Jenn's Journal - It's a Low Carb Life

[Storygirl]

Thank you all for your support!!! It is so wonderful to me to know that I have this to turn to...now I have to spend more time on here encouraging everyone else!

Dang....more time on the DISboards?? Okay!!

 

[keenercam]

Hi, Jenn! How are you doing, sweetie? I am so happy that your son is doing better. I bet he's a cutie! My "baby" turned 12 yesterday!

What a great choice you made today, venting to your WISH buddies! Hopefully, even now, you are looking back on your day and calling it a huge success. I am glad you can look forward to your STB being away from the office off and on over the next several weeks -- YEAH!!! Having that Disney trip planned must make everything so much more bearable.

I loved reading your journal. You have been through some tough times and I am so glad you ended up here before your weight spiraled upward. This bunch is so supportive, they make me feel I could deal with anything at all!

Have to go get DS12 from his camp field trip.

BTW, stop by the challenge thread and remind me to update your number, if I haven't already! Have a great night, kiddo.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Jenn,

I am a late comer to your journal but i did just catch up on it all! I applaud your honesty about your experiences and feelings. I know that you will find tons of support and the needed accountability to be successful here on the WISH! Especially with all the great folks who have commented so far.

I am also a low/controlled carber so it is nice to see someone else on their journal eating meals similar to mine. hehe! (FYI --I am utilizing the Carb Addicts Lifespan Plan for context.) I think that you have been making some great choices for yourself and have dealt with your recent stresses (let us at that boss of yours!!) in very positive ways. Go you!

Hope that you have a healthy & happy evening!
Mike

 

[Storygirl]

Hi Cam and Mike!!! Thank you both for your support and greetings! Mike - I read through your journal yesterday...the Coke Wars made me laugh! I start every day with a diet lime (or cherry) coke and since having a caffeine drip in the hospital after having my son (yes, they actually do this!) I get horrible headaches if I don't have it. I applaud you for giving it up!! I'm going to try someday...I comfort myself that it's diet.

Well...I had a bad night. I actually sat here and thought - no one will ever know. You don't have to post this. But then I thought...if I do that, what the heck is the point of this journal???

***oh my GOSH...I am watching a show on discovery and this woman just made a "smoothie" to feed bats out of the most horrible thing...just dumped it all in a blender...you can probably guess what (something alive) I am NEVER EVER eating anything again!!!! New diet tip!! Watch horrifying and disgusting TV by mistake!***

Anyway - sorry about that - I decided to bare my soul and confess my goobery mistake. Otherwise, I might as well hang it up. Did I cheat today? Nope! But I regressed in my ED...I purged. Dangit!

I went shopping after work and picked up some groceries and a bday gift for my stellar employee. Came home and made dinner for DS and then made some lc chili for me (yes, it's 97 degrees out and I made chili. Thank goodness for central air). It's mostly ground beef with lots of spices, some sf tomato sauce, diced jalapenos, some salsa, green olives. Topped with melted cheese. I decided that I should add some vegetables, so I made a small salad too. Then I ate it.

Wow, grease city. It tasted great, but was greasy. And then I had ice cream for dessert. And it wasn't guilt and I don't think it was stress...I was feeling good about me. I walked for 25 minutes and when I was checking out at Target, the lines were crazy by one door, so I walked to the other side to check out (we have a SuperTarget - huge). I think I purged because my tummy was unhappy with me and it was just habit.

I don't count it as a cheat, because I ate within my guidelines and this is a medical/emotional problem I am working on beyond diet and exercise. But I'm not happy about it. I am happy I am typing this though...I am hating every second of sharing this because I am not proud of this eating disorder and it horrifies most people. Not a nice habit, I suppose. So if you've read this far - bless you! I'm not even going to proof read it, I'm just going to hit submit before I change my mind (as you can probably tell from my nickname here, I'm into writing and English and I have to proof everything I write).

