Is my family unthoughtful or am I overreacting?

[anewvance]

I know this is just a major vent and i'm full of them... but this just really upset me and wondering if I should just get over it. I just had my accident on Wed. I went to the doctor for a follow up on Friday. My doctor couldn't believe I wasn't in worse shape then I am after hearing the details of the accident. He said it needed time and rest. That I needed to plant myself and watch dvd's not to stress about anything, ect.

So 2 things recently with my family has really ticked me off. Yesterday it was my nephews bday party that was held at a park. I was hurting but I didn't want to disappoint my nephew so I figured I go and plant myself in a chair and watch. On our way there, we got a flat tire. The car was given to us by my aunt recently and the tires I guess weren't the greatest because one tire had blown earlier in the week but since dh was with me, he didn't get a chance to replace it yet. Therefore, no spare for tire that just blew. After calling my sister who said she couldn't help us because she was already at the park, I called my aunt who came to get us. She was only going to give my kids a ride to the party (not sure what she thought I was going to do). So we go to the park and my grandfather goes back for dh to take him to Walmart to get new tires. 1st off, the chairs we brought were still in our car so I had no chair. Had to spend the whole party on a very uncomfortable park bench. So the party is ending, dh is finished with the car.. but we are all the way in the western part of town. He was going to meet me at Toys R Us to get a new carseat since ours was in the accident. Funny enough, I couldn't get a ride from a single family member for me and my kids to get to Toys R Us. It was on EVERYONE'S way home since we are all in the central to eastern part of town. I was in shock... everyone had an excuse as to why they couldn't take us. So I had to call dh to come all the way to the park just to pick us up. Then everyone is packing up their stuff and saying their goodbyes. I know that dh is still 20 minutes away and everyone is leaving right then and there. We are at a park in a neighborhood where people drive their cars pretty fast around the bend. I have my 6, 4 and 20 month old with me. I have visions of my 20 month old trying to take off and I am totally unable to walk on my leg and the crutches hurt like heck because the top half of me is so beat up. And I wouldn't be able to catch him in time. Apparently no one in the family is even thinking about this. And everyone thinks i'm overreacting when I bring this point up. So whining and all, my aunt agrees to stay and wait with us. Anyone else thinking i'm overreacting here?

So today I am really hurting from yesterday, totally overdid it in my opinion. My neck is really really sore. So my aunt calls and she tells me I can't keep laying in bed... I need to get up and get this, EXERSISE!!!! It was such a small comment but for some reason it really really ticked me off.

Number 1, the nurses and doctor at the hospital on Wed told me that my best bet is to stay in bed the next week because I am going to be hurting and it takes time to heal. Number 2, my regular doctor who saw me on Friday said that I was to plant myself and watch movies and not stress myself over ANYTHING until my next appointment on Wednesday. He couldn't believe i was going 40mph and wasn't hurt worse but was also in awe of all my bumps and bruises. He even gave me stronger pain meds then the hospital because from all the details of the accident he said I must REALLY be hurting. And number 3, like I said, it's easier said then done on the crutches because the top part of me hurts so bad. So it's not as simple as getting up and taking a walk or something.

So I am sitting here thinking my family thinks i'm some total wimp who is unwilling to help myself and I need to get over it and do for myself. My husband took off last Thurs and Fri to help take care of me and to watch our son during the day. But he HAS to go back to work tomorrow. I'm already freaking out, I don't know what is going to happen. I am really really hurting today... thank heavens for paid meds. But if i'm home with my son tomorrow alone I have no idea what is going to happen. For one, it takes me 20 minutes to get up and down the stairs WITH help. Without dh, i'll have to stay downstairs with ds but then he won't be able to nap because i'll never be able to get him upstairs or downstairs. And i'll be in even worse pain because the pain pill make me drowsy and i can't take them if i'm alone with ds. I can barely move, I am afraid to be responsible for him for 9 hours.

Hmm, I wonder if this is the stress my doctor is talking about. Oh and plus now that I am putting a little more weight on my leg, I think my knee is in pretty bad shape. The doctor just figured it was bruised but now it almost feels like something is chipped in there and moving around when I move my knee. They did an xray of my foot and neck but not my knee.

Thanks for letting me vent... I am not sure what i'm expecting from this post. Either to be agreed with or to be told to get over myself!!!

