Issue at Work, What Would You Do?

[Sthronds]

As a bit of background, I am a Christian. I am not overly vocal about this at work but everybody knows that I go to church and used to work in a Christian school. I have not once preached to anyone or been forceful about my faith. I am very open-minded and am accepting of all people and religions. I work with 12 women and generally just sit back and let people talk and not get involved in religious or political discussions. I am definitely in the minority here.

Today one of my bosses wore a gorgeous Indian outfit that she bought on her recent trip to India. She stood in the middle of the office and said "I was going to walk downtown but I am afraid that the Christians will think I am a Muslim and beat me up."

I was floored! I can't believe that she would say something so horrible! The others in the office just laughed and agreed while I sat in silence. I haven't said anything to anyone except my family and I don't know what to do. It greatly offended me that she would generalize Christians this way. I don't know whether I should say anything or not. As a boss, I respect her authority, but I don't respect her. What should I do?

 

[paigevz]

I'd do nothing, but that's me, I avoid conflict.

Okay, I just can't resist: that dog in the back in your siggy, looks like he's got a Moe haircut!

 

[eyeoreismyhero]

As a bit of background, I am a Christian. I am not overly vocal about this at work but everybody knows that I go to church and used to work in a Christian school. I have not once preached to anyone or been forceful about my faith. I am very open-minded and am accepting of all people and religions. I work with 12 women and generally just sit back and let people talk and not get involved in religious or political discussions. I am definitely in the minority here.

Today one of my bosses wore a gorgeous Indian outfit that she bought on her recent trip to India. She stood in the middle of the office and said "I was going to walk downtown but I am afraid that the Christians will think I am a Muslim and beat me up."

I was floored! I can't believe that she would say something so horrible! The others in the office just laughed and agreed while I sat in silence. I haven't said anything to anyone except my family and I don't know what to do. It greatly offended me that she would generalize Christians this way. I don't know whether I should say anything or not. As a boss, I respect her authority, but I don't respect her. What should I do?

I would tell her that I didn't appreciate it and thought it was off color, and leave it at that!

 

[Poohgirl]

Wow, I would have been offended if I heard that comment as well! Im not sure what I would do. I'm sure she could get in trouble for the inappropriateness of it, said in jest or not. I guess if it were me I would probably not say anything, although I would not look at her the same ever again. Unless I had a friendly enough relationship with her that I could tell her as a friend that something like that shouldnt be said in the office... with I could give you better input...

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, if you didn't say anything when it happened, to say something now would sort of be like dragging it back up.

I'd probably be prepared for the next time she makes a comment like that with a retort somewhere along the lines of "Not all Christians are like that, and since I am a Christian, does your making a comment like that make this a hostile work environment for me?" Then smile sweetly at her and go anout your business. She'll have gotten your point.

I'd also keep in the back of my mind the kind of person I worked for.

 

[salmoneous]

You can't let that go. Almost all the time when people say stuff like that, they think they are just joking and that nobody will take them seriously or get offended. You owe it to yourself - and to your boss! - to let her know that you were offended.

I absolutely wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I'd speak up and say something.

 

[minniecarousel]

I know it took you by surprise, but honestly - the time to respond was when it was said. I agree, to say anything now would be dredging it up. Now that you know how she feels, you'll be prepared for her next inappropriate comment. And yes, it is causing a hostile work environment for you, so you'll need to decide if you want to talk to her privately about such comments.

 

[salmoneous]

Well, if you didn't say anything when it happened, to say something now would sort of be like dragging it back up.

I'd probably be prepared for the next time she makes a comment like that with a retort somewhere along the lines of "Not all Christians are like that, and since I am a Christian, does your making a comment like that make this a hostile work environment for me?" Then smile sweetly at her and go anout your business. She'll have gotten your point.

Now I may be wrong here, but I *STRONGLY* disagree with this advice. As someone who used to be "the boss", I'd have no problem with somebody coming to me after the fact and saying, "I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but the other day, when you made that comment about Christians and Muslims, it upset me." On the other hand, if somebody waited around and zinged me with a hostile comment like the one above, it would seriously put me in confrontational mode with this employee for the rest of our working relationship.

 

[sharbear]

First of all, most Indians are not Muslims, they are Hindu or Sikhs. People from Pakistan are Muslim. Not only did she make a completely appropriate comment, she is also wrong!

