Jack and Jill question

[dcassetta]

Some friends of ours got married about two years ago. They were both in their early 40s and had never been married before, so they already had everything they needed for their home. Like many people do these days they had a wedding website, including information about their wedding registry. On that page it was very clear they just wanted people to celebrate their wedding and did not want gifts. However, I think people often want to celebrate weddings and rather than give people things they did not need, they had a honeymoon fund. They decided to have their honeymoon on a DCL cruise, not surprising for Disney fans. There “registry” items were experiences like a champagne toast, a romantic dinner, watching the fireworks. I thought it was a nice way to celebrate their wedding and send them a little something if you'd like to.

 

[aprilgail]

I spent less on the raffle tickets and the 50/50 than I would have on a gift. It’s not my thing but they already own a house and didn’t need to register so they opted for a Jack and Jill. I think it must be regional because they are fairly common by me.

Jack and Jills are totally common- I had one for my daughters bridal shower but I would NEVER put out baskets and sell the guests raffle tickets- to me that is totally tacky.

 

[Nancyg56]

Depending on where it is at. Op said she was invited by fb. Maybe this is at someone’s house in the backyard . Have been to one of those too. Another was at a pool hall they had baskets.

Most Jack and Jill’s here is a dance , cash bar and you buy a ticket to go. Anyone can go bring your friends . Really it’s to raise money for the bride and groom. Games , baskets etc are extra.

In my area they are really common, The gift baskets are like silent auction things. I like them, but if I did not I simply would not go.

So what if you have no interest in the gift baskets being raffled off?

You dont have to buy the tickets for the raffles.

This sounds unnecessarily complicated, I hope it's more enjoyable than it sounds.

They can be a lot of fun.

Jack and Jills are totally common- I had one for my daughters bridal shower but I would NEVER put out baskets and sell the guests raffle tickets- to me that is totally tacky.

It;s a regional thing I believe. We hosted a Jack and Jill shower for my son and his bride. We did not sell tickets, and had no raffles. We had a band and dinner and invited our family and friends.

I dont think that it is tacky to have a J&J, they are really common in my area. If people dont choose to buy a ticket, they just dont.

 

[_19disnA]

I think it is more common now to invite men to the shower where in the past it was primarily a party for the women. Inviting people to a shower on FB (or any social media) seems impersonal & tacky. You can simply choose to not attend. Most likely you would purchase raffle tickets when you arrive and I doubt anyone else attending would know how much/little others have purchased.

 

[Skippy918]

The only time I have seen raffle tickets or silent auctions is for non profit or school booster fundraisers. Never seen this at a bridal shower. Would lottery/raffle laws apply or not since it’s a private event?

 

[HopperFan]

Jack and Jills are totally common- I had one for my daughters bridal shower but I would NEVER put out baskets and sell the guests raffle tickets- to me that is totally tacky.

It;s a regional thing I believe. We hosted a Jack and Jill shower for my son and his bride. We did not sell tickets, and had no raffles. We had a band and dinner and invited our family and friends.

So I guess the question here is ... what is a Jack & Jill? I assumed from the original post it was a "bridal shower" that includes fundraising, raffles, baskets, etc.

If you are saying that Jack & Jill only means a co-ed shower, then I would say they are very common these days. My DD has one put on by their MOH & a groomsman BUT they only invited friends aka young people.

I think it is the whole raffle, fundraising part that many have never heard of, or are uncomfortable with.

 

[Nancyg56]

So I guess the question here is ... what is a Jack & Jill? I assumed from the original post it was a "bridal shower" that includes fundraising, raffles, baskets, etc.

If you are saying that Jack & Jill only means a co-ed shower, then I would say they are very common these days. My DD has one put on by their MOH & a groomsman BUT they only invited friends aka young people.

I think it is the whole raffle, fundraising part that many have never heard of, or are comfortable with.

