Is this party favor just going to cause hurt feelings?

[sam_gordon]

Do you really want to keep fighting with me about my opinion? Do you think it's going to change? Or do you just think your opinion is so much better than mine that I don't deserve to have one? Really?

I never said you can't have an opinion. But am I not allowed to question that opinion? I'm sorry you feel my questions are "fighting". I guess I should have thought you might feel bad.

 

[disykat]

I never said you can't have an opinion. But am I not allowed to question that opinion? I'm sorry you feel my questions are "fighting". I guess I should have thought you might feel bad.

Good one - and I should have known you wouldn't care!

 

[sam_gordon]

Good one - and I should have known you wouldn't care!

Honestly I do care. I don't intentionally want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad. But the intent is what's key here.

It's very possible the girl wearing the shirt wanted to taunt those not invited to the party. I'd just rather assume the girl simply liked the shirt.

 

[disykat]

Honestly I do care. I don't intentionally want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad. But the intent is what's key here.

It's very possible the girl wearing the shirt wanted to taunt those not invited to the party. I'd just rather assume the girl simply liked the shirt.

I never said the girl was intenional. I'm guessing it was a matter of not thinking about anyone else except she and her friends that WERE invited. Kids do that.

I'd simply think in a best case scenario the girl would have thought "I know everyone at school wasn't invited to xx's party so I'll be careful where I wear this so as not to point it out to anyone."

I've taught elementary school. This is standard practice.

As the kids start to get older and go off into bigger schools, it's not such a big deal. OP's situation was still a rather small group.

 

[sam_gordon]

I never said the girl was intenional. I'm guessing it was a matter of not thinking about anyone else except she and her friends that WERE invited. Kid's do that.

Agreed 100%.

I do agree someone MIGHT get upset over the girl wearing the shirt. However, I don't think getting upset is a justifiable response. To me, by the time a child reaches ~9-10, they should learn they can't always be included.

My DS just had his 9th birthday party at a Laser Tag place. For the last rounds of the night, I told DS he would be a captain and to pick the other captain. Those two then picked their teams 1-by-1. A couple of the boys picked by the other captain were visibly upset (because they didn't get picked by DS). I thought that age (8 & 9 year olds) should have known better. Kids who are three years older? Absolutely!

 

[sookie]

I hope you don't post pictures on FB of your kids birthday party or your trip to Disney (or wherever you go). After all, someone might feel "hurt" they didn't get to enjoy the activity.

We don't post pictures of our kids on social networking sites.

Anyway, for people that do, I think that the comparison of this situation to a family vacation is not "apples to apples". Family vacations are not invitation events at our house. At least, I don't typically send my 6 and 11-year-old kids invitations when we decide to go on a vacation. I surely don't pick one kid and not the other to go with us (50% of the kids), then get a shirt commemorating that event and wear it in front of the kid we didn't take.

Not gonna happen.

I think that the issue people have here is that approximately half the females in the class were invited, almost half were not. 12 girls for a slumber party is a LOT of girls - if you are going to have 12, you might as well suck it up and invite all of them - because in reality not a whole lot more are going to show. Wearing a shirt with a picture on it - you just don't want to make people feel bad or feel uncomfortable. Isn't that what good manners or etiquette is about? Making sure people aren't made to feel uncomfortable in social situations. I promise that a lot of the girls who weren't invited aren't going to care. Maybe a few will say "oh, looks like fun, hope you had a good time!" But if someone does feel badly that they weren't there for whatever reason - you don't want to risk that as the mom or the girl throwing the party. Maybe the mom said - snowy, enough! No more girls. 13 is enough. You have to cut your list. So when friend #13 sees the shirt... that will hurt. Especially if she is usually invited. We don't know because we aren't there.

I really don't think that this is about the kid wearing the shirt anymore - I think this is an etiquette question. I think that another gift might be better - maybe a mug or something. I wouldn't fault the kid wearing a shirt at all. I would fault the mom who ordered a crappy gift.

