Melora
Disney Dreaming
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2003
- Messages
- 2,556
My cousins who lives in Oklahoma City and survived the May 1999 twisters sent this to me.....
Tornado Season is upon us again.
For those of you who aren't familiar with tornadoes and have
heard news coverage of this, Here is a short glossary to help you
understand.
Fujita Scale: Scale used to measure wind speeds of a tornado and
their severity.
F1: Laughable little string of wind unless it comes through your house,
then enough to make your insurance company drop you like a brick.
People enjoy standing on their porches to watch this kind.
F2: Strong enough to blow your car into your house, unless of
course you drive an Expedition and live in a mobile home, then strong
enough to blow your house into your car.
F3: Will pick your house and your Expedition up and move you to the
other side of town.
F4: Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide, this tornado can turn
an Expedition into a Pinto, then gift wrap it in a semi truck.
F5: The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as well stand on your front
porch and watch it, because it's probably going to be quite a last sight.
Meteorologist: A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person
until severe weather strikes, and they start yelling at you through the TV:
"TAKE COVER NOW!!! GET TO YOUR BATHROOM OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"
These people are famous for telling you "The storm is traveling along, and 5 miles either side of a line from.. (2 places you've never heard of !)"
Storm Chaser: Meteorologist-rejects who are pretty much insane but get us really cool pictures of tornadoes. We release them from the mental institution every time it starts thundering, just to see what they'll do.
Tranquilizer: What you have to give any dog or cat who lived
through the May 3rd, 1999 tornado spree, every time it storms or they tear your whole house up - freaking out of their minds.
Moore, Oklahoma: A favorite gathering place for tornados. They like to
meet here and do a little partying before stretching out across the rest of
the Midwest.
Bathtub: Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado,
mostly because after you're covered with debris, you can quickly wash off
and come out looking great.
Severe Weather Radio: A handy device that sends out messages from
the National Weather Service during a storm, though quite
disconcerting because the high pitched, shrill noise just as an alarm sounds suspiciously just like a
tornado. Plus the guy reading the report just sounds creepy.
Tornado Siren: A system the city spent millions to install, which is
really useful, unless there's a storm or a tornado, because then of course you
can't hear them, or they don't work because the tornado has already taken out
the powerlines.
Storm Cellar: A great place to go during a tornado, as it is
almost 100% safe, though weigh your options carefully, as most are not
cared for and are homes to spiders and snakes and rats.
May-June: Tourist season in Oklahoma and Kansas, when people who are
tired of bungee jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it might be fun to
chase a tornado. These people usually end up on Fear Factor, or a marble slab.
Barometric Pressure: Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops
a lot of pregnant women go into labor, which makes for exciting moments as
their husbands are trying to drive them to the hospital and dodge tornadoes at
the same time.
Cars: The worst place to be during a tornado (next to a mobile home).
Yes, you can out run a tornado in your car...unless everybody on the road
decides to do the same thing, and then you're in grid lock. Sell your KIA, YUGO or
HYNDUI sized cars (unless you prefer a coffin with stereo & airbags)
A Ditch: Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find yourself
without shelter or in your car during a tornado. Theoretically the tornado is
supposed to pass right over you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck and
up root a three hundred year old tree, I'd bet my life on out-running it in a car.
Mobile Home: Most people are convinced mobile homes send off some
strange signal that triggers tornadoes, because if there's one mobile home park
in a hundred mile radius, the tornado will find it.
Twister: Slang for 'tornado' and also the title to a movie starring
Helen Hunt, which incidentally everyone thought was corny and unrealistic until
May 3rd, 1999.
Power Flash: One of the most reliable ways to track a tornado at night,
it's the term used when the tornado hits a power line and a bright light
flashes. It's also the emotion experienced by meteorologists when they get to make
the call to interrupt prime-time must-see TV. and a million dollars worth of
advertising to track a storm for viewers.
****** Here are some phrases you might want to learn and be familiar
with:
1 "We'll have your electricity restored in 24 hours," which means it'll
be a week.
2. "We're going to be out for a week, so buy a lot of supplies and
an expensive generator," means it's going to be on in twelve hours,
probably as soon as you return from Wal-Mart.
3 "It's a little muggy today." == Get outta town. It's getting ready
to storm
"There's a 50% chance of severe weather today." == Go ahead
and make your outdoor plans Break out the tanning oil, beer, and send the kids to the
park.
4. MAY - 5th month of the year, so-named for the fact that you MAY still
have a house &/or car by the end of the month.
5. TORNADO WATCH - When it's muggy, 70+ degrees, and the wind dies.
6. TORNADO WARNING - When EVERYONE meets outside and has their eyes to the sky and
some radio station "expert weather spotter" sees a wisp of cloud (need not be rotating) hanging down from a cloud at 13,000
feet and reports a "TORNADO ON THE GROUND"
7, TORNADO ON THE GROUND - Your neighbors expedition and his mobile home
are seen leaving the neighborhood
Tornado Season is upon us again.
