goofy4tink
No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator
- Joined
- May 2, 2002
- Messages
- 54,711
Never said you couldn't call someone 'naive'...merely asked why you called them naive. Just curious. I think it's wonderful that you are lucky enough to have a child that is in such a wonderful sports program. Not very many people have that option. I know that when my dd decided on a private college, I knew that I was going to have to cut back on my travel. That's part of being a parent. Just because she's 19 doesn't mean I get to stop being a parent!!!As I am entitled to call her post naive. It will be my kid's responsibility to figure out how they will meet their goals financially, be it militarily, a school that does not require FASFA for merit aid or working to offer to cover their expenses of college. Will my kid requests LOAN from mom and dad? Will my kid offer to save 50% of the costs for a match? We require skin in the game and are not saving nor planning to pay for all of college.
My spouse and I are looking forward to marriage 3.0 and have no problems traveling the world while our kid struggles after leaving home. I don't understand where this notion came that a parent should delay their retirement or borrow on behalf of their children and go into debt to do it.
As my kid is in a sports program where 90% of the participants have received full ride scholarships, it will be encumbent on my child to be n that 90%. Or end up paying or earning their keep for college. Even if it means taking on debt or WORKING. A semester And attending a semester.
As I said our true hope will be for our kid to be an entrepreneur and not have to eventually work for anyone else. If others want to different for their children fine, but by asking this question I had HOPED to find like minded people and not contrarians, but that is ok.
That goes on until the day I die.
Oh, believe me...my children have been allowed to fail. I'm the idiot that allowed her dd to touch the pot of water on the stove to see how 'hot' feels!! My dd has never been 'built up' by me...I have always been brutally honest. And it has made her feel awful many times.It has been our philosophy since our child grew out of the toddler stage. As long as it was not a safety issue, we let our child fail. We let our child struggle. We never "let" our kid win. One of the greatest joys to me as a parent came on the day my kid put me in checkmate in chess.
I see so many parents today who don't want their kid to struggle. They give them cellphones at age 10, they give them cars, pay for insurance and gas. Come back and let them live at home into their late 20's. We believe we are giving our kid a foundation to make the correct decisions.
This hot summer our kid wanted to do a lemonade stand. While we fronted the money for supplies, our kid had to pay us back before counting profit. Now my kid has figured out how to earn money around the 'hood in ways that are age appropriate.
Our kid may struggle working at a minimum wage job or may figure out that sacrificing a social life to babysit every weekend as possible from the age of 12 can allow big money for savings and spending.
We won't feel guilty if our kid does struggle though when it is time for college. We will be able to live the life we feel we have earned. It will be awhile before our kid will be able to do the same.
And my older kids? Yep, they have been allowed to move back home in order to save money. My ds moved into our basement for 5 months while he saved enough money to move 1200 miles away, to Tampa. Now he is the finance director in his company. Eldest dd? Yes, she lived in the basement for 4 months....bad situation with former roommates, and needed to save enough for a security deposit. Now, happily living on her own.
So, sure, my kids have had issues, they have had their failures. But, I don't see that as license to allow them to go into deep debt.
Yes, my dd chose a school that has tuition set at $14,000 a semester!!! But, both my dh and I feel that the 'experience' she is getting is worth the cost. Sure it would have been terrific if it cost less. And sure, she could have gone to community college and lived at home. But for us, we felt that the living away from home, having the whole 'college experience' is a huge plus. Others may not have the same philosophy...and that's fine. But, my dd pays for her own books, will have some debt at the end, makes her own spending money and is expected to pull a 3.0, lowest, gpa each year.
That is what I signed on for when we had her. That is part of my job as her parent. Just because she graduated from high school doesn't mean I'm done!!!