Is this a tacky thing to do at a baby shower?

[ilisao]

I think it is tacky and I would find it rude as well. I know having a baby can be an adjustment for some but that doesn't mean everything else in your life stops. You still have to do all the same things as before. So I don't see why the MTB couldn't write out a few thank yous. Besides- isn't the shower held before the baby is even born? I don't mind if you use a label for the envelope but I shouldn't have to write it out for you. I took the time to get you something nice and come and celebrate. You can take 3 minutes to thank me without my having to make you do it. JMHO.

I so agree with this. I am sitting here reading these posts, and wondering who are all these women (barring those with high risk, medical issues) who can't address envelopes because they have so much to do before the baby is born? I worked right up until the time my first child was born, and when I was pregnant with my second, I had the first to care for. And somehow, the world turned, life went on, thank you notes got written, envelopes got addressed..

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'll throw this scenario into the mix. What happens when a third party is involved? My mother and sister threw my shower. A third party (a guest, someone I worked with) showed up and passed out envelopes while everyone was noshing on snacks. Unbeknownst to me at the time, she was having them address envelopes and then presented me with the stack when it was time to open gifts. How do you prevent THAT situation? Meet guests at the door and pat them down for envelopes while you take their coats?

ETA: My DS was already a month old and was coming home in 4 days when I had my shower - I delivered at 30 weeks - so this guest told me she wanted me to worry about one less thing. I appreciated the intent but thought it was an odd thing to do, since I'd never seen it before.

One cannot stop her from doing it but you could not use them and write out your own later.

 

[Linzybrooke]

I have done this at Wedding and Baby Showers and think it is fine. It helps out the Bride or Mother-To-Be and its easy. I know I would appreciate it, as the addressing of cards and letters is what keeps them sitting on the counter for so long in our house...

 

[MiniGirl]

I've been at a couple of baby showers and one couple's wedding shower where this was done. Without a doubt, at each shower, a person would say something along the lines of, "Next thing you know, we'll be writing our own thank you cards, too,' as they dropped the envelope in the basket.

Do I think it is tacky? Yes. Do I have a "problem" with it? No. If I were hosting a party, I wouldn't do it. I would feel more comfortable addressing all the envelopes myself if I wanted to help the MTB in that way. However, I am not bothered if someone else chooses to do this.

 

[DisneyJen0504]

I agree!
If the ones throwing the baby shower want to help the mommy to be out, they should address the envelopes for her but asking the guests to address their own is tacky tacky tacky!

 

[LisaZee]

Definitely tacky at any kind of shower.

I get the whole "mom-to-be is busy", but so were the guests who took the time to rsvp, shop, wrap, and coordinate their schedules to attend. I can guarantee that if I attend a shower, I have invested way more time than the 60 seconds that it will take the guest of honor to write out my address. To say that minute is more precious to the guest of honor than my time is horrible, in my opinion.

I'm sorry, but if you don't have an extra minute for me... (ME, not the other 50 people that were there - I don't care about them or the other 50 minutes you're gonna need to address their thank you notes. I care about ME and US and my relationship to you as the guest of honor and how important we are to each other that you would invite me to take part in your celebration)... then you are rude, that's all there is to it.

 

[clh2]

Here is my $0.02:

It is tacky to NOT send a thank you note.

I don't really care if I am asked to write my own address on the envelope.

 

[Anne34]

Everyone does this around here. I think it's a nice thing to do for mom-to-be!

I agree -- can't say I've ever been to a shower where its not done. I think it all depends on what you are used to. I don't find it tacky at all!

We do usually do some sort of raffle prize with an envelope pulled from the pile.

 

[DebbieB]

I've seen it done and never really thought anything of it. I don't think the bride or mom-to-be initiated it, usually the relative or friend giving the shower. Not a big deal.

The more important thing is they actually write the thank you note. My mom and I were mortified that my (now former) sister-in-law never sent my aunts (mom's sisters) thank you notes for the wedding checks they sent (did not attend due to distance). Also, there was a nice picture of the bride and groom coming out of the church that I took. I decided to get a nice silver frame and have the picture enlarged to 5 x 7 (this was in addition to the wedding check I gave them). I gave it to my brother to give to her. Never heard a word! Not even a phone call! Finally a couple months later when I saw her, I couldn't stand it and I finally asked her if she liked the picture. She said "oh yes, I have it on my dresser". Still no thank you!

 

[rie'smom]

I think that it is tacky but I wish a tacky person had thought to do this a t both my bridal and baby showers!

 

[ZuZugal]

Tacky? Who cares? At least you get to kill about 30 seconds while doing it. That's the way I look at it!

 

[CJBaby]

No

Well said.






P.S.

Yes

 

[barkley]

reading through this thread convinces me that a statue should be erected to honor my neice (24 at the time)-

despite being diagnosed at the begining of her second trimester with malignant breast cancer, subsequently (during that trimester) having a full double mastectomy, having to endure radiation and all the terrible side effects that went along with it...she still managed to send personal thank you notes to everyone that attended her baby shower (but this is also a young woman who sent thank you notes for graduation gifts, bridal shower gifts and wedding gifts-which i don't see as the norm with allot of people today, so perhaps her efforts were based in it being a long established habit).

