Is one Baby Shower enough?

[Ranatra]

I've never been invited to a baby shower for a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th baby.
Everyone is kinda expected to have a baby shower for their first, but I'm not real familiar with having numerous baby showers and I don't understand the need for it.

 

[scifihippie]

I can only recall one baby shower for a baby that wasn't #1. A friend had a boy first, then a girl and they had a shower her with girly stuff shower. Everyone else I've know has had a Sip 'n See for baby #2, 3, 4, etc. Basically, come meet the new baby when it's about 2 months old, no gifts.

 

[disykat]

I'm sort of surprised by the idea that people would get basic furniture and stuff for a shower. All of the showers I've been to are for fun clothes, extras that are handy but not necessities like bouncy seats, etc. The basics are purchased by the parents.

I had several different showers with my first child - work, church, and my neighborhood all had one, and then one that was my good friends (I don't live near my family but many sent gifts) - but they were all just fun gifts. I wasn't counting on any of it and baby registries just weren't done at that time. I bought the necessitites and also used hand-me-downs.

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

It sounds like presents and not presence to me.

One, it is incredibly odd that she's having a baby shower after two children. I always thought you got one (or them in some cases) for the first and only the first unless you had a child much, much later on. Two, you said it's her mother who is throwing the shower? While she may not know, but immediate family members aren't supposed to throw those types of things becuase it seems like a solicitation for gifts. It's like you're mother throwing you a bridal shower.

Maybe the want to celebrate the pregnancy? Are they an infertile couple that has been really lucky on InVitro (although one a year ago kind of forces that out of the question)? Maybe she's having this one and the last one too close together and they are strapped for cash and thought this would be an easy way out? Doesn't make it right, but I'm sure it's not the first time it's happened.

Something smells like week-old fish...

ETA: Just kind of mulling this over. I think it's nice for families to have celebrations for each of the children, but it seems like it should be close friends and family and likely after their born. Maybe your sister is considered a close friend and has fallen into a select group that have been invited? Still doesn't make right the registry, unless you consider that it might be for family and whatnot. I know when you register for a wedding, they keep it in the system for awhile. For my Birthday, a number of my family members sent along gifts from our wedding registry (December 2005 wedding) that were still left unfilled. Registries are tough as if you don't register people assume you're doing the, "We want money game." If you register for what you don't have, and in many instances couples live together before marriage and have the necessities, you're playing the, "Buy us expensive gifts we wouldn't otherwise afford." If you register for everything cheap, it's an insult to the guests. If you don't register for enough gifts, people get upset, too. I think they're miserable things!

 

[alliecats]

What is the 2nd "child" is a set of triplets?

 

[DisneyPhD]

I come from the "shower for the 1st baby only" type of area, unless there are special reasons: long time between children, twins, (needs 2 of many things) small showers (I like the sprinkle idea) for opposite sex 2nds. Also if a person moved or joined a new church and friends never went to a 1st shower.

I think showers get out of control. Maybe it is how easy it is to register now a days. I know a couple who had 4 good size showers for the 1st baby. That seems like over kill to me.

I just got an invite for a dear friends baby shower. There was a little card in it that told where they were registered, but also said "don't feel you need to run out and go shopping, the mother and father were pleased to receive previously used and loved items." I really liked that idea. I have many items I plan to pass on to this couple, but I do plan on buying something new too. I thought it was a great idea. Sometimes baby things are used so briefly and gently it seems like such a waste to buy all new, just because the baby is new.


Having said all that, after my 2nd was born I realized I felt rather sad never having some kind of celebration for my 2nd entry into the world. We didn't need any supplies or gifts, I just missed the celebration and support of being with family and friends before the delivery. I was talking with a friend about this, what she did was after the baby was born all the family came over for dinner one night. Everyone was provided a canvas and paint, and was asked to paint a self portrait to hang on the baby's bedroom wall. I thought it was very sweet.

 

[JVL1018]

I've never been invited ot a Baby shower for a second baby and would think it sort of odd, unless it was a long time between children.

What my friends and I always do(unwritten rule somewhere LOL) is go to the baby shower, bring gifts-off the registry- then after the baby is born, we will all make time to go visit, sometimes alone, sometimes a couple of us or more, and more gifts(almost always clothes for this occasion) are given.

With second babies(and more) there is no baby shower, but there is ALWAYS the visits and gifts given, so babies are always celebrated.

 

[katerkat]

Most people I know have "sprinkles" - gifts are usually diapers and a couple outfits, even if it's the same gender at the previous child(ren). Each kid deserves to have his/her own party, and a couple outfits that aren't hand-me-downs. I don't know anyone who had kids close together and did a full second shower.