Tomorrow is another day - but you know what? I went three days in a row without purging so I can do that again. And then four, five, and more.

Thanks fellow WISHers!!! You all are so great and accepting that I am going to go to bed thinking what I can do better tomorrow and not beating myself up about today. And tomorrow I am going to take a break and read more of your great journals!

Good night!
Jenn.

 

[Storygirl]

Thursday, 7-14-05

Today is MUCH better!

bfast:
lc yogurt
lc granola
dc (lime)

lunch:
turkey and cheese sandwich on lc bread
water

Lunch was great - ate with my VBF and we were joined by another coworker I really, really like and food became (gasp!) secondary to the company and the conversation. I love when that happens. Prior to eating, VBF and I ran to the grocery store to get her something for lunch and I ended up picking up some things...including tons of chicken breast (nice sale!). I put them in the fridge here at work, and will have DH grill them for dinner. I love having grilled chicken on hand for salads, quick meals, etc. I also bought some salsa verde yesterday and was thinking about putting that and some melted cheese on the chicken, adding a salad, and going from there for dinner. Yum!

I am getting done whatever I can and then working on one of my books. I need that. This has been a horribly stressful summer and I need to treat myself. Plus I feel so much better when I write.

Hope everyone is having a good day!!

 

[keenercam]

Hi, Jenn! So glad to hear you are feeling better today. Your breakfast and lunch both sound great, but dinner sounds really awesome! Can I come to your house for dinner? YUM!

I hope you get to work on your book today. I am impressed that you have more than one! You'll have to tell us all about them sometime and let us know when they'll be available on amazon!

Enjoy the rest of your day!

 

[eeyore25]

HI Jenn,

I am so glad that you are having a better day. We must be thinking alike!!! I too had a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch. Your dinner does sound yummy...I may have to make that myself one of these days. This may sound like a stupid question, but how do you drill chicken? I have never done it but I want to try!

Good luck on your book and have a great day!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Jenn,

I meant to pop in earlier today but alas, best laid plans! I am glad to hear that you are having a good day today. I also want you to know I respect and admire your candor in sharing what is happening for you with your purging. I see strength in your writing and hope that you can too. I know it is not an easy road you are on and think you are amazing for confronting your challenges. I hope that you have a happy & healthy night!

Bye for now,
Mike

 

[Storygirl]

Hi everyone!!

Thank you for your wonderful words - it really makes me feel good to read!

Forgot that I had a "girls night out" after work tonight with some friends...ran home and dropped off the groceries in the fridge and then headed out to the restaurant lounge. Had two diet cokes (with lime!) and tricked one of my friends into drinking a cement mixer shot . She deserved it though - she's the employee who left me to pursue her own dreams (self centered, eh? ). I also bought her a good shot too, to make up for it. The beer everyone had (yuck) brought me back to my college days...I'm not much of a drinker now, but it was fun.

Got home late so as usual my dinner plans flew out the window. Had a bowl of leftover chili (degreased, thank goodness) and ate only until I was full. Then I had a bowl of lc ice cream with berries. I tend to like ice cream before bed...it's a carry over from my pregnancy days when I had to have a serving of full sugar ice cream to keep my sugars up through the night. we do what we must...

So now I am reading and writing and even though the ice cream wants to return, I'm keeping it down.

This was a good day.

 

[TigerCheer2009]

Double N Jenn-

Not that I know anything about eating disorders, but I wanted to let you know that I'm here for you, we're here for you and that (I don't know how to explain this, really) you made me cheer when you told the truth about what happened (purging). I know that from whichever way you come, it's a long and bumpy road and that every little baby step counts. I'm here for you, but if you need stuff (like recipes, prayers, etc. Money is a no-go, unless you're willing to break a $5 million bill !)

Everyone needs a girls night out! Aren't they fun?!?!?!?

