Is this party favor just going to cause hurt feelings?

[luvmy3]

I don't know, maybe I'll change my wording from being mean, to feeling left out. It's one thing to not being invited, but then to display it all over the school with a shirt, right in the face of those that were not invited? Ugh. I don't like it one bit. Just my opinion though!

If a person takes it as being left out, and that the person is displaying it right inttheir face, they need to learn that exclusion of things is a part of life, for everyone. They don't need their egos protected from that, they need to learn that it is how it is because one day these kids are going to grow up. If they are still believing that its not fair for them to be included in everything by the time they are 12, they are gong to have some serious problems dealing with that kind of stuff in the future.
I can see a girl being disappointed, but the answer to that is not to shelter them so they don't have to face it.

Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child.

 

[Coconut36]

I don't see the big deal at all. We are talking 6th graders here..they should be able to handle it and know that everyone is not friends with everyone else. I clearly remember "groups" of friends in 6th grade on up..some people you just were not friends with and/or didn't hang out with. They would do things or go places as a group as would other groups do things and go places without them..such is life.

 

[hereyago]

I am so glad I don't live my life PC,lol. I am very old school:suck it up buttercup,the world isn't going to revolve around you.not every person goes to every party or is included at all times. It honestly is a disservice to kids to let them think that or try to hide that reality in the world isn't going to be kind to them all the time. Now if a said party goes rubs it in someone's face well that is just uncalled for,but I wouldn't stop my ddd from wearing said party favor.

 

[aprilgail2]

No its not mean, its life. Kids can't be included in everything and by 6th grade they really should be able to understand that.
Invite all 26 girls, or if you don't the 12 that were can't have/do/say anything that reminds the other 14 they weren't invited? Not in my world, I don't believe in making things like this fair for everyone, that just isn't realistic.

I agree! I also feel in sports you should only get a trophy if you deserve it, not every kid on the team should get one just for breathing air. My daughter got one for softball and she cracked up laughing saying "I suck at this game and I get a trophy??"

 

[mdsoccermom]

I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. By 6th grade, kids should know that they aren't going to be invited to everything. They know who their friends are so they have a pretty good idea of whose parties they will go to and whose parties they won't. I mean good grief, more that half the class was not invited. It's not as if one or two girls were excluded.

The only ways such a shirt would be a problem is if the wearer made a big deal out of it or the offended girl was raised to believe she should and would be included in everything.

I can't imagine living a life where everything is a perceived slight.

 

[Hrhpd]

I am so glad I don't live my life PC,lol. I am very old school:suck it up buttercup,the world isn't going to revolve around you.not every person goes to every party or is included at all times. It honestly is a disservice to kids to let them think that or try to hide that reality in the world isn't going to be kind to them all the time. Now if a said party goes rubs it in someone's face well that is just uncalled for,but I wouldn't stop my ddd from wearing said party favor.

If a child (or a parent) feels it is exclusionary and is getting upset about it, that is the parent's fault, not the party giver. The parent needs to teach their child that not being invited to every party imaginable is no reflection on the child as their are plenty of reason that do not involve the child why they were not invited. The child should also be taught that they should not expect to be invited to all parties and that other parties are going to happen.

People do not need to protect the fragile egos of those that might feel bad for not being included to every party, every get together.

Of course, as others have said, rubbing it in purposely is not ok. But just wearing the shirt, no big deal.

 

[caitlinsmom]

I don't see an issue with it either. By 6th grade groups of close friends are made and while you might be somewhat friendly with someone at school they may not hang out together at all outside of school. Now if one girl was deliberately left out then it would bother me but in that situation, not at all.

Should my DD not wear her Nationals softball jacket because the other team from our town didn't qualify and she might hurt someone's feelings?

By 6th grade kids know that they are not friends with everyone and don't get invited to everything.

 

[disykat]

I remember being a 6th grade girl. I've taught 6th grade girls. In our schools, 6th grade is still in elementary school.

IMO the shirt is fine and a great momento, but it just shouldn't be worn to school. I don't think things that encourage cliquish behavior belong in an elementary classroom.

