watching TV about 20 min later to explain, I was just stressed & tried to give him a brief version of the DS21 'event'. He decided to scream at me that he's "@#$!@ tired of having to do EVERYTHING for this !@#%# family" & that if I can't handle normal life that he wants me to "Get the !@#$ out of here and don't ever come back or talk to him again". How I stayed calm, I don't know, but I told him that NOTHING about the way DS21 treats me or this family is 'normal' and he reiterated that he wanted me GONE & that I was the problem.

I then suggested that he needs to try to make a work phone call from here & I'll stand in the same room screaming, ,swearing, throwing things (DS21 even kicked poor Mia) & see if he can NOT be upset by it & then feel comfortable dealing with those people again. I don't think so.

And, of course, DD was hearing all of this as she was trying to finish up school. That didn't help her at all! Then to top it off the next night one of her mgrs at work sent her home, angry with her, b/c she wasn't handing people their food quick enough due to coughing - said she had a bad attitude. Well, she has bronchitis & isn't allowed to call in sick. I told her just to cough all over the food next time if that's what they want!

Anyway, I'm rather numb at the moment, angry, hurt, can't even TALK to DS21 (or DH for that matter). Getting depressed, but I will NOT leave. If he wants me out, he can leave & take DS21 with him.

Meantime, I'm doing all my normal stuff waiting to see if this will blow over. Avoidance is hard, but the best thing right now.

Food has been OK, but I picked up 11 tubs of cookie dough yesterday that choir sold. that is NOT a good thing to have near me when I'm stressed. Trying hard to avoid it!

No WW again today as I was working with the choir.....

More later.

Thanks for caring, y'all!!!! I love you all so much!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Oh my God Julie, I am so, so sorry you are going through this. No one person should have to put up with what you put up with. I think your dh is really pushing you regarding ds21's problems when he should be pushing himself. He is clearly taking things out on you, when in fact you run everything. He is frustrated but that doesn't give him the right. Tell him to move out and by God help him pack! Have you thought of counseling? Do you have a pastor or priest you can call for help? I am just so worried about you! Don't get depressed without getting some outside help. You don't have to go through this alone. And please tell your dh that working with you, not against you will be better for everyone. Keep us posted, I am praying for you and sending you hugs to get through this. And if that cookie dough looks good, have some then throw the rest out or give it away. If you eat some, don't worry about it!

 

[goldcupmom]

Sorry I've disappeared again.

Dr visit went OK - after her nurse goofed on my weight on the chart & it said I had GAINED TWENTY POUNDS in a year!!!! I about fell over!!!! Actually I was up 2, but was wearing winter clothes/shoes instead of think shorts/tank top & flip flops. I'll take it.

She found an enlarged lymph node under my left arm, ultrasounded it & said it was 'nothing' ' normal'. However, in my deranged mind, I then obsessed for days.

My BP was 167/81 - I have horrid white coat problems, & when I got home I stressed over that AND the node until it wouldn't go down again. I'm just not taking it. I think it's better for me. I go to my Internist for my physical 1/10, so if it's still abnormally up (for in a Dr. office, I'll let her know)

DS21 situation is the same. DH situation is the same, but his work is REALLY stressful - layoffs coming early next year, whole division in trouble over some 'faux pas' w/ the govt, etc. So, he's focusing on the fact that it is even more stress for him than last year at this time when he had a heart attack. Wonderful....... go have another twinkie! (he ate 1/2 a box of star crunch a couple nights ago)

I finally made it to the gym to swim on Tuesday. It was WONDERFUL!!! Made it 45 min before they closed the lanes for aerobics. Realized I haven't regularly exercised since before the cruise - almost SEVEN MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!! That WILL be corrected!!!!!

didn't make WW or the gym yesterday as TOM decided to make a surprise appearance after a 2 month vacation. Lovely!!!!! I figured as much as my night sweats/hot flashes suddenly disappeared..... sadly I know their vacation is only temporary.

DS18 is very down as he got a D in his algebra class. He's just NOT a math kid. So, he has to retake it before moving on - which affects all his science classes he needs to apply to pharmacy school. fortunately, after about 2 hours last night, I figured out that if NEXT summer he takes 1 class, he can still apply in fall of 2010. IF he doesn't blow anything else. they won't accept below a C. A C- and he will have to retake again. Fortunately, with his other classes, he should still be well above the 2.5 needed to keep the full scholarship. Hopefully he has now learned that he has to memorize all those stupid formulas & swallow his pride & ask for help (even if it means asking his baby sister who thinks Algebra is FUN!!!)