 

[kardiebelle]

You took a huge step in letting us in on your life. That is the first step in recovery. Congradulations. You are doing great. Remember you have friends here too. We are here to listen to you. You can tell us what you want or like and we will tell you yes (or NO, Mykelogan ) Good luck with your journey. Someone will always be here for you.

BTW yesterday must have been a Turkey sandwich day because that is what me and the kids had too. SMILES kardiebelle

 

[Storygirl]

Today is going well so far - (except for one mortifying incident where I said something REALLY stupid to a coworker because I misheard him - although it was cleared up later - not going to type it here in case it would offend anyone, but I'll just say that if I hadn't figured it out and he knew I was mistaken - it could definitely be considered sexual harassment...!! I wa sin no danger of that because he thought it was funny, but still....PM me if you're curious)

Bfast: lc yogurt and lc granola and (surprise!) diet lime coke

lunch: hard salami and provolone rollups dipped in mustard and a lc coconut slimfast bar

Someone left me an anonymous diet cherry coke on my desk - was that one of you??

I am so happy it is Friday and also - thank you Cam - I remembered I have 3 STB free days coming up!!

YAYYY!!!

The rest of the day went well - I am so overtired and overstressed and over everything that I felt just silly and giggly and had a great afternoon laughing and enjoying my coworkers. Got home and had to take DH to Urgent Care for a burn - it turned out to be pretty minor and he says it doesn't hurt as much so that was good.

Home snack - had 2 oz sharp cheddar cheese and 2 pieces summer sausage (sandwich kind)

Dinner - two pieces celery with chunky peanut butter, last bowl of chili with 1/2 avocado (it was easy and DH didn't want to grill with his new owie) and raspberry lc shake (mixed vanilla lc ice cream with raspberries and some blueberries). Yes, I pretty much have had the same dinner three nights in a row. Sometimes that really works for me.

Interesting note: I had a HUGE bowl of lc chili and I ate it until I was full. I thought about having ice cream and doing the binge and purge thing, but again I thought about posting that and I just couldn't do it. It occured to me again that I don't HAVE to post anything - but then this becomes a big waste of time so I had two choices: 1. binge, purge, and confess or 2. throw the second half of the chili in the toilet without eating it first!

Now I'm off to bed - hopefully will catch up on sleep tonight! Night all!!

 

[eeyore25]

Good Job today Jenn,

I too want to congratulate you on coming here and opening up. I can only imagine how hard that must be and I applaud you for it. You can make it through this and if you are having a tough day, your friends here will always be here to listen.

Hope you are having a great and healthy day. Stick to the plan this weekend and have a great one!

 

[kardiebelle]

Hey JENN which choice I assume #2. You are doing great. This is going to take one step at a time. I applaud you. Keep up the great work. SMILES and HUGS

 

[goldcupmom]

Welcome JENN!!

I just caught up on your journal (I was gone almost 3 wks) and I must say you are amazing. My best friend here was anorexic for years, then after her kids was a purger. I understand your frustration as I've seen what it does to her.

You are definitely on the right track. You CAN do this!

Have a GREAT weekend and a great three days without the STB!!!

 

[Storygirl]

Hello everyone! Thanks for the supportive words and yes! I picked choice number 2! - Thanks for stopping by, Goldcupmom! And thank you for sharing about your friend...Being bulimic (and a not exceptionally successful one at that, still being honestly way overweight) is a difficult disease to admit - anorexia is hard for me to understand, but at least you don't tend to always get those "eewwwww!!! I could NEVER do THAT!" reactions like you do with bulimia. Therefore? I share only with my WISH friends, DH and VBF.

And can I just say that I am so very happy with how warm and understanding you all have been on that front? Sometimes I don't want to mention it, because people think it is so gross, but it's a fact of my life and part of my eating challenges so that's that.

Breakfast today? 2 oz. sharp cheddar cheese and a diet lime coke. I may make something later, but I needed to get something in my stomach to start the metabolism and this was easy and enough fat/protein to stick with me.

