"Jack & Jill" invitation - apparently a wedding fundraiser! Really?!

[EthansMom]

I'd heard of a "Jack & Jill" before but thought the term just referred to a bridal-style shower for both men and women.

I would definitely be busy that day. Also, if these same folks had a bridal shower, I'd likely be busy for that. I might attend the wedding if I like the people getting married.

 

[pyrxtc]

My sister hosted something like this recently. I thought it was tacky and still do.

 

[KandD]

A friend of some people at work had one of these, I don't know the friend but I thought it was odd. I don't know if they had raffles but I know that it was a Jack and Jill to help raise money for the wedding. No one seemed put off by it so I didn't ask any questions but I personally would not attend one.

 

[sbell111]

I don't have a problem with it.

According to the OP, the event in question is neither the wedding nor the shower. It is merely something that they are doing to raise money for the wedding. As such, it's no more tacky than having a yard sale to come up with the money.

 

[eliza61]

Then, I assume, I will be eligible to attend a shower and bring a gift, then attend the wedding, help fund that event again by paying for alcohol and bringing a second gift.

I am really starting to hate weddings. Between this and those registry cards included in the invitations I'm really starting to despair that people get married for love. All I'm seeing lately are couples whose eyes are wide with greed at all the money and gifts they figure they have coming.

*sigh*

STARTING TO? I'm am so already there. Summer of '08 my own dear family used their weddings and graduations to absolutely milk evey family member. My cousin got married last year and had the nerve to pick out each persons gift. that's right fellow dissers, I got an invitation with my gift already inscribed on the card. Tacky.

Don't even get me started on graduations.

Sorry folks, I'm pretty old fashion. A wedding is a celebration of 2 couples who decide to spend their lives together. It is not my job to fund your celebration. I don't fund your vacations, if you want a big blow out bonaza then you should have the means to pay for it. whether it's buying mini mcmansions we can't afford or planning weddings and vacations we can't afford, it's greedy and tacky.

I have chosen not to participate.

 

[DWGal210]

Wow...nice. What I object to is these people apparently want to have "the wedding of their dreams" but don't want to have to fork over the cash. If you can't afford it, don't do it. There is nothing wrong, for example, with getting married in your parent's yard and having cake and punch afterwards. I missed the edict where it said that in order to get married, you needed to have a big bash. I think people give too much energy to the wedding itself and not the marriage.

 

[EthansMom]

My cousin got married last year and had the nerve to pick out each persons gift. that's right fellow dissers, I got an invitation with my gift already inscribed on the card. Tacky.

I would definitely have other plans that day!

 

[DWGal210]

I would definitely have other plans that day!

Picking out the gift?! Yep, that would be one wedding I wouldn't feel compelled to attend!

 

[luvmy3]

STARTING TO? I'm am so already there. Summer of '08 my own dear family used their weddings and graduations to absolutely milk evey family member. My cousin got married last year and had the nerve to pick out each persons gift. that's right fellow dissers, I got an invitation with my gift already inscribed on the card. Tacky.

WTH is wrong with people? How can someone even think this is an acceptable thing to do I feel very sorry for the spouse who marries someone as demanding as that.

 

[Nancyg56]

A Jack and Jill is pretty common in our area, they are held instead of having a Stag or a Shower for the couple. You do not bring a gift, instead you buy a ticket and attend the party. Stags normally charge for the ticket, hold raffles and there are games. Both events are to help the couple get started. I don't like them but it is a personal preference.

When my son was married I had a Jack and Jill shower. In my family the Mother hosts the party although I know it is not the way for some families. I invited the women I would have invited to a shower, included their spouses or partners, had a sit down dinner at a restaurant, a wine fountain and did not charge for the event. The restaurant had a band that evening and sat us so that my guests could have an evening of dinner and dancing a few weeks before the wedding.

 

[eliza61]

I would definitely have other plans that day!

Picking out the gift?! Yep, that would be one wedding I wouldn't feel compelled to attend!

WTH is wrong with people? How can someone even think this is an acceptable thing to do I feel very sorry for the spouse who marries someone as demanding as that.

What was so hysterical about it was that this was my first cousin, so my mom and her sister (brides mother) got into a fight because my mom blamed her sister for allowing those invitations to go out. (Actually I think she called her some thing like "opportunistic trailer trash" but this is a family site.)

