Is my family unthoughtful or am I overreacting?

[The Mystery Machine]

We are normally a very tight family, we get together on a weekly basis... plenty of love and such. But I think everyone in the family is selfish in their own way, some worse then others.... I assumed it's like that in any family.

I would say no. You are injured and need help. A family that is "tight" helps each other, period.
Putting "conditions" on why you needed help is very odd.
But you do know something is "wrong" and that is why you posted.
Just because you get together weekly, doesn't change the fact your family is being "thoughtless".

As far as the party, well, you should not have gone. You have your family to think of first, not your nephew. I know that hard for you to understand but it is an important lesson to learn. Not a matter of you being a "softie".
You must take care of yourself first. You were seriously injured and need to be cared for.

 

[anewvance]

No I actually never really even ask for help. My grandma simply offers it. There are other people in my family that need assistance WAYYYYYYYYYY more often then I do.

Thanks wide awake, I wouldn't have done it to him... he was already disappointed enough that he had no friends coming to the party, couldn't let my guy down.. my nephews are like my children.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok, so get on the phone and start asking for help!!! Get yourself well!

 

[Marseeya]

I guess i'm sorry I even mentioned the party. I am a softie and we are normally a very close knit family and it was actually never even a question of whether or not i'd go... he's my nephew and I was going to go. As a PP said, had not the tire blown and added stress with dh not being able to be at the party, ect... it would have been a very nice time and I would not have regretted going in the very least.

I would have been at that party too, especially since it would have been entirely reasonable for you to be able to relax in a chair.

I think your family is being extremely insensitive and thoughtless. I don't care the reasons behind any prior aggravation, but if my sister were in pain, I'd be right there helping her.

 

[lbgraves]

Goodness! You have had a rough time of it the past month or so. It's not like any of these things were intentionally done by you...like financial situations that families get tired of helping people out of. You would have never chosen to have any of your kids get that sick. Call your GM. It sounds like she would be more than willing to help you. You can do something nice for her after you are feeling better...like get her something for her yard or help her put that wall up.

 

[MidgeD79]

I'm glad "murphy" is hanging on someone elses' back right now. This sounds like something that would (and has ) happened to me! Take a deep breath and blow out..... Try to simplify as many things as possible. When it comes down to it the only one you can count on is yourself. Prioritize and let some things go. When i broke my foot years ago, it had to be fixed surgically and I couldn't walk on it for 4 months. My youngest was 18 months and the oldest was 16 and pregnant with other kids inbetween. We gated the living up so the toddler couldn't go anywhere and I learned excellent bladder control. It could be worse. I don't know how, but it could be!

 

[mickeysgal]

Someone asked about when I said this time around.... if you've followed some of my posts in the past you'd see life has been less then normal around here the last month. My son was very sick and in the hospital with rotovirus and then my girls got it. And once it finally went away we all (except older dd) came down with severe cases of broncitis. So my grandma did help alot during these situations. So I think that's what I meant about this time around because my mom and aunt saw my grandma doing all that for me and I guess it's not fair to ask again... I am soooo sorry my timing sucks!

We are normally a very tight family, we get together on a weekly basis... plenty of love and such. But I think everyone in the family is selfish in their own way, some worse then others.... I assumed it's like that in any family.

That was me asking about what this time around meant. I didn't know about what has happened to you and your family lately. Gosh...no one can help getting sick for goodness sakes! And certainly you didn't ask for this accident. You would think that a normally tight family would certainly understand this, I hope! Isn't this what family is for...to help out in case of emergencies and this certainly sounds like it. I can't understand what kind of family would leave you alone in a park with three kids when you're obviously hurt and on crutches. Thats just bizarre. Whats up with that? I wouldn't hesitate to ask anyone at this point for help. You may not feel its fair since you've been asking so much lately, but these are extreme circumstances. Go ahead and start asking. You need assistance.

 

[LauraR]

Sorry you are going through such a rough time. Sometimes life can just be one thing after another. I think it's sweet that you were there for your nephew even though you weren't feeling well. If it hadn't been for the bad tire it would have been a whole other situation. I'm pretty dismayed at your family's behavior, and I can understand your disappointment. I hope they come around and offer to help. Your grandmother's project sounds like it can wait a little while, and you really need her help now.

 

[Colleen456]

First, I hope you have a speedy recovery! Second I think your family should have stepped up and helped. Third since they don't want to help call Grandma and trade your DH brick laying skills (hope he has some, lol) for her childcare skills!

Seriously, maybe DH could go over there on the weekend when DS is napping and help her finish the project. Sounds like your grandma is a gem and I know that if it were me and I knew you needed help I'd be upset that you didn't ask.

Its amazing how something as simple as a birthday party can turn into a nightmare trip. That is something you just can't predict. Don't beat yourself up for going, love is a strong motivator!