In my area, a Jack and Jill is a kind of party. Tickets are sold and the cost usually includes a buffet meal and sometimes bear and wine. There may be a cash bar. A lot of times family and friends make the food and desserts.

There are generally raffles held, and they include baskets and many times one or two large ticket items, as well as a 50-50 raffle. No one cares if you buy tickets to those or not. This is a party intended to raise money for the couple, but is also a fun time. It is a normal occurrence where I live.

I did not do that when I hosted a party for my son and his wife. No tickets, no raffles. We had a family style meal, a band, a wine fountain and an open bar. I wanted a party for him because they were not having a regular shower and my family had a distance to travel to come, so I invited everyone. It really was a kind of shower but this was before you normally saw couples at showers.

Honestly, if someone is not comfortable with this kind of J&J event, they can always opt out. I refused to host or participate with one for my oldest. His spouse wanted the J&J I described above, but Donny was not that guy who attended them for others. He really did not like stags, so he did not go to any other than close family, so for me it was inappropriate. We hosted a lovely shower for his wife.

 

[disneychrista]

To expand on my What if you don't want the raffle prize. I guess I am curious if you are then expected to give the couple ca$h anyway?

Showers, weddings and similar are not something I have any experience with, so I don't know what the "rules" for these things are.

 

[NAB]

I think it is more common now to invite men to the shower where in the past it was primarily a party for the women. Inviting people to a shower on FB (or any social media) seems impersonal & tacky. You can simply choose to not attend. Most likely you would purchase raffle tickets when you arrive and I doubt anyone else attending would know how much/little others have purchased.

True no one is doing a tally of how much is spend. You buy or you don’t. Most people do because they know it goes to the couple.

Some people buy a ticket and don’t go to show support to the couple. You can go and spend nothing I have seen that too…lol No one will know.

 

[prairie_girl]

Never heard of this before either and I doubt too many people here will have experience with what is probably just a novel idea they came up with on their own as an alternative to just brazenly saying “cash gifts only please”. Be prepared to just go with the flow and yes, if it were me, I’d plan to give the equivalent to whatever amount I would have spent on a gift.

Have a nice time!

You’ve never heard of a wedding social? They originated here in the Peg!

 

[mjkacmom]

This sounds unnecessarily complicated, I hope it's more enjoyable than it sounds.

We don’t have them here for showers, but it’s seems like it’s just a tricky tray, which is a VERY common

 

[DisneyHardin]

It's always so interesting to learn about what is common in different parts of the country. I've never heard of a Jack & Jill party. Showers that include men are getting more popular here, but are generally called "Couple's Showers" and are more like traditional bridal showers except that they are often barbecues where people bring gifts.

 

[Nancyg56]

To expand on my What if you don't want the raffle prize. I guess I am curious if you are then expected to give the couple ca$h anyway?

Showers, weddings and similar are not something I have any experience with, so I don't know what the "rules" for these things are.

Not usually. The way you channel money to the couple is through the raffles if you choose to purchase. There are 50-50 raffles most of the time, and if you really want to contribute you buy those tickets and then give the prize to the couple. I am a terrible winner so I never buy that raffle ticket, I want my prize! LOL! There can be peerish pressure to give it up and if i win, I just dont want to. Ill take the wine basket please! LOL!

 

[soccerdad72]

It's always so interesting to learn about what is common in different parts of the country. I've never heard of a Jack & Jill party. Showers that include men are getting more popular here, but are generally called "Couple's Showers" and are more like traditional bridal showers except that they are often barbecues where people bring gifts.

Where I grew up, I've heard them referred to as 'Stag and Drag'

 

[LoveDaisy]

Not usually. The way you channel money to the couple is through the raffles if you choose to purchase. There are 50-50 raffles most of the time, and if you really want to contribute you buy those tickets and then give the prize to the couple. I am a terrible winner so I never buy that raffle ticket, I want my prize! LOL! There can be peerish pressure to give it up and if i win, I just dont want to. Ill take the wine basket please! LOL!