I guess a lot of the family (I have a very large family) must have been very vocal about this because my cousin ran around claiming they were only "suggestions". My 78 year old great aunt said "Honey, that's why God invented bridal registry's"

I'm telling you guys if you are ever bored, search my user name and go back last summer. My entire family spent the whole summer begging for money.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm in agreement with the majority: tacky!

These folks should have the wedding that they CAN AFFORD, not the one they wish they could afford. They'll be just as married whether they spend a couple hundred or a hundred thousand.

 

[alexandria674]

Very Tacky.

 

[tigercat]

My dd's future il's gave her and her df one of these before her wedding. I was not happy about it as I thought they were going to throw her a shower instead. I did not pay the entrance fee and did not play any game. My dh & I had paid for the entire wedding even if it was on a budget. My dd was fine with everything and it was not her idea. The il's also only gave them the profit on this. They took all the money, paid for all the materials (like any food ect) and then gave them the rest. I was livid. The people that did come thought that they were going to be giving to the bride and groom not the il's. They figured it was in place of the shower that they had said they were going to give them but I guess they couldn't have recouped any of the money they spent on the shower if they had only given them a shower. My side of the family had a small shower and did not keep some of the gifts as payment. Since then though I have noticed that almost all of the people getting married have at least one of the types of "showers". I have never been and don't plan on going.
tigercat

 

[C.Ann]

Just when you thought you have heard every possible "Me, me, me" scenario there is, someone comes up with a new one..

Couples should have the type of wedding they can afford - without expecting everyone and their brother to chip in to pay for it..

 

[FireDancer]

This is even more tacky than a dollar dance.

 

[Scurvy]

Wow, that is incredibly tacky. I'm used to people doing things like that as charity fundraisers for people who have a serious illness and can't afford the treatment on their own, or for the surviving family of people like firefighters who have died. I see nothing wrong with that at all. But honestly, if you can't afford to get married without having a charity fundraiser to pay for it, you shouldn't be getting married at all.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'd heard of a "Jack & Jill" before but thought the term just referred to a bridal-style shower for both men and women.

Same here! In all my time planning our wedding (had a 2+ year engagement, ugh) I only heard of the type described here
. I can't help but that that, like the change of meaning of the word "babymoon" (originally used to describe the time AFTER baby comes when friends/family are kept away so the mom and dad and brothers/sisters can all moon over the baby...now somehow being meant as getting away BEFORE baby comes (which isn't really getting away from baby at all)), this is a change in meaning by people who just want to get money.

I wouldn't assume that any future Jack and Jill invites will mean this...

This is even more tacky than a dollar dance.

I would never have had a money dance, but in the one wedding that I attended where they had it, EVERYONE loved it...the guests would have rebelled if they hadn't done it! Totally cultural thing on both sides...bride was Minnesotan where they grew up with money dances, groom was Mexican and grew up with money dances...they would have had one even if they didn't intend to have one, b/c some people brought their OWN pins to pin the money on her gown!

There are heavy cultural things, and as long as those things are done inside of that culture, all is well. But when you change the tradition, or the meaning, or take something outside of the culture (like...describing some midwestern weddings where guests might get separate invites to the ceremony, the dinner, and the dance is very hard!), then things seem tacky.



But I absolutely do think that the OP's received invite is tacky, but I don't think it was the original meaning of a J&J party.

 

[maslex]

Wow, it truly must be a regional thing. These types of parties are very common in my area. Instead of a separate bridal shower and stag party, a lot of couples opt to do a "Jack & Jill".

If you think about it, men buy tickets to stags all the time and when they get there, they usually buys drinks and raffle tickets. The money that is raised is normally handed to the groom. How is that any different than a Jack & Jill?

Usually I see J&J tickets on sale for like $15 per person or $25 per couple. This will usually cover your meal that I'm sure will be served. Plus you have entertainment (usually a band or DJ). And all the ones that I've been to, I know some of the $$$ goes towards paying for the buffet & DJ, then the rest goes to the bride/groom.

Like I said, it must be a regional thing. I say, pay the $10...go eat and dance for that $10 and enjoy the night. You don't have to buy any raffle tickets or play games if you don't want.

 

[Scurvy]

If you think about it, men buy tickets to stags all the time and when they get there, they usually buys drinks and raffle tickets. The money that is raised is normally handed to the groom. How is that any different than a Jack & Jill?

That must be a regional thing too. I've never known anyone who would do such a thing. I still think it's really tacky - you just shouldn't ask your friends to give you money. It's rude. If you want to have an event then you should host an event. As the host, you shouldn't be asking your guests to pay for it.

Your wedding festivities should not be turned into a fundraiser.