Is one Baby Shower enough?

[TnKrBeLlA012]

My sister's friend is having baby number three. Her two children are 3 and 1. The 1year old and the new baby are both boys. My sister just received an invitation to a baby shower that the girl's mother is giving her. Personally I think it is very tacky to invite people to a shower after she just had a baby a year ago and a big shower for her first. My sister feels obligated to go but she also thinks it is wrong. The girl and her husband both have big jobs so it is not like they need anything. She also went out and registered? I just think it is wrong. She also wants another baby after this baby. Does she get another shower for baby number four? How many showers are enough? Just wondering what people think.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I agree with you. I've never been invited to a baby shower for baby #2 or any thereafter. About the only time I think a second shower is warranted is if the couple has another child "later in life", like if their other children are teenagers and they got rid of all their baby stuff, thinking they were done having babies, then a "whoops" comes along. Then it's kind of nice to help out with a second shower. But for each baby? Nope.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Well, you know Miss Manners frowns on family members throwing the shower in the first place. And I agree--another baby shower is tacky. If I were your sister, I wouldn't go--and I wouldn't feel obligated.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Baby showers are a fun way to celebrate a new baby entering the world. I think every baby deserves to have one! Besides, by showers #2 and #3, the parents probably have all the big ticket stuff, so small gifts like diapers and clothes are simple and appropriate. We have birthday parties for our kids every year - why? Don't they have enough toys? Baby showers are just one of life's fun little things.

 

[jbdreamer]

Nope, I have never been to a baby shower for a second or third child. Although if I was invited I would still go and bring a small gift.

 

[rayelias]

Well, you know Miss Manners frowns on family members throwing the shower in the first place. And I agree--another baby shower is tacky. If I were your sister, I wouldn't go--and I wouldn't feel obligated.

I had no idea Miss Manners was against showers. Good for her.

I despise them.

As far as I'm concerned, the whole "shower" thing has gotten WAY out of hand. It's like an obligation to strong-arm people into buying you gifts every time you make a major life decision. Getting married? Bridal shower. Got pregnant? Baby shower? Bought a house? Housewarming shower. Lanced a boil? Shower for that.

If you can't afford what you're doing, don't do it. And don't expect me to help decorate your home, outfit your child, etc. It's one thing to have a party to celebrate an event. It's quite another to provide a list of "acceptable gifts" from specific stores. And, to make matters worse, you're asked to purchase Williams Sonoma gifts. What's the matter, WalMart not good enough for you?

I never asked anyone for anything when these events occurred in my life. Yet, I'm constantly being "invited" to do so for others. And, God forbid if you don't buy a gift - you become a scrooge. I'm living in a house with only half the rooms full of furniture, bare walls, and no fancy kitchen gadgets because I don't want to force others into buying me expensive gifts en masse, but I've got to buy a $200 ice cream scoop (that'll never get used) because someone wants to live beyond their means but can't afford to.

(Can you tell this is a hot button with me?)

 

[mommytotwo]

Baby showers are a fun way to celebrate a new baby entering the world. I think every baby deserves to have one! Besides, by showers #2 and #3, the parents probably have all the big ticket stuff, so small gifts like diapers and clothes are simple and appropriate. We have birthday parties for our kids every year - why? Don't they have enough toys? Baby showers are just one of life's fun little things.

I agree. It is also a time for family and close friends to get together before the baby comes.

 

[disykat]

Miss Manners (and all the etiquette folks) isn't against showers, only against close family members throwing them. The showers I've been to that weren't first baby showers were smaller scale, family and very close friends occasions - really more of a party than a shower.

 

[NAB]

I think one shower is enough too. Or I also agree if they have a baby years later and they don't have the stuff. The presents on a registery are getting outrageous too IMO.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I think you should have a baby bath for a baby, a shower would be hard seeing as how he cant stand up yet

 

[jbdreamer]

Speaking of showers can I vent about them too?

My cousin is getting married in a couple months. My mother and I were asked by her mother to host a family shower for her. Um sure, no problem we said. We just got the list and there are over 30+ guests.

She is having a second shower with her friends.

Then a third shower 2 days before the wedding for out of town guests! I can't believe they are expecting out of town guest to pay for travel, hotel and 2 gifts!

