Is it O.K. for 14 yr. old girls to stay overnight @ a boys house ?

[susy]

To me parnt supervision means the paresnt stay up all night. Even if the kids have gone to bed. Think of a secuirty guard falling asleep on the job. Can you imagine if a minor child lost her virginity under your roof?

 

[poohandwendy]

I would say NO also. We just recently told my 16 yo dd that sleepovers (at other peoples homes) have come to an end for her. She really didn't care at all. Our main reason is that there are far too many parents who have completely lax rules for their 16 yo kids. One parent went out with her boyfriend until 2 am while my dd was there...never told me (this was when she was 14). Another parent has a 1 am curfew (my dds curfew is 11, later under special circumstances). Many of the parents don't even ask where the kids will go when they go out or who they are going with (I found this out when trying to get a hold of my dd one night when she was spending the night at a friends house). We just basically got sick and tired of having to worry about what other parents may think it OK that we don't. I really don't want my dd to think it's a free-for-all because other parents haven't a clue what they are doing or where they are going.

My Dh and I pretty much decided that we don't want to leave the rules up to someone else, really have no interest in trying to force our parenting methods down someone elses throat and sleepovers aren't really a necessary thing at this age. Other parents are welcome to allow their kids to go where ever they please, when they please. We choose to keep a closer eye on our dd. You may call me strict or rigid. Whatever... my kids, my business.

In our opinion, sleepovers are great for kids who are too young to actually go out and have fun together (without parents tagging along). But at 16 these kids are driving. They have enough freedom, they can go to the movies without parents, go bowling, to the mall, out to eat..etc. Their lifestyle/social life isn't cramped without sleepovers.

btw, I know kids can have sex during the day and all that..it's really not about sex, drinking, drugs etc...they can do those things anywhere, anytime....it's about accountability. I want to be able to sleep soundly, knowing she is home, knowing that she made it home. She has a steady boyfriend, she has friends, she is free to go out and have fun. But at the end of the day...she needs to be home, safe and sound.

I respect others may totally disagree and do things differently with their children. I always tell my kids...we we make the rules by combining our experiences and the tools we have accumulated along the way. If we end up making mistakes, we expect they will do things differently with their children. We have one shot as parents, we do our best with the knowledge we have.
JMHO.

 

[dbond]

No way would I approve of this situation. If they start this at this age, what are they going to want to do when they are 18 at the Sr Prom. I cringed when my 17 almost 18 yo wanted to stay out all night after Sr. Prom. They claimed that the parent's would be there, if they slept, it would be in separate rooms. It just didn't seem right to me, but at that time, I had to realize that in 3 short months she would be living in a coed dorm in college. At 14, no way! This is just asking for trouble for the next 4 years.

 

[floridaminnie]

Did the parents ever call you back?

 

[Mermaid02]

Not my 14 yo girl.

 

[smiley]

First of all I'm curious DID THE PARENTS EVER CALL YOU BACK???

I'm inclined to believe I would say "no" to most co-ed sleepovers. I haven't been confronted with it yet, but have seen people with older children who are confronted with co-ed sleepovers for special events like proms. From what I've heard these are well planned events where the parents are awake and the girls and boys sleep separately. Our son is only 13 and in 8th grade now, but seeing what has happened with other families, I believe these sleepovers will begin in 9th grade. We will take it on a case by case basis.

We have some neighbors who have routinely allowed their children to have co-ed sleepovers for years. Their youngest daughter just turned 18 and will be a senior in high school this year. Last year she started dating a boy who was a senior and the group co-ed sleepovers stopped. Why? Because they began having private co-ed sleepovers with this girl and her boyfriend.

The boy is starting college this year, but will be going locally so he will still be spending lots of time I'm sure. The mother's take on the whole issue is that if they want to have a sexual relationship they will do it regardless of the sleepovers. I do agree with her regarding that fact, however I personnally will not contribute and make it any easier when my son is that age.

They are going on a family cruise later this year and the boyfriend is invited. The girl and her boyfriend are going to have their own cabin. The mother says "They're both 18 we would be stupid if we thought something hadn't happened yet." While I don't believe I would do the same thing, it is their business, they are all grownups and if all included parties agree with the situation, so be it.

Please do let us know of the outcome of the return call.

 

[oddball27]

Ok, don't kill me for this, but I don't think that it's that bad. I doubt I'd stay over with SOME of my guy friends, but most of them, I wouldn't think a thing of it. Most of my friends are normal, but some of them are weird, if you know what I mean. It just depends on who it is. I think that some parents are too quick to lable teenagers "trouble" and "not trouble". You should listen to your kids comments on the people AND actually know or kinda know the kid. Once again, it just depends on the people.

PLEASE don't flame me, ok!!!!!!!! It's JUST my opinion!!!!!!!!

 

[oddball27]

And one more thing, I think that the amount of trust between you and your son matters too. My parents would (hopefully) trust me to do something like that. They have let me go to night parties with my friends tons of times and they trusted me. I love having their trust and I would Never do anything to break that. My cousin recently got herself into a situation where her parents dont really know what she is doing. I'm not gonna say what though. My best friends parents dont want my best friend near my cousin. My best friends parents dont trust my cousin. As you can see, trust matters A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MomE@Home]

UPDATE
Sorry I'm so late in replying. My Mom has been ill and I have not had time for the computer at all. The parents have not called me back and they avoid me whenever they see me. My DH & I allow our DS to have his friend over to our home but he is not allowed at his friends house anymore. I'm very sorry that I overreacted to a couple of your comments. I was very upset over the whole mess and too sensitive I suppose.