Hope you're all having a great weekend so far! 91 degrees and climbing here...thank goodness for Central Air!

Back for update !!

DH has taken DS to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so I took my personal time and did my 20 minute treadmill walk, followed by lunch.

3 pieces celery with peanut butter
club sandwich: lc bread, toasted with sharp cheddar cheese (2 slices), sundried tomato turkey, 2 slices bacon, 1/3 avocado and Carb Options mayonnaise. One of my favorites!
bottle of wild cherry sf water

Now time for some reading before my boys come home...

snack - 2 pieces OM summer sausage (1 carb total!)

snack 2 hours later: more celery with natural PB...I was in the mood for a binge, so I had 5 pieces. But I'm okay with it, because it was a Good Choice Food . The upcoming week is hard for me so I am going to go with good food eating. Thursday is the 3rd anniversary of my mom's accident and the last two years I have subconciously forgotten about it until I end up really sick (horrible colds...no immune system). This year I am very aware and I find myself being more stressed out. But you know what? My Cindy (MC) says that means I am more capable of dealing with it rather than burying and coping by getting sick. So now I struggle with my food. I keep trying to imagine me down at WDW in Sept in smaller shorts and more comfortable on rides and the airplane, etc.

It's all good.

DH is outside in the stifling heat (what is WRONG with Wisconsin this month?!?!?) grilling chicken so dinner should be easy.

Dinner: two pieces grilled and spiced up chicken, broiled with salsa verde and mozzarella cheese - omg YUM!!!! And one polish sausage he grilled for me to have on hand for snacks.

I fully intend to have a bowl of lc ice cream before bed, so I declare that now as well. Probably butter pecan (3 per 1/2 cup) with whipped cream.

Some days low carb is just delicious!

Yup, had butter pecan ice cream and reddi whip for a bedtime snack. Yum!

 

[Storygirl]

Just an idle thought...does it seem like there's something wrong when my subscribed threads under this name are all WISH threads and then "Show me pictures of Disney Food..."...???



Me? Eating disorder? Nahhhh!!!!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Jenn!

Glad to see you keep up journaling and working out what are the good choices for you (like #2 with the Chili!) Working in a college Residence Hall I work with students with active ED all the time and one of the characteristics of the students who do follow a path to recovery is the willingness to find someone to confide in, so that they do not continue to hide their behavior for fear of rejection and shame. It takes such strength and like I said, this is why I admire your openness. I'm gonna put my "counselor/helper" hat on for two secs, so please forgive and then I promise to take it right off, but I am just wondering if you are seeing anyone right now for professional support in dealing with this challenge. You don't have to answer me, I just felt I would be remiss if I didn't express that eventually. I hope you can understand! Now on a different note I did have to chuckle when you spoke of what threads you were subscribed to as just the other day I was going through my list and I realized my most active forum outside of the WISH is the DIsney Restaurants threads! hehe And don't get me started on how hard it is to not check the pictures of Disney food thread you mentioned.

I hope that you have a happy & healthy weekend!
Mike

 

[Storygirl]

Thanks Mike!!!

And I would love to answer you - yup! I have what I call "My Cindy" - she is my counselor/therapist that I have been seeing since my mom's accident almost three years ago. She helps a lot.

Odd that you mention seeing this in the residence halls...I "learned my craft" as a freshman...

Thanks for stopping by!!!! And thank you for your support - I'll bet your students just love you!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Jenn!

Glad to hear about your "Cindy!" I am sure she is a great support.
And your experience is spot on with what I have seen. Students "sharing" their disordered eating behavior is frighteningly common. It can be a challenge to try and help them.
As for loving me? hehe! Some do, and some want to know how I seem to know everything they are doing, good and bad! hehe. But seriously, I love working with my students and usually do develop a great rapport with them.

Hope you saw my response to your inquiry about CAD/CALP in my journal!
Have a great day!
Mike