is this weird?

[smidgy]

If she gets mad at where you shop and is that petty you have bigger issues then the dress I think

she wouldn't get "mad" she is a lovely girl.. not petty at all. I am so happy that she fell in love with my son!
I just don't want to hurt her feelings.

Smidgy, I would go w/ your first instinct. You may get 50 different responses that it's something to brag about, no big deal, people shouldn't be so materialistic, etc. . . . but this is the beginning of hopefully a lifelong relationship and you don't want to start off feeling uncomfortable, especially on a day that already has enough stress and expectations as it is. You want to relax and enjoy the time as much as possible. I would come up with a prepared answer so you don't feel rushed to come up with one. It does not have to be a lie and you've gotten several options for that already. The fact is, the store "Goodwill" just has negative connotations with it for most (not ALL) people as a place to buy hand-me-downs, not important event items. I have no problem with it, but there are those who may react negatively or snidely and give you vibes when you say it and you don't need that on such a day, even though it would be rude of them to do so. You also don't want to feel bad about your new daughter-in-law possibly being embarrassed or wondering how much you valued the day to spend on it so little (obviously you do care a LOT to be asking this question).

Good luck, congrats on your new family member and ENJOY!!!

this. thank you for understanding. not so much that she would be embarrassed.. I don't think she would be, she is very down-to earth. I fear she might wonder how much I valued the day, the 2nd part of the sentance. I don't want her to feel "second hand". you know, used dress, used husband, etc. like I don't think this is very important or exciting, or thrilling even. (ps, I don't find it all that thrilling and exciting, the whole "big" wedding thing. but she doesn't need to know that. I find their whole MARRIAGE VERY exciting and thrilling. the wedding? not so much. but I would never let her know that, giddy Brides just think everyone is SO excited, and they have a right to)

 

[delmar411]

is this dress so fabulous that they are going to ask you about it or something?

I guess I'm confused. I have no idea where my MIL got her dress from or my mom for my wedding and I don't particularly care. I'd have to look at pictures to even remember what my MIL was wearing and I think my mom was wearing a 'little black dress' but I'd have to check pictures to be sure.

I'm sure they have a lot more on their minds then where you got your dress from.

But if they do ask then I'd just say you picked it up for a steal someplace and leave it at that.

 

[3boymthr]

I totally get where you are coming from - from your DIL's perspective. I got married many many years ago and always felt hurt that my MIL just grabbed an everyday dress out of her closet to wear (and there was absolutely nothing special about the dress - it was something you'd wear for hanging around the house). I always felt like she felt that I wouldn't be around long so why make the effort (Ha! That joke's on her 20+ years later). It wasn't like she didn't have time to shop for a dress (we were engaged for over a year) or the money I just got the impression she just didn't feel like it was worth the bother. At least you went the trouble of going out and buying a dress specifically for the day.

I'd say you could go with looking at the designer. You'd not be lying but you'd also not be saying "well you weren't worth the effort of finding a special dress." Or you could say that you got it from a friend as goodwill is everyone's friend. However; they best thing to say is always the truth but pad it by saying "I'd been out looking all over for a great dress. I went to sooooo many shops and stopped in at Goodwill on my way home to check out if they had any (insert item you wear a lot of here) and there it was hanging in the window (or on the mannequin, etc.). I saw it and just knew it was the perfect dress for your special day. I was so excited when it was my size because I knew you'd like it." You don't have to tell her how much you paid for it. Everyone knows that there are bargains galore at Goodwill.

 

[DawnM]

Well, I am not sure I want to post this as some of you will conjure up all sorts of images in your mind....

but my WEDDING DRESS came from a thrift store!

I called the shop where it was made and the dresses start at $800 (back in '95) and went up to $5K.

There was a stain on the dress, probably coffee.

I got the dress for $50, soaked it in ALL in the sink and the stain came RIGHT OUT!

I spent $60 on alterations.

I got a lot of compliments on the dress. It really was a beautiful dress and very much my style.

Noone knew!

Dawn

 

[blackforest]

I see your point and meant no disrespect to your new daughter or the day! Just tell her, "I'm so glad that you like it! Today is such a wonderful day!"

 

[dimimi]

I would just say I borrowed it from a friend.

 

[smidgy]

no, the dress isn't fabulous or anything. and I don't mean "everyone", just the bride and her mom. since her mom and I did talk on the phone about dresses, and she told me all about what stores they went to, and how she's down to picking between 4, which they let her take home. and we all 3 talked about it, and I and the mother had both said, gee, we hope to lose weight by then, etcetc.
so I think there's a good chance one of the 2 will ask,
"nice dress! so where do you end up getting it, anyway?"

everyone else there who knows me will be surprised I'm not wearing tie-dye!

