Is there a nice way to say no siblings....

[MomNeedsVacay]

Interesting...we went to a Little Gym party a few weeks ago for a 5 year old. The father was going to drop off the kid and the people at Little Gym said that drop-offs weren't allowed. They they needed a parent or Gaurdian to be there for each child.

maura

Maybe "MyGym" is different from "Little gym"

 

[CTPinkPrincess]

Wow - maybe it's because in DD's first grade class, 20 of the 28 kids are the oldest/only child, but the majority of the parents stayed for the parties we attended, and the few that have siblings also had the siblings attend.

Plus it's a small school so it's nice to catch up with the other parents...we're in the process of planning DD's 6th b-day party and have already made provisions for parents/siblings.

OP - I think the wording suggested a few pages ago would work. And I wish we were closer to the aquarium - I'm jealous! Have a great party!

 

[cruizie]

I cannot imagine dropping off my dd5 at a location party. Do you watch the news???? No one has to pass a background check to go to say CEC. So while my child is well-behaved & courteous & I know most of my child's friends parents well, I do NOT know the CEC employees, I do not know the other people there, any child molester off the street can walk into that place just as easily as you or I can. Yes, at CEC in particular they have a system in place to prevent someone from walking out w/ your child but that is not full proof & something could happen there. Color me overprotective, it does not hurt my feelings, my 1st priority is to ensure my child's safety.

My dd's parties have always been at home, parents have always stayed, I have always invited siblings as well. Personally, I prefer for the parents to stay. That way, I have extra help if needed, no child is upset that mom/dad is not around, most parents then take responsibility for their child(ren).

And horror, a swimming pool party that is a drop off??? Recipe for disaster! In our city, a 4 yr old drowned this summer at camp at a licensed facility. My dd is an excellent swimmer but I would not allow her to attend a swimming pool party w/ 30+ kids if I was not going to be there.

However, this does give me a heads up to ASK when my child is invited to a party if it is a drop-off or if parents are staying, especially now that she is in kindergarten & will most likely attend parties of children whose parents I do not know as well.

Cruizie

 

[memobrien]

OP - I think the wording suggested a few pages ago would work. And I wish we were closer to the aquarium - I'm jealous! Have a great party!

it's a 75 mile radius that they will come to. i'm seriously thinking i'm going to do this for my Daughter and we are actually in MA. But we are 72.67 miles away...hehe...

 

[cruizie]

OP - I got on my soapbox there & never even addressed the original question. Sorry! I think the wording at the beginning of the thread is perfect. If you have several no's & you are not going to have your 30, then I would call & invite the siblings that you are closest too.

We don't live anywhere near you but do have an aquarium. I am going to check with them to see if they have something similar. I know my daughter would love this. She wanted a pool party but her birthday is in Dec so that is out. Her next choice was High School Musical but I am definitely going to look into the aquarium party. Thanks for the idea!

Cruizie

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I agree with the Chuck E Cheese thing. I mean- anyone can be in there. But when a "My Gym" is rented out to one party, Its just parents and the two girls running the program, right?. I think the Mom is allowing me to drop off my DD4 because its a 3:30 party on a Friday and I have a younger DD2 who isn't really invited. I'm going to go to the party and hang out for awhile to make sure everything seems okay- I won't leave if it seems that there aren't enough adults supervising.
Now I'm kind of paranoid. Maybe I shouldn't drop her off. I know the other moms pretty well... hm...

 

[merryweather20]

ummm ok...so why don't we all jsut drop our kids off your kids next party? i'm sorry but really this isn't the same as the wedidng scenario. First of all anyone who invites MY KID, who is a MINOR, should expect that there will be a parent there. Anyone who would assume that a 6 yearold is jsut being dropped off at a place, well honestly i would question what that parent is thinking. Unless you are a VERY good friend of mine...you don't know me and why the heck should you trust me?

The parent thing I would jsut assume they would be accompaning the kids. Now having extra kids that is another issue. A grown up isn't going to be participating in the activity or craft or whatever theme the party is. But another sibling is a whole other story. I wouldn't be afraid to but something into the invite.

Maura

Sorry! If they are not a close friend of my child they are not invited. When I worked for the pool EVERYONE counted in the cost. If extra people showed up the parent would receive a bill for those people, unless they turned them away. Furthremore we would only have staff on hand for the appropriate number of paty goers to be on deck and or in the pool. If everyone's parents showed up then the parents would have had to wait in the change rooms until an extra guard showed up at the original families expense, or the whole party would have to wait.

If you don't know the parent call and talk to them! Tell them: Thank-you for the invitation. Whats going to take place? Do you need an extra pair of hands? etc.

