Is an anonymous note ever OK?

[Rock'n Robin]

A little background--DD#1 is in show choir this year. Next year she will be a junior and tried out again. She and 3 other upcoming juniors were placed back in regular choir. A bunch of upcoming sophomores, and some juniors who were not in this year, made it. There is also an elite show choir and a varsity choir. Many sophomores were placed in both. On the other hand, upcoming seniors were not placed in the elite group over the sophomores.
The only issue I have with this is that according to the course offering handbook, the varsity choir students "need to have two years of HS choral experience" and the elite show choir will be "juniors and seniors with sophomores as needed". Where I teach, the course handbook is like the Bible. You don't vary from it.
Problem is, the head choir director is vindictive and holds grudges. If you cause trouble, forget moving up a level next year or ever getting into a musical. And not only does DD#1 have 2 more musicals but DD#2 is going to the HS in 1 1/2 years and also likes to perform.
I typed out a nice, non-confrontational EMail to the principal about how the director disregarded the course offering book. If she disregards it, does that mean other prerequisites and corequisites in other classes can be ignored? I explained at the beginning why I was afraid to identify myself.
My response? "I did not read this past 'forgive me for not identifying myself'. I do not read anonymous correspondence."
I am afraid if I send him a letter identifying myself, he'll tell her who it is and I'll be hurting my girls' chances later on.
Isn't there any time that anonymous letters are OK? Any other suggestions on what I can do next? I suppose an anonymous snail mail letter would meet the same fate.
Robin M.

 

[mickeyboat]

I guess if you want to pursue it, you need to talk to the principal in the least confrontational manner possible - at least at first.

Good luck.

Denae

 

[Lady V]

Truthfully it does stink but as a person who used to perform professionally I can tell you that if you already know the person holds grudes it will hurt your daughter later on. It stinks to deal with this in high school but as much as someone needs to fight it---you don't want your daughter to be the one whose parents get the person in trouble. sure she might still get cast in the musicals...as the background tree or something...

 

[pearlieq]

I don't know about the particulars of your situation, but your principal sounds like a jerk. I imagine it's going to be an uphill battle, if you can get anywhere at all.

Good luck.

 

[pearlieq]

A thought--is there anyone you trust who could work as an intermediary for you--another parent without kids in the program, or a good teacher/counselor?

It sounds like you have legitimate concerns about identifying yourself, but a neutral 3rd party might be able to make your case to the principal without putting your kids at risk.

 

[bluefairy13]

In a situation like this my daughter did not want me involved at all.

She tried to deal with it herself, or she just chalked it up to life not always being fair. In any case, she was very opposed to me speaking on her behalf. (or butting in, as she put it.)

 

[HelenePA]

send the same letter to the superintendent and school board. Also include that you did send it to the principal but they would not read it since you did not identify yourself

 

[salmoneous]

In all honestly, I can't imagine any good coming out of your sending a note - whether or not you sign your name. What are you hoping to accomplish?

 

[golfgal]

Honestly this is a battle not worth fighting. If there were younger kids that made the program over the older kids the choir director can just state that they were better in her opinion. I would just chalk it up to one of those life lesson things. It happens all the time in sports and activities and later in life in the business world. I really don't think an anonymous letter is going to do anything for anyone’s situation.

This is one thing I am not looking forward to in the next few months. DD12 will be playing on the high school varsity golf team this spring. She will probably be their number 3 or 4 golfer based on last year's scores which means she will bump off some seniors. There will also be 2 freshmen that will probably round out the varsity squad pretty much eliminating many seniors. It's life. These seniors have had 4+ years to improve and work on their game and they didn't.

 

[shirleyb]

OK, so let me get this straight. DD is a sophomore this year in the show choir, and didn't make it for next year. You're upset that other soon to be sophomores, will be in it for next year. Doesn't that seem a little hypocritical? Isn't it just possible that they are better than she is?

If the note was nice and non-confrontational, I wouldn't have hesitated to sign it, and I don't really blame the principal. He or she could get anonymous notes all day long that would take all of his or her time to react to.

 

[Allison]

Actually, I don't blame the principal for not responding to anonymous letters and I don't think they are appropriate. Don't bother sending it regular mail because I'm sure the same thing will happen. I think your only option is to talk about it directly or let it go.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

There are always sophomores in the show choir DD was in this year. But rarely are they in the elite group--and next year there are 5 sophomore girls in the elite group, 1 junior, and 3 seniors.
I won't bore you with all of my theories and I won't compare DD to the sophomores but I can tell you at least 5 girls in her grade who made it are not at her level. I don't say this just as mom--I am certified to teach theatre and help cast the shows at my own school. BTW she made the musical over about 10 of the girls who made show choir.
My focus is how can they blatantly ignore what is stated in the course offering handbook? Many courses say certain things are required. The things they have mentioned are not being followed now. For example, DD is taking chemistry next year. She is also taking Algebra II, because for chemistry it says "should be taken with algebra II". She would rather take chemistry senior year, but then she wouldn't have the corequisite. Can we just ignore it, since the vocal music classes ignore their own requirments? I'm sure the chemistry teacher wouldn't allow it. When you schedule your kids, don't you believe what the course book says?
Robin M.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm also having a hard time understanding.