 

[krcit]

I'm not embarrassed; I'm actually proud of my thriftiness. I'm not cheap. Ill look for bargains, and yet spring for lunch with a friend, or buy a round of drinks.

the deal about telling the truth is: I don't want to hurt my new DIL's feelings. I don't want her to feel like, because it's my son's 2nd wedding, it's not important. ("why did you buy a new dress for his 1st wedding?") by the way, I bought the dress for the 1st wedding on a clearance rack for $30, which I thought was a good deal for a Mother of the Groom dress. I would wear it again (I mean, I don't display those pictures anymore), but ... um.. I don't fit in it anymore.
this day is a BIG deal to her, and to her mom. she is the first daughter to get married. the 2 of them shopped all over for a mother of the Bride dress, she chose 4 that they let her take home and think about it, she was thinking of ordering a dress, etc etc.
so I think it might sound , to them, like I just didn't care that much. otherwise, I would brag about the deal...actually, I DID brag about it all night at work last night at the restaurant.

I understand your reasoning completely and think it's very sweet. How about saying you got the dress online? You could say something like "I'm not sure whcih website because I looked at so many." Just an idea.

 

[SunnieRN]

I would say that you were so happy to find someone at work who had bought the dress, 'outgrew it', before she could wear it, and when it fit you perfectly, you were SO excited as it was the perfect dress for the event.

 

[momofrrr]

I would search and find it online....then say that I found it on the internet.....

 

[princessmom29]

I personally wouldn't care, but I also wore a secondhad wedding dress. I got a $1000 dress for $200, and it was already altered to fit my 5'2" self!

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think you are sweet to care about her feelings. I like the on-line idea. I am sure the thrift shop is somehow listed on the internet.

 

[Granfan]

I would not lie under any circumstances. I would just be evasive, change the subject, say I'ld rather not say...I think it's in bad taste to ask someone where they got something anyway. I really would never have the same feeling for someone If I found out later they had not told the truth. That's just me though.

 

[Melynny]

For my 3rd wedding I wore a 5.00 dress that I found at a yardsale. it fit me wonderfully, no one asked me where I got it, it looked fantastic and I still get compliments about how I looked that day. If someone would have asked me I think I would have told them the bargain that I got, but then that's me. I was proud of it.

However, I can totally see how you don't want to take away from your new DIL's day and make her think that you did not think enough of that day to purchase a new outfit. I'd say that you found it at a specialty shop and you were so pleased to find a bargain... that's it. AND THEN talk about how beautiful the bride is..

 

[wide awake]

IF it comes up...which it probably won't...I would tell DIL exactly what you've told us on the DIS. You found a lovely dress for a good price, you love and want to please your future DIL...how can you improve on that? Trust me, if you are evasive she will know.
I've had a horrid relationship w/ my MIL because she has never been honest. Don't start this way. You don't have to volunteer, but if asked tell the WHOLE truth...if she is what you say she is she will be happy for you.

 

[C.Ann]

If you're worried about starting off your relationship with her on the wrong foot, telling her a lie about where you got your dress is not a good idea..

I would not hesitate for one second to tell her the truth.. You were in the Goodwill store looking around for some bargains, spotted a dress, loved it, and bought it..

I've bought many, many clothes in thrift shops, Goodwill, garage sales, etc., and I have never, ever felt the need to lie to anyone about where they came from..

If she's as sweet as you say she is, she'll be happy for you - not upset..

 

[eyor44]

I would be evasive if she asks before the wedding. Tell her after. Then if she seems thoughtful or upset, you can explain how you were in there and knew it was perfect for the event. I think you are very thoughtful to look for the dress specifically for the wedding.

I never even gave a thought to where my MIL bought her's. I purchased my DM's and paid $40 for it. I wanted to make sure she had one that she would be able to wear again, so I bought her a nice Sunday dress that she would be comfortable in.

 

[smidgy]

thank you all for your replies and suggestions. after further thought (based on a lot of posts) I never was a very good liar. I sputter, avoid eye contact, mix up my stories, etc.

I like the idea about being evasive on that day, (if asked, another poster was right in that I probably won't be asked;
...well, maybe my other DIL will ask, I've known her since she and my other son were high school sweethearts... but, I digress...)
then if it ever comes up again, 'fess up, saying I was looking for something else and came across it. (I DID buy a $5 sun dress for disney)
anyhoo! I still am so excited about spending $7 for a dress for the wedding!!!! (instead of $100) more money for Disney!!! (and my adult children don't understand THAT at all! therein lies the rub... weird kids, have NO idea how they are related ot me and hubby since they don't love disney

 

[plummer925]

I would not lie under any circumstances. I would just be evasive, change the subject, say I'ld rather not say...I think it's in bad taste to ask someone where they got something anyway. I really would never have the same feeling for someone If I found out later they had not told the truth. That's just me though.

I agree with this.

I don't understand why so many are encouraging outright lies...

Just smile and say "honey, my dress doesn't matter...the day is about YOU" and give the bride a hug.

 

[herdtoDisney]

You could say something like " I was looking around for a dress that I liked and was having no luck, then I happened to be browsing at Goodwill and I saw the PERFECT dress!!!! I was so happy to find the perfect dress for the wedding!"