The wedding thing is unfortunately EXACTLY THE SAME. If it says Sarah on the invite, then only Sarah is invited. Regardless of how insignificant you ASSUME the hospitality would cost or how little you think you will use the hospitality, you are in no way permitted to dictate the invitations.

If someone like you showed up to one of my daughters parties I would hope I would have the courage to say: Sorry, we only planned on just Hannah, but if she can't stay I can go grab her loot bag for you.

But I know I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to cause a ruckus, or worry that my daughter would lose a friend. I would simply be forced to eat the cost.

 

[Minniemouse07]

Sorry! If they are not a close friend of my child they are not invited. When I worked for the pool EVERYONE counted in the cost. If extra people showed up the parent would receive a bill for those people, unless they turned them away. Furthremore we would only have staff on hand for the appropriate number of paty goers to be on deck and or in the pool. If everyone's parents showed up then the parents would have had to wait in the change rooms until an extra guard showed up at the original families expense, or the whole party would have to wait.

If you don't know the parent call and talk to them! Tell them: Thank-you for the invitation. Whats going to take place? Do you need an extra pair of hands? etc.

The wedding thing is unfortunately EXACTLY THE SAME. If it says Sarah on the invite, then only Sarah is invited. Regardless of how insignificant you ASSUME the hospitality would cost or how little you think you will use the hospitality, you are in no way permitted to dictate the invitations.

If someone like you showed up to one of my daughters parties I would hope I would have the courage to say: Sorry, we only planned on just Hannah, but if she can't stay I can go grab her loot bag for you.

But I know I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to cause a ruckus, or worry that my daughter would lose a friend. I would simply be forced to eat the cost.

Hmm... we've been to pool parties at our YMCA and the local high school... flat fee for both. In fact they wanted the parents to stay at the Y!

I still go w/ my gut... my child is just that, a child. Unless it is a certified program that I've chosen for my child (ie camp, after school program, school, daycare, etc.), then they will be accompanied by a parent. In this day and age it would be irresponsible of me to do otherwise.

 

[mommytobug]

Different situations equal different solutions. I think we all need to think about where we live and how different it is. I live in a rural town where I know all of dds classmates and their parents. I know where they live and dh went to hs with most of them. My neice is in a large city where my brother does not know even a minor amount. We would handle parties differently I am sure. We all used to stay until the kids got a little older. We dont have Chuck e Cheese or any big facilities. I was so glad when the kids became odl enough to be dropped off (I am talking about for my parties) I sometimes tired of entertaining the adults. Why should we judge each others choices when we have no clue what situations are. To the OP, I would put a note but I would also make sure you have enough adults. 30 kids is a lot for any party and is even more overwhelming for the child.

 

[memobrien]

We don't live anywhere near you but do have an aquarium. I am going to check with them to see if they have something similar. I know my daughter would love this. She wanted a pool party but her birthday is in Dec so that is out. Her next choice was High School Musical but I am definitely going to look into the aquarium party. Thanks for the idea!

Cruizie

Pool party is maybe not out.... My friend was able to rent the pool at a local Red Roof in. It cost $200 and she had it for 4 hours I believe. But when she got there they were like stay as long as you want. The only thing was that the hotel guest still could use it. But lets face it....how many guests are going to walk in, see that there is a party and still want to go in. So there weren't any there that day.

Our playgroup is going to jsut rent it this winter for a pool party. It works out to be $10 a family that way, so it's really not bad at all!

Maura

 

[merryweather20]

I cannot imagine dropping off my dd5 at a location party. Do you watch the news???? No one has to pass a background check to go to say CEC. So while my child is well-behaved & courteous & I know most of my child's friends parents well, I do NOT know the CEC employees, I do not know the other people there, any child molester off the street can walk into that place just as easily as you or I can. Yes, at CEC in particular they have a system in place to prevent someone from walking out w/ your child but that is not full proof & something could happen there. Color me overprotective, it does not hurt my feelings, my 1st priority is to ensure my child's safety.

My dd's parties have always been at home, parents have always stayed, I have always invited siblings as well. Personally, I prefer for the parents to stay. That way, I have extra help if needed, no child is upset that mom/dad is not around, most parents then take responsibility for their child(ren).

And horror, a swimming pool party that is a drop off??? Recipe for disaster! In our city, a 4 yr old drowned this summer at camp at a licensed facility. My dd is an excellent swimmer but I would not allow her to attend a swimming pool party w/ 30+ kids if I was not going to be there.

However, this does give me a heads up to ASK when my child is invited to a party if it is a drop-off or if parents are staying, especially now that she is in kindergarten & will most likely attend parties of children whose parents I do not know as well.

