Its taken me awhile to get up the nerve to post this, but..

[Scraper]

Sorry you have to go through this. Stay tough and do mot let him call the shots. However as hard as it might be I would say try and let your family know not to put him down in front of the kids. He is there Dad and even though he has messed up with you he may one day come to his senses and be a good Dad. It is very hard on children to here bad things about their parents. I wish you the best.

 

[Honu]

I'm so sorry. Go get an attorney now. Do not wait to talk to your Mom. Things happen and your Ex is already not behaving like himself. Just as you are getting advice, he is getting advice too.

While I'm in a different state, I have processed many wage garnishments for spousal/child support. I think it must be mandatory when the court orders it in California. With the garnishments the employee often ended up with less than 50% of their net pay, especially when there was more than one child. So your Ex is in for a big surprise and it's probably going to get very ugly.

I'm so sorry you and the girls are going through this.

 

[luvmyboys]

So sorry this is happening to you & your girls. Lots of great advice given-- I hope it helps you sort through your options. Don't let him get away with more than he already has!

 

[ktink]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I have a very dear friend that just went through this and he swore there wasn't anyone else. Turns out there was and they had just celebrated their 17th anniversary.

I really wish you the best through all of this and you really sound like you've got it together. The kids really need you now especially w/ him not being there for them. As others have advised do go to your family as you will need all the help and support that you can get. You will be in my prayers.

 

[Micca]

I'm sorry you and your children have to go through this.

 

[mrsheppo]

I often think of you and your adorable little girls. Stay strong, get a good attorney and hold your head up high. You are a survivor.

 

[Art Vandalay]

Sorry that you have to go through this. It's not fun for anyone

As far as advice, one thing I'll say is make sure you take care of yourself. You need to be taken care of in order to take care of your kids. Also, having a friend who will give you a straight, honest opinion (not just what you want to hear) is invaluable when in the middle of a divorce. There are plenty of times when you certainly will not be thinking straight.

I sincerely hope that everything works out for the best. Good luck with it all. Final piece of advice... vent away when you need to. It helps

 

[dzorn]

I am so sorry. PLEASE do not move out until you have seen a lawyer. There are potential legal ramifications to this.

Definately check with a lawyer before you move out. I'll be praying for you.



Denise in MI

 

[dcentity2000]

{{{HUGS}}}



Rich::

 

[lucyanna girl]

I am so sorry, both for what you have been through and what you will go through in the future.

I have been there. It sucks. My sons were six and ten the night their father finished dinner, pushed back his plate, and announced "Supper was good, I'm leaving you!" (Never cooked that meal again, I can tell you.)

He did leave. He left my babies crying and begging him not to leave with not a tear on his part. I can also associate with the dis-connected attitude, it is self absorption. Nobody and nothing is important except him and what he wants. He is still that way, three marriages later.

I hate to tell you this but I will be VERY surprised if it doesn't turn out later that there is another woman. Very rarely does anyone decide after ten years (twelve in my case) that they are unhappy without someone pointing out to them how unhappy they are. My "best friend" turned out to be better friends with my ex than I was. One more reason I felt like a fool - my sister was out of town the night he announced he was leaving so I went to my best friend (her) and poured out my heart. He let me go and she cried with me.

Please, for your children's sake listen to everyone here and get a lawyer. Then do what she/he tells you to do. From now on it is your responsibility to stand up for your children. Can you really trust a someone who cares no more about their feelings than this man? Can you ever imagine hurting them like this? Well then, don't give him the chance to hurt them any more than he has.

Do NOT leave your home. It is your children's home too. I think your husband has a rude surprise waiting for him when the courts rule.

Get some counseling for your children and yourself. It is wonderfully cleansing to be able to tell someone the truth about how hurt and angry you are without having to hold back. I can look at my wonderful sons now and put my finger on the scars in their souls that their father put there. Thankfully there doesn't seem to be too much of him in their personalities. Both are happily married with sons of their own. I think they would cut off their arms before they hurt their little boys.

My heart hurts for you. Writing this has brought back feelings I haven't had for many years. You will get through this and you will be stronger for it. I'll feel better when you log on and post that you are mad at him. Getting mad is the first step toward healing.

PM me if I can help you in any way. Turn to the DIS when you need to vent. Build your support system of family and friends. You will learn that some people you thought were your friends are not and that some who you didn't know cared, do.



Penny

 

[OceanAnnie]

Oh man. I'm sorry. And I'm shocked. I always enjoyed your stories of family life. I wish it weren't so. It does sound like his mind is made up. I wish he were open to counseling. How could he be so willing to toss aside 10 years, a wife and his children?

You've gotten a lot of great advice. Keep your chin up. Be extra good to yourself and those beautiful girls.

 

[Blondy876]

I'm so sorry.

 

[Buckalew11]

Wow! I do not know how you feel about him at the moment but all I can think is how much better off you are going to be w/o that immature jerk. Any father who puts himself in front of his kids is pretty bad in my book.

I am so glad your family is able and willing to help.

You are gonna be fine! You sound strong and like you have a plan. I will say a prayer for you and the girls. This has got to be hard on them too. God bless you and I hope you get through this as best as you possibly can. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Annie68]

Get the Mama Bear out.

You said it exactly!!

 

[NMAmy]

Oh, Angela, honey, my heart is just breaking for you and your girls. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Getting a lawyer ASAP is the best advice. Your husband doesn't get to decide what he'll "give" you; the court does.

That detachment thing is pretty common. My ex did that, too--just became a totally different person than the guy I'd known for 15 years. My lawyer gave me some great advice. He told me, "This man is no longer your husband in his eyes. So don't let him give you advice on what to do. He does not have your or your dd's best interests at heart."

Angela, I've been there. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through but it made me into a much stronger person. I know it's pretty much impossible to believe right now but things WILL get better. I promise. The only bright part of this whole situation is that you're closer to your family. Let them help you.

If you ever need to vent or need to talk, I'm just a PM away.

 

[Bail&RiRi]

I can offer no legal advice. I can only tell you that I went through the same thing, only I was a little girl watching my parents get divorced. It has been over 30 years and it still hurts. I always felt (and still do sometimes) that I had done something wrong. Of course I didn't, but as a child I couldn't understand why a parent would treat their child that way. I WISH somebody had sat me down and said "your father is a jerk, you have every right to be angry at him". Unfortunately everybody felt it was better to not talk about it. I so wanted somebody to stick up for my brother and I, but nobody did. I was told that "he's just somebody who doesn't want to be married or have kids". This got me through until he remarried and had more kids.

My only advice, talk to your kids A LOT! Make them talk about their feelings, I know they will need a lot of help. Sadly, you can never make this pain go away. But if they know you and the rest of their family loves them and is there for them it will make a world of difference.

 

[GraysMom]

No advice, just .

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Hey, if you ever need to vent or talk a little more come see me in Niceville, I'm at Ruby's. My name is in my post. I'll buy lunch for your girls and you a drink. I know it's not much, but I'm a great listener. Blessings to all of you.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

 

[Poohnatic]

Angela, I am so very sorry that this man has hurt you in this way. I've been there, too. In my case, there were no kids.

You've got some great advice here. Disney Doll, as always, is the voice of reason-get that Momma Bear out for your precious girls. I am very thankful that this happened once you got back to Florida. If need be, someone can always hop in a car and drive up to you if neccessary.

Get that lawyer, don't leave that house and feel free to PM if you need someone to come sit with you and listen. You're about 7 hours away, but hey, I wanna see those nice north florida beaches.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You're already a strong woman-when this is all over, you'll make wonder woman look like a wimp.

Blessings to you and your angels.

Suzanne