Is it mandatory to include all sisters in the bridal party?

[Southern4sure]

I really think that this new wave of that bride battle cry "IT"S MY DAY"! Is getting out of hand!

She can't include her sisters? It's that important to have it your way? A wedding is a celebration to be shared with family friends and community. It is not just your day. It is for the people who raised you and nurtured you, too.

I just will never understand the childishness of a bride who thinks only of herself and her day. I think most brides in their heart of hearts will look back and cringe at this kind of behaviour when they are older.

There are always more to every story but I dont feel it is just a "it's my day" thing. It could be a financial one. For some families like mine (I have 6 siblings) it could cause the wedding price to skyrocket. If every family member was in the bridal party plus the brides closest friends there would have been 8 brides attendents and then you would have 8 groomsmen. The church originally used this past weekend (free for members) would not have been large enough to hold the bridal party so money would have to been spent renting a larger place. Then the hassle of getting all the fittings and such and etc. The more in a wedding the more it costs. I spent enough of my own money on my sisters wedding so I thank her for not asking me to be in it. My boys were so $ for tux, travel to & from wedding (8 hr drive) $ for last minute essentials the bride forgot about and so forth.
I think it is childish to put pressure on any bride just because you want to "dress up". Your right it is the brides day. If your not asked to be in the bridal party, family or not, there must be a good reason for it.
Im 16 yrs older than my lil sis. She was 2 1/2 when I married so I do feel like I raised her. I paid for the honeymoon to Ft Walton Beach and I much rather pay this than for a gown, shoes, jewelry and such that I'd never wear again.

Money was an issue for her and she had a beautiful wedding.

 

[Crankyshank]

My sister was a Jr Bridesmaid and my brother was an usher. One of DH's sisters did not attend the wedding (she claimed her daughter's freshman basketball games were more important than flying from FL to MA for a weekend for her brother's wedding).
Younger SIL did a reading. She was upset she wasn't a bridesmaid but living in FL with the wedding in MA and her being pregnant (due 3wks before the wedding) it just wasn't feasible because she might not be able to go because of possibly giving birth, having to sign papers for the adoption, and there was no way the dress would be able to be fitted properly

 

[Madaboutthemouse]

Lucky for me, I had no sisters to include in my bridal party...or so I thought. DH has an older brother and three younger sisters. Their age span is pretty close, 10 years between oldest brother and youngest sister. Well, DH's brother and his fiancee were planning their wedding for a year before ours, but we were all engaged at the same time. They started to not include the sisters as bridesmaids...one was going to do the wedding party's hair, one was going to sing, one was going to do a reading. The two youngest ones flipped out that they were not going to be bridesmaids in their brothers weddings! I was sitting in the other room listening to them and reading my wedding planning book and made a mental note then and there that they would be in my bridal party. So, my bridal party was DH's three sisters, his SIL, and my college roomie as my MOH. His party was his brother as his BM, my two brothers and two of his friends as groomsmen. Even though it began as a way to avoid conflict, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way...all of our sibs were in the party and stood up for us on our day. The pics are priceless.

So, no, not mandatory, but highly recommended!

BTW...DH's brother and his wife caved and ended up having all three sisters and myself in the bridal party plus wife's sister as MOH. Groom's party was my DH, one of his sister's boyfriends, and two other friends as groomsmen, and another friend as BM.

 

[septbride2002]

I didn't ask my SIL to be in the wedding and you would not believe the problems that caused. Of course it didn't help that she was calling anyone and everyone who would listen and ***** about us. Her husband was DH's best man, her son was a ring bearer. My DH was having enough time finding groomsmen to go with my bridesmaid of friends, along with the expense and time committment that I knew she would give. If I had asked her to be a bridesmaid I would have had to hear about the cost of the dress, the cost of the shoes, how early she had to be there for pictures when she has a baby and so on. It wasn't worth it to me.

It did cause problems but I put her in her place when it came down to it. The funniest thing to me was when she got married she didn't ask her husband's sister or her own brother to be in the wedding - but that was "different"

~Amanda

 

[eeyore kelly]

I wasn't in either of my sister's weddings and one sister has had two. However, both of my kids and DH were in two and both kids were in the third. With all the running around for them, I was glad not to be in the wedding.

