Jennifer's OMG I am SOOO Tired of Being Fat Journal

[addicted_to_WDW]

The title says it all, really!

I remember when I was about to turn 30. At 29 I said, "I'm not going to enter my 30s fat." I did. Really fat. Like 100 pounds overweight fat. The good news is that I didn't gain any weight during my 30s. I even lost a bunch a time or two, but here I am about 7 months from turning 40 and I feel like I wasted a decade.

No more. I turn 40 on August 23 and go on a Disney Wonder cruise a week before that. I will turn 40 fat but much less fat than I am now, and I will enter 41 a normal weight. With God as my witness I will never find solace in food again! (just picture me there on a hill with my dress blowing in the wind)

I started Weight Watchers on January 6 at 255 pounds. My official weigh in day is on Sunday and as of last Sunday I was 243. I snuck a peak at the scale this morning and I should be down another 2 pounds when I weigh tomorrow. It hasn't been very difficult for me so far, because I am a woman on a mission. Weekends are hardest because I have a lot of downtime. My stomach is growling and I'm about to head into the kitchen where I'm going to make salmon. Well, I'm not making it, I'm baking it. I love salmon but hate that because it is a fatty fish it has a lot of points (relatively speaking). I'm going to steam some veggies but I think I still need a starch otherwise I'm going to come in way under points today. It's hard to eat enough but not too much and I don't want to send my body into starvation mode. I have a messed up, slow metabolism as it is.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

3 pounds down, 3 pounds down. Wooohooo.

Actually, though, I need to work on keeping it to 2 pounds a week. I don't want to crash the weight off; this has to be a life change rather than a diet. It's hard for me to eat my full points every day, but I'm going to work on that more this week.

At the end of the day I'm usually 5-7 points under my limit. I don't want to eat just to bring myself up to the limit but apparently that's what I'm supposed to do. Maybe I'll add a couple of points at breakfast and lunch instead. I'm not hungry at breakfast and lunch is a difficult one - I've been eating Lean Cuisine and the like because it is easy and I don't always feel like trying to figure out point values. I might have to rethink that.

Today is the Super Bowl. I'm making a Spanish stew recipe from the current issue of Cooking Light and will try to stick to veggies and fat free dip beyond that. DS is having a friend over so I'll probably order them a pizza later in the evening. I love pizza. That'll be hard, especially if there's SAUSAGE! Yummmm.

I was looking at the menus for the Wonder this morning and it was funny...I immediately went for the stuff that was on the "better for me" side rather than the fattiest choices I would usually choose. Maybe this WW stuff is sinking in.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I did amazingly well yesterday. Sheesh, I might sprain my shoulder from all the patting myself on the back I do.

Really, I did great. The stew recipe was wonderful, and at 6 points per serving I was tempted to go for another bowl but I didn't. Other than that I had a dozen or so baby carrots and a small amount of dill dip that was made with fat free sour cream. I did indeed avoid the pizza though the leftovers are calling my name from the fridge.

Today was a boring day meal wise. The usual breakfast - oatmeal and a banana. I had LC Sesame Chicken for lunch and a yogurt in the afternoon when I was hungry again. Just now I ate more baby carrots and a little dip. I don't know what I'm going to make for dinner, though it has to include ground turkey or the turkey will go to waste. I went a little nuts chopping veggies for yesterday's stew so I have a lot of leftovers. I guess I'll come up with some kind of concoction.

I was lazy, though. Usually I get off of the bus at the bottom of the hill and walk home. It only adds maybe 1/4 a mile to my walk home but every bit helps. Unfortunately I had left my MP3 player at home and there's just no way I can bring myself to walk any farther than I have to unless I have tunes. I'm lame.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Well that wasn't good.

5:00 - 7:00 is the worst part of the day for me dieting (oops, I mean eating right) wise. I get home from work at about 5:00 but DH doesn't get home until 7:00 so we all eat together then (I know, I know eating late is bad).

We still have left over fat-free dill dip from the Super Bowl, so I portioned out my carrots and went to eat the few Tbs I was going to allow myself of the dip, but that wasn't enough. I STUCK MY FINGER right into the dip and spooned out a huge scoop (probably 3 or 4 Tbs worth) and ate it like I've been starving in the desert for weeks. It was scary, because there was no thought behind it at all; it's like I woke up as I was licking my fingers free of the dip. Eating like that is why I'm so darned fat in the first place.

