Thursday, May 29th…
Today was going to be a wonderful day. Today we are visiting Jen’s favoritest park. The Animal Kingdom.
Now hear me out. I know there are those who would challenge me on this one…and lemme explain my reasoning…
1. I’m an animal…lover that is. Where else can you go and get the magic of Disney, a zoo-esque experience…PLUS rides??? Answer me that riddle folks.
I’ll wait here…
Are you back with an answer?
Didn’t think so…
2. The smell is wonderful. You enter through the same turn-styles as every other park. And once you travel 20 feet, you are immersed in a beautiful rain forest. Thicker than any rain forest I’ve been in…and yes, I’ve been. The fresh smog-less oxygen is emanating from all around. The fresh plant smell is heavy in the air.
PLUS…and this is a big plus…there is no ZPS. What is ZPS? Zoo Poop Smell. Ya’ll know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.
You visit the zoo with your little one to enrich their life and make them aware that they are not the only living thing on this planet. And your little one loooooves them some…well, for arguments sake, let’s say elephants. You’re little one looooooves them some elephants. So, you map your whole day around visiting these elephants. You finally arrive…and everyone around you is holding their shirt over their nose/mouth like some sort of connected bandanna. “ Hmmmm”…you think. “What are they doing??” And then you accidentally breathe…your mistake. “Dang”…you think. “Who farted?” “Ohhhhh…it’s the elephants.”
No ZPS=gud.
3. The ambiance. The je ne se quoi…the feel…the underlying “color” of the park. It’s peaceful…serene…quiet even. (Quiet for a theme park anyway…minus the screams of those on Everest…we just pretend those are people being eaten alive by a rogue leopard) Everywhere you turn there are beautiful colors, plant life, animals, and people of every color. Even as you elbow your way through vicious crowds of scantily clad strangers…YOU are at PEACE. Inhale. Exhale. Where else can you buy a wooden salad spoon set that you believe to be made in Africa…only to get home and to see it says “Made in Texas.” Where else can you eat dinner with an elephant AND a gorilla? I says nowhere.
There you go…my top 3. Not to be confused with the top 7 things to see and do in Disney. In my book…AK is #1.
Now onward with this day….
5:30 AM.
Phone rings.
Jen picks up the phone and slams it back down to send a message to that darn brat Stitch. The message is: 5:30 AM is too early to be so darn hyped up.
This was the motha’s wake-up call. She was again going to drag her tiny booty outta bed to work-out…ON VACATION no less…and would burn some mean calories…
Did she wake up with the phone call?
Nope.
What did Jen do?
I was tired of taking her calls. I was in no mood to gently jostle her awake. Instead…I got straight in her face and said:
“Stop snoring…it’s time to burn off some pork.”
Then I hopped back into bed.
When my alarm went off at 6:45 AM…I rolled over, much more ready for my day. And what did I spy?
A traiter pork-eater still asleep in her bed. How ‘bout them apples?
The Kosher gods must have been plotting on this day…plotting to make all this pork go straight to the motha’s hips. Heh heh.
We all finally rolled outta bed at 7ish. And had breakfast in the room.
Then we were off to Jen’s favoritest park.
We left the room at precisely 8:15. And we made it to the covered benches to wait for our bus.
As we sat…the cutest thing happened…
A long line of golf cart carrying all of mousekeeping…blaring music…carrying pom-poms comes barreling through. Many of them jumped out and danced with us…and gave the kids little presents.
Dang…at rich people hotels they even make the mousekeepers dance with you. Rock on.
Our bus took FOREVER. We waited at least 30 minutes. Was this an omen? Would something bad happen today? I’ve never waited this long for a bus GOING to the parks…
The chariot finally arrived and we were off…and were at AK by about 9:10. I wanted rope drop. Ah well…you win some…and you don’t.
We quick pick up a kid-pusher and are off into the rain forest.
And what do I spy???
Inhale. Exhale.
The prettiest fake flower I ever did see…I’d definitely throw this up in my front lawn…
I think I even hopped around screaming…”Mommy…mommy…lookee lookee lookee lookee.”
OK…I didn’t do that, but I was close.
We were winding our way towards Africa…to tour Safari style…
I just love these buildings…
When who did we see????
And look down at Lexie’s feet. My motha made her wear socks with sandals. She is setting her up for failure IMHO…
Anywho, myself, Jon, the motha, Lexie and her socked sandal feet made it around through Africa and went straight for the safari.
We walked right on. No wait at all. Score.
Here we are in our truck…off to save some baby elephants…from some poachers…minus the Zoo Poop Smell…
And here’s our driver…who incidentally was about as excited to take us on a safari as I am to go to my lady doctor once a year…
You know how the drivers try to get you hyped up…by asking you: “Hey guys…who’s ready to have some fun???”
People are supposed to hoot and holler and show their enthusiasm.
People didn’t do that. I did. Me. By myself.
I let out an enthusiastic “Whoooohooooo!”
Mr. Driver said…”Gee thanks to that one person listening back there.”
Thanks for leaving me out there all by myself unenthusiastic park-goers.
And just in case we didn’t know…they told us where we were going…
Continued in Next Post Right HERE!
You KNOW how I love alliteration!
I thought, who is she kidding?
Ahhh shucks thanks 
I'm first!!!
