Originally posted by AmyA
Well, fast forward 3 years: I am 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and out of HS. At that point, we, as a couple, decided that we were ready to have sex. Fortunately, I grew up in a suburb of Portland, Oregon that, at least in the early 90s, was very progressive. We started getting BC education---a detailed education---in 7th grade and it was part of every school year from then on. We both knew the importance of and the actual logistics of protecting ourselves.
Fast forward 13 more years: my HS boyfriend and I have been married for almost 11 years. We have 2 great girls (8 and 3), 2 good careers, 2 cars, and one mortgage
. We have never, ever, for one second regretted having sex when we did. I didn't feel like a slut, he didn't knock me up and leave me, and word didn't get around my HS that I was easy. We were older than some, younger than others but that is what worked for us.
This is a good anecdote by Amy and a strong parallel to the experiences that thousands of girls have, including that of most of my friends. We wait for the right guy, who doesn't knock us up, run off, or use birth control improperly. Sex serves a relationship function much like that of the young married couples of the generation before us, and we wind up marrying these men late in our 20s, when our careers are established. The average age of marriage among college educated women in New Jersey is 28. Do we realistically believe that women are waiting that long?
Thirty-six girls in my Catholic girls' school senior class ... we were taught that abstinence is a guarantee, but if you want to take your chances, condoms are available down the street at Planned Parenthood ... we are now 24, six of us are married, no babies among the entire set of 36. There are definitely socioeconomic factors at play with that, as well. Most of us have clearly and unapologetically not abstained since high school, for a variety of reasons ... some were in love, some were in lust, some were simply curious. Projecting forward to today, our boyfriends are uniformly fabulous, smart achievers from good families. We support ourselves, live on our own, have careers, medical school, law school, all of that. So what is it that you want for your daughters, really? If they exhibit strength of character, do well in academic and professional arenas, and fall in love with men you like and respect, is premarital sex a dealbreaker to you? Is it any of your business at that point? If not, when does it stop being a parent's business? 18, 21, time of financial self-sufficiency?
I also see an interesting contrast between drug education and sex ed. The DARE program, popular nationwide, teaches very detailed information about drug chemistry, usage, appearance, etc to kids in elementary and middle school ... pictures of marijuana, cocaine, descriptions of side effects, specific instructions about what to do and who to tell if you thought your friends were using. We seem to think that teaching detailed information about sex in school, even in the context of "don't do it," will encourage kids to do it. We do not seem to think teaching detailed information about drugs in school, even in the context of "don't do it," will encourage kids to do it. So what's the difference, really? Sex, drugs, feels good to do them, right?
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