 

[petchie]

If you were my sister I would have rathered you stay home. But if you were my sister you would not have tried to come. (We are best friends, have a great relationship and call it like we see it.) At a party for a bunch of kids, I would not have time to play nurse and my sister would have known that.

You were told to sit and relax. You chose to go to the party. They probably thought you were feeling OK since you went against medical advice.

Sorry, I know your looking for sympathy and I am sure you do hurt ALOT and hope you feel better soon. Can you hire someone to come and help you with your little one?

 

[ntburns22]

I would think in that situation, family would be more willing to help you out. Do you have any friends that could come over for a couple hours to help you out?

 

[anewvance]

I did not expect to be babysat whatsoever at the party and have no problem with that. It was not getting a ride after the party was said and done that upset me. I did make the choice to go to the party, he didn't have alot of people coming to his party because my sister couldn't invite anyone from his school (not allowed to hand out invites and she had no home address much less full names of kids in his class). So my kids we gonna go no matter what.

I would have absolutely no idea where to go to hire anyone... my grandmother is our only babysitter, we have never used anyone outside the family, never have had to. But my mom and aunt are making it clear I am not to ask her for help this time around, she's been trying to finish an outdoor project she started (bricking an area that used to have bushes). The only friends we have work during the day as well.

My sister is my twin sister and we do normally have an excellent relationship, we are best friends. But recently she's been having issues (most of which she is unexpectedly pregnant) and she's having a hard time. Every single time i've asker her to do anything for me lately she's said no. But she has no trouble asking for more and more help. But not going there, it's a whole other vent.

 

[brittsmum1998]

I say approach the subject with Grandmom, you may be surprised...she may say your mom and sis are being selfish and of course she will help out even for only a couple hours. It wouldn't hurt to try. Good luck.

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[minkydog]

I'd ask her anyway.Or put the 20 month old in daycare for the week. I think you do need some help. I had my leg in a cast about 6 years ago and can fully understand how hard it is to take care of a toddler when you can't get around. Let alone cook, go to the bathroom, and recover from a painful accident. I'm not sure staying in bed is the very best strategy(you're likely to get really stiff & sore) but you sure can't be expected to be 100% functional either. If nobody will help, then DH needs to stay home and do it.

 

[Mishetta]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have a lot of family (that's why we moved from CA to MI to be near them) but sadly, I found out that when my Mom was ill with cancer & I had an 7 y/o & a 7 month old baby, I was all alone unless I called one of my friends. I usually dragged both my kids to all my Mom's oncologists appts (not fun either) unless my friends would help. No relative gave me a hand at all. Sounds pretty much like your story.

How about someone at church? Can someone come stay with you a couple hours?

Crutches do really hurt to use. I don't think it really matter what condition you're in. You're carrying all your weight under your arms basically ~ gee...that can't feel too good!

I also have no one to watch my children so I understand your dilemma.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I'm sorry!! You are in pain and those around you are being incosiderate!! You deserve and need to take care of yourself

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, overreacting on the party. You should not have went!!! The doctor told you to stay home!!! I would let that one go.

As far as your mom not helping you....well....I would blow my stack so I am not someone to ask. If my mother told me she had to gardening to do....

So to answer your question your family IS UNTHOUGHFUL and UNLOVING....that is just mean.

 

[VanniGirl]

So sorry you are in such pain I agree to ask your Grandma for help.

 

[mickeysgal]

But my mom and aunt are making it clear I am not to ask her for help this time around, she's been trying to finish an outdoor project she started (bricking an area that used to have bushes).

Huh?? This time around? What does that mean? I don't understand this at all. An outdoor bricking project comes first? Can your DH call your family members and ask for help? Does he have family in the area that he can call? How about neighbors? You can't be groggy on pain medication and be alert and responsive to three children. Thats a disaster waiting to happen. In retrospect you shouldn't have attended the party...no matter how many kids were there or not. Now what your family is seeing is that you were well enough to attend the party, therefore, you must be well enough to stay at home without help. Good luck. Try to ask everywhere for help. Surely someone has to be available at least for a little while. Hopefully you can paste enough people together so that they all don't have to commit huge blocks of time.

 

[VSL]

Firstly, I am with TMM in saying that you should not have gone to the party as you knew how you felt and the doctor told you to rest (people who don't follow medical advice do not get my sympathy - this goes for numerous people that I know personally as well).