 

[aprilgail2]

I've ne ver been invited to a baby shower for a second baby...its first child only for showers..the following kids would get a gift brought the first time you visited them. The first child has the baby shower and then also get s a gift the first time you visit it but showers are a one time thing.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

i pretty much stopped attending showers when i got the "ultimate tacky invite"-the hosts had the hororee make a list of the items she wanted and included a mimeographed copy in each invitation with an item HIGHLIGHTED and the words "you will bring this" written next to it. this came about a year after another one wherein the groom had decided he wanted to be "part of the fun" and provided a list of car-parts and custom car toys he wanted (complete with the serial numbers "for easy buying").

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I had multiple showers for all 3 of my children. I asked people not to do it but they insisted. They said they would just surprise me. All of my girlfriends and I had a great time at my last one. My DS4 is very much loved by our friends! No one felt obligated, it came from their hearts. If you have bad feelings about a shower, don't go!

I feel like StephnChris, a baby is too be celebrated. I don't feel that it is tacky if people that love you "want" to do that for you.

Lori

 

[EthansMom]

For our first baby, MIL threw a surprise shower. Our first child is a boy. We moved across the country between having our babies. My friends in our new town threw me a surprise shower for my second child, a girl. It was nice to get the pink, frilly clothes and blankets that my friends gave me.

In both cases, the showers were more "sprinkles" with modest gifts (clothes, blankets, diapers, books, etc.) and were great occasions to visit with friends and family.

As other posters have mentioned, I detest the way that "showers" are being used as a way to specifically request outrageously overpriced (and often rediculous) items. I think that the entire registry thing has gotten out of hand.

 

[4cruisin]

I love the idea of a "sprinkle". My closest friend is about ready to deliver her 2nd child. Her first just graduated from high school I keep asking her what were you thinking every time the 17 y.o. gives her a hard time!

She did not want a shower because she lost a pregnancy last year and was nervous about this baby. I want to do something small for her after the baby is born so a sprinkle is a great idea. I have already talked to her sister in law and we had planned on just getting some family and close friends together for a small party to welcome the new baby. Now, I have a great theme to work with.

Thanks for the inspiration.

 

[Crankyshank]

Until I came to the DIS, I had never heard of showers after the 1st child being tacky or not done. It's very much the norm around here. Every child should be celebrated. Normally we have sprinkles but it's not called that here.

 

[mrsltg]

For my first there were three showers (given by different groups and attended by different groups). My girlfriend threw me a "Baby Sprinkle" last year for family and close friends when I was about 7.5 mos along. There was nothing big given though I did register for some items that I did need. Some people shopped from the registry, some didn't. There were lots of outfits given and one of my best girlfriends gave me matching silver bracelets for my girls (great idea, btw!).

I guess the point is, I agree that an overdone shower for each child is out of hand. I don't think it's a big deal to have a small party for close friends and family to celebrate a new baby. I wouldn't want a party after the baby is born as it would just be that much more stress! If I were the OP's sister I would go and bring a small gift - ie, an outfit and blanket or some such thing.

 

[DVC Sadie]

All babies deserve to be celebrated but maybe in different ways.

When I think of Baby Showers I think in terms of helping a family with the larger items needed to help with a nursery. I do not attend multiple showers for the same family but always bring a small gift for the new addition.

I went to one shower and when this family sent out invitations for the next shower for baby #2 I was shocked to see the items from the 1st shower for sale on e-bay.

 

[RSoxFan]

The only time I've been to a shower for a second or third child was for a friend who was having a third child after a twelve year break between her first two children and the third. She had given away all of her baby items because she wasn't expecting to have another baby. Family members who had been given the crib, high chair, etc. that she had used for her first two children wrapped them back up and gave them back to her. Friends and other family members gave her baby clothes, bibs, diapers etc.

My cousin just had her second baby, a boy. Her older son is two. For her first, we had a huge shower. For this baby, we didn't because she had all of the big furniture and other expensive items. When the baby was born, we brought them clothes as a "welcome baby" gift.

I always thought of baby shower as a way to help new parents afford all of the baby necessities while being able to share in their joy.

 

[maddiel]

I threw a surprise shower for a friend who was having her second, but I think it was a special circumstance. She hadn't had a shower for her first (two years older than the new baby) because she'd moved when she was halfway through her first pregnancy and no one here knew her well enough to host a shower. Also, her mother died of breast cancer shortly before the first baby was born, so her family weren't really able to have one.

When I was pregnant with my second, I was asked by family if I wanted a shower and declined. (My kids are seven years apart.) My husband had changed jobs when I was 6 months pregnant and the week after my due date (it was the work day closest to his birthday) his colleages threw HIM a surprise shower - I wasn't invited. I really didn't know his co-workers well at the time, but it was kind of funny. The folks he worked with would have a party at the drop of a hat - any excuse for cake! And my husband got to write all the thank-you notes!

M.