 

[RadioNate]

It is certainly not mandatory but it's nice. I did have both cousins and my SIL in my wedding + 2 friends. I don't speak to one of the friends anymore at all and the other friend very rarely (to be fair she lives in a remote villiage in Hondouras now so it's not easy). Sometimes when I look at my photos I"m sad because of the one friend that I had a huge falling out with. DH had 2 friends who he only occassionly talks to now. They were all great friends at the time.

Even though she was a huge PITA I'm glad we incuded SIL. And if I had to do it over again I think I would have added my 2nd cousin and ditched the friends.

I also think it depends on the family, if the excluded sisters don't care then I wouldn't worry about it but if there will be hurt feelings I would include them.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Inspired by the ex-husband/daughter being guestbook attendant thread. When a wedding takes place, is it required to include all siblings in the bridal party? I ask specifically about sisters because women seem to get more upset about not being included. I never thought that it was absolutely necessary to include all siblings. I thought that your bridal party was supposed to include people who are extremely close to you. And as we all know, we can have siblings that we are very close to, and then there are some that we just tolerate! I have three sisters and my husband has two. When I got married, I included only one of my sisters and only one of his. But then again, I never liked doing things that people said you are "supposed" to do anyway

I am not a typical woman. I am beyond HAPPY when I am not included in the wedding party. Sister or friend. I hate it.

I don't see anywhere where it is written that sister's or just family for that matter need to be included. I actually broke the family code when it came picking a Godmother for my son. I took it seriously, and decided my best friend was more religious, and would do a better job with the obligations, than anyone in my family. So I was the 1st and I believe the only one to go outside the immediate family when I asked my best frined to be my DS's Godmother.

I have 4 sister's and got married twice. Once by a JP in my house, and then 3 years later, we got married in the Church. I had my best friend be my Matron of Honor at my 1st wedding, and I did not have attendants. So none of my 4 sister's were in my wedding. They did not seem to mind. They were as relieved as I would of been!

 

[scrump]

I really think that this new wave of that bride battle cry "IT"S MY DAY"! Is getting out of hand!

She can't include her sisters? It's that important to have it your way? A wedding is a celebration to be shared with family friends and community. It is not just your day. It is for the people who raised you and nurtured you, too.

I just will never understand the childishness of a bride who thinks only of herself and her day. I think most brides in their heart of hearts will look back and cringe at this kind of behaviour when they are older.

I think it would probably make sense from a social standpoint, but ultimately, it's what the bride and groom decide. I didn't have bridesmaids because it just wasn't my style, but if I had to have one, I would definitely feel the pressure of including family members.

BUT I don't think it's childish or selfish; I think that's a pretty limited way of looking at the situation. Couples have their own vision of how they want to celebrate their day. If feelings are hurt, perhaps a conversation is in order, and people can take it from there. Beyond that, I think it's fine for the couple to personalize their wedding day as they see fit, without judgment or recrimination.

 

[teacherforhi]

I mentioned this to my mother who almost choked on her food when I said it...

She reminded me that while my father only has one brother and one sister, she has five sisters and two brothers.

Also, her mother had nine brothers and four sisters and in a little bit of history I didn't know, my grandfather had thirteen brothers! How is that even possible?

So, anyway, I think you should invite who you want. Who is going to be the support that you need during the time of planning your wedding?

 

[Castlebound]

See this is why being an only child can be a good thing! I had no sisters to get all bend out of shape if they felt left out, and DH only has one brother. I had some of my cousins and friends as bride's maids. DH had his DB, best friend, and some cousins for his groom's men. We had some normal family conflict which bothered me at the time, but now I see it as a good way to see peoples true colors.

 

[Disney Doll]

Nothing is required...it is your day. Bu it would probably make life alot easier if you didn't exclude one. Sometimwes it's better to do things to avoid WWIII.

 

[Nancy]

My older sister was my matron of honor. My younger sister was not a part of the wedding party...but she is 12 years younger than me. My SIL was in the wedding party to make my DH happy.

My best friend had me as her Matron of honor and her only sister was the other attendant. I though Cheryl would be mad, but she was fine with it as long as she was included...because she was not in her brother's wedding when the other one (my best friend) was.

I don't think it is the "rule". I only included my SIL because DH requested I do. I'm not particularly found of her. I just did it to make him happy.

 

[corie161]

I only have 1 sister and she was my Maid of Honor in my wedding, 8 years ago, now it's her turn to get married and I am her Matron of Honor...I hope she isn't having me be her Matron of Honor because she feels she has to, although I will admit I would be hurt if I wasn't included at all.

