Is it Just Me?

[Louise-Montreal]

I have a sister in law who is single, has a high powered job makes loads of money. Thinks nothing of buying herself Louis Vuitton purses, Prada shoes, Tiffany jewellry, etc. Not particularly generous with her money- in fact I cannot think of one gift she has ever bought me. She is the baby in the family and has been spoiled by their standards. Anyways................
this Christmas she gives my 16 year old daughter a donation in her name( my daughter's name) to a charity. She proceeds to buy gifts for her parents, sister and brothers (who she exchanges gifts with- although nothing to my husband. She then asks my daughter if she was upset with her gift and said the reason she bought it was she felt my daughter had too much stuff. My daughter said she was not upset. I just feel it was cruel on my sister in law's part. Perhaps if everyone had recieved donations I might feel differently- I just felt she was trying to teach my daughter "a lesson". BTW- we cannot afford the Louis Vuitton nor the Prada. My daughter does get pretty much what she asks for then again I feel she is not unreasonable. She does not ask for a car, designer clothes, etc. She is an honour roll student,and plays sports, lots of friends etc. I have been told my many of her teachers that she is a great kid. I think so, too!

So- am I being overly sensitive or do you feel it was a cruel gesture?

 

[harleyquinn]

You are not being overly sensitive!

What right does she have to decide that your DD has too much stuff? I think my cousins have too much stuff, but I would never buy everyone else something and not them! Plus what do i really care if they have too much? I'm not their parent, I don't have to deal with them being spoiled (if they are, which is sounds like your dd is not).

That's just

 

[hentob]

I don't think she was being cruel, but I have to say--I think she wanted a reaction out of your daughter. The fact that she "followed up" on the gift like she did, implies to me that she wanted your daughter to be upset.


Your daughter handled it well

 

[OhMari]

Your dd handled it well, and I bet your dd isn't even thinking about it anymore. If she is not part of your dd's life-let it go. Envy can eat you up inside.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Hmmmmmmm.....sounds like SIL is suffering from a bout with the green monster. She appears to be pea-green with envy towards your daughter.

 

[dejavu]

I don't think it's her place to judge if your daughter has too much. It would just burn me up too because since she made the donation she gets the deduction on her taxes!

 

[Louise-Montreal]

Bumping for the afternoon crowd.

 

[lindalinda]

It's a gift. I dont think you should complain about ANY gift received. Smile and say thank you. Check out the charity and use it as a learning tool for your daughter.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I don't think it's mean to give a gift to a charity in someone else's name. I do think it's mean to single out a child to do this for, when it's clear that she's the only one singled out for this "honor". And to give such a reason? Very mean-spirited. This truly reflects the giver, not the recipient of the "gift". I hope your daughter doesn't take it personally, and neither should you. Some folks can't see beyond their own noses, and care not for how others are affected by their words and actions.

 

[lg3]

I don't think it's mean to give a gift to a charity in someone else's name. I do think it's mean to single out a child to do this for, when it's clear that she's the only one singled out for this "honor". And to give such a reason? Very mean-spirited. This truly reflects the giver, not the recipient of the "gift". I hope your daughter doesn't take it personally, and neither should you. Some folks can't see beyond their own noses, and care not for how others are affected by their words and actions.

ITA. Glad that your daughter took it so maturely.
Perhaps your sister is secretly jealous of your having a real family, while even though she seems to have it all, she wants what you have and tries to control the situation.

 

[JR6ooo4]

if your DD is up for it, have her ask for the reciept for the donation. She can say "I like to keep track of my donations, yearly"

Mikeeee

 

[JunieJay]

My thoughts? She's a real witch.

Your DD sounds a lot more mature than her aunt.

 

[shirleyb]

I think it was very petty. I'm not in favor of donations as gifts in general, and particularly for children. If you want to donate to a charity, fine, but don't call it my gift, when it's your tax deduction! Also, if you don't want to give me a gift, fine, but the way she did it, makes it sound like she was looking for a rise, and that would irk me.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

next year do one of those "donate a goat to an impoverished village" charities in her name --- and just let it roll off your back.

 

[bevtoy]

Hmmmmmmm.....sounds like SIL is suffering from a bout with the green monster. She appears to be pea-green with envy towards your daughter.

Yup! Jealousy is it.

 

[cocodog]

Hmmm... I really think we share the same SIL. Mine also buys the Prada bags for herself, and shops for my children at Big Lots. One year, my 2 year old dd got an Easy Bake Oven. That was bad enough, but the mixes were all long expired.

 

[tikilyn]

next year do one of those "donate a goat to an impoverished village" charities in her name --- and just let it roll off your back.

The look on her face would be priceless!! Have your dd tell her that she picked out the donation that best fit her!!!!

 

[cheerful chickadee]

I agree that everyone should be grateful if given a gift but she didn't give charity donations to the whole family so it seems like a personal jab at your dd. My beef is that it's SO not her place to teach your daughter a lesson, especially when it's a hypocritical lesson at that. Saying your daughter has too much "stuff" coming from someone who has excess of everything...seems ridiculous to me. I don't know how I'd handle it from here but I'm sure it would aggravate me to no end.

 

[MOMTOCUTESTDOGEVER]

As others have stated, the gift does sound mean spirited and she does appear to be jealous. However, it's her money to spend as she pleases.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would say your SIL was trying to hurt your family and she was successful.

If you look up toxic people in the dictionary her name would be under it.