Is it unrealistic for parents to expect teenagers to practice abstinence?

Originally posted by RitaZ.
What's your opinion?

I would say it all depends! ;)

If you have a teen out drinking and/or drugging (partying) then yes it is unrealisitic to expect them to abstain.

If they have a boyfriend and they are very "close" and TELL YOU that they want to go on BC, then yes it would be unrealisitic to tell them to abstain.

If they are raised in such a way that they are firm in their belief of NO teen sex, and you speak with them about it. Include all aspects/reprucussions of teen sex. Then I say you have a good foundation to expect them not to engage in teen sex.

It can be done, but nothing is 100%.
 
Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I would say it all depends! ;)

If you have a teen out drinking and/or drugging (partying) then yes it is unrealisitic to expect them to abstain.


Well that is not 100 percent true either...I have a friend who's daughter is 15, high honor student, doesn't drink or do drugs or go out to parties and she has already had sex with her boyfriend. She is a model kid, polite, well mannered and does great in school but to think a teen isn't going to have sex in most cases is not realistic. My parents gave me the no sex lecture for years but I choose to live my own life the way I wanted to...can't say I regret it either.
My neighbor who works in teh school tells me that in middle school (6th-8th) the big thing there is having oral sex....the girls figure they can't get pregnant doing that and it is not "real sex"....they have even had kids doing that on the school bus!
 
Originally posted by Pongo69
My goodness I was referring to parents who let their kids grow up to fast.

My daughter didn't have a problem with it so why not myob:D

BTW, when I remove the shackles and let her out of the basement I just might let her read this thread. Although it might have to wait until after I give her a good beating for exposing to much of her ankle.
She really ticked me off asking for a free upgrade to the attic where I keep all the mildewed towel animal I stole from BC and AKL last year. The nerve of her thinking she should get an upgrade just because I forgot to leave her a half bar of soap.
Oh the Shame :o

:rotfl: :rotfl: Just don't let her have too much of that soured milk! She might get spoiled!
 
Yes, it is unrealistic.

Well, maybe I should clarify. Parrents can expect it. But I doubt the teen's do. Just look at the number of teenage pregnancies.
 

I don't think a parent is wrong for expecting it. I do think a parent is wrong if they think that their child is not engaging in any sexual behavior whatsoever.

STDs and HIV can be transmitted via oral sex and any parent who does not teach that (or any other information about how to have safe sex) to their child due to whatever reason is not being a repsonsible parent, period.

Your children are not you.



On a side note to OKW Lover, just an FYI but I believe that rate of teen pregancies is down from prior years. Course that could be because oral sex is the "in" thing right now.
 
Originally posted by 6_Time_Momma
I don't think it is unrealistic at all to expect teens to practice abstainance. I expect it from my teen and I will expect it from my eventual teens.

That being said, I do think it is unrealistic for parents to deny the possibility that, even though they do expect abstinence, the teen might still have sex.

This is very smart! Hope for the best -- prepare for the worst.
 
Originally posted by Cruisin'Kroezes

How many of us can honestly say that they practiced abstinence as a teenager?
That's exactly what I was wondering!

I have 2 boys. I hope that I can instill those virtues, but I am not going to beat myself up as a parent or failure if they don't wait until marriage. I certainly won't be pushing marriage at an early age either.
 
/
I listened to a radio show the other day about the dropping pregnancy rates. They had a number of teens who professed to be virgins. When asked how they maintained their virginity - many agmitted to oral sex, anal sex, and a multitude of other sexual activities, I guess virginity has turned into a more technical term these days.

Anyway, I do expect my child to abstain, but I would be foolhardy to think I could prevent him.
 
I am not foolish enough to assume that just because I expect abstinence that my children will follow through. But I am wondering two things:

How many teens whose parents teach and expect abstinence are actually abstaining....and how many teens whose parents don't teach and expect abstinence are abstaining?

I just believe strongly that we have to set the bar higher as parents. I will not say "Well, look at the statistics...everyone is doing it...so I might as well assume that my kids are too." I will and do teach personal safety and self-respect and the best thing is abstinence until marriage.

Will I still love/accept my children if they choose otherwise...yes. Will I be disappointed...very.
 
Before I read everyone else's replies, I want to say that it's NOT unrealistic for parents to expect their teenagers to practice abstinence. I personally know many young women who were virgins on their wedding day :) (And they were proud of the fact that they were virgins until married).

Edited to add: Forgot to mention, I know many young men who were virgins, too.
 
Originally posted by RitaZ.
Is it unrealistic for parents to expect teenagers to practice abstinence?
No, it is a realistic expectation for those who feel it is correct, not really different than any other expectation we have for our children. Are all of our parental expectations fulfilled and realized? Not always, but that still does not mean we can not have those expectations, which was the question here.
 