However, with regards to having to look after your children while your DH is in work, then I do think that your family should be helping out if they are available - if they don't then I really think they are being thoughtless. Your wellbeing is a damn sight more important than some unfinished gardening (not to mention that it is also your child's welfare that is an issue here as well).

 

[Nancyg56]

I am soryy that you are in such pain and feeling so alone. Does your DH have anyone in his family who can lend a hand, or maybe a neighbor? You would be surprised that friends step it up and will help you if you ask.

 

[lbgraves]

From what I understand, going to the party turned into more of a problem due to the bad tire, which meant that you had more stress dealing with getting someone to pick you up & not having a comfortable chair to sit in & not having your DH there to help you since he was dealing with the car. If the tire had been fine, I can see that being a much easier situation to deal with.

I also agree with others who have suggested that you call your GM no matter what you have been told by others. She sounds like someone who is fully capable of helping you since she is going to be bricking a garden wall. IMO your family is being inconsiderate to tell you not to ask for any help & just get over it. I know that if any of my friends with kids here were in that situation I would be offering to go over & sit with you or pick up your little one to let you sleep off the pain meds. (((HUGS)))

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I would also ask your family if they could come help out some with your son tomorrow. Also, ask friends if they could take him for a little while. Or neighbors. Anyone to give you a break so you can at least take a nap. I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

I agree that you shouldn't have gone to the party, but obviously that is in hindsight since you didn't know you were going to get the flat tire and that you would then have the other chain of bad events. Isn't hindsight wonderful?

I wish that I lived near you--I would come help you out, except for the flu we are dealing with. That you don't need.

 

[Caradana]

Some parts of your post suggest that there is a lot of family history here. How's the financial situation, do you owe anyone money, or does anyone owe you money? I find that a lot of "my family members are ungrateful slugs" stories boil down to money. Alternatively, do you feel like they love your sister more than you? And what is the story with this unplanned pregnancy, are the stressors there marital (the husband is unhappy) or financial?

In short, this really isn't about the park and the tire. It's about deeper issues ... get to the bottom of those and you'll understand why you feel the way you do.

Does your husband have any family in the area? If not, call your friends and start begging for babysitter references. If none of that boils out, put the kids at home in day care this week (call your pediatrician and beg for help. He knows the best day cares in the area and can probably make some calls for you.) If that doesn't pan out, call Palm Beach Atlantic University or Broward Community College and ask to be connected to the social work or early childhood education departments. Ask people there for a reference for someone who can come in-home and care for your child on a temporary basis while you rest. You'll have to offer big $$$ but if you are worried about your child's safety while you recuperate, it's probably worth it.

 

[Skywalker]

I don't think you are over reacting, I would be very upset in that situation too. Your family is treating you so coldly that it's bizarre! There must be more here, I think. But anyway, I hope it all works out for you. Is there no way your husband can take off work a little longer?

 

[anewvance]

I guess i'm sorry I even mentioned the party. I am a softie and we are normally a very close knit family and it was actually never even a question of whether or not i'd go... he's my nephew and I was going to go. As a PP said, had not the tire blown and added stress with dh not being able to be at the party, ect... it would have been a very nice time and I would not have regretted going in the very least.

Someone asked about when I said this time around.... if you've followed some of my posts in the past you'd see life has been less then normal around here the last month. My son was very sick and in the hospital with rotovirus and then my girls got it. And once it finally went away we all (except older dd) came down with severe cases of broncitis. So my grandma did help alot during these situations. So I think that's what I meant about this time around because my mom and aunt saw my grandma doing all that for me and I guess it's not fair to ask again... I am soooo sorry my timing sucks!

We are normally a very tight family, we get together on a weekly basis... plenty of love and such. But I think everyone in the family is selfish in their own way, some worse then others.... I assumed it's like that in any family.

 

[wide awake]

I am not trying to be nasty here...but I wonder if your family has helped lots in the past and they're tired of it ? I know this happened w/ a girl I used to work with. People helped her w/ childcare, rides, etc...at first...then they all get sick of her issues. It sounds like the car accident might have been the straw ? And in your defense...I go against my doctor's advice all the time...actually he knows it and after my last surgery started laughing when he said "you drove yourself, didn't you ?"...I'd have never disappointed my nephew, so cheers to you for making the party !!!