Cruizie

Hmm, there was never any disaster, so I'm doubting its in the "recipe"... Simply good safe swimming. I'm sure someone must have had a bruised elbow somewhere along the way, but nothing noteworthy. In my ten years of working for the pool (none of these at parties) we had to hope in once to steady an epileptic, and another time a parent randomly jumped in the pool in the middle of lessons (when we pulled the parent out they were very apologetic, never did tell us why though). That was the last time the city grumbled about the added expense of having a guard on deck to watch the parents though.

 

[memobrien]

Sorry! If they are not a close friend of my child they are not invited. When I worked for the pool EVERYONE counted in the cost. If extra people showed up the parent would receive a bill for those people, unless they turned them away. Furthremore we would only have staff on hand for the appropriate number of paty goers to be on deck and or in the pool. If everyone's parents showed up then the parents would have had to wait in the change rooms until an extra guard showed up at the original families expense, or the whole party would have to wait.

If you don't know the parent call and talk to them! Tell them: Thank-you for the invitation. Whats going to take place? Do you need an extra pair of hands? etc.

The wedding thing is unfortunately EXACTLY THE SAME. If it says Sarah on the invite, then only Sarah is invited. Regardless of how insignificant you ASSUME the hospitality would cost or how little you think you will use the hospitality, you are in no way permitted to dictate the invitations.

If someone like you showed up to one of my daughters parties I would hope I would have the courage to say: Sorry, we only planned on just Hannah, but if she can't stay I can go grab her loot bag for you.

But I know I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to cause a ruckus, or worry that my daughter would lose a friend. I would simply be forced to eat the cost.

Actually we have been to pool parties as well and the parents were required to stay too. this was at the Y and also at a local hotels where the pools were rented for a set amount of time.

OK...you are right the wedding thing is right assuming a 5 year old would get a wedding invitation addressed to jsut them.

 

[meandtheguys2]

We always had parents at kid's parties growing up.

AND

If I don't know the parent (like any of the parents in dd's current class), no I won't trust them to take care of my child.

Fair enough. I know that none of my contemporaries (44 years old) ever had to have a parent stay with them at a party. I think it is rather sad to lead such a paranoid life, and to be raised in a paranoid home.

 

[badblackpug]

I cannot imagine dropping off my dd5 at a location party. Do you watch the news???? No one has to pass a background check to go to say CEC. So while my child is well-behaved & courteous & I know most of my child's friends parents well, I do NOT know the CEC employees, I do not know the other people there, any child molester off the street can walk into that place just as easily as you or I can. Yes, at CEC in particular they have a system in place to prevent someone from walking out w/ your child but that is not full proof & something could happen there. Color me overprotective, it does not hurt my feelings, my 1st priority is to ensure my child's safety.

My dd's parties have always been at home, parents have always stayed, I have always invited siblings as well. Personally, I prefer for the parents to stay. That way, I have extra help if needed, no child is upset that mom/dad is not around, most parents then take responsibility for their child(ren).

And horror, a swimming pool party that is a drop off??? Recipe for disaster! In our city, a 4 yr old drowned this summer at camp at a licensed facility. My dd is an excellent swimmer but I would not allow her to attend a swimming pool party w/ 30+ kids if I was not going to be there.

However, this does give me a heads up to ASK when my child is invited to a party if it is a drop-off or if parents are staying, especially now that she is in kindergarten & will most likely attend parties of children whose parents I do not know as well.

Cruizie

At what age does the hovering stop? When does it become okay for kids to enjoy life instead of being afraid of it. Background checks mean NOTHING. All they mean is that the person has not been convicted of anything. Essentially, all the adults with whom you leave your kids, teachers, sitters etc. could be child molesters, they have just never been caught! No system is fool-proof. Your kids can get abducted from school, too. It actually happened quite recently here. I don't want my kids to grow up being dependent and fearful. I want my kids to enjoy being kids, and not be scared of every boogey man lurking behind every tree. Locked in the house, joined at the hip with mommy until you marry is no life.

 

[Mkrop]

the problem is some places have a very strict limit of people and include any adults that stay in that number even if they aren't participating, it doesn't seem fair for the people throwing the party to either have to pay for the extra adults, and siblings (which isn't even possible in this case) or to have to tell your child that they can't invite half the people they want because parents want to come and you have to pay for them also. If the parents can stay free then I don't have a problem with it.

Wow maybe it is a regional thing but in all the different locations we have had bday parties we have never had to inlude adults in our party number. Up until 2nd grade my child was very anxious about bday parties and would beg for me to stay, this is the same kid that could be dropped off almost anywhere else, school, camps, friends houses etc but not bday parties. So I would stay and he would have a blast, most of the time he would not even acknowledge that I was there but he knew and that was what mattered. He has since outgrown this.

Now DS4 is the same way so I will still be staying.

I do like the post that politely stated the number limit of the aquarium.

