Jewish--SHIVA

[disneyfanatic60]

I posted earlier that my bosses father-in-law passed away on Saturday. I was looking for suggestions on something the people in the office could do or send to the family. I think we have all decided on doing a donation to their local synague (spelling) or a school I know the family is involved with.

My question--I've never been to a SHIVA. Can anyone offer up what I might expect? I'm the Office Manager at a small publishing company (about 12 people) and he's the owner/publisher. I feel I definitely need to pay my respects to the family even though he doesn't expect anyone to be there. My DH and I are planning on going together. Would it be tacky of me to take him (they have met on a few occassions)?

 

[Deb in IA]

I'm sure others will help you out, but the ONE thing I know is: Do NOT send flowers!!!


Apparently, sending something that is dying (ie. cut flowers) is a big "no-no".

 

[disneyfanatic60]

Deb--I already was told that earlier this morning. I had absolutely no idea. We decided to send a donation based on some input on my earlier thread.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Generally we bring food - some sort of baked good or other item - as the family probably won't be much for cooking but will still have to eat.

They will gather at the family's house and there will be a short ceremony (if they do that). It's quick - only about 10-15 minutes and all you will have to do is stand there. The rabbi (or other community leader) will lead and the family (and other close friends) will chant along in parts.

Then, everyone sits around and chats with each other and the family.

That's about it. Hope it helps.

 

[mrsv98]

It is kind of like a wake but at the home. All the mirrors will be covered and the family may be wearing an item of clothing that is ripped to show mourning. There may be a prayer (I don't understand Hebrew, but it always sounds beautiful to me, I love the prayers for the Dead, weird I know, but stunning to listen to.) There will be tons of food and some quiet socializing. Just act as if it is a wake, console tha family, pay your respects and leave when your are comfortable.

Rebecca
The only goy in a circle of Jewish friends

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

Everyone has explained sitting shiva well. I'd suggest bringing a dessert cut into servable pieces and yes, absolutely your husband can go.

 

[pearlieq]

A fruit basket usually goes over well. Be careful not to bring anything that mixes meat and milk, or anything that contains pork or shellfish.

 

[Forevryoung]

Yup I agree with everyone else but I actually have a better idea than bringing food with you...

When my grandfather passed away in November, we had more food than we could EVER eat (and wound up throwing a lot away). What we appreciated even more were people who either didn't bring anything or brought food later in the week or who donated food to be sent by a kosher food place later in the month. All my Grandma had to do was call the place.

You are just going over there to keep your boss and his family company. They will appreciate it. It depends when you go what happens... for most of the day they will be hanging out, relaxing, sharing stories, laughing. We found sitting Shiva (the seven days) to be cathartic but exhausting.

 

[Jackie824]

I am Jewish. Normally you will encounter A LOT of food. When my grandmother died, the Shiva was at my parents house. We had tons and tons of food. Normally people come over, pay their respects. Some will come and have coffee and a snack/fruit. It was all pretty casual at our house.
You will encounter the mirrors being covered up, something to do about not wanting to see the saddness on your face etc..