Even sadder was that I then rearranged the dip to cover up my finger mark, not that anyone will eat the dip but me. How pathetic was that! I put the dip away and I guess I'll cut down on dinner tonight to make up for the extra points. As cheating goes, that wasn't that bad but it is the first time I've done that during the month I've been on WW. My monthly visitor is due tomorrow. I wonder if that has something to do with it?

Other than that, I stuck to plan today. Biggest Loser is on tonight (I hope, I haven't looked at the listings). I hope crybaby Kelly goes home.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I was back on track without any trouble today. I leave for work at 7:20, and at 7:10 I realized that I forgot to eat breakfast, so I grabbed a hard boiled egg and banana for the road and ate once I got to work. I had a Lean Cuisine Thai-style chicken for lunch, which was very tasty and has only 4 points. I had a yogurt (Dannon, fat free) in the afternoon and a Laughing Cow low-fat cheese wedge when I got home from work. DS had guitar lessons tonight, so I bought Subway on the way home. I had the 6" Sub Club on wheat with a variety of veggies and mustard. With the cheese it came to 8 points. I'm under points for the day but at this point it is too late to eat anything else so I'm off to bed.

 

[postesf]

Welcome to the journals and congrats on your weight loss!!! Stay focused and you can do it!!!

Stacie

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Welcome to the journals and congrats on your weight loss!!! Stay focused and you can do it!!!

Stacie

Thanks Stacie!

Thought for today - no salt added low-fat cottage cheese is disgusting! Actually, maybe all cottage cheese is. I wouldn't know because my favorite way to eat cottage cheese is equal parts cottage cheese and ranch dressing. I'll never be one to claim that I don't know how I got fat.

I was pretty hungry when I got home today. I was going to have a 100 calorie pack of cheetos but they have 3 points so I thought I should do something more nutritious with my calories. Blech! I think I will add some fruit to it next time.

I'll say this for Weight Watchers...it does give you new habits. I always think twice before I eat something because I know that if I want to splurge I need to plan for it. I'm also taking my time when I eat and trying to enjoy my food. I love food and I don't want to deprive myself so I need to learn to feel satisfied with normal portions. I'm getting there!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I got my first weight loss compliment today. Sort of.

I was getting dressed this morning. My husband looked at me and said, "Jen, you need new underwear, those look droopy." Bwah!

I'll take it! Truth be told, they are loose!!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Starting Weight - 255

Weight as of 2/10/08 - 238. Still but better. I lost 2 pounds last week.

I'm doing alright. I've been really hungry for the past couple of days, and although I'm sticking to my points it has not been easy. I was glad to go back to work today because I have an easier time when I'm there and distracted than when I'm at home with a full fridge. I still have 12 points to play with today. It's freezing outside (where my poor DH works) so I think it's a soup and sandwich kind of night, don't you?

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Let's see...first my brother was hospitalized for back surgery, which he "backed" out of...haha, but he was in there for a few days. Then my MIL had a series of TIA's (they think) and is in the hospital. Then my DH got a big old chunk of wood stuck in his leg (think splinter on steroids) and he had to have it cut out. Yipes! I'm glad the week is over.

Through it all I somehow managed to lose 2 pounds. My weight as of this morning was 236 bringing my loss to date to 19 pounds. I'm very pleased, considering that as of Wednesday I blew off counting my points because I had too much going on. I was still careful about eating, but not as calculating as I've been. On Friday night DS was out so DH and I went out to an Italian place for dinner. I had some spicy chicken dish that was fabulous, but I was concerned that it was going to hamper my weight loss. The two rolls I ate with dinner certainly didn't help either.

My goals for the week ahead are to resume counting my points and to add more exercise. I've been really lazy about getting moving and at some point eating less won't be enough. I also hope to claim my 20 pound weight loss clippie.

I won't exercise today though. Daytona 500 baybeeee!!!!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Back in the fall I bought the cutest burgandy shirt. Got it home and it was too small. I'm generally lazy so I stuck it in my closet figuring that maybe someday I'd be able to fit into it.

