Joking about the teenage boyfriend.

[disykat]

I have all boys and I guess it doesn't bother me, mostly because I don't think it bothers them.

It seems like you can make jokes about a certain boy negative character traits and they might laugh and wear it proudly like a badge. Whereas if you did the same to a girl, she might feel hurt. It's almost like the old poem where girls are "sugar and spice and everything nice" and boys are "frogs and snails and puppy dog tails." Or the whole schoolmarm and the scoundrel thing of past romance novels. I don't think it was so much that everyone believed that girls were always sweet and boys were always nasty, it was just a way to sort of stereotype the genders.

Our society is becoming more equal in many ways, but some of the old stereotypes are still around.

As a mom of boys if I want to pick one to get worked up about I'll choose wondering why being "daddy's little girl" can be seen by some to have positive connotations, but being a "momma's boy" is totally negative.

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I have all boys and I guess it doesn't bother me, mostly because I don't think it bothers them.

It seems like you can make jokes about a certain boy negative character traits and they might laugh and wear it proudly like a badge. Whereas if you did the same to a girl, she might feel hurt. It's almost like the old poem where girls are "sugar and spice and everything nice" and boys are "frogs and snails and puppy dog tails." Or the whole schoolmarm and the scoundrel thing of past romance novels. I don't think it was so much that everyone believed that girls were always sweet and boys were always nasty, it was just a way to sort of stereotype the genders.

Our society is becoming more equal in many ways, but some of the old stereotypes are still around.

As a mom of boys if I want to pick one to get worked up about I'll choose wondering why being "daddy's little girl" can be seen by some to have positive connotations, but being a "momma's boy" is totally negative.

good point, I think that also goes back to old stereotypes. A man should be his own person and not controlled by a woman (ie his Mama). But girls should be protected, taken care of, and adored by a man (ie Daddy's girl). I'm not saying its right, but the reason I see behind it. Even typing this I noticed that I referred to the boy as man, but I kept the girl a girl. There are still a lot of gender stereotypes out there.

 

[hegsag]

Doesn't bother me in the least. However, I wouldn't be thrilled if someone was rude to my ds. Are you sure this man was rude to your ds or was your ds just not happy about the joke? How old is the girl and how old is your ds? Just curious...

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I am open to any and all thoughts or opinions on this subject. Furthermore, I am not in any way losing sleep over this, therefore it's unnecessary to advise me to "get over it." The remainder of your post was interesting, though.

I said get over it only to say don't worry about it, its not a big deal. My DH says it to me if I need to stop worrying about something and we say it to the kids when they need to stop worrying about something. I don't mean it to be negative, just blunt.

 

[Doe]

This is what my husband has told me in the past when we have had discussions about our daughters' future dating:

"You have never been a teenage boy -- I have. I KNOW what they are thinking."

That being said, he would never be rude or mean, but could possibly joke with the boys who date our daughters.

That's so funny, my husband just told me the same thing last week when we were talking about our 17 yr old daughter and dating! He even repeated it to me slowly as if to really get his point across.

My husband has joked for years to our daughters (12, 14 & 17) about getting out the shotgun and cleaning it when they get picked up for dates and even has a questionnaire and rules for dating my daughter that he has "threatened" to make their dates fill out and sign, but he honestly never would/has and just teases the girls about it.

 

[luvsJack]

Nope..I am the mom of 3 sons and 1 DD. Two of my boys are young men and one is recently engaged. The engaged DS knew that DFIL had a gun!! I had no issues with it. He was afraid to tell the man that his DD was moving in with him !! The have been together 7 years and she would spend some nights over here!!

And I have no issue with boy jokes. My DS's are as over protective of their lil sis as their dad is! I feel sorry for the boys that want to date my DD, but at least I know they will think twice before they try something they shouldn't!!
Teenage boys want one thing (ok 99.9%) from a teenage girl. Yes, there are alot of them that are respectful about it and are willing to wait..but most of em... . I know..I have been there!! Hormones are hormones.

And yes, some teenage girls are just as bad..but not that many. I did once read a note some girl sent to my DS.... What a SKANK!!!

Just realize something about this dad... your son won't come home pregnant!! His daughter could!! Sorry if he was a jerk...there are right ways of joking and not so.

My DH loves the line from Clueless... I have a .44 and a shovel, no one will miss you!!

I feel the same way for my poor dd when she starts dating! When I was pregnant with her (there is 14 years between her and my youngest son) they were already planning how her first date would go. Oldest brother and Daddy in back, younger brother in front with dd and date.

 

[mill4023]

We've got 2 boys and 3 girls. Our oldest son is 14 and our oldest daughter is 11.
Won't be long until I need to go pick out a nice bat to keep next to the front door.