 

[Sabeking]

I asked my 6th and 8th grade daughters what they thought about it and they both said it was "tacky" to wear the shirt in front of other kids at school. As I said earlier; why is it so neccessary to give a party favor anyhow? Can't the kids just appreciate the fun they had together? Just my opinion.

 

[cornflake]

OP- here . Thanks to the people who get what I'm saying. This isn't about should the mom have invited all the girls at school.
I think by 6th grade kids know not everyone is invited to parties but is it ok to show off who was/ wasn't invited? Those of you with kids- do you encourage your children to tell the uninvited children all about the fun they had at the party? That's what the shirt is saying with a picture, not words. Some of these girls thought that they were good friends with party hostess. How many adults would feel left out if they came to work on Monday and half of the people there were wearing photo shirts of a party? Now let's say that a lot of the people wearing them are your friends, not just coworkers and they talk about the party all day right in front of you.
My point is that a lot of parents don't teach their kids manners about not talking about parties in front of those who were not invited. That is something I have taught my girls whether it's their own party or a party in which they are invited.

I think everyone gets what you're saying.

People understand you - and yet still disagree.

I don't think wearing the shirt is any big deal. I don't know a kid without a pile of bar/bat mitzvah and birthday party hoodies. They're a common favour.

If a kid was upset, kid needs to be reminded that everyone doesn't get to go to everything and that's that.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

I asked my 6th and 8th grade daughters what they thought about it and they both said it was "tacky" to wear the shirt in front of other kids at school. As I said earlier; why is it so neccessary to give a party favor anyhow? Can't the kids just appreciate the fun they had together? Just my opinion.

I dont think it is "necessary" to give a party favor.

I did however, always enjoy putting together party favors for my boys parties when they were small. While it wasnt "necessary" it was "fun" for us.

Both the last bridal shower and baby shower, I went to, I came home with party favors....were they "necessary"? Not at all.

Some people like to give them out, some dont. Just do whatever you want, people will still have a good time, if you throw a fun party!

 

[handinpocket]

I think everyone gets what you're saying.

People understand you - and yet still disagree.

I don't think wearing the shirt is any big deal. I don't know a kid without a pile of bar/bat mitzvah and birthday party hoodies. They're a common favour.

If a kid was upset, kid needs to be reminded that everyone doesn't get to go to everything and that's that.

Period. Best post and should end it here.

 

[TeresaNJ]

I think everyone gets what you're saying.

People understand you - and yet still disagree.

I don't think wearing the shirt is any big deal. I don't know a kid without a pile of bar/bat mitzvah and birthday party hoodies. They're a common favour.

If a kid was upset, kid needs to be reminded that everyone doesn't get to go to everything and that's that.

Agreed! And that's that!

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Agreed! And that's that!

Can we add - "Sometimes a shirt is just a shirt". It was stated before, but I am too lazy to go back.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

Sorry- I'm the OP so I can attempt to have the last say. The reason I said thanks to the people who get what I'm saying wasn't about people agreeing with me or not. I really feel people are entitled to their own opinions and should be tolerated. There were just so many posts about whether or not the mom should have invited everyone in the class. The discussion was about if the party favor was appropriate. And I still haven't changed my mind! But I would never approach the mom or girls and tell them they shouldn't wear the shirts!

I can't remember who posted about the cadette journey book. We did a journey last year in juniors and we all hated it b/c it dragged on for months. However, the activities in the journey book you were talking about sounded like something my troop might like to do for a meeting or two. I'm thinking maybe I could borrow the book from somebody and just do a few activities without getting the patches.We really like the badges and will go back to doing those. I've been a leader for 11 years and I don't know how those journey books are going to last.

 

[Ceila]

I can't remember who posted about the cadette journey book. We did a journey last year in juniors and we all hated it b/c it dragged on for months. However, the activities in the journey book you were talking about sounded like something my troop might like to do for a meeting or two. I'm thinking maybe I could borrow the book from somebody and just do a few activities without getting the patches.We really like the badges and will go back to doing those. I've been a leader for 11 years and I don't know how those journey books are going to last.