 

[Beth76]

Yeah tacky. Showers are not just about celebrating the baby. They're mostly about showering the mom-to-be with stuff she'll need for the baby. I think a "Welcome Home Baby" party would be a much better idea.

 

[Snow Brite]

I have four children and had a big shower for my first. I was asked if I wanted a shower many times for the other kids and I always said no thank you, that my mother had taught me it was tacky and greedy and we had everything we wanted.

But my husband's family threw a huge formal baby shower for baby #3 when they had not attended or given showers for the first 2 or the last one. I NEVER understood this and was frankly so embarassed by it. It was at the Presidio in San Francisco with a full lunch and dressy clothing and occurred when the baby was about 3 months old. There were some huge baby presents, like a high chair and new crib, things that would have been great when we were poor and with our first baby, but not at all neccessary for our third. I was just baffled by the whole thing. It was all family but none of mine because they all lived far away. It was so bizarre.

With my fourth child I had made many close new friends at church and they really wanted to throw me a shower. They said it was ok because they had not known me when I was having any of the other babies. I still said no, but they didn't listen and had a surprise shower instead. I teased them endlessly about not having a SURPRISE SHOWER for a 9 months PREGNANT woman and they were lucky I did not drop the baby right then and there. It was a sweet shower with a few little baby outfits and books, inscribed to him, so he would have a few things to call his own that were not hand-me-downs. It was a fun time and because I had refused graciously and then had then surprised me it felt like all the etiquette had kinda been observed! LOL!

If I was invited to a baby shower for a second or third baby I would go as they are fun. But if I had been to a previous shower for the mom I would only bring a little something. A new outfit that is gender appropriate, or a book. Maybe a package of diapers or a gift certicate for dinner. By the time I got to the second shower in a year for the same person I am not sure I would go. Would depend on how close I was to them and how needy they were.

 

[bellacam]

This is what we do. Call us tacky if you want . If a woman in our family is having a baby after an extended period of time from her last or a closer in age but of a different sex, we have a "Sprinkle". Its usually just family and any close friends. She gets diapers and day to day necessities as well as clothes if the child is of the opposite sex than what she has. For example, say my sister has a 2yo girl then gets pg again, this time with a boy, she would get a sprinkle. If she has a third, we wouldn't do anything unless there is more than 5 years in between. We have always done this and where only family and close friends are invited and it's the same for everyone, no one has ever complained.

 

[Stacerita]

This is what we do. Call us tacky if you want . If a woman in our family is having a baby after an extended period of time from her last or a closer in age but of a different sex, we have a "Sprinkle". Its usually just family and any close friends. She gets diapers and day to day necessities as well as clothes if the child is of the opposite sex than what she has. For example, say my sister has a 2yo girl then gets pg again, this time with a boy, she would get a sprinkle. If she has a third, we wouldn't do anything unless there is more than 5 years in between. We have always done this and where only family and close friends are invited and it's the same for everyone, no one has ever complained.

The "sprinkle" makes more sense than a full shower. Especially if the kids are close in age. I didn't attend a "sprinkle" for a close friends sister (i opted to sit the other kids). She had a "sprinkle" not a shower since her two older kids were 2 and 4, but they were both boys. So she was given a "sprinkle" for pink. I didn't see it as tacky. She never registered either. I sent a few small pink girly things. And it was really close family and close friends.

Having a huge shower for each kid when they are close in age is just gift grubbing IMO. If someone really wants to shower the mom to be with a gift, they will even if there is no shower.

 

[barbeml]

I had no idea Miss Manners was against showers. Good for her.

I despise them.

As far as I'm concerned, the whole "shower" thing has gotten WAY out of hand. It's like an obligation to strong-arm people into buying you gifts every time you make a major life decision. Getting married? Bridal shower. Got pregnant? Baby shower? Bought a house? Housewarming shower. Lanced a boil? Shower for that.

If you can't afford what you're doing, don't do it. And don't expect me to help decorate your home, outfit your child, etc. It's one thing to have a party to celebrate an event. It's quite another to provide a list of "acceptable gifts" from specific stores. And, to make matters worse, you're asked to purchase Williams Sonoma gifts. What's the matter, WalMart not good enough for you?