And no, it wouldn't bother me in the least if a girl's dad joked about that with our DS. Like several other dads have said, I KNOW what goes through the minds of teenage boys.

On second thought, I don't have to worry about it for awhile. We've always told our DD's they could start dating when they are 25.

 

[61292cna]

When my ex-SILs new wife gave birth to twin girls, his mom got him a shirt that read "guns don't kill people, fathers of teenage daughters do!', & they thought it was all the rage.
We also have no guns (not against them for others, just not into them ourselves), so DH keeps a baseball bat on display near the door.
On a slightly funnier note: between us we have 5 DDs & no DSs. Recently I said something about this & DH said he had discovered that once you have teenage DDs, you get more boys than you could have ever wanted!!!

 

[3jsmommy]

Three boys here & I don't think a Dad giving my son a hard time about respecting his daughter is rude at all. I'm thinking if the Dad is that protective, hopefully the girl isn't allowed to walk around looking like a hoochie mama...which makes me happier!
Having been a teenage girl, I KNOW that teenage boys are in constant heat! My Dad gave some of my boyfriends a hard time & they probably deserved at least what they got!

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

We have teased DD14's boyfriend about things such as this. He takes it all in fun and knows we are joking BUT also knows that we expect him to be a gentleman at all times to our DD.

I am sure he knows we are joking when I casually mention my friend in Special Forces who knows where to hide bodies so they would never be found...

When DS is old enough to date I would expect his girlfriend's parents to tease him the same way and expect him to be respectful to their daughter.

It's all in fun. I don't see the big deal about it.

 

[corie161]

I'm a mom of a boy and a girl, neither of them dating age yet, but I really think the saying is to be taken tongue in cheek. If a dad was being rude, they would find a way to be rude with or without that saying.

This topic does remind me of a country song by Rodney Atkins though (a father or a boy and step father to teenage girls) called Cleaning this Gun.

 

[Shutterbug]

It's all in fun. I don't see the big deal about it.

I think its about a double standard being applied, yes its okay and fun to tease the boys about this but what if mom said when a gf came over, lock up your wallet son you dont want her gettin at your money, or other remark that was made in fun would parents of daughters think it was okay to tease the daughter?

 

[Fintastic]

I think it boils down to these two quotes:

Just realize something about this dad... your son won't come home pregnant!! His daughter could!!

True! Even if the boy were taking responsibility for the pregnancy as much as possible, it's still the girl who takes the brunt of it. And her family, depending on her age.

This is what my husband has told me in the past when we have had discussions about our daughters' future dating:

"You have never been a teenage boy -- I have. I KNOW what they are thinking."

I know my DH has said the same thing! He was a teenage boy once himself and he knows what's going on in their heads!

I really don't think a little teasing is inappropriate.

ETA: Usually, guys/men/boys are able to tease each other lightly without hard feelings. They laugh and get over it. However, being the girl who's dating a protective mother's Precious Prince of a son, that's not easy!! Women hold grudges and no girl is good enough for HER son. Fathers tease boyfriends but don't dwell on the fact that some boy is taking his daughter away from him.

 

[bumbershoot]

You know, it's a popular thing for a dad to joke about his daughter's dating, saying how he'll meet the boy at the door with a shotgun etc. etc. You've heard variations of this. Kelly Rippa even made a similar joke on the show yesterday and it made me think.

Am I the only mother of sons who is not amused by this?

I was a stepdaughter whose stepdad made those jokes. Since he owned shotguns and handguns, I wasn't sure if he was joking. Thankfully he worked graveyard shift so was really never around when dates picked me up.

It was scary, over the top, and rude. My own mom trusted my dates more than she trusted my friends...with dates I had curfews that could NOT be broken, they came in to pick me up and meet my mom, they knew if they stepped out of line they'd have her to deal with. My friends, however....honked outside to pick me up, I would always call to get curfew extended, she never knew what we were up to.


And as the mother of a son who hadn't really thought of this before...ew. Especially given how much I DIStrust women from what I've seen them do and the tricks they play...ew...OK, now kinda hoping DS ignores girls for a long long time.

 

[luvsJack]

I was a stepdaughter whose stepdad made those jokes. Since he owned shotguns and handguns, I wasn't sure if he was joking. Thankfully he worked graveyard shift so was really never around when dates picked me up.

It was scary, over the top, and rude. My own mom trusted my dates more than she trusted my friends...with dates I had curfews that could NOT be broken, they came in to pick me up and meet my mom, they knew if they stepped out of line they'd have her to deal with. My friends, however....honked outside to pick me up, I would always call to get curfew extended, she never knew what we were up to.


