Is my husband being out of order?

[angel659]

Hi

My friend wants to come with us to Florida in November. She is a single mum with a son of aged 7. I asked dh if she can come with us, but he said no. He is worried for many reasons:-

* He is worried that he will end up looking after the kids, while shell and I go off and do other stuff or if we get chatting and drinking etc.
* Someone with us everyday
* Arguements with the kids
* Sometimes shell and I apparently gang up against him we dont see it
* Having to ferry 7 people around everywhere, as opposed to only being responsible for 5
* Not able to relax and be himself
* She has come into some money, but we wont be able to keep up financially over there.
* Not being a family holiday

I feel for my friend. She has never been before. She has been to DLP with her ex, but not Florida. She has never travelled alone before or even been on a plane since she was little. She loves the idea of coming with us. She has been through so much over the last 3 years, with the loss of her parents within 2 months apart to cancer. Her mum made her promise before she died to take Lewis to WDW and she left them some money for them do that. At the time she was unable to afford it and had to use the money for debt. Now her parents house has been sorted out, unfortunately her inheritance money has come through and she wants to book a big holiday. She does deserve it. I personally feel that my dh is being out of order. Please tell me if I am out of order or whether Bruce is right. Also please be aware my friend will be with us all of the time I doubt she would go off on her own. Thats is one of the biggest problems.

 

[wilma-bride]

Hmm, Michelle, this is a tough one but no, I don't think Bruce is wrong on this one. It would be one thing if it were another couple and a child but, personally, I think my husband would have many of the same concerns. I am not saying he is necessarily right about all of them (obviously I don't know how close you all are or what she is like) but some of his arguments to the contrary are very valid.

It would be all too easy for the family holiday which you have so been looking forward to, to be ruined because of having to make compromises and adjustments to cater for 2 more people.

I can see all of your reasons for wanting to include her and I think it is really sweet of you but I can totally understand why Bruce feels the way he does. I don't think you are out of order at all for wanting to invite her along with you though - I think it's really lovely of you

 

[mikki.young]

It is a tough one. Is there any way she could be out there at the same time as you all, so you could meet up occasionally while each doing your own thing much of the time?

 

[ely3857]

Sorry Michelle but i'm with Bruce on this one. While been on holiday with other couple/families can add to the enjoyment the scenario you've painted of your friend and her child 'tagging' onto your family holiday is not a nice one.

I can totally understand why you want her to go with you and it's very nice you want to help her out after her tough time but you and Bruce will be forking out a small fortune for your holiday and if everyone is not on the same wave length then it could be ruined.

Gavin would have reacted in much the same manner and if the situation were reversed, so would I.

Sometimes you just have to be selfish and think of you and your family only.



Jodie

ETA - This seems it could be very awkward as this has already been discussed with your friend prior to checking with Bruce so if it stays at no he's gonna be the bad guy? There's nothing to stop your friend deciding to go herself on a seperate WDW holiday, you could draw up a plan for her and answer her questions to help her out and even meet up occasionally for a meal.

 

[jen_uk]

I can see your point of view but I also agree with Bruce. I know what I am like with my close friends and how we can natter for hours and leave dh out of it completely! If it was another couple it could be ok but just your friend and her son could end up being uncomfortable and if it ends up with Bruce feeling resentful then it will ruin your family holiday and could also ruin your friendship. You work really hard for your holiday and I wouldn't take the chance of having something ruin it, is there any way that she could tag onto your August trip?

 

[angel659]

Thanks for your support and advice. We both didnt know who was right and wrong. I think I will go with what Bruce said and explain to her that she can not come with us, but I will be more than happy to go away with her next yr. Me, dd, lewis and shell.

, is there any way that she could tag onto your August trip?

I dont think this would be a good idea to be honest.

I thought because Bruce has been there for her as well and he knows my friend it would of been a good idea.

Thanks for the suggestion. Any suggestions really help

 

[saratogagirl]

Hi Michelle, this is very sweet of you and I can understand you wanting to help your friend. However, I have to agree with the majority and Bruce, this is a no no. I have been there and done this, albeit not to WDW and my friend didn't have a child. My closest friend at the time came with us to Ibiza for two weeks, it was a complete nightmare. The saying that you don't know somebody until you "live" with them totally came true. So called friend pouted if we didn't eat, do or drink what she wanted, and Ian and if I am honest myself were both a bit resentful that we were not alone as much as we would have liked to be. As you know we do and go most everywhere as a couple and it wasn't easy.
I know how hard you and Bruce have worked and saved for this family holiday and I would hate for it to be spoilt for you, I think it is sensible idea for you to go somewhere with your mate next year.