I never asked anyone for anything when these events occurred in my life. Yet, I'm constantly being "invited" to do so for others. And, God forbid if you don't buy a gift - you become a scrooge. I'm living in a house with only half the rooms full of furniture, bare walls, and no fancy kitchen gadgets because I don't want to force others into buying me expensive gifts en masse, but I've got to buy a $200 ice cream scoop (that'll never get used) because someone wants to live beyond their means but can't afford to.

(Can you tell this is a hot button with me?)

I'll bet a lot of people feel this way.

I have a tiny family. I married into an Italian family where all the cousins are "close." So close that we never see them until one of their little darlings has a gift-begging event. It never ends...baby showers, christenings, communions, grade school graduation, high school graduation, college graduation...on and on.

Oh, and we have yet to receive A SINGLE THANK YOU NOTE from any of them.

They all have McMansions and expensive cars, we have no kids and live in a townhouse.

 

[barkley]

i pretty much stopped attending showers when i got the "ultimate tacky invite"-the hosts had the hororee make a list of the items she wanted and included a mimeographed copy in each invitation with an item HIGHLIGHTED and the words "you will bring this" written next to it. this came about a year after another one wherein the groom had decided he wanted to be "part of the fun" and provided a list of car-parts and custom car toys he wanted (complete with the serial numbers "for easy buying").

i like sending a gift for a celebration but i don't like the whole trend in folks using showers to get the most expensive top of the line items that they would never consider buying themselves (and if someone has to have a shower to get their child the basic necessities i'm concerned how they plan on providing for them down the line).

 

[mylilnikita]

At my old job, it was like if you drank the water, you became pregnant. One girl, loved her dearly, but she had 1 little boy when she first started working there, then became pregnant so the work gave her a shower. Well, her husband worked when he wanted and she would go out for lunch but not have enough money for pull ups for the 1st kid. Then right before I left, she got pregnant again-here is a hint you can't say it wasn't planned if you admit you didn't use anything-but I left before they gave her another shower and last I heard she was on baby #4. When she was pregnant with #3 the daddy didn't want it but changed his mind, why would you get in the bed again with someone who wanted you to get rid of it when all they had to do was use protection?
Then before I left there was another girl and she was playing around with a co worker who was MR. PLAYER and she got pregnant got an abortion, then turned around and got pregnant again by same guy along with another girl by the same guy.
Now one of my friends became pregnant and had 2 places that she registered. Now, the daddy drives a Hummer and she had a well paying job so why would she want other people to get her a high dollar high chair -that the baby couldn't use yet and stroller/car seat combo or changing area/play pen?
I didn't want a baby shower, we bought everything ourselves except my DF bought a little seat that vibrated, DD loved that.
So I don't do baby showers unless they are really close and it is their first one.

 

[fabumouse]

i pretty much stopped attending showers when i got the "ultimate tacky invite"-the hosts had the hororee make a list of the items she wanted and included a mimeographed copy in each invitation with an item HIGHLIGHTED and the words "you will bring this" written next to it.

I'm having a difficult time even digesting this one. Is this a particularly wealthy group of people who find these kinds of things frivolous? I've never received an invitation to a shower that came even close to this level of obnoxiousness.

One nice thing a group of women friends did for me was throw a book party - everyone brought their favorite childhood book to make a library for my DD. That would be a nice thing for a second, ad infinitum, baby.

I agree that some of the presents for showers are outrageous - a woman I know who lived in a tiny ONE bedroom apartment in Manhattan with her new husband had registered for $300 place settings and not much else. Great, so I'm going to spend that kind of money so you can store all this stuff in your parents' suburban garage for the next 10 years??

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

My sister's friend is having baby number three. Her two children are 3 and 1. The 1year old and the new baby are both boys. My sister just received an invitation to a baby shower that the girl's mother is giving her. Personally I think it is very tacky to invite people to a shower after she just had a baby a year ago and a big shower for her first. My sister feels obligated to go but she also thinks it is wrong. The girl and her husband both have big jobs so it is not like they need anything. She also went out and registered? I just think it is wrong. She also wants another baby after this baby. Does she get another shower for baby number four? How many showers are enough? Just wondering what people think.

I don't see them so much as "showers" as much as it is a celebration of the new baby. I think each and every new baby in a family deserves to be celebrated as much as the first. It never even occured to me that baby showers were tacky?