For those of you who aren't familiar with tornadoes and have
heard news coverage of this, Here is a short glossary to help you
understand.
Fujita Scale: Scale used to measure wind speeds of a tornado and
their severity.
F1: Laughable little string of wind unless it comes through your house,
then enough to make your insurance company drop you like a brick.
People enjoy standing on their porches to watch this kind.
F2: Strong enough to blow your car into your house, unless of
course you drive an Expedition and live in a mobile home, then strong
enough to blow your house into your car.
F3: Will pick your house and your Expedition up and move you to the
other side of town.
F4: Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide, this tornado can turn
an Expedition into a Pinto, then gift wrap it in a semi truck.
F5: The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as well stand on your front
porch and watch it, because it's probably going to be quite a last sight.
Meteorologist: A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person
until severe weather strikes, and they start yelling at you through the TV:
"TAKE COVER NOW!!! GET TO YOUR BATHROOM OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"
These people are famous for telling you "The storm is traveling along, and 5 miles either side of a line from.. (2 places you've never heard of !)"
Storm Chaser: Meteorologist-rejects who are pretty much insane but get us really cool pictures of tornadoes. We release them from the mental institution every time it starts thundering, just to see what they'll do.
Tranquilizer: What you have to give any dog or cat who lived
through the May 3rd, 1999 tornado spree, every time it storms or they tear your whole house up - freaking out of their minds.
Moore, Oklahoma: A favorite gathering place for tornados. They like to
meet here and do a little partying before stretching out across the rest of
the Midwest.
Bathtub: Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado,
mostly because after you're covered with debris, you can quickly wash off
and come out looking great.
Severe Weather Radio: A handy device that sends out messages from
the National Weather Service during a storm, though quite
disconcerting because the high pitched, shrill noise just as an alarm sounds suspiciously just like a
tornado. Plus the guy reading the report just sounds creepy.
Tornado Siren: A system the city spent millions to install, which is
really useful, unless there's a storm or a tornado, because then of course you
can't hear them, or they don't work because the tornado has already taken out
the powerlines.
Storm Cellar: A great place to go during a tornado, as it is
almost 100% safe, though weigh your options carefully, as most are not
cared for and are homes to spiders and snakes and rats.
May-June: Tourist season in Oklahoma and Kansas, when people who are
tired of bungee jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it might be fun to
chase a tornado. These people usually end up on Fear Factor, or a marble slab.
Barometric Pressure: Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops
a lot of pregnant women go into labor, which makes for exciting moments as
their husbands are trying to drive them to the hospital and dodge tornadoes at
the same time.
Cars: The worst place to be during a tornado (next to a mobile home).
Yes, you can out run a tornado in your car...unless everybody on the road
decides to do the same thing, and then you're in grid lock. Sell your KIA, YUGO or
HYNDUI sized cars (unless you prefer a coffin with stereo & airbags)
A Ditch: Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find yourself
without shelter or in your car during a tornado. Theoretically the tornado is
supposed to pass right over you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck and
up root a three hundred year old tree, I'd bet my life on out-running it in a car.
Mobile Home: Most people are convinced mobile homes send off some
strange signal that triggers tornadoes, because if there's one mobile home park
in a hundred mile radius, the tornado will find it.
Twister: Slang for 'tornado' and also the title to a movie starring
Helen Hunt, which incidentally everyone thought was corny and unrealistic until
May 3rd, 1999.
Power Flash: One of the most reliable ways to track a tornado at night,
it's the term used when the tornado hits a power line and a bright light
flashes. It's also the emotion experienced by meteorologists when they get to make
the call to interrupt prime-time must-see TV. and a million dollars worth of
advertising to track a storm for viewers.
****** Here are some phrases you might want to learn and be familiar
with:
1 "We'll have your electricity restored in 24 hours," which means it'll
be a week.
2. "We're going to be out for a week, so buy a lot of supplies and
an expensive generator," means it's going to be on in twelve hours,
probably as soon as you return from Wal-Mart.
3 "It's a little muggy today." == Get outta town. It's getting ready
to storm
"There's a 50% chance of severe weather today." == Go ahead
and make your outdoor plans Break out the tanning oil, beer, and send the kids to the
park.
4. MAY - 5th month of the year, so-named for the fact that you MAY still
have a house &/or car by the end of the month.
5. TORNADO WATCH - When it's muggy, 70+ degrees, and the wind dies.
6. TORNADO WARNING - When EVERYONE meets outside and has their eyes to the sky and
some radio station "expert weather spotter" sees a wisp of cloud (need not be rotating) hanging down from a cloud at 13,000
feet and reports a "TORNADO ON THE GROUND"
7, TORNADO ON THE GROUND - Your neighbors expedition and his mobile home
are seen leaving the neighborhood
. I get it now 
. Thanks for the 