 

[natalielongstaff]

i agree with everyone else...its a nice idea in principle but i think it could ruin the holiday

 

[wils]

I agree with the others - It's a really sweet thought but too likely to ruin your holiday.

Sending you a

 

[shellbell]

I also agree with everyone else, Its very kind of you to think of your friend and her son but you must put your own family first. I'm sure your friend will understand.

 

[carolfoy]

adding my agreement, I don't think Bruce is being unreasonable, he wants to keep your family holiday special and to yourselves. If you can't tag her onto the august trip then I'd consider just you and her and the kids going to DLRP at some point instead

 

[angel659]

Thanks for your advice. I spoke to her this morning and said that she cant come with us and would she like to go away in October 08. She said she wouldnt be able to afford it then. She seemed to be okay with the idea.

I certainly do not want to invite her and Lewis to the August holiday for many reasons. Most important reason is that it was lovely for Claire to invite me and it sounds nice it being a adult girly week. No kids I love my kids, but we can eat, drink, ride, walk anywhere without having to worry.

I just felt sorry for her and just wanted to help her in anyway that I can. Sometimes I offer things without thinking things through. I just presumed Bruce would of been ok with it. I didnt really see it being a problem. I could speak to her and say it doesnt have to stop her from going at the same time. We could meet up a few times in the two weeks, which Bruce is fine with.

 

[carolfoy]

I hope she appreciates what a good friend you're being Michelle, If I was her I'd have felt awkward intruding on someones family holiday anyway. If you could arrange october 2008 that waould be a great compromise. hope it all workd out for you hon.

 

[ely3857]

Im glad it went ok when you told her



Jodie

 

[AliceGardner]

I am complete agreement with everyone else here - I can see why your husband just wants some "family time".

To be honest the same could be said about this within families: my husband and I avoid holidays with the in-laws (unless they are short and LOTS of "personal space" is written into the contract...) and I couldn't holiday with my own mother - she isn't independent enough (I don't mean physically or anything - she is completely healthy, mobile and can drive - just that she would want to do everything with us). That would just suffacate us. Rightly or wrongly, husband and I like our time alone with our young daughter.

It is a tough one. Is there any way she could be out there at the same time as you all, so you could meet up occasionally while each doing your own thing much of the time?

How independent is your firend, could nikki.young's suggestion work? I.e. she goes out at the same time, stays either at the same hotel or somewhere else (giving you all plenty of space) does her own thing, but you meet up occassionally?

Alice

 

[mandymouse]

I have to once again agree with everyone (& your hubby), that it's a lovely thought, but it's a definite no. My hubby would go bananas if I suggested one of my mates coming away with us

Mandy

 

[UKDEB]

I spoke to her this morning and said that she cant come with us and would she like to go away in October 08. She said she wouldnt be able to afford it then.

I don't understand why she can afford to go this November, but not next October. Surely she just saves the money she would have spent in November. Or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?

 

[ely3857]

I don't understand why she can afford to go this November, but not next October. Surely she just saves the money she would have spent in November. Or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?

This is exactly what I thought. If she has the funds now why not just put them to one side for next year? It made me think she isnt really all that keen if she isnt prepared to wait for it.



Jodie

 

[angel659]

I don't understand why she can afford to go this November, but not next October. Surely she just saves the money she would have spent in November. Or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?

That was my point to her as well. She said she needs a holiday this year, her money she will be taking out of the inheritence will go on this holiday. She doesnt think she can afford it next yr.

Poor Bruce he is feeling guilty. I told him not to and showed him this thread to say people agree with you. I said if we are all not happy about it then its best she doesnt come and not to dwell on the fact that you were unhappy with it. He hates letting people down and feels guilty. I have tried to reassure him that thier is no need and its fine. He is trying to think of ways that will be fine for her to come i.e come with us, but only meet up a couple of times. I seriously doubt this would happen. I would worry if she was ok without us considering it is her holiday on her own. I think its best that its a full no rather than compromises.

 

[UKDEB]

Awww, hugs to you both. You can't be responsible for others' happiness. Just enjoy the planning for your family holiday and forget all about it.