I totally agree that all kids can't be invited to everything, but I've always told my kids to minimize talk about those things in front of kids who weren't invited to minimize bad feelings. It's a practice I still employ as an adult.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm so glad I had three boys , none of this drama. Yes, that is such a mean thing to do, those poor girls that will see that shirt. Mean, mean mean.

Boys can do it too. I taught special ed, and had a class of 9 boys. A parent invited 8 of the 9 boys to a "rock band" party. The child excluded was not a bully or mean or anything that , he was a kind of shy, very sweet very sweet kid in a class where the other kids were more active.

I had already spoken to mom about the party twice. Once when she sent in invites for me to pass out (I refused, as our policy is to only pass out invites when the whole class is invited), and once when her child was teasing the univited child and I called her.

At the party, they made a video. On the next rainy day, mom sent it in with a note "Here's something fun to watch at indoor recess!" It was unlabeled, but luckily I figured out what it was.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I don't see a problem with wearing this shirt.

 

[Ceila]

Boys can do it too. I taught special ed, and had a class of 9 boys. A parent invited 8 of the 9 boys to a "rock band" party. The child excluded was not a bully or mean or anything that , he was a kind of shy, very sweet very sweet kid in a class where the other kids were more active.

I had already spoken to mom about the party twice. Once when she sent in invites for me to pass out (I refused, as our policy is to only pass out invites when the whole class is invited), and once when her child was teasing the univited child and I called her.

At the party, they made a video. On the next rainy day, mom sent it in with a note "Here's something fun to watch at indoor recess!" It was unlabeled, but luckily I figured out what it was.

What!?!? That's horrible! That woman is proof positive that evil does exist.

 

[shortbun]

Another, "I don't see a problem with it" vote here. I'm always happy for my friends who have had fun someplace, even if I wasn't there. It's really important that we as mothers teach our children to celebrate other's successes and focus on positive instead of negative. This kind of looking for trouble is what causes our girls to have drama. If you feel a bit jealous because girlX can not invite 26 people to her birthday party, check yourself. Your sensitivity will only cause you problems. Shrug it off.
And to the Mom who thinks the t-shirt was intentionally mean...that's pretty paranoid, doncha think?

 

[mdsoccermom]

I remember being a 6th grade girl. I've taught 6th grade girls. In our schools, 6th grade is still in elementary school.

IMO the shirt is fine and a great momento, but it just shouldn't be worn to school. I don't think things that encourage cliquish behavior belong in an elementary classroom.

I totally agree that all kids can't be invited to everything, but I've always told my kids to minimize talk about those things in front of kids who weren't invited to minimize bad feelings. It's a practice I still employ as an adult.

In many places, 6th grade is middle school.

Inviting some girls to a party isn't necessary cliquish behavior. In my kids' lives, kids stop inviting every kid in the class by 1st grade. They also learned years ago they will not be invited to everything, they will know there are parties they aren't invited to and it's ok.

 

[disykat]

In many places, 6th grade is middle school.

Inviting some girls to a party isn't necessary cliquish behavior. In my kids' lives, kids stop inviting every kid in the class by 1st grade. They also learned years ago they will not be invited to everything, they will know there are parties they aren't invited to and it's ok.

Everyone has agreed that not everyone needs to be invited to everything - that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about whether it's okay to wear a t-shirt that advertises who was invited and who was not. Two totally different arguments.

 

[Hrhpd]

Boys can do it too. I taught special ed, and had a class of 9 boys. A parent invited 8 of the 9 boys to a "rock band" party. The child excluded was not a bully or mean or anything that , he was a kind of shy, very sweet very sweet kid in a class where the other kids were more active.

I had already spoken to mom about the party twice. Once when she sent in invites for me to pass out (I refused, as our policy is to only pass out invites when the whole class is invited), and once when her child was teasing the univited child and I called her.

At the party, they made a video. On the next rainy day, mom sent it in with a note "Here's something fun to watch at indoor recess!" It was unlabeled, but luckily I figured out what it was.