That is interesting I have never been to one where the person who won the raffle prize didn’t keep it, I have not seen anyone give the prize to the couple. Regional traditions are super interesting.

 

[ronandannette]

You’ve never heard of a wedding social? They originated here in the Peg!

Heard of? Yes, vaguely. Every region may have their own version. There's not really any similar tradition here in Alberta. Grooms have a stag party and brides have a bridal shower, and of course over about the last 20 years or so, a bachelorette (think rowdy, booze-laden night on the town).

 

[prairie_girl]

Heard of? Yes, vaguely. Every region may have their own version. There's not really any similar tradition here in Alberta. Grooms have a stag party and brides have a bridal shower, and of course over about the last 20 years or so, a bachelorette (think rowdy, booze-laden night on the town).

Socials are 100% different than a shower or bachelor/bachelorette party.

It’s a big party with the specific goal of raising money for the engaged couple. Tickets are $10 and anyone can go. I’ve been to many socials where I didn’t know the bride or groom, just like I guarantee there were people at mine that didn’t know us.

It’s held in a community Center, or a hall of some sort. Depending on the space, it’s not unusual to have 100-200 people, or more. Theres a DJ playing music all night, too.

There are tickets for drinks, and people also walk around selling 50/50 tickets.

The biggest money maker is the silent auction. Typically, at a good social, you’ll have 15-20 prizes with things like small appliances and some gift cards, and hand towels, and small things like that.

There’s also a few big prizes that require a more expensive ticket to win. Things like big TVs, or BBQs, or fire pits.

Around midnight the food comes out. It’s meats, and cheeses, and chips, and pickles, and always rye bread. There’s also tea and coffee available. Social food is a thing all on its own.

A good social is so much fun. It’s a great way to spend a Saturday night, and doesn’t have to cost more than $10 if you don’t drink or buy auction tickets.

 

[NAB]

Socials are 100% different than a shower or bachelor/bachelorette party.

It’s a big party with the specific goal of raising money for the engaged couple. Tickets are $10 and anyone can go. I’ve been to many socials where I didn’t know the bride or groom, just like I guarantee there were people at mine that didn’t know us.

It’s held in a community Center, or a hall of some sort. Depending on the space, it’s not unusual to have 100-200 people, or more. Theres a DJ playing music all night, too.

There are tickets for drinks, and people also walk around selling 50/50 tickets.

The biggest money maker is the silent auction. Typically, at a good social, you’ll have 15-20 prizes with things like small appliances and some gift cards, and hand towels, and small things like that.

There’s also a few big prizes that require a more expensive ticket to win. Things like big TVs, or BBQs, or fire pits.

Around midnight the food comes out. It’s meats, and cheeses, and chips, and pickles, and always rye bread. There’s also tea and coffee available. Social food is a thing all on its own.

A good social is so much fun. It’s a great way to spend a Saturday night, and doesn’t have to cost more than $10 if you don’t drink or buy auction tickets.

Yes this !

 

[_19disnA]

Socials are 100% different than a shower or bachelor/bachelorette party.

It’s a big party with the specific goal of raising money for the engaged couple. Tickets are $10 and anyone can go. I’ve been to many socials where I didn’t know the bride or groom, just like I guarantee there were people at mine that didn’t know us.

Maybe some details were omitted, but why would anyone attend a party for someone they don't even know or do you just like to go to parties? That seems a bit strange to me and how would you have known a party was taking place?

I have never heard of the term 'social', but perhaps a regional thing.

 

[HopperFan]

Maybe some details were omitted, but why would anyone attend a party for someone they don't even know or do you just like to go to parties? That seems a bit strange to me and how would you have known a party was taking place?

I have never heard of the term 'social', but perhaps a regional thing.

Yeah, if I am going to a fundraiser it is because I have an affiliation or connection to the organization. Going to a fundraiser for random people ... is something I just don't understand.