Originally posted by Pongo69
Your entitled to your opinion just as I'm entitled to mine. At 15 she can make as many decisions as she like, but dh and I still have the last say so.
Furthurmore,I would rather have her be a respectable young lady anytime than be like some of these young girls walking around knocked up and having oral sex as if it's going out of style because their parents think of them as adults just because they're teen in their age.

edit: We know sex is out there on tv, in music and everywhere else. That is why dh and I talked to our son and daughter about sex from day one. Books videotapes and talks are great to have and yes maybe it's not like this with all daughters and mothers, but she and I have a good relationship where she can talk to me about any and everything.
We're not raising flowers in the attic nor are we trying to shield them from everything because it's impossible.

ITA with everything you've said about the OP and about the doctor as well.

My DD will not be alone with the doctor till she's an adult.
 
"Once I had to set her pediatrician straight because she thought she should be able to talk to Jay alone after her physical without me in the room. I let her know if you have something to say you say it infront of me and Jayda,because she's a child not an adult."


Wow,,,,I can't even IMAGINE having my parent come into the Drs examination room with me! How humiliating! I am glad my parents let me have time to talk to the Dr on my own and discuss things going on with me without having them interfering! I would never have discussed anything with my Dr if they had been sitting there in the room with me......man....thats as bad as having a parent in the room with your for a gyn appt!! privacy please!!
 
I think 90% of the arguing on this thread is because of the way the original question was phrased.
You can "expect" whatever the heck you want to expect. Your teen will still do what they are going to do based on the way you raised them AND social factors you have no control over including their personalities. You can teach them what you think is right and raise them and then guess what? You have utterly no control.
Raise them too strict and they will do it to rebel. Not strict enough and they won't know right from wrong.
I think most parents would like their kids to abstain the same as we would like them not to drink untill they are 21, always wear their seatbelt. Is all of that going to happen? Not really likely.
 
Originally posted by aprilgail2
"Once I had to set her pediatrician straight because she thought she should be able to talk to Jay alone after her physical without me in the room. I let her know if you have something to say you say it infront of me and Jayda,because she's a child not an adult."


Wow,,,,I can't even IMAGINE having my parent come into the Drs examination room with me! How humiliating! I am glad my parents let me have time to talk to the Dr on my own and discuss things going on with me without having them interfering! I would never have discussed anything with my Dr if they had been sitting there in the room with me......man....thats as bad as having a parent in the room with your for a gyn appt!! privacy please!!


WoW,,,,, I couldn't IMAGINE letting a 13yr old girl talk to a new physician alone for the very first time but that's just me. Carry on:D
 
My DD will not be alone with the doctor till she's an adult.
Just a FYI, in many states, a minor girl can go to a clinic and be seen and treated without parental permission and minimal or no cost (regarding BC, pregnancy, gyne exams and treatment, etc).

While I understand the concern for having parental control over your childs health, if you (general you) make it impossible for her to have privacy regarding her sexual health (and she feels that she needs it), she can and may seek it without your knowledge or permission.
 
Just a FYI, in many states, a minor girl can go to a clinic and be seen and treated without parental permission and minimal or no cost (regarding BC, pregnancy, gyne exams and treatment, etc).

This is something I totally disagree with, too incidentally. But, that's just me. I am quite in the minority on many things.
 
This is something I totally disagree with, too incidentally. But, that's just me. I am quite in the minority on many things.
I agree, that's why I made sure that I was the one who took my DD to the gynecologist so that she would have an established relationship with a doctor that I trust and knows her medical history. I feel it is important to be proactive rather than reactive.
 
Oh well, I'll try replying one more time. What does it accomplish being in the doctors office with a teenager? Are you going to hear something they wouldn't tell you anyway? Are you going to give them the message that you can't trust them? Are you giving them the message that their doctor is not to be trusted?

If you are confident in your teen's behavior, what's the problem? If you are wrong about this confidence, why prevent them from getting treatment? And why on earth go to a doctor who doesn't share your values about sexuality and teens? The doctor should be reinforcing your message, not set up as someone the teen needs protection from. Most doctors would even encourge teens to tell their parents about significant issues.

It's not just birth control. Teens are less likely to get treated for depression and eating disorders if they don't have a confidential relationship with their physicians. If they do have an STD like chlamydia, they are more likely not to get treatment if they don't have that relationship. All doctors should be screening for these things. Having a parent in the room will never increase the quality of information you get. It does have a chance of not being able to treat the child.
 
I am kind of amazed by parents that don't get that point RachelEllen. I think it's all a matter of control and a lot of parents can't handle that fact that you start to lose control in the teen years. If a child isn't going to say something in front of their parents they certainly aren't going to say it to the doctor with the parent there. They will ask their peers or try to look it up online etc. Personally I would rather have them ask the doctor.
 

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