This morning I was getting ready for work and decided to try it on. It fits!!!! This totally made my day.

I've been doing pretty well on the WW front. Last night we had pizza and for the first time in years I had just one slice. I'm not going to claim that I didn't want more, but I didn't eat more and am proud of myself for that. I'm also very thankful that DH and DS ate the rest of it so it wasn't calling my name for breakfast today.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I took today off because it's icy and I have a lot of vacation time. I'm beginning to think that it was a mistake to stay home because I'm having a tough time staying out of the kitchen. I've behaved so far, but this is not easy. I don't know how SAHMs do it...I'd be tempted to overeat all of the time.

I had oatmeal and a banana for breakfast and a WW Chicken Parm meal for lunch. It's now 1:00 and I'm going to try to hold off on eating anything else until 3:00 when I'll have a yogurt. Friday is usually a night we eat out but I think that with the weather as it is we'll stay home. I think I'll make regular burgers for the guys but eat a veggie burger myself. I want to cut down on my meat consumption anyway.

I have a really hard time drinking all of the water I'm supposed to when I'm home. At work I sip constantly but here I have to force myself to drink. Isn't that weird? I also drank too much coffee this morning so I'm quite wired.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

One pound this week. I really expected 2, but will try to be happy with 1. I know that 1 pound per week is 52 pounds a year which is great, but 2 pounds per week is 104 pounds a year which is awesome. I suppose I'll come somewhere in between the two.

As of today I weigh 235. I think I mentioned on a previous blog that I wanted to weigh around 180 come cruise time at the end of August. I'd hoped to be nearing 200 by the time of the May trip but now I'm thinking I'll be closer to 210 then and 190 at cruise time.

Better than 255!

 

[Lesli54]

Hi Jennifer! I think you are doing great!

I too felt like I wasted much time during my 30's and unfortunately, that was a time that my oldest were growing up. My plan was to be at a goal weight by the time I hit 40, but I had a set back physically, so now I am just looking at being less fat by the time I hit 41 in a few months and by the time we hit mid fall, I will be where I want to be. We can do this together!

It would be great to go into the early 40's with someone who has a desire to be the woman that she know she is on the inside. Keep up the wonderful work. You have come along way since January, just think it's 20 lbs off and kicked to the curb.

Here's a tip, that worked well for me before. Get rid of the "too big" clothes as soon as they have outgrown you. Don't put them away "just in case". That basically sets you up for failure with the idea that "I might need them one day". We aren't going backwards so we don't need the "too bigs" to take up precious closet space that we need for the really cute clothes. Sure, you might spend some extra money as you go down in sizes, but it really helps to feel great when you are losing weight by not having baggy clothes laying around.

Have a great day!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Lesli, thank you so much! You are a smaller version of me so you know exactly what I'm going through. We can do this!!!

You know, you are right about the clothes but I am so hesitant to throw anything away. For one thing, I should be a What Not to Wear poster child...I wear big old baggy clothes anyway because I feel like I'm hiding in them. I know they look terrible but I'm afraid of clothes that fit. What's up with that?!?!?! I bought a couple of pairs of pants last week because my old ones are pretty loose. Maybe I'll donate just one pair of pants this week. Baby steps, ya know!

Your support means a lot to me, and I will definitely be here for you!!!



Ok...onto a brief update. I've been doing ok the past couple of days. I've been trying to force myself to eat more because my tendency is to say, "Oh no, only one pound, I must eat less!" but I'm eating exactly what I should according to weight watchers and I don't want to throw my metabolism even more off. Was that a runon sentence? Probably, but anyway...I'm sticking to my points. I called a couple of gyms yesterday and will tour them later this week. It's time to get serious about exercising so I need to formulate a plan.

Tonight is Biggest Loser night but I have to go to something at DS's school and will miss a lot of it. BL is very motivational for me. I have TiVo and will probably stay up until midnight (late for me) to watch it and get my shot in the arm for the week.