My best friend here is really having a hard time. Her DH quit his good job & took a 25%+ pay cut a year ago. she's using credit cards to pay credit cards, really really depressed, out of credit now, & had 43 cents left to get groceries this week. She has bad arthritis & can't really work much as she can't stay in any one position for long. I'm trying to convince her to go to some of the food banks for help, but pride is hard to overcome. I help her a bit as she will let me, but usually doesn't. Her kids are 20 & 16, & both work part time, but still doesn't help enough. If you can spare some prayers, Melinda sure needs them. She lost her dad when she was a teen & has never forgiven God.

Anyway.....it snowed here this morning. I LOVE IT!!!!! Max is sick & I'm taking him to the vet at 10:45 - I think he ate something that gave him runny poops & now has lots of blood & mucous. (TMI - oops!) He acts fine, though. Just keeping me up at night running out to potty.

So, DD performs the Messiah tomorrow. I need to finish up Christmas & decorate. I have the containers in the house, so there's barely a walking path. If I don't make the gym today, I will tomorrow, and DD & I have a pact that we're going to try to go at least 10x in the 2 weeks she's off so that we can get in the habit. (and get out of the house )

Hope all is well with everyone! I WILL get to journals soon! to all!!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Julie,

I will definitely keep Melinda in my prayers. That is so hard and such a lousy time of year to have those kind of problems. I know how much it hurts you to see your best friend in this state. So I pray for some much needed financial blessing to come her way very soon.

I am sorry dh is having job stress, for a man that is always the hardest kind to take. Just remember, his star crisps snacks are his own thing, he has to make the choice to be healthy. Hopefully the job thing will work its way out. I hope he is being nicer to the best friend he has which would be you!

Boy, when I hear you talking about ds18, I am so glad I don't have to take math anymore! That is one of those things you are either good at or not. I just will pray that things work out and he gets into pharaceutical school. I am betting he will, that young man has a lot of strenght and determination and of course a fantastic mom to stand by him.

Hope dd's Messiah performance goes well. I love that, I wish I was there to go see it myself! Thats great she and you have made a workout plan for Christmas break. You can support each other which is always the best way.

And as for ds21, I am just going to keep praying for him. God love you and the rest of your family, there has to be a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel. .

Great job swimming, I think your two pound gain is not a gain at all. So that is WONDERFUL news! See, in spite of the stresses you have been facing you have done an amazing job. Be really proud of yourself, you so deserve to be. Let us know what your other doctor says about the node thing. I am sure it is nothing but still scary. Keep taking deep breaths and get some time for you to keep that bp down lower!

I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas. I think about you so often and know that you and I have each managed to survive some pretty tough times in the past, and God help us, in the future too. Just know that I am always there for you and always in your corner. Blessing to you Julie and keep that chin up!

 

[toystoryduo]

Julie,

You have so much going on right now. Please know that we will be praying for you and for your family.

 

[keenercam]

Julie -- I am so sorry for all that is going on in your home and your life right now. I just don't get your DH's attitude about his health -- maybe you should increase his life insurance policy! Seriously, though, I shouldn't kid about it, but I am just trying to bring a smile to your face in a house full of stress that you don' t need and definitely do NOT deserve. I hope DD's performance went well and that you found joy of the season in the performance. Sending you prayers and pixiedust, sweetie.

 

[wilderness01]

Hi Julie~

I am a sometimes lurker deciding whether to do WW again. Anyhow, I know from a while ago when I had a journal that you did WW so I decided to visit you to see how it is going.

I only have read the last 2 pages of your journal, but WOW is all I can say.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. If you don't mind me saying because it is easy for a stranger to look in, you sound like you are in a very abusive relationship. Your husband sounds abusive and your 21 year old son sounds like he is following your husband's lead and is also abusive. I am so sorry for you.

I hope there is someone you can go talk to. This kind of stress can play havoc on your health and no one deserves that. I am not encouraging this, but I hope you are preparing yourself to one day make a move if you need to. Store some $$, I don't know if you work, but get a good job, and above all protect yourself, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

By the way your husband disregards your valid feelings regarding your son, it seems he has very little respect for you. He is at the very least verbally abusive and no one needs to tolerate that. Please protect yourself and your diginity. If he won't go to counseling with you, go yourself, to learn how to care for yourself and not be a victim of abuse any longer.

I'm sorry if I have overstepped my bounds, but this screams of abuse and you seem like a nice lady who doesn't deserve any of this.

 

[goldcupmom]

No overstepping..... believe me, I am preparing!!! I welcome your insight!!

This has been a rough week. To quickly update while I have the chance...

Me - I started in w/ the cold/ sinus drainage when DD did. Saturday (after DH & I got into a real tiff over things) I started w/ the cough. He thought I was faking trying to gain sympathy because he came home with the crud on Thursday. Sunday I had a 102 fever, Monday went to 103 & I was up every 15 min last night coughing. sometime in the middle of the night I realized I hadn't been this sick since Law School when I was sent home with pneumonia. Got in to the Dr this morning & I at least have bad bronchitis, but he says with all the noise my lungs are making, a chest xray really isn't necessary, he believes it is pneumonia. So, I'm on a Zpak - went to walgreens & somehow they had in my file that I'm allergic to antibiotics.....??????? I went to the gym on Sunday & was having chills in the hot tub....NOT a good sign!!!!! This too shall pass.......


