is it wrong to want a simple Thanksgiving?

[The Mystery Machine]

What the heck does your mom want to bring over that you are not cooking?

Change is upsetting for people, esp. moms that have been eating the traditional meal for 50yrs+......I guess I would ease her into the idea of changing things.

We have had to work on my own mother with food. She has gotten better. Patience and time.

 

[TeresaNJ]

I thought about dropping a few items from the menu this year, such as the escarole soup, & mushroom casserole, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Good thing too, my sister called my mom yesterday and told her she's been dreaming about the mushrooms. I understand how you feel, OP, it can be a big production, but if it makes your mom happy, I would do it.

 

[disneyjunkie]

, but if it makes your mom happy, I would do it.

 

[mickeyboat]

Every year my FIL contributed pies and quickbread to our meal. Every year we ended up throwing it away a week after Thanksgiving, because he was the only one who would eat them.

But you know what, he was trying to make Thanksgiving more like he always remembered when his wife was alive. It was important to him to have those items (and green bean casserole), and it really wasn't a big deal to serve it with our meal.

My FIL died in January. It will be a tough Thanksgiving for us. None of us wants to make pies or quickbread this year. Every time I pass the baking aisle at the grocery store, I think I ought to make at least one loaf of quickbread. But we will have green bean casserole, even if it means we throw most of it away.

Think of it this way, it isn't just YOUR Thanksgiving, it's your mom's too. Is it really that big of a deal to have extra leftovers? Buy some gladware containers, or use chinese takeout containers and make pre-packaged meals that your mom can take home with her to put in her freezer.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Aww....mickeyboat to you.

I am making the usual and helping out my sister at her home this yr. She is caring for her MIL who is dying of cancer and this is probably her last Thanksgiving.

Even though I depise all the work and mess and the same old dishes I can't eat because of my digestive issues, I am going to do it anyway.

I made a small turkey dinner on Thursday and made a few sides. DH, DD and I enjoyed the peace and quite of the meal. Even though it is not "Thanksgiving" it is sort of "our Thanksgiving".

I do this every yr. Now usually I make the full Thanksgiving meal right when the turkey's come out and on sale but this yr., I was a little late. I wasn't going to do it because older dd is at college and it is just not the same. However I bought an electric roaster and had to try it out.

Anyway, I hope you work things out with your mom this year, OP.

 

[Pigeon]

I think the person doing the main event gets to decide the menu.

That said, people hate having this particular tradition messed with. I can remember one T-day when my dad tried a bunch of different recipes and it did not go over at all. My MIL also tried something different, but she is such an awful cook, nobody really noticed.

 

[minkydog]

My mom has been making Thanksgiving dinner for 40 years, same family members (some added, some passed), and we have the same exact menu every year. I still remember the year that I substitued a fancy sweet potato puree for the usually sweet potatoes with mini marshmallows (made from frozen sweet potatoes) - no one was happy with me!

It is so comforting to have the same people, same (old fashioned) menu each year. The memories the smell and taste of the food brings! I wouldn't change a thing.

We do too. My kids would mutiny if I left off the collards or the carrot souffle or God help, the homemade cranberry sauce. I'll have at least 10 sides for the 5 of us. All I can hope for is that they bring the girlfriend & boyfriend, plus other roommates and friends. Even so, I'm sure we'll be eating leftovers for at least 4 days.

Back to the OPs question, though...I don't think it's wrong to have a scaled back holiday. But dont' be surprised if they other family members don't buy into it. Tradition is a powerful thing.

 

[minkydog]

That said, people hate having this particular tradition messed with. I can remember one T-day when my dad tried a bunch of different recipes and it did not go over at all. My MIL also tried something different, but she is such an awful cook, nobody really noticed.

Yeah, I did that. Once. I had to work on Thanksgiving Day so we celebrated on the Sunday before. Had the whole business. On the real Thanksgiving I made pizza. Holy cow! You would have thought I had spit on the Bible. My DS24, then 5, was beside himself. Called my mother and told her we were too poor to get a turkey so all we had was pizza. I thought I'd never live it down. Needless to say, I've never messed with success since then.

 

[cm8]

We may be distantly related. THis is the way it goes down at our house. don't mess with the Turkey, dressing and sweet potatoes. Also must have Le Suer green peas, or there will be an outcry from the natives.

 

[Swimnoid]

This year was going to be just DH and I since DD is away at grad school and cant come home until Christmas. So we were going to have a rib roast. Very untraditional but DH isnt fond of turkey. Then my DBro said he was coming down and that changed our plans to a traditional Thanksgiving so I ordered the turkey and started to plan the regular old feast. THEN DBro injured himself and cant drive for extended periods of time and cant come so we have a big turkey for just DH and I now. Not sure what we are going to do about all the various sides now. We may be scaled back to just turkey, potatoes and stuffing.

 

[Nicolepa]

I was going to say that if she wanted those things she should cook the dinner, but I see that she has offered to bring them. IMO, if she wants them and is willing to do all the work then what's the harm.