 

[Lesli54]

I can understand the hesitation to not get rid of things, but I found part of the reason that I continued to lose, regain, or stay fat during my 30's (after thinking back) was because when I lost weight I didn't get rid of the "too bigs". I then would gain a few pounds and the clothes would feel a bit snug and instead of working off those 3-5 pounds, I would grab the "too bigs" because they were comfy and then next thing you know, I was growing back into them. Don't be too afraid of clothes that fit, after all that shirt you put on recently looks great on you doesn't it? Hey, I figure that if you wear clothes that fit now after losing 20 lbs and feel great and you continue to wear clothes that fit after you lose more then you can see results better, feel better, and reap the compliments as they come in. For me, I had to get in a mindset, grab a box and quickly start throwing in all the "too bigs" along with all the clothes that you know you will never wear again no matter what size you are, then I quickly dropped them off at a second hand store that our church runs. It felt great and I felt much lighter in mood as well as physically. Its kind of like Clean Sweep and What Not to Wear all in one! You can do baby steps as long as you promise to toss out a shirt along with that pair of jeans.

You have made a great choice to keep eating more. It sure does sound backwards doesn't it? But I do know from losing weight before when I dropped 42lbs that eating enough food is key since you don't want to send your body into starvation mode. It sure did take me awhile to grasp that thought, but makes a lot of sense.

Good luck hunting for a gym and enjoy the school event.

 

[Lesli54]

Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hope your day is a good one!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Lesli, you rock!

Ok, I thought about what I wanted to blog about this week because it has been a strange one. After my glorious 1 pound weight loss last week (yep, still not happy but I'm trying to be) I stayed on track, made sure I ate enough, and lost...4 pounds. I don't know what was up with that because it was definitely not because I wasn't eating. I get 29 WW points a day at my weight, which I think comes up to about 1500 calories or so a day. I'm not undereating, but I guess the loss I wanted last week got tacked on to this week. That's ok. I thought that if I wrote people would chastise me for starving myself, but I am definitely not doing that.

My weight as of Sunday was 231, so 24 pounds down from my start on 1/6/08. I'm very pleased with those numbers. Even better...I've crossed from "morbidly obese" into "severely obese." I guess it sounds a little better.

The very big news of last week was that I did indeed break down and join a gym. The bad portion of that was that I'm so out of shape they are confining me to the treadmill until they decide I won't have a heart attack in a class. They don't need to worry...at this point I'm happy on the treadmill. I started last Friday and have already seen a big improvement in my endurance and heart rate. Brian (the trainer) said that I'd see quick improvement and he was right. My goal right now is to graduate from the cardio room and start with some weight training. Baby steps, and one day at a time. I'm so proud of myself for going, because it was hard to talk myself into it. I'm afraid that the little people will make fun of me, but so far so good and there are a few other big mamas there to keep me company. I feel a kinship with anyone who is out there struggling and working hard to become healthier. It's not the easiest thing to do.

I need to blog more often, but work has been nutty and my evenings are now spent at the gym so I have far less downtime than usual. That's all good!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm really hungry today. I had the usual oatmeal and banana for breakfast then a Smart Ones lunch and a 100 calorie Ritz snack pack. I thought I had a yogurt back in the fridge but I was wrong. I have nothing else to eat and I'm sitting here fantasizing about the junk food box in the kitchen.

Only 3 more hours to go. I can make it (I hope).

My plan for next week - bring a bunch of extra food for occasions such as this one.

 

[Lesli54]

Congrats on the 4 lbs lost and kicked to the curb.

That puts you and me pretty much at the same place. Onward and downward. Don't be afraid to post here because sometimes this is the only place where there is someone who can understand the process or the mental struggle. Rejoice in the fact that you lost "a lb" the other week, not that you "only lost 1 lb." Some weeks are good where you are doing all you can and you take it off like mad week after week, then others are pretty much even keel. Look at it this way, at least you didn't gain a lb, so it is all good. It is very hard to get past the mental block sometimes, but you can also measure your success in many other ways. Clothes fit better because you are losing inches, you feel more energized, you have a more positive outlook, you gain endurance on a treadmill.

It is good that you are working with a trainer. I have thought about it, but we live a bit further away, so I think I might try to go back to Curves. Anything to help kick start the exercise. In no time you will get into some other exercise. Your doing a great job! Keep up the good work.