I think that I would have to say something. It insults not Christians but people of all faiths.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I, too, believe that it is too late to address what occured. The time was then. For an example, around Christmas an employee who claims to be a Christian was walking through the office. As he was walking he said something along the lines of, "people who don't believe in Jesus are heathens." As soon as I heard it I called him into my office (he is not one of my subordinates) and told him that he needs to be mindful of the things he says in the office. We may not know every workers religious affiilation, and we don't know the religion of any guests we might have in the office. I also mentioned that the next time he made such a comment, I would be informing his supervisor. So far, I haven't head any more comments.

And just as an aside, I am a Christian as well.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

First of all, most Indians are not Muslims, they are Hindu or Sikhs. People from Pakistan are Muslim. Not only did she make a completely appropriate comment, she is also wrong!

I think that I would have to say something. It insults not Christians but people of all faiths.

Also, the clothes are nothing alike. So she is ignorant on many levels.

 

[Sthronds]

First of all, most Indians are not Muslims, they are Hindu or Sikhs. People from Pakistan are Muslim. Not only did she make a completely appropriate comment, she is also wrong!

I think that I would have to say something. It insults not Christians but people of all faiths.

I have to say that when the comment was made, not only was I offended, but also confused about the same issue! I know that most Indian's are not Muslims and I assume she must know that too but I think she was also trying to say a little something about the intelligence and worldview of Christians. She might have been saying that we wouldn't know the difference. I don't know, maybe she is just clueless.

She is not a woman that I want to work for long term but she has given me a great opportunity to learn a new career and I am not ready to leave yet. I can work peacefully with her if she shows me respect in the future. Still not sure what to do about the current situation but I am taking all your advice to heart and I appreciate it.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'd do nothing.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Now I may be wrong here, but I *STRONGLY* disagree with this advice. As someone who used to be "the boss", I'd have no problem with somebody coming to me after the fact and saying, "I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but the other day, when you made that comment about Christians and Muslims, it upset me." On the other hand, if somebody waited around and zinged me with a hostile comment like the one above, it would seriously put me in confrontational mode with this employee for the rest of our working relationship.

I agree. I think it would be best to talk to your boss privately and put it in the context of not wanting to make a big deal out of it the other day in front of your coworkers.

Also, I would start a journal with dates of when things were said and meetings. You probably will never need it. I'm hopeful that your boss will see the error of her ways. But, if this kind of thing becomes a pattern, you'll have some documentation.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Now I may be wrong here, but I *STRONGLY* disagree with this advice. As someone who used to be "the boss", I'd have no problem with somebody coming to me after the fact and saying, "I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but the other day, when you made that comment about Christians and Muslims, it upset me." On the other hand, if somebody waited around and zinged me with a hostile comment like the one above, it would seriously put me in confrontational mode with this employee for the rest of our working relationship.

ITA. Addressing it, even after the fact, is better than letting it eat away at you. I agree to do it as a friendly one on one. I had a couple of co-workers address a minority issue this way with an individual that seriously out-ranked them. They were not confrontational and handled it professionally. It was taken professionally, kept out of HR and the entire issue was resolved. And BTW, it definitely happened numerous days after the fact.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

It would be better to address something like this in private with your boss. Gather your thoughts and prepare yourself to present it appropriately. Explain that as a Christian you were bothered by the comment and wanted to assure the boss that not all Christians think that way. Give her time to apologize and if she does, graciously accept it.

I agree with the others who said not to let this eat away at you and ruin your work relationship.

 

[Maleficent13]

I agree with T_M. I do not think it would have been appropriate to say something in front of all the other workers...she would have been embarrassed and that would not have been good for you. The time to say something is now, privately, and in as non-confrontational a way as possible.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't think that we can give out good advice here, because this definately depends on the boss and all the other people involved.

However, I will say that I would not be at all surprized. This is something that you may have to learn to get used to.

With all the emphasis on being accepting and respectful and all the political correctness these days. Christian bashing is still completely acceptable. It is, in fact, the only form of prejudice and bigotry that is allowed and encouraged.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

One more thought... if/when you do talk to the boss, I would avoid using the phrase "hostile work environment." That is a loaded phrase that could escalate the issue greatly. I would stick with something like "As a Christian myself, I was concerned about the statement you made the other day. I just wanted to tell you that we are not all that way. Generalizations are often not totally accurate." She can (hopefully) get your point and adjust her speech in the future.

Most likely she was just trying to be funny and said the first thing that came into her head. Or it was something that sounded funnier in her head than it did in reality.

 

[Zoiebear]

I would say nothing, because most management hold their superiority highly and would make a big deal of it. Even though it was inappropriate, you would be wrong or black balled for pointing that out
Stacie