 

[cruizie]

Let me just suffice it to say that I do not feel that it is paranoid to do everything in my power to protect my child. You are absolutely correct regarding a background check.

My child is a very independent, outgoing, fun-loving child. She goes places w/ friends, she attends public school, is in several extra-curricular activities, etc. She has attended a few parties w/out me present but as a general rule of thumb, I prefer to be present.

So your point is taken but my point is that our job, as parents, is to protect them & give them the tools to be independent. My child is not, as you assumed, "dependent and fearful" "scared of every boogey man lurking behind every tree. Locked in the house, joined at the hip with mommy until you marry."

Cruizie (aka Paranoid)

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Sorry but my answer still stands. Whether or not you are planning to eat or enjoy other activities is completely mute, you are still inviting yourself over. Regardless of your experience with similar parties, you have NO idea how the payment for the party works. I did parties at a pool once and while we had three standard payment plans, we would work with the parents if they needed another scheme. In my case I might ask a parent to vouch for any additional people, and that was it they were stuck on the bill.

Whatever issues one's child has that they cannot be left with other adults is completely that families issue. It in NO way excuses someone from inviting themselves to a party uninvited.

How would you feel if someone showed up with extra people at your wedding and said its okay, they're not planning to eat?

If you think an area warrants additional supervision, call and ask the parent if they need help, who they have helping etc.

I don't agree. There are just certain places I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my child. I would ask the parent if I could stay, and I wouldn't necessarily eat though. There is a large "sportsplex" here. It's a crazy busy place but the kids love it. They have tons of game (like Chuck E. Cheese) and more video games or older kids. they have batting cages, lazer tag and bumper cars. they also have a foam ball play place where there are all sorts of climbing levels and these foam spongy balls the kids can fire or throw at each other. they also do different types of craft parties. It can be really crowded. When you have a party there you start with your activity then the kids are feed and given tokens they can use in the games. The tokens give them tickets they can cash in for toys. It's easy to keep track of the kids in your party when they are doing the activity or eating, but once they get on the floor with the machines they go in all directions. We haven't been there in some time (Thank heavens!) but previously when my kids went to parties there I always stayed or made arrangements for my kids to carpool with another parent who was staying. there were too many places where trouble could happen there. And there wasn't anybody watching the door to see who was leaving. They didn't charge admission so no one had to pay for me to be there. I always, always asked before I would take any food -- or even a soda from the pitcher. I had a party there once and some parents stayed. It was not a problem -- I just got an extra pizza of two (fine because the grandparents were there as well) and a couple of extra pitchers of soda.

If I thought I was going someplace where a parent would have to pay for my being there I would not stay. And I wouldn't bring an extra child and inconvenience a parent that way. But for me to be at a party where I have some doubts about my childs safety -- I'm staying.

And to the poster who's child lost a invite in the backpack -- my daughter did that. She gave it to me months later and was so upset she missed the party.

 

[Mkrop]

Wow! I'm completely floored that anyone would consider staying at a party or bringing one of their oher children! I found this so incredibly rude I had to post, but I don't know exactly what to say...

I guess some of you live in areas where its pretty much expected, so that certainly makes it less rude. But by staying you are specifically asking for that parent to provide you with a slice of cake and a meal (and any other hard costs tickets etc.), and to entertain you and the sibling for the duration.

If one's child can't be trusted to be obedient and polite to staff or another parent for the duration of the party than they shouldn't be permitted to attend period. If you think an area is unsafe for your child, then they shouldn't attend period.

Its one thing to ask someone if they could use an extra set of hands at a party, it is quite another to party crash!

No I am not. I have had parites where I have been offered and parties where I have not. I usually decline as I dont really need any cake going to my hips I am not asking for anything except to make my child comfortable and safe at a party place he is attending

 

[finz2left]

Talk about regional differences! We live in a Southern College town. If we LEFT our children at a party WITHOUT a parent, we'd be seen as rude, disrespectful and gasp.....antisocial!

Parties at paid places don't typically include a sibling, but ALWAYS include a parent. To leave your child would be a serious faux pas....and on the one occasion my son wanted to attend, but I had to work, I called the birthday mom and alerted her that my DS was with his friend and her mom -- so she wouldn't think DS was a drop-off!

So, go with the flow of your traditions in your town and stop judging others' choices

 

[merryweather20]

No I am not. I have had parites where I have been offered and parties where I have not. I usually decline as I dont really need any cake going to my hips I am not asking for anything except to make my child comfortable and safe at a party place he is attending

Yes, you are! Bye staying you are crashing on the hospitality uninvited. It doesn't matter what you assume the costs to you staying are or what you plan on eating or doing by staying uninvited you ARE asking for those things.