Is it wrong to not invite everyone?

[FreeTime]

My 18 YOLD niece recently had a baby and I would like to invite her and the baby on a trip with my daughters and I next fall. I know that she won't be able to come up with more than a small amount of spending money (gift for her husband, self, stuff like that). Do you think that it is unacceptable to offer her to stay with us (this won't cost me anymore as I would get a 2BR regardless) and pay for her ticket when I won't be giving this to her brother (might invite him he is 9) and her older sister? I don't want to cause any sibling rivalry or comments that the baby gets it all! Thanks

 

[twinklebug]

You know your family best. Use your best judgement. I don't know your niece or the circumstances... so please don't take the following as criticism of her or you...

If this had been my family and I were the niece here's what I can imagine happening: Lil bro would be saying "why not me too?" Big sis would be saying "I never got anything like that..." and big sis and the parents would all be saying "Why reward someone for making bad choices" (again, that's my family)

As the recipient it'd be great - a free trip & my baby gets to come along! (young parents have it so hard trying to make something of themselves and raise a child, sometimes without the help of a dad - this would be a great break from that reality)

Again, in my family, It wouldn't be about sibling rivalry or comments about the baby "getting it all" as much as it would be a tone set that Auntie name-here isn't helping to instill a good sense of responsibility in the niece... and that tone would survive for years. I wouldn't want to be on the recipient end of that label.

 

[spiceycat]

when I took my niece and her friend (on my dime) - her brother who told me a week before I invited her - that 'disney was old hat and he didn't want to go anymore'

wanted to know why he wasn't invited.....

so even people who tell you they don't want to go - really do....


are you planning on taking the others on their own trip? - or giving them points so they can go when they want?

then it might make it more acceptable for the ones not going this trip.

 

[KelNottAt]

I wouldn't do it. Not fair to the others.

 

[allshookup]

I have a huge family with 8 siblings & over 20 nieces & nephews & now great nieces & nephews are being added to the mix. I try to take turns when inviting family members, but they'll never ALL get a chance in my lifetime. I know it's quite a bit different with smaller families, but I suggest you take her & if you're concerned about hurt feelings, tell the siblings that this is a gift for having a new baby & they'll get a turn eventually.

 

[Inkmahm]

I have a huge family with 8 siblings & over 20 nieces & nephews & now great nieces & nephews are being added to the mix. I try to take turns when inviting family members, but they'll never ALL get a chance in my lifetime. I know it's quite a bit different with smaller families, but I suggest you take her & if you're concerned about hurt feelings, tell the siblings that this is a gift for having a new baby & they'll get a turn eventually.

Wow, this is the one suggestion in this thread that I would definitely NOT do. I'd hate to be the one to encourage the other two kids to have babies just so they could get a trip to WDW, too.

I have taken all of my nieces and nephews to Disney at least once and I'm currently working on the second time around (3 have gone the second time, two more are going in Dec with us and then I have two more that I have to schedule in the future.) I would be fair to them and treat each the same. If the one niece gets a trip this time, I'd be obligated to take the other two on future trips.

 

[pyrxtc]

I'd like to know where everyone is getting that her having a baby is bad thing ??!! If you thread the OP's thread, 18 yr old is married ! Everyone is so quick to jump to the bay so young, out of wedlock scenario, but if you really read the OP's post, she mentions the DH.

Now, for the OP, I think it's fine that you take her and the baby. Depending on how much older the older sibling is but if over 18, she is old enough to understand life is not equal. Maybe she does not want to go. Maybe at some point you will take her? Maybe you are just closer to this 18 yr old niece and nothing is wrong with that. As for the 9 yr old brother, maybe let him in know in a few years that you will take him ?? Depends agian on what kind of relationship you have with him and what kind of kid he is. Just take your niece and have fun ! Can't always invite everyone !

 

[allshookup]

I'd like to know where everyone is getting that her having a baby is bad thing ??!! If you thread the OP's thread, 18 yr old is married ! Everyone is so quick to jump to the bay so young, out of wedlock scenario, but if you really read the OP's post, she mentions the DH.

I was wondering the same thing?