My mom is a horrible cook, so I always assign her the bread and pumpkin pie and I specify that I want it from Costco (because I don't want her to cook anything). I cook everything else. I don't mind and they don't care what we eat. I could decide to make hamburgers and she wouldn't care. Ocassionally she will bring cookies or something she baked. I smile, thank her, let the kids eat them while she is there and throw them out when she leaves. Makes her happy.

 

[MIGrandma]

I agree with you. If you are hosting the dinner and your Mom accepted your invitation to come, then she needs to respect your decision on what to have. And I'm like your husband, I hate it when people bring extra stuff that's not expected, or even needed. We are simplifying Christmas Dinner this year, and if anyone complains I'm just going to tell them, "next year, when YOU host the dinner, you can do it as you like."

 

[luvsJack]

I don't get the problem.

You invite your mom for dinner, you have the menu you want, she brings the things she want, dinner is served, you wrap up or put the lid on her dishes with her leftovers and send them home--don't even have to buy plastic, put them back in or leave them in the dishes she brought them in. Seems simple enough to me. And everyone is happy.

Who ever said that if someone brings something to your house that you have to keep the leftovers? or that you even have to eat it? and as far as how to heat it up--ask her, there can't be too many choices on it.

 

[jamimb]

I don't get the problem.

You invite your mom for dinner, you have the menu you want, she brings the things she want, dinner is served, you wrap up or put the lid on her dishes with her leftovers and send them home--don't even have to buy plastic, put them back in or leave them in the dishes she brought them in. Seems simple enough to me. And everyone is happy.

Who ever said that if someone brings something to your house that you have to keep the leftovers? or that you even have to eat it? and as far as how to heat it up--ask her, there can't be too many choices on it.

 

[DisneyKT]

I thought about dropping a few items from the menu this year, such as the escarole soup, & mushroom casserole, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Good thing too, my sister called my mom yesterday and told her she's been dreaming about the mushrooms. I understand how you feel, OP, it can be a big production, but if it makes your mom happy, I would do it.

Ok what is in the mushroom casserole, care to share. We love mushrooms.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I don't get the problem.

You invite your mom for dinner, you have the menu you want, she brings the things she want, dinner is served, you wrap up or put the lid on her dishes with her leftovers and send them home--don't even have to buy plastic, put them back in or leave them in the dishes she brought them in. Seems simple enough to me. And everyone is happy.

Who ever said that if someone brings something to your house that you have to keep the leftovers? or that you even have to eat it? and as far as how to heat it up--ask her, there can't be too many choices on it.

This

We're having most of BF's family over for Thanksgiving. He and I did major shopping for the things I plan to cook (basic southern items). His sister and aunts are bringing more stuff. I have no clue what 2 of them will bring. One person is bringing things I would never consider (cabbage, ribs..)

I could really care less. I'm just glad they are planning to spend the day with us. If all the extra food makes them happy, so be it.

No matter what we have, most of it will be gone by the end of the night. No one leaves with out packing a plate or two for the next day.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

My mother had 2 mini strokes 2 weeks ago. She usually cooks dinner and this year we were supposed to have our usual with invited guests.

She is not up to cooking a big meal like that and now it is just the 4 of us. I am going to help her cook but it has become VERY simple now.

All that really matters to us is that my mother is still here to celebrate with us. She is getting better and we are able to have a last Thanksgiving in our house before we move.

That is what is important, I really think that people forget about those little things that really mean alot this time of year.

Good Luck to you!

 

[shortbun]

Once my MIL made NYstrip steaks for Thanksgiving. I was shocked. I like a good steak but traditional Thanksgiving was what I expected-wanted. We have not gone back there for Thanksgiving since. I either have them come to our house and I cook-get out the good china, etc. or we go to my sister's. I'm not ususally rigid but I love holiday traditions and having someone tell me that those tradtions mean nothing...the traditions that they had grown up with...would hurt my feelings if I were their mom. Is it too much to keep a family tradition two or three times a year? There are so many other days to experiment with new things. Traditions are comforting. Traditions help to keep a family together. Traditions are love.

 

[shortbun]

I agree with you. If you are hosting the dinner and your Mom accepted your invitation to come, then she needs to respect your decision on what to have. And I'm like your husband, I hate it when people bring extra stuff that's not expected, or even needed. We are simplifying Christmas Dinner this year, and if anyone complains I'm just going to tell them, "next year, when YOU host the dinner, you can do it as you like."

You don't sound like a very willing hostess/host. People who contribute, do it with love and are trying to help. Put the dishes out, slip a spoon into them and leave it alone. Why start out so uptight? Just breathe.

 

[luvsJack]

My niece will be spending this Thanksgiving without her beloved mother who died a couple of months ago, her brother and dad who died 4 and 12 years ago respectively and without her youngest brother who is in jail. I would imagine she would LOVE having her mom and dad at Thanksgiving and wouldn't give a rat's butt if the woman brought hot dogs, just to spend one more holiday with her parents.

Sometimes a guest is not "just that", sometimes a guest should be remembered for being a loved one and treated as such.