Is it okay to suggest this to my parents?

[rkrivas]

I'm hoping that my parents won't take this the wrong way, so let me know what you think.

My DD6 and DS4 play soccer on separate teams. My parents had said they would like to see the games one Saturday -- they live about 90 minutes away.

The only day they can make it is 10/15, and my son's game is at 9:00 and my daughter's game is at 11:00. When I mentioned this to my mother, she said, 'well, we can come watch DD play' -- I don't think my mother wants to leave her house at 7:30 to get to a 9:00 game.

However, I think my son's feelings would be hurt if his grandparents came to his sister's game but not his game, so I'd rather my parents just come up later that afternoon. I'm not sure if they'll be offended, but given the choice, I'd rather offend them than hurt my son. I had also suggested a sleepover, but my mother didn't sound interested in doing that.

TIA!

 

[Beth76]

Uh, sorry, but I wouldn't be worried about offending your parents. I would absolutely tell them to come to both or come to neither. I can't even imagine grandparents that would consider that.

 

[RobinMarie]

If she doesn't want to leave so early they can spend the night at your house! That way they won't have to get up so early and you all can have breakfast together!

If they don't LIKE that idea, perhaps they'll agree to get up earlier.

 

[Serena]

I'd just have to tell them, and let them know you are sure they'll understand that they simply cannot attend one game without seeing the other. Cause you know they would never hurt their grandson's feelings. Either way they want to do it is fine with you. Either get up early, or stay the night.
I'd offer a hotel room if they don't want to impose, reservations already made.

 

[Laura66]

I'm going to go against the grain - I think if that's all they can come for, so be it.
Are your parents older, do they have health problems, do they work full or part time?

I'm sorry - but sometimes my friends expect their parents to drop EVERYTHING for their children and it isn't fair.
Could your parents make a set date to see your other child play another day?
Driving that long and sitting thru two games might just be too much for them. You need to find a way to let your children know how much their grandparents love them - but that they will only be able to see one game this time. I think our children need to learn to that they are not the center of everyone's universe.

My parents are a little older and both need to work full time. I invite them to everything my children do - with the full understanding that they should only come to what they can. My children know this too and understand. Heck - I have three children ranging in age from 3 to 14 and they know I can't be at all their activities.

 

[rkrivas]

I'm going to go against the grain - I think if that's all they can come for, so be it.
Are your parents older, do they have health problems, do they work full or part time?

I'm sorry - but sometimes my friends expect their parents to drop EVERYTHING for their children and it isn't fair.
Could your parents make a set date to see your other child play another day?
Driving that long and sitting thru two games might just be too much for them. You need to find a way to let your children know how much their grandparents love them - but that they will only be able to see one game this time. I think our children need to learn to that they are not the center of everyone's universe.

My parents are a little older and both need to work full time. I invite them to everything my children do - with the full understanding that they should only come to what they can. My children know this too and understand. Heck - I have three children ranging in age from 3 to 14 and they know I can't be at all their activities.

Thanks for everyone's feedback!

Fortunately, both are in good health and are fairly young (mid-50s). The bad part is that the 15th is the only game they can make.

I agree with what you say about teaching kids that they're not the center of the universe and I try to find a happy medium between keeping my parents involved in their grandkids's lives (my kids are their only grandkids) without asking too much -- we see them probably once a month and try to split who goes to who's house.

I'm probably over-sensitive about this, because I used to always go along with my mother's plans to make her happy regardless of how much trouble it put me and my family through. This year, I made a conscious decision to plan get-togethers with my family that worked out best for both sides, and we've ended up seeing my parents a lot less this year.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

They're only coming for this once, I think they should come to both games.

And about sitting through, soccer games at that age level are not all that long.

I agree you should suggest they spend the night, and be ready for the early game. The kids will enjoy the grandparents being there, and since it is just this once, they'll probably remember it as something special.

 

[disneymom3]

It's not like the OP is expecting them to come to EVERY game. That would be being unreasonable. But no way should they come to one and not the other.

I feel your pain.. My mom is elderly and she has not been to see us since DS was 2 or so. He is now 5 and whenever she writes a letter, she only sends one to DD who is 9. DS is very saddened by this and I have mentioned it to my mom several times to no avail. She still thinks of him as a baby and continues to just send stuff to DD. DS contributes pictures and dictates letters and writes his own name when we send off our little love packages to her so it's really hard for him not to be treated equally.

Your son will surely be hurt by the Gps coming to only his sisters game, so yeah, I would ask them not to come to that one either if they can't do both.

 

[CEDmom]

I was going to suggest that if they can't get there for the start of the game maybe they could get there before it's over. However, seeing that your DS is 4 I bet the game only lasts about 20 minutes. Does your son have a regular practice session after the game? I know our league does that. If so, maybe your parent's could make it in time for that. If not maybe your DS could show them his skills after your DD's game. All he probably cares about is getting some attention from them and having them take interest in what he's doing.

 

[Sparx]

I sugest that they come to your house the afternoon before, then if they decline, tell them that it would hurt DS's feelings if you go to DD's game and not his. They should understand. It's just this once, and it isn't like they have to get up and go to every single game after an hour and a half drive. Just the one.

 

[Junebugwv]

Considering the early game/distance to travel, I think you should accomodate your parents desire to see DD's game. You could say something like this to DS, Since Grandpa and Grandma didn't get to see your game, why don't you show them how you can dribble the ball and kick it into the goal (on an empty field, of course). He would probably love the attention.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since you are in process of boundary setting with your parents right now, it is perfectly legit to say that you would prefer they do both games, because it would hurt your family to exclude your son.

See how they handle it. It can be a true testament to why they are coming. So they can feel good about themselves or are they coming for the grandkids?

 

[4nana]

I feel your pain, but, I'm sure your parents are not trying to intentionally hurt any feelings. Why don't you talk to you parents and explain the importance of both games, they may have no idea.

Please know that I am not trying to be judgmental, but, I think if I only had 2 grandchildren and this was the only game I could attend all season, I could go out of my way this once and attend both games. I would come and spend the night, or get up early on Sat and make the trip. The happiness it would bring my grands would surely out weigh any inconvenience to me. However, if they choose to only visit your daughters game, then perhaps they could do something special with your son that day.

As grandparents to 11, with 6 grands living close and all very involved in different sports/activities, believe me, we know exactally what it's like to juggle. Thankfully, it's so much easier when the games are near by and we always do our best to be fair.