Is Living together instead of Marriage

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I met my DH on a dating site, I went through a ton of idiots before him. There are religious dating sites. You may have to kiss(figuratively) a few frogs until HE comes along. At 37 you are not even on the cusp of used up. Oh and not all guys want kids, some are done with having them.

Thanks very much for giving me hope!

 

[Marchand63]

Thanks very much for giving me hope!

I found DH in my 40's - 46 to be exact - 37 - piece of cake.

 

[sam_gordon]

lol, your right, I was looking for some ideal for questions and I ended up on this website and its just not me


https://socialmettle.com/

Or you know, you could take a night or two (or more) off.

 

[loves to dive]

I don't think it makes a difference. Honey and I have been living together for 25 years so it works for us. While right now he makes the bigger income since I'm semi-retired that wasn't always the case and makes no difference as I could make it just fine without his income. Georgia does not have common law marriages any more, it did when we first lived together so I actually kept my official address as my parents house and we never said we lived together. After the law was rescinded I changed my address. At our ages, there is really no reason to get married - I'm 61 and he's 48.

 

[Marchand63]

It's amazing what a healthy diet, exercise, yoga and a little Botox can do to help women look and feel much younger. You're only 37 and you have children so you are lucky even though you may not have more. My sister had her first child at 46 so it can happen.

46 I am glad for her but I would have been a bridge somewhere My boss had his 1st at the same age.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

It's amazing what a healthy diet, exercise, yoga and a little Botox can do to help women look and feel much younger. You're only 37 and you have children so you are lucky even though you may not have more. My sister had her first child at 46 so it can happen.

I actually can't for medical reasons, but you are right and I am grateful for the two children that I have. I'm going to take your advice on the self-care so I can get back on the market with some confidence. It's nice to see that people don't agree with my original thought that women were easily used up.

 

[aprilgail]

P. Only reason I'm still pushing for it soon is because I'll be kicked off my parents insurance next year and he gets great insurance through work haha

You should look into that- my best friend at work was living with his girlfriend and he was able to add her to his insurance since they lived together and the company picked up the cost of her insurance as well as his.

I always tell my daughter to live with a guy before you marry him- also stress to have your own job/career and keep your own bank account-don't put everything joint!

 

[ronandannette]

You should look into that- my best friend at work was living with his girlfriend and he was able to add her to his insurance since they lived together and the company picked up the cost of her insurance as well as his.

I always tell my daughter to live with a guy before you marry him- also stress to have your own job/career and keep your own bank account-don't put everything joint!

Our work insurance applies to all types of co-habitation and domestic partnership arrangements; including the dependent children of each party. Pretty much all you have to do is say someone is your SO and be residing together. It would seem preferable to me than staying on a parent's insurance when you are clearly no longer a dependent child. (Of course the stakes are lower here in Canada as private insurance is only supplemental and everyone has public, major medical coverage, but it's the principle of the thing.)

 

[dosekies]

You should look into that- my best friend at work was living with his girlfriend and he was able to add her to his insurance since they lived together and the company picked up the cost of her insurance as well as his.

I always tell my daughter to live with a guy before you marry him- also stress to have your own job/career and keep your own bank account-don't put everything joint!

We have to be married for it - I think it's rules from his union.

Also completely agree with living together before! I feel like you just learn so much more about each other - not in a way where you don't want to be together anymore, but more that getting married seems stressful enough as it is and moving in together for the first time right after a wedding would make me lose my mind! All my friends who are married (and were working on it) still have their own bank accounts, but created one joint account where only what they use to pay the bills gets put so they each have their half or however they decide to split it deposited!

 

[Happyinwonerland]

It is 2018. Every healthy adult, man or woman, has the opportunity to make their lives exactly what they want. It may mean making compromises on other things, or making choices you don't want to make, but marriage vs. no marriage should not be considered a hinderance nor a help, for either gender.

I view marriage very differently now than I did when I was much younger. We cohabitated for a couple of years before we married. Back then I thought of a wedding as the ultimate symbol of love and romance (I was in my early 20's and had grown up in a very sheltered town). Now I look at it more as a legally binding contract that offers certain protections for each spouse, but also comes with a great deal of risk. Women are quickly becoming the breadwinners of families, and if a breadwinner divorces their partner, they are looking at losing half of their assets and paying alimony/child support. While an extreme example, look at Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. She divorced him, pays something like $20k a month in child support and alimony, and yet he's taking her to court for more. She is one of many women for whom marriage was not a benefit.

