Is a red sweater...

[KMZOB]

Inapropriate for a funeral?

I have to go to a funeral tomorrow and I'm looking through my closet. I really don't have any "dark" color shirts. I do have a red sweater...it's not really bright, but not the traditional navy blue or black.

Is it inapropriate?

 

[ilovepcot]

It wouldn't bother me in the least if someone showed up at the funeral of my loved one wearing a red sweater. The fact they showed up is what matters to me. I suppose there are people who would feel offended and feel you should have gone along with tradition by wearing a dark color. I really think that tradition should be sent right out the window and focus more on things that truly count. That's my take.

Nearly forgot...a funeral last winter for my SIL had people wearing whatever was in their closets. Not one unkind remark was made and no eye rolling that I could see.

 

[Fairy Dust]

I think its fine. To be honest, the tradition of wearing dark clothes is not always followed nowadays. I've seen everything from floral prints, my cousin wearing a smart red dress, to dark clothes.

You are showing your respects by attending and thats the main thing.

 

[weregoingtodw]

At the last funeral I attended, I was one of very few wearing all black.

Of course, that was less a concession to tradition and more the fact that about 99% of my wardrobe is entirely black.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I think when a funeral is during the week, a lot of people just come in whatever they wore to work.....

 

[MAKmom]

Yes, red is bad. Anything else is OK. Red at a funeral is an insult.

 

[Cool-Beans]

IMO, red is inappropriate for a funeral. However, it doesn't matter what I think or what the rest of the DIS thinks. It depends most on the feelings of those who are grieving. If you are absolutely certain you will not offend them, wear the red.

If there is any doubt in your mind - if you think the red will or might upset people who are already grieving the loss of someone they loved - don't wear the red.

 

[weregoingtodw]

Yes, red is bad. Anything else is OK. Red at a funeral is an insult.

Really? Is this something cultural or regional perhaps? I've never heard of it.

 

[Jennifer S]

Hey I'm from PA and going to a funeral tomorrow too. Sadly it's for my grandfather

I am wearing black pants and a black and white blouse.

 

[safetymom]

I couldn't tell you what colors anyone was wearing when my husband died. I was thrilled to see so many friends and family at the funeral. That is what mattered not the color of their clothes.

 

[hornedfrog]

I would not wear red... However, if I were one of the family members who was grieving, I personally wouldn't care if someone else wore red. BUT...I know lots of people who would be offended or at least irked by someone in red.

Do you have a white shirt? Beige? Cream? A light shirt without a pattern and dark pants would be okay. The key is to avoid 'fun' patterns (like polka dots or Hawaiian print) and/or bright colors (unless the funeral service has a Hawaiian theme...I've been to one of those!). No one should have reason to be insulted if you wear subdued, non-flashy clothes, even if they aren't black or navy.

 

[KMZOB]

Hey I'm from PA and going to a funeral tomorrow too. Sadly it's for my grandfather

I am wearing black pants and a black and white blouse.

I'm so sorry Jennifer. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow as well.

The funeral I am going to is for the Mother of my dearest childhood friend.

 

[KMZOB]

Thank you for all the replies. I definitely do not want to offend anyone...I'll keep looking. I don't want to chance it.

Thanks!

 

[christineann]

My beloved uncle died suddenly last month. His widow wore a bright blue suit - she said he loved to see her in bright clothes. I think just about any color is fine as long as the outfit is relatively conservative.

 

[kidzmom3]

I don't like red for a funeral because it is such an attention grabbing color. I would not like to be the center of attention at a funeral. Also, I wouldn't like knowing someone may be whispering behind my back. When it is the immediate (ie spouse or child) of the deceased wearing a unusual funeral color, I think its different. They are part of the focus (obviously the deceased is also) of many of the guests attention already and they can make a "statement" with their color choice.

Dark blue, black, gray, white (in moderation), tan, brown-any of these neutrals would be more acceptable to me

 

[I Love Pluto]

Anything but red - it just doesn't seem right. Sorry.

 

[Beth76]

I certainly wouldn't be offended if you wore red, but I wouldn't recommend it. Really anything but red, unless perhaps it's a darker red, like maroon. I would even think a pastel or white would even be better than red.

 

[jklms]

I just couldn't resist jumping into this one. When our son died last year, we had lots of time to plan his funeral and include him in the plans as he was sick for over a year. We decided the funeral should be a celebration of his life and his favorite color was red. We intentionally asked everyone to wear red. We also had balloons and hot dogs for the meal! I know some people were a little confused by our requests, but we wanted his funeral to be as happy as his life had been!

I know that is different than wearing red to a funeral where everyone else is wearing black, but I will always see red as the most respectful

 

[MAKmom]

Really? Is this something cultural or regional perhaps? I've never heard of it.

Wearing red at a funeral is offensive, this is not the colour for a sombre occasion
It is just something I have always known. A threat I've heard in movies "I'll wear red to your funeral". There is a commercial this past year that has a funeral procession with the priest looking horrified at the woman in the Red dress who seem happy. I thought it meant you were spitting on the dead.


FYI: wearing black at a wedding means you disaprove of the union.

 

[ilovepcot]

I've always heard wearing any bright color that appeared "cheerful" showed a lack of respect. It was considered "proper" funeral attire to be decked out in sombre colors (dark gray, navy and of course black) and that anyone with good manners would follow suit. This is a long standing "rule of etiquette" but something I gladly overlook.

I'd hate to run into a friend and they reveal they didn't attend the funeral of my loved one because they didn't have the "right" clothes and felt they would offend me or my family. I like to think my family and I are more understanding than that.

*And jklms...so sorry for your loss. You did a wonderful thing and your child would have been so pleased!*