Huge difference between inviting all but one in the class and inviting less than half the class.

The first example is nasty, the second is just life.

 

[I Love Pluto]

Huge difference between inviting all but one in the class and inviting less than half the class.

The first example is nasty, the second is just life.

Couldn't have said it better! Exactly what I was thinking!

 

[njcarita]

no i dont think there is anything wrong with the tshirts AT ALL............. kinda like the idea........cute party favor.......and why wouldnt the girls wear it.......there are 26 girls in the class u cant expect every girl to be invited to every party....not everyone is friends with everyone in the class....the girls are 11/12 years old in 6th grade not 3 years old...if this is upsetting to some kids and parents cant imagine what High school will be like for you.............i have 3 kids 17,14 and 11 and they get invited to some parties yes....some no...no biggie.......if it was a best friend party who ditched them is one thing..........but a classmate....NO....no issues at all

 

[ADisneyQueen]

OP- here . Thanks to the people who get what I'm saying. This isn't about should the mom have invited all the girls at school.
I think by 6th grade kids know not everyone is invited to parties but is it ok to show off who was/ wasn't invited? Those of you with kids- do you encourage your children to tell the uninvited children all about the fun they had at the party? That's what the shirt is saying with a picture, not words. Some of these girls thought that they were good friends with party hostess. How many adults would feel left out if they came to work on Monday and half of the people there were wearing photo shirts of a party? Now let's say that a lot of the people wearing them are your friends, not just coworkers and they talk about the party all day right in front of you.
My point is that a lot of parents don't teach their kids manners about not talking about parties in front of those who were not invited. That is something I have taught my girls whether it's their own party or a party in which they are invited.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

OP- here . Thanks to the people who get what I'm saying. This isn't about should the mom have invited all the girls at school.
I think by 6th grade kids know not everyone is invited to parties but is it ok to show off who was/ wasn't invited? Those of you with kids- do you encourage your children to tell the uninvited children all about the fun they had at the party? That's what the shirt is saying with a picture, not words. Some of these girls thought that they were good friends with party hostess. How many adults would feel left out if they came to work on Monday and half of the people there were wearing photo shirts of a party? Now let's say that a lot of the people wearing them are your friends, not just coworkers and they talk about the party all day right in front of you.
My point is that a lot of parents don't teach their kids manners about not talking about parties in front of those who were not invited. That is something I have taught my girls whether it's their own party or a party in which they are invited.

Not all parents will allow a child to invite "all" of their friends. And YES I would let me daughter talk about a party she went to. And NO I would not be upset as an Adult if 1/2 of the workplace talked about a party in front of me. I would be grateful I dodged the bullet.

Your child is going to be excluded from many, many things in life. Better to learn to graciously accept it than to continuously be upset. Life is not fair.

 

[Poohforyou]

OP- here . Thanks to the people who get what I'm saying. This isn't about should the mom have invited all the girls at school.
I think by 6th grade kids know not everyone is invited to parties but is it ok to show off who was/ wasn't invited? Those of you with kids- do you encourage your children to tell the uninvited children all about the fun they had at the party? That's what the shirt is saying with a picture, not words. Some of these girls thought that they were good friends with party hostess. How many adults would feel left out if they came to work on Monday and half of the people there were wearing photo shirts of a party? Now let's say that a lot of the people wearing them are your friends, not just coworkers and they talk about the party all day right in front of you.
My point is that a lot of parents don't teach their kids manners about not talking about parties in front of those who were not invited. That is something I have taught my girls whether it's their own party or a party in which they are invited.

I have taught my daughter not to talk about parties in front of people who weren't invited. However if she really wanted to make shirts at a party I'd be fine with it. These are 6th graders not 6 year olds. There's a big difference.

Around here my DD has been doing to Bar/Bat Mitsvah circuit and has gotten a sweatshirt or t-shirt from each one. She's worn them around and has probably run into kids that know party host/hostess but weren't invited. That's just life and I stay out of it.

Let the kids battle this out if they feel the need to and try not to project your feelings on them. Life isn't fair, people can be insensitive, learn to cope.