I think a big difference would be included some but not all of the family. Everyone handles these situations differently.

For my sister's wedding my DD, DS and me are all part of the wedding party. we are still waiting to hear what they have decided for DH. I think he would feel a little left out of the picture if he wasn't somehow included, but he's sensitive in that way, on the other hand I'm sure he would understand as my sisters fiance has 3 brothers to include. I told her I just would like to know so I could plan for it. To me it's not the expense, it's the least I can do to make her day special, if that's what she wants.

 

[eeyore0062]

Mandatory? NO

Sensible? YES!

If you don't want to cause hard feelings that may last a lifetime, the suggestion is you need to use ALL of the sisters, or none at all.

 

[princess pooh]

In my family it's definately mandatory . My brother, and FH's brother and sister in law are all in the wedding party. I'm very close with my family and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[disykat]

I only have one sister, so she was my only attendent. Frankly, it never even occured to me that dh's sister would want to be in the wedding - even though dh had her husband as his only attendent. I met SIL at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. If I had more attendents I had a best friend and a roommate who would have also expected to be included thus going from what I wanted, one attendent, to a row of bridesmaids - something I didn't want at all! Since DH didn't really have people he wanted to stand up for him, it would have been pretty weird. My brother was an usher and didn't really want to be - since he hadn't met dh yet either - but he did it.

Maybe that's why my SIL wore a white dress to the wedding! Okay, just joking really I don't think she was upset at all. She was seated by my brother right before the ceremony started as a way of honoring her. He walked her up and they both sat in the front row next to where our parents would sit following the processional.

 

[princesspumpkin]

I really think that this new wave of that bride battle cry "IT"S MY DAY"! Is getting out of hand!

She can't include her sisters? It's that important to have it your way? A wedding is a celebration to be shared with family friends and community. It is not just your day. It is for the people who raised you and nurtured you, too.

I just will never understand the childishness of a bride who thinks only of herself and her day. I think most brides in their heart of hearts will look back and cringe at this kind of behaviour when they are older.

Yes, most people feel that a wedding is to be shared with family, friends and community, but "sharing" doesn't necessarily mean being "in" the bridal party. Inviting all of those people to be there on that special day is "sharing". And the battle cry "It's My Day" has it's warrants. People, women especially, have been putting the needs of other people before their own for centuries. When a couple plane "their" wedding, I don't see why it would be a problem to plan things that will make them happy. Bridal attendant is a place of honor, and to include someone just because of society's "protocal" once again negates the bride's (and sometimes groom's) feelings just to make sure that other people don't have a pooh face.

 

[offwegotoneverland]

when I was married my brother stood up as my "maid of honor". He was my only attendant.

When he was married they had a large wedding party (6 attendants each) and while my SIL asked her sisters & friends she did not ask myself. (before someone adds the not married thing both her sisters and one other attendant where married already).

While DS was a ring bearer she had no friends with sons the same age as her best friends daughter that she wanted as flower girl and had no nephews of her own. He was most assuredly an after thought.

As my brother and I are quite close I was devestated. Even though it's almost five years later it still is painful to recall sitting and watching from the sidelines. To make it worse 4 years prev. to the wedding my other brother had died suddenly in an accident and I had raised my brother from the years of 16-19 mostly on my own.

Strangely enough they seperated a year ago for almost 6 months and when they started living together again my brother refused to wear his rings or give hers back. She was pregnant again and he still wouldn't give her rings until I told him he should when I went to visit them. That's when we all finally talked about the whole wedding thing and she admitted that she hadn't thought about how he or I would feel about it. (and of the three best friends that had to be there she speaks with none of them now.)

 

[txSleepingBeauty]

My oldest brother got married several years ago and included both of our other brothers-one as best man and one as a groomsman. i considered his fiancee to be the sister I never had and have been and still are pretty close. I however was left out and yep my feelings were very hurt. It was kind of ironic since I ended up being the most helpful person, both with my time and my money.

oh well, the dresses were ugly and would have looked terrible on my anyway. It would have been nice to be included .

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My brother's getting married in August and the only one in the family who is included is my father. At my wedding and at my sisters weddings, everyone in the family was included. My brother's having a tiny wedding though. I'm a little disappointed that my dd doesn't get to be a flower girl (she really wants to be one!), but it's his wedding, so he can do what he wants.