 

[AlexandNessa]

Here is my $0.02:

It is tacky to NOT send a thank you note.

I don't really care if I am asked to write my own address on the envelope.

I agree completely.

I also think it's rather funny that something that takes about 20 seconds to do (addressing an envelope) merits 100+ responses (many of them carefully worded and elaborated) and 8+ pages of debating its merits.

 

[beattyfamily]

I think it's a great idea!

My sister threw my adult niece a baby shower in January and she got that idea from a Baby Shower website. It said that this would be very helpful to the mom-to-be. My niece only had a month to go so this helped her out a lot. My sister bought her the thank you cards (that matched the invitations) and then passed the envelopes out with a pen and everyone thought it was a great, thoughtful (to the mom-to-be) idea; granted 4 other women at the shower were pregnant so maybe that's why they thought it was such a good idea!

I don't see the problem at all. and I wish they thought of this when I had my baby shower.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

reading through this thread convinces me that a statue should be erected to honor my neice (24 at the time)-

despite being diagnosed at the begining of her second trimester with malignant breast cancer, subsequently (during that trimester) having a full double mastectomy, having to endure radiation and all the terrible side effects that went along with it...she still managed to send personal thank you notes to everyone that attended her baby shower (but this is also a young woman who sent thank you notes for graduation gifts, bridal shower gifts and wedding gifts-which i don't see as the norm with allot of people today, so perhaps her efforts were based in it being a long established habit).

First- God Bless!
Second- this further supports my statement that everything else in life still goes on when you have a baby. I certainly don't think that it is too much to ask that you actually write and address your own thank you. Some say it is tacky to not send a thank you but if I have to write it out for you then why bother?

 

[beattyfamily]

I think some are missing the fact that this concept is the idea of the person who is throwing the party as a convenience for the mom-to-be and the hostess thinks she is doing something nice/kind for the mom-to-be.

The mom-to be still writes out the thank you note, but the thank you cards were bought for her and the addresses were put on for her. So what?

I still don't see the big deal. It's not like the mom-to-be is the one who thought it up to be lazy and 'tacky'. It was thought up for her by the hostess of the shower as a nice jesture.

Now, if this idea were the mom-to-be's idea because she's just a lazy bum, well, then yes, that would be 'tacky'.

 

[SandraVB79]

Coming from a country where we don't have bridal or baby showers I find these threads about the etiquette of them fascinating.
Who to invite; do you have a shower for the second and subsequent baby; who writes the envelopes; how long is acceptable to wait for a thank you etc etc. I love it all.

Tell me more.......

I also love these shower and wedding etiquette threads! Especially since we don't do things like showers, and things that are completely the norm over here are not done in the US.

For babies: You are pregnant and have your baby, send out cards to tell the world you had your child,a nd this card includes registry information and/ or a "diaper account" number. This is fairly common now, although I find it tacky. I want to buy you a GIFT for your child, not pay for its daily needs, but whatever. You are not obliged to buy off the registry or put money on the account, but it's so easy to call the store, ask for something on the list for X eur and be done with it! And at least you know that you spent your money on something they like and can use! Sometimes they put the hospital room number on the card, sometimes just the home address and ask that you call before coming to visit
In the best case scenario, some weeks after the birth, you get a thank you note, usually this is a picture of the baby, with some generic Thank you message printed on it.

In case of a wedding: You send out invitations, and included is registry information and/ or some account where you can put money on. Usually the invitation states that the money is for a house, the honeymoon, china or crystal (in that case, they could just as well register) or nothing specific. In this last case, it's usually just to pay for their groceries. I refuse to give cash or put money on the account. I will buy something off the registry, give them some other gift or in the worst case a gift certificate. But I refuse to give money for grocery shopping as a "GIFT".
Best case scenario: some weeks/ months after the wedding, you'll get a thank you note, usually a wedding picture with some generic thank you message printed on it.

 

[Loverly]

I can go one better in the Tacky dept.

This was for a Bridal Shower, and it was for the "backwoods" girl who married a relative of mine.

Huge shower-loads of gifts.

So the hostesses, seated near the bride to be-
pre-unwrapped the gifts -to save time!!!!
I was FURIOUS!!! All the time spend wrapping gifts in special paper and bows and the bride to be never saw it.

 

[MiniGirl]

I can go one better in the Tacky dept.

This was for a Bridal Shower, and it was for the "backwoods" girl who married a relative of mine.

Huge shower-loads of gifts.

So the hostesses, seated near the bride to be-
pre-unwrapped the gifts -to save time!!!!
I was FURIOUS!!! All the time spend wrapping gifts in special paper and bows and the bride to be never saw it.

This would bother me, too, since the "wrapping" is part of the gift. The last wedding shower I went to was for a friend's dd. Because of my friend, I knew she really wanted this one particular bamboo cutting board. Not a particularly exciting gift. Anyway, I bought it -- along with some dish towels she registered for -- and wrapped the board with the towels. I had to leave before she opened it, but her mom later told me she loved the gift and also how I had wrapped it. Also, several other people later mentioned to me about how cute it was. I out a lot of time and thought into it, and I would've been bothered if the hostess unwrapped it and handed the hostess a cutting board and some (now) unfolded towels.