 

[DawnM]

The rules of my union based health insurance in California were, "you can pick ONE person to get on your health insurance for free OR have your legal immediate family members on there."

So, I can have my husband and kids OR just a single other person.

One teacher I knew had his mother on his. He was married with kids but his wife was a teacher too, so she put the kids on hers and he put his mother on his.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

46 I am glad for her but I would have been a bridge somewhere My boss had his 1st at the same age.

I'm with you, I can't imagine starting over with an infant at 46! In my mid-30's now, with a 6 year old, and I'm done. I have friends that keep having more babies and, while I'm happy for them, all I think about is how old they are going to be before the kids are all out of the house! I love my daughter dearly, and we went through a lot to have her, but kids command a lot of your time, enrgy and money.

 

[Marchand63]

We have to be married for it - I think it's rules from his union.

Also completely agree with living together before! I feel like you just learn so much more about each other - not in a way where you don't want to be together anymore, but more that getting married seems stressful enough as it is and moving in together for the first time right after a wedding would make me lose my mind! All my friends who are married (and were working on it) still have their own bank accounts, but created one joint account where only what they use to pay the bills gets put so they each have their half or however they decide to split it deposited!

Mine is the same - since I am a government employee here in my state. You have to married to be put on my insurance.

We have the same arrangement. Joint household & vacation accounts, but we also don't nickel & dime. It doesn't have to exactly half, we figure after 10 years it all equals out in the end.

 

[DawnM]

DH and I did not live together before we were married. We have been married 23 years with no plans to divorce. I can't say more without being labeled "religious," but we have some firm beliefs on this FOR US.

 

[amberpi]

Thanks very much for giving me hope!

Another who kissed a lot of weird frogs, but found a match online like I couldn't have dreamed of. DH and I are very close to your age Stay positive, it'll happen!

 

[disneychrista]

Maybe it's just the people I hang with. Most are religious and want a bunch of kids. I wanted a bunch of kids too and that didn't happen. Now I can't have any more kids, so I feel kind of used up. I guess maybe I am looking in the wrong places There are no single men in my church under the age of 70. I would have to drive about an hour away to attend church in a singles ward where I could meet some men closer to my own age, but they are all going to want kids which is a problem because I can't. And dating outside of the church scares me, I haven't dated anyone but my ex-husband since I was 17 years old!

But what your talking about has nothing to do with living with vs being married. Marriages end. Relationships end. In my experience older men (40+) are much less likely to want to start a family.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

46 I am glad for her but I would have been a bridge somewhere My boss had his 1st at the same age.

Pfft, that's nothing. My friend adopted her 3rd when she was 54.

 

[RedAngie]

Or you know, you could take a night or two (or more) off.

That seems to be low key's posting style. Usually appears only on weekends and crams a week's worth of posts into two nights.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I actually can't for medical reasons, but you are right and I am grateful for the two children that I have. I'm going to take your advice on the self-care so I can get back on the market with some confidence. It's nice to see that people don't agree with my original thought that women were easily used up.

It's very understandable to get into a rut after a divorce. It takes a lot out of you. The good news is you are ONLY 37. Yes, only. Make this the year you start an exercise program. The Beachbody ones are my favourite. They will seem impossible at first but in no time you will see your body transform and will be looking for harder programs. Maybe 20 minutes a day first, then 30, then 60. Do it 5 days a week. When you workout, you will want to eat healthier so you don't ruin all your hard work.

Google women who have transformed their body and health for inspiration. I always look for women who are older than me and think well if they can do it, I can do it. Also, you won't believe how mentally good you will feel.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Same in Canada. I have a heck of a story in how it can backfire.

TL;DR my cousin lived with my Uncle after her divorce and in exchange for her doing the chores and cooking, she lived there rent free. They were first cousins. He died of liver failure (hep C) and before he died he fixed his will to give her his house. His four nieces and nephews (me and my siblings) were to share his savings and stocks etc. She knew the will and agreed to it. After he died she contested the will claiming common law marriage and walked away with half of everything. Needless to say her name is banned around us.

Wha????? He was her uncle. How did that even fly?!!