 

[anewvance]

My grandma called and once again I didn't have to ask... she just offered. I know she is willing to do it, it's the rest of my family that have a problem with it. They don't want their "mommy" overdoing it. My grandma is 69 and a very young 69 at that. In fact the day the accident happened, not 2 minutes after we got discharged from the hospital, my mom called and made sure we were picking up the kids immediately. My dh said of course, as soon as I get my wife home and comfortable in bed. Then not a few minutes later, my aunt called to make sure my dh was taking time off of work so that my grandma didn't have to watch my son. But you know what's funny is that they can be such an advocate for my grandma verbally but I don't see them offering to help out themselves... you can't have it both ways, ya know? My grandma has told me a million times she doesn't mind helping out... she goes overboard though, everything has to be fun and perfect at all times. The kids always have to have activities to do the whole time they are there.. she makes the 8 course meals, letting each have what they want so she's cooking 3 different meals. Her house has to be immaculate at all times. So I can see how she can "overdo it"... but like pp's have said, I didn't ask for everyone to get sick and I didn't ask for the accident. So if she is willing and able to help out, then why do I have to be made to feel guilty for it?

Dh might have to stay home tomorrow anyway though because I am probably making a doctor appt. My next follow up isn't until Wed but my knee is really a mess and probably will end up having to go for an xray. Sigh!

 

[VegasMonarch]

i hope you get to feeling better soon, although it does take a long time to heal after an accident like that. and as for your family, i just have one word: karma. it always comes back around.

 

[Nancyg56]

Ok, so get on the phone and start asking for help!!! Get yourself well!

Mystery Machine is right. You cannot chose when to need help and when not to need help. Circumstances around you determine that. Call your Grandma, and let her decide if she wants to lend a hand. If she helped you before, she will help you again. Get well, and I hope that the springtime brings your family good health.

 

[Freyja]

Just wanted to offer a

 

[Martha7]

My Dh's family has a lot of those weird dynamics too. His parents ( mid-seventies) always help their grown children as needed, especially their oldest daughter, who lives in the town next to them. Whenever her younger siblings need anything, she is the first on the phone, admonishing that "Mom and Dad are tired," etc. Duh! They spend every minute cleaning and fixing her empty house that's on the market and has been for a few years, and worked as general contractors to build her current house, (where she lives mortgage-free, I might add)! They're like her slaves, but have put themselves in that position, so I assume that they like the feeing of being needed, and I say very little. In the end, it all feels suspiciously like sibling rivalry to me, with each kid trying to maintain their position in the family as "the favorite," and therefore, feigning concern for their parents. In your case, put your Grandmother in the role of my in-laws here. She's the one they're trying to keep in good stead with. I'm guessing that there is existing family jealousy, either because you're better off financially than the others, etc. Have they weighed in on your trips to WDW? If so, there's your answer. Good luck to you and I hope you mend quickly!

 

[PhotobearSam]

Sounds to me like you are the type of person that when you were growing up, you were very self-sufficient and now everyone expects you to be that way and don't even think to offer help.


I had the same thing happen to me. Just because people were not used to worrying about me then they never did. "Don't worry about Sam, she can take care of herself" type of thing.

Only you know if you need help. Ask if you have too. I do think that they are not being very considerate.

I had a bad back muscle (I tore 2 muscles in my back at work). My boss had the gaul to tell me if I could not do my normal duties that maybe I should go "DOOR TO DOOR" in the neighbourhood to promote the photolab I was working at.... I could not move at all and could hardly get dressed in the morning but he thought I could do that... I was the type to work like a dog and stay longer and do more than asled so I see where he got used to seeing me in that role but shhheeessshh...

You are probably a victim of your own self-sufficientcy and when you really need help, people can't see you in that light.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My grandma called and once again I didn't have to ask... she just offered. I know she is willing to do it, it's the rest of my family that have a problem with it. They don't want their "mommy" overdoing it.

Seems pretty clear what's going on--they want her for themselves. How very sad! You need her now and they need to be more caring towards you. They should be pitching in and right now you are seeing their true colors. And just because they won't doesn't mean that she shouldn't. Sorry they are being this way! You need to take care of yourself and get better.

 

[mickeysgal]

My grandma called and once again I didn't have to ask... she just offered. I know she is willing to do it, it's the rest of my family that have a problem with it.

Dh might have to stay home tomorrow anyway though because I am probably making a doctor appt. My next follow up isn't until Wed but my knee is really a mess and probably will end up having to go for an xray. Sigh!

Im glad to hear that Grandma is helping you. It must be a relief. Can you make arrangements with a friend or neighbor or two to pitch in also so that Grandma doesn't have to shoulder the whole thing? Perhaps you can also stress to Grandma to not fuss so much over the kids (activities, meals, etc.). Send the kids with some videos or their own games so grandma doesn't have to be creative and keep them busy. If possible, send along a box of mac and cheese...kids love it and grandma doesn't have to cook...much. Make it easy on her.