DH - same old, same old. But as the anniversary of his heart attack approaches, he's wearing his nitrogylcerin & his medical bracelet.

DS21 - still the same. Has the cold stuff, all our fault, his car isn't working...transmission, so I'm again the chauffer. Found his check stub for mid november & he'd already made almost 18K. No rent, utilities, car pmt, food only by choice... and he has not a DIME to his name. hasn't paid off his rebuilt engine, etc. DH still doesn't get that that 15K take home has gone somewhere.....drugs, alcohol.....???? don't know, which, but it's gone somewhere.

dd18 - got a D in economics, too! 3 weeks before the end the instructor changed the requirements, so 90% failed. Oh well..... he still kept his scholarship and that's all that matters. 1 semester at a time. he's trying to get a job as a pharm tech at the new WMart that's opening. Hopefully he can get one and get out of chick fil a as they're not treating him well.

DD - turned 16 yesterday!!! But it wasn't a very good birthday. she ended up crying herself to sleep due to DH & DS21. Poor baby!

She got home at 2:45 was to study for finals(Wed/Thurs) til 5:15 when DS18 got home from work. DS18 called me at 4:45 wondering where I was. DH was there to get him. He had to then take a present in he had bought to give the sponsored family. Came out, got about 3 blks from work & got called back to interview someone who was 45 minutes late for the interview. They ended up getting home at almot 6:30. Now too late to go to eat at ITZ where DD wanted to (buffet & big kids video games & indoor rides). So, we were to finally decorate the tree as all 3 kids were home. Got DS21 up & he's screaming/swearing, etc as he needs to get ready for a concert. Upsets DD who things like decorating the tree is important to. Then we were to open her bday presents. In the middle DH made her get up & go find contact solution for DS21 who was again screaming/swearing, etc.

So, DH leaves with DSil & DS21 to take DS21 to the concert. 2 minutes later they walk in. DS21 had coughed & thrown up all over the van. Then in the kitchen. DH wanted me to clean it. NO WAY!!!!! He's 21+ & I was sitting in a recliner with 103 fever. Get in trouble for not doing it & also for not having taken DS21 to Dr. Finally at 8:15 I get to order applebees to go & DS18 goes to get it. DSil had bailed by this time & DS21 was thankfully downstairs. DS18 gets home with the food & is about to leave with friends when I reminded him about Cake. So we quickly to the cake before eating & DS18 leaves.

Then DD puts on her new pjs she had picked out for her bday a couple months ago & dissolves in tears for the second time since 6:30....they had a small flaw & hole in the front. My telling her I can stitch it & it won't be seen as they're black didn't help. So, we ate cake from coldstone creamery, she studied some more & went to bed. She woke up puffy eyed this morning & when I confronted her she cried again about the whole situation. DS21 runs the house..........

Anyway.... life goes on....she's at work, DS18 is christmas shopping for her. I told her to buy her earrings as she got her ears double pierced on Saturday night - NO CARTILAGE!!!! I had to take her to work as DH was taking DS21s FRIEND to work .... I guess we're the local taxi now.

I'm going to try to take a bath, read & then watch the Biggest Loser finale. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon!!! I told the Dr that if I looked half as bad as I felt I must be scary & he said I was pretty scary!!! oh well......

thanks for hanging with me.... I love you all!!!

 

[toystoryduo]

Merry Christmas to you and your family, Julie! I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please be sure and take extra special, good care of you!

 

[goldcupmom]

Thanks,Tracy!

I'm here, still fighting the crud. Getting better, but each day is a different type of symptom and I just feel exhausted most of the time. Yesterday I woke up very croupy. Last night coughed a bunch & today am simply wiped out w/ a sore throat again. Just seems to keep changing but gradually getting better. At least the antibiotics killed the worst of it. I go for my annual physical on 1/10 (not gyn) and if I'm not better, I'm sure she will give me more drugs.

DS21 has been sick with this for almost a month - but refuses to go to Dr.. DD has never completely gotten better and I think she cracked a rib when she had bronchitis - really bad pain. Taking her in to Dr. tomorrow. DH still has it, too, going on 3 weeks.

Hope everyone has a wonderful, SAFE New Years!! Hopefully I'll be back on a bit more regularly once people all go back to work/school!!!

I made it to swim on Fri and my arms/shoulders are REALLY REALLY sore today from it. Good sign I guess! I need to go regularly, but it's so hard when I feel so cruddy.

Thanks for hanging with me everyone!!!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Julie, have a great new year & i hope you feel better soon