I agree completely!! I just took over as leader of my daughter's Junior troop. We have to do a journey since some of them want to earn their Bronze award, but I wish we could skip the journey. I really, really dislike how they are structured, how they are written (it's way too juvenile, IMO, for that age group), and it seems too much like a school project! (FTR, I'm a teacher, and I still don't like it, lol!). From what I've read, you don't have to follow every activity in the journey - you just have to meet the requirements. So, I'm going to do the bare minimum with the girls and really focus on the Bronze.

 

[SaraJayne]

I think everyone gets what you're saying.

People understand you - and yet still disagree.

I don't think wearing the shirt is any big deal. I don't know a kid without a pile of bar/bat mitzvah and birthday party hoodies. They're a common favour.

If a kid was upset, kid needs to be reminded that everyone doesn't get to go to everything and that's that.

I don't know a kid *with* a pile of bar/bat mizvah and birthday party hoodies. First, because no one around here is Jewish and second, clothing as a party favor is unheard of.

 

[cornflake]

I don't know a kid *with* a pile of bar/bat mizvah and birthday party hoodies. First, because no one around here is Jewish and second, clothing as a party favor is unheard of.

No one is Jewish?! I think they're just hiding. Quick, go out and look for a Sukkot booth! Regardless, they don't have birthdays there either?

I guess the hoodie thing is regional. It's a very common general favour here, as other posters have noted. They mostly don't have pics, but the kid's name or initials, date, what the party was, some silly slogan and logo, etc. Some people do sweatpants too, but mostly it's hoodies for your non super extravagent parties.

 

[SaraJayne]

No one is Jewish?! I think they're just hiding. Quick, go out and look for a Sukkot booth! Regardless, they don't have birthdays there either?

I guess the hoodie thing is regional. It's a very common general favour here, as other posters have noted. They mostly don't have pics, but the kid's name or initials, date, what the party was, some silly slogan and logo, etc. Some people do sweatpants too, but mostly it's hoodies for your non super extravagent parties.

Our state's Jewish population is .5%. I would guess 90% of that 1/2 percent live in or around Milwaukee, so no, other than a girlfriend that converted and lives in TX, I can't name one Jewish person in the area. In my immediate area (approx 220,000 people), there is one active synagogue.

It is obviously regional, since I've never heard of clothing for party favors. Party favors here are small and inexpensive.

 

[penn19]

Our state's Jewish population is .5%. I would guess 90% of that 1/2 percent live in or around Milwaukee, so no, other than a girlfriend that converted and lives in TX, I can't name one Jewish person in the area. In my immediate area (approx 220,000 people), there is one active synagogue.

It is obviously regional, since I've never heard of clothing for party favors. Party favors here are small and inexpensive.

The area of Tx that I live in there are are hardly any Jewish people. I don't think they are allowed to move here. Haha. The ones that ARE here keep a low profile! As do most non-Christians.

 

[SaraJayne]

The area of Tx that I live in there are are hardly any Jewish people. I don't think they are allowed to move here. Haha. The ones that ARE here keep a low profile! As do most non-Christians.

She lives in Houston, but her DH is originally from Philly.

 

[EclecticWAHM]

Tinkernfun- seriously, you would let your child talk to another girl about a party she attended and all the fun they had when that girl was uninvited and feeling left out? That kind of rudeness will not help your child in life.

How is it any different than talking about anything that other people aren't included in or don't have the opportunity to do? Kids NEED to learn to deal with disappointment and not getting to do everything or go to every party. Sheltering them from that is doing a disservice to them.

Can you not talk to someone about your Disney vacation if they can't go on a trip of their own? Can you not talk about a play you are in around people who tried out and didn't get in? Can friends not talk about being on the football team around kids who didn't make it? Where does it stop?

It's just LIFE. Kids need to learn that life is not always fair and equal and that other folks get to do things they don't get to to, and that they also get to do things that other folks don't get to do. I think it's just silly to get offended or upset by such a little thing as a t-shirt. I think some folks need to get a thicker skin and not go looking to be offended when there's really nothing to be offended about.