Your daughter, who will be a Junior, didn't make the elite choir.

Other kids, who will be sophomores, did make the elite choir.

The handbook states that you must have 2 full years experience to be in the elite choir and as sophomores, they can't have had 2 years experience because they are only in their 2nd year of High School.

Is that the issue?

 

[golfgal]

There are always sophomores in the show choir DD was in this year. But rarely are they in the elite group--and next year there are 5 sophomore girls in the elite group, 1 junior, and 3 seniors.
I won't bore you with all of my theories and I won't compare DD to the sophomores but I can tell you at least 5 girls in her grade who made it are not at her level. I don't say this just as mom--I am certified to teach theatre and help cast the shows at my own school. BTW she made the musical over about 10 of the girls who made show choir.
My focus is how can they blatantly ignore what is stated in the course offering handbook? Many courses say certain things are required. The things they have mentioned are not being followed now. For example, DD is taking chemistry next year. She is also taking Algebra II, because for chemistry it says "should be taken with algebra II". She would rather take chemistry senior year, but then she wouldn't have the corequisite. Can we just ignore it, since the vocal music classes ignore their own requirments? I'm sure the chemistry teacher wouldn't allow it. When you schedule your kids, don't you believe what the course book says?
Robin M.

Things like that get looked upon on a case by case basis in our schools. In our school if they had Algebra II as a junior and took Chemistry as a senior it would be the same thing. Around here Algebra II is usually taken as a sophomore and chemistry as a junior for the advanced students.

 

[theycallmered]

I work for a housing co-op and our office/general manager receives a few anonymous notes a year on a variety of subjects. In every case, no matter what the subject, he does not entertain notes that are not signed. It is too simple to complain, rant, and rave when your name is not attached to the letter. If you want action you should be held accountable for your words and ideas and thus attach your name to the letter.

 

[Camicar]

I've been in your shoes with a grudge-holding drama coach in school. She was also -- oh joy! -- incompetent. In our situation, she had 'secret' auditions for her pets and open auditions for the rest of the kids, who then got background scenery type roles only. Dd having been in drama for years wasn't terribly upset about that bec she knew from experience how subjective casting can be, but she did get aggravated when the teacher told her that for her one line she'd be expected to attend 3 hours of rehearsal every day with no indication of when she'd actually be rehearsing. So dd asked, "But where are the call sheets?" She then put my dd on the 'will not cast' list bec she was angry bec she'd never heard of such a thing as a call sheet (so how the heck she got to be a paid drama coach, I cannot imagine).

It became very clear that this was a situation in which we could not win no matter what. The principal deferred all issues to the teachers. So...If we complained, we would get nowhere bec all casting was up to the teacher. And if we didn't complain, we would also get nowhere bec all casting was up to the teacher. It was very unfair, indeed, and basically stopped my dd's drama 'career' dead in its tracks after years of getting starring roles (bec the local rep theaters generally use little kids and high school kids, but not middle schoolers, so your only outlet was the school). I won't lie -- we all still very much resent this teacher. In part, bec it wasn't enough that she blackballed dd from her own productions, when she left the school she told her successor not to use my dd as well. This fact was well known in the school.

The good thing was this situation forced us to look farther afield for outlets for my dd's interests and we were very lucky to find a cable tv station who took her on as a volunteer and in 9th grade, which offered her a paying job.

So I would advise you to accept that you are basically screwed and you should be seeking other outlets for your dd's singing bec she's going to get nowhere with this teacher.

 

[maelstrom]

In my school, once you were in one of the advanced choirs or bands, you were guaranteed a spot in it for the rest of high school, unless you opted to give up your spot or you did something to prove yourself undeserving (ie: not attending concerts, practices, etc). I think it's kind of crappy to kick kids out for no reason.

I was on the varsity cheerleading squads sophomore year, and because the coach held a grudge against me (honestly, for no reason, she just didn't like me), she tried to put me on JV for my junior year. After being on two varsity squads, no way in hell was I going to be on JV my junior year.

 

[LadyyRedd]

JMHO, but I think that if it's a battle that is worth fighting to you, then you should do it in a non-anonymous manner.

Kimya

 

[KelNottAt]

What is your objective? Do you want your DD in the elite choir? Do you want to tattle on the choir director? Do you want the sophomores kicked off the elite?

I think whatever you do, you should tell the recipient of your letter what remedy or resolution you're seeking.

I wouldn't blame them for ignoring an anonymous letter. Therefore, I recommend signing it. However, if you mainly want to get it off your chest and don't really expect them to DO anything, say something like...

"Thank you for considering my position. Since I know Suchnsuch High School takes all parent comments seriously I trust you'll examine the issue and make any necessary changes. I do not need a response from you. Instead, I'll be glad to see that Daughter is treated fairly and without hostility."

 

[mselly13]

I totally understand why you are upset. I have dealt with similar issues with DD and drill team. It will affect your DD if you say anything. Our girls didn't make officer if a parent said something. We also had a parent fax in an annoymous(sp) letter. The elite parents assumed it was me(which it wasn't) but never said anything to me, it wasn't until months later after numerous rumors that we heard that they thought it was me. I had no way of defending myself either. How do you prove you didn't do something. It also affects the kids more than parents think.
This is a lose lose situation. I fee for you.