And as the mother of a son who hadn't really thought of this before...ew. Especially given how much I DIStrust women from what I've seen them do and the tricks they play...ew...OK, now kinda hoping DS ignores girls for a long long time.

Did you really think he would shoot someone? I mean, seriously? My husband is going to say these kind of things (I have no doubt he will) and he has guns but there won't be a doubt in dd's mind of whether he would really do such a thing! Wow. I just can't imagine living with someone that I thought might really do that!

As for trusting these wonderful dates that do all the correct and polite things that parents love !! Thats the ones you have to look out for the most!! Or at least that was the case in the guys I knew. The ones that made my mom just think they were the greatest thing around, well, those were the ones that turned into octopus's when we got alone!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think its about a double standard being applied, yes its okay and fun to tease the boys about this but what if mom said when a gf came over, lock up your wallet son you dont want her gettin at your money, or other remark that was made in fun would parents of daughters think it was okay to tease the daughter?

We always joke that we feel sorry for DDs future dates because she has such expensive tastes (loves lobster, imported cheeses, etc.). We'd likely think the joks was pretty funny More so than the gun joke relating to DS who (at least at 10) I cannot imagine pushing anything on anybody. He is the most empathetic and concerened with other's feelings person I have ever met (that is not always a good thing--makes him not willing to stand up for himself occasionally).

As for trusting these wonderful dates that do all the correct and polite things that parents love !! Thats the ones you have to look out for the most!! Or at least that was the case in the guys I knew. The ones that made my mom just think they were the greatest thing around, well, those were the ones that turned into octopus's when we got alone!

DH and I call that the "Eddie Haskel effect" it is so often true. Though I will say my DH was reat around my parents and great to me (but I dated a couple of idiots before him who were super polite to my parents and VERY different out of their view.

 

[shortbun]

Yes, because of course everything is the boy's fault, and it couldn't be that his precious little daughter would do anything wrong!

I hear you OP.

Me too! I have warned my son about agressive girls(most of them are) and people's misperception that it's the boys who are the agressors. Any girl my son is dating will be invited to the house for 'the lecture'. ANYONE in a relationship who is not comfortable with the pace affection is going is allowed to say NO and not get teased about it or mocked by gossip. Are we clear girls? I might just be cleaning my gun while I'm delivering the lecture. Fair is fair.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I think its about a double standard being applied, yes its okay and fun to tease the boys about this but what if mom said when a gf came over, lock up your wallet son you dont want her gettin at your money, or other remark that was made in fun would parents of daughters think it was okay to tease the daughter?

Point taken but no matter how much money the daughter could get out of the boyfriend, she can't get HIM pregnant. The stakes here are totally different. The boy can always make more money. The girl's life will never be the same again if she gets pregnant. The comparison is not even remotely equal.

I think it boils down to these two quotes:

True! Even if the boy were taking responsibility for the pregnancy as much as possible, it's still the girl who takes the brunt of it. And her family, depending on her age.

I know my DH has said the same thing! He was a teenage boy once himself and he knows what's going on in their heads!

I really don't think a little teasing is inappropriate.

ETA: Usually, guys/men/boys are able to tease each other lightly without hard feelings. They laugh and get over it. However, being the girl who's dating a protective mother's Precious Prince of a son, that's not easy!! Women hold grudges and no girl is good enough for HER son. Fathers tease boyfriends but don't dwell on the fact that some boy is taking his daughter away from him.

Men have been teenage boys and KNOW what teenage boys think about.

I think it is all in how it is delivered. If the Dad of the daughter is being a jerk about it then it is out of line. If he is obviously joking around then there is only a problem if the boy can't take a joke. I highly doubt the boy would be offended if he knew the Dad was joking.

I married a "Precious Prince of a son". While I do like my MIL she can be a bit over the top sometimes about DH thinking he can do no wrong. I hope I am not THAT overprotective of my own son when he is older. Surely there is at least ONE girl out there good enough for DS!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think it is all in how it is delivered. If the Dad of the daughter is being a jerk about it then it is out of line. If he is obviously joking around then there is only a problem if the boy can't take a joke. I highly doubt the boy would be offended if he knew the Dad was joking.

Exactly

 

[Va-bear]

Point taken but no matter how much money the daughter could get out of the boyfriend, she can't get HIM pregnant. The stakes here are totally different....... The comparison is not even remotely equal.

Everyone keeps talking about pregnancy like thats the biggest problem w/ teenaged sex! HIV and other STD's are the biggest problem....and that _IS_ passed both ways. So, yes, the ones who worry about the 'trampy' girls have just as much to worry about. (And, yes, teen pregnancy is a very real, difficult problem - but rarely kills the people invovled...) So, yes, the comparison is quite legit.