Now, for the OP, I think it's fine that you take her and the baby. Depending on how much older the older sibling is but if over 18, she is old enough to understand life is not equal. Maybe she does not want to go. Maybe at some point you will take her? Maybe you are just closer to this 18 yr old niece and nothing is wrong with that. As for the 9 yr old brother, maybe let him in know in a few years that you will take him ?? Depends agian on what kind of relationship you have with him and what kind of kid he is. Just take your niece and have fun ! Can't always invite everyone !

 

[Brian Noble]

In my family, we invite people in groups---so we'd make the same offer to all three, or none of them, without regard to marital or family status.

 

[manning]

tell the siblings that this is a gift for having a new baby & they'll get a turn eventually.

You might want to reconsider saying that

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks everyone for the quick responses. What I didn't that maybe I should have is that we have taken all of thee siblings at some point either together or seperate, with their parents or without multiple times. So eventually, yes we would be willing to take the others.

Obviously I am not sure whether we should or not since I posted the question so I appreciate the responses.

Oh! And her DH would be welcome as well but I probably would not be able to afford paying his entire way.

 

[TinkrLiz]

How old are your kids? Are they young enough to need a babysitter? You could ask her to come and say you would pay for her trip because you would love to have someone there to babysit your kids a few nights so you and your Husband could go out to dinner alone or to the park alone. Then it's less of a gift and more of payment for a job. The 9 yr old is too young to babysit and hopefully the older sibling is mature enough for it not to bother her.

 

[wulfekamp]

This could be a real train wreck. 15 years ago before we were DVC we went to Disney with the inlaws and step siblings. They payed for everything for them and nothing for us. If we had know this before going it would of been fine but it wasn't. We went out to eat the first night and they paid for everyone but us. There were some really hurt feelings. We had just had our first child and money was tight and they all wanted to eat really high end. They were eating pime rib and we were eating chicken fingers because we didn't want to run out of money. Do for everyone or talk to the others before going. Feelings heal really slow.

 

[bobbiwoz]

In view of all that you've said, if you want to take your niece and her child, then do so! You have a history of working things out in your family!

Bobbi

 

[Cinderella1122]

I'm glad to see that I am not the only one with these dilemas.
DVC is so complicated... For my first 2 trips as a DVC member, I invited a very good friend of mine and my siblings who I am very close with. Now, I have friends and family trying to invite themselves on my trips, so the can reep the benefits of staying in a resort they couldn't normaly afford! I would like to take everyone, but I worked hard to afford DVC and I want to share it with the friends and family that I feel deserve it most.

If you want to take your niece go for it! Her brother and sister will eventually understand.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Seems like a bad idea........

 

[lizziepooh]

I would also be concerned about how her DH will feel about it. Will he want her and baby to go without him or will he feel jealous and left out? You said you would be willing for him to go but couldn't pay for him. Sounds like they would not have the money to pay for him to go. Young people can be very sensitive (and sometimes immature) about these types of situations and it could cause trouble between the couple. He may not want baby to experience his/her first Disney trip without both parents along. (I'm speaking from experience with a very similar situation).

 

[bookwormde]

If your nieces DH is ok with it then go for it, the other nieces and nephews can have there turn on future trips. If they have trouble accepting this then it will be a good “lesson” for them in patience.

Opportunities only come once.

bookwormde

 

[Donald is #1]

If you want to take your niece, her baby and her husband, then I say go for it. However, I would also let her siblings know that you will take them (as long as you get along with them) in X time. For example, let's say that you take your neice, her baby and husband in 2009. Then when you let your family know, I would also lay out a plan for the rest of the siblings. So in this example, maybe your nephew gets to go in 2011 and your other niece in 2013.

On paying for her and the baby, I have often used the "christmas, birthday, christmas" method when I have wanted to buy something for one of my sisters that they wouldn't want to buy for themselves because of the price. This method works for us in a couple of ways.
1) The person not receiving the gift doesn't feel left out.
2) The person receiving the gift doesn't feel as bad about you spending so much money on them.

 

[itsreally4mommy]

Perhaps wait a few years when her child can also enjoy it?