Is 47 Too Old To Become A Father? Update In Post #155

[snarlingcoyote]

That's what I was thinking. My parents had my little brother when I was 19, so they were in their 40's. He STILL gets away with murder. I think they're just done. Like they just don't have the energy/patience so they've thrown their hands up.


*maybe I broke them

My mother once told me that when my oldest sibling was small if he did something wrong she got up immediately and took care of the situation. . .by the time I came around, if she heard me doing something wrong she would think "maybe if I wait a minute she'll stop." She said she was just tired by the time I came around. And I'm adopted, so it's not like I was a surprise!

 

[justussix]

It's not so much being "broken" by your kids as you age. It's learning, with time, that they aren't as fragile as we once thought. The way I always heard is that with the first, if they drop their pacifier, parent panics, picks it up, boils water, sets the timer, etc. to make sure it's perfectly sterile when returning it to their child. By the time number 3 or later comes around, we pick it up, wipe it on our pants, and stick it back in.

So to the poster who's parents put a stop to any wrong doing immediately with you, while younger brother got away with things for longer - perhaps they realized that it's okay to let kids figure things out on their own once in a while?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

It's not so much being "broken" by your kids as you age. It's learning, with time, that they aren't as fragile as we once thought. The way I always heard is that with the first, if they drop their pacifier, parent panics, picks it up, boils water, sets the timer, etc. to make sure it's perfectly sterile when returning it to their child. By the time number 3 or later comes around, we pick it up, wipe it on our pants, and stick it back in.

So to the poster who's parents put a stop to any wrong doing immediately with you, while younger brother got away with things for longer - perhaps they realized that it's okay to let kids figure things out on their own once in a while?

With my grandparents it wasn't being more relaxed and realizing not to sweat the small stuff. They were just too tired to care. My aunt was completely out of control. To the point that my mother wouldn't let me hang out with her once we hit 13 years old.

It wasn't little things. If she talked back nothing was said so it just got worse. If she acted out in school they did nothing. They would try to punish her but if she complained they just gave in. "Okay fine, you can go out tonight even though you got suspended from school" just so she could leave them alone. My mother said things did not fly like that when they were kids. If they got punished they knew to put their heads down, go to your room and wait your week.

 

[wilkeliza]

It's not so much being "broken" by your kids as you age. It's learning, with time, that they aren't as fragile as we once thought. The way I always heard is that with the first, if they drop their pacifier, parent panics, picks it up, boils water, sets the timer, etc. to make sure it's perfectly sterile when returning it to their child. By the time number 3 or later comes around, we pick it up, wipe it on our pants, and stick it back in.

So to the poster who's parents put a stop to any wrong doing immediately with you, while younger brother got away with things for longer - perhaps they realized that it's okay to let kids figure things out on their own once in a while?

My brothers and I always laughed about the only clear difference between us all, our baby books. My oldest brother has 2 thick beautiful books. He was an only for about 2 years, the oldest grandchild on one side and the oldest male grandchild on the other. So EVERYTHING was saved and documented. Then my middle brother came along. Cool great he has 1 beautiful baby book. However I came along a short 11 months later. I'm the oldest girl grandchild on one side but was born premature. My baby book it pretty plain and about half the size of any of my brothers. Of course everything is filled in all the way to my 2nd birthday but it isn't stuff full of junk like the others. I just knew that since I was born premature (and unfortunately it is when my dad's infidelity went into him being gone more than home) meant that my mom was just more worried about loving on us as much as possible instead of actually putting the photos and scraps in the book. I had a box for a long time with all of it in there and still have a lot of the photos so I knew growing up I was very loved. My brothers did try to convince me my book was smaller because I was adopted but my mom nipped that in the bud pretty quickly.

 

[rastahomie]

My cousin was intensely protective of her oldest baby. She was on the phone with her pediatrician's office so often that at one point the secretary told her to "just enjoy your baby!"

By baby #2 she was like, "Screw it."

 

[Liberty Belle]

Mrs. Homie's aunt, "June," has a daughter, "Bess," who is my age. Bess has two daughters, a 23-year-old and "Heather," a 19-year-old. Heather is "in trouble," as the old saying goes, thanks to a failure in her birth control.

This bit of information has pricked Mrs. Homie's mom's ears, as she's been hoping for 15 years (ever since we found out we couldn't have kids) that one of us would have a teenage relative get in trouble. Now that time is here.

Even if Heather decides to put the baby up for adoption, which is far from a forgone conclusion, I don't think Mrs. Homie and I are going to pursue it. For one thing, the baby would be Heather's, at least biologically, and though she lives three states away she's still family and we still see her a few times a year. How awkward will Christmas dinner be? Also, the baby would be simultaneously June's great grandchild biologically and MIL's grandchild legally, and we see June like all the time, meaning the awkwardness would be almost daily.

Second, not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm way too old to become a dad for the first time, IMO. Most guys my age are either parents of teens or parents of college kids; a few guys I went to college with are already grandparents. We'd be the oldest parents of the child's peer group by a decade; I'd be 65 when the child finished high school. That's just too old.

What say you, DISers? Am I too old to become a dad?

Edited to Add: After reading the responses, I can see that I wasn't clear enough in my post when I originally wrote it. The decision has already been made: we are not going to pursue this and never were. I just opened up this thread because I enjoy hearing others' opinions and having thoughtful discussion.

I say no, it's typically not too old at all, however it sounds like you think it's too old (or at least you're too old), and that's the only thing that matters.

Have you guys thought about fostering an older child?

 

[Pink Partridge]

My oldest brother and his wife had their first (and only) child when he was 48 and she was 47. It was a huge lifestyle change (they were world travelers) for the first 2 years. But then they started traveling again. My nephew was an amazing toddler and they really found their groove and took him to so many places.

He is now 12. My brother is almost 60 years old and he is starting to complain. My nephew can't miss school to travel nowadays. Sitting at the table and helping with homework and projects is taking its toll. Summers are filled with travel baseball and working concession stands. My nephew also plays football and is in Boy Scouts.

Their 60 year old friends are boating and traveling and enjoying hours on the golf course. While my brother and SIL are sitting outside of grocery stores helping with the Boy Scout bake sale, or freezing their butts off in the stands hoping my nephew gets put in the game.

They obviously love their son very much. They just don't always look like they are enjoying what is going on in their lives right now. I hope the teen years are kind to them.

 

[justussix]

With my grandparents it wasn't being more relaxed and realizing not to sweat the small stuff. They were just too tired to care. My aunt was completely out of control. To the point that my mother wouldn't let me hang out with her once we hit 13 years old.

I know you're talking about your grandparents raising your aunt, which is a parent child relationship.

However, your post put me in mind of another thing I always heard. Grandparents are more lenient with grandkids than their own because they have a secret weapon. It's called, "Send them home!" Extra helping of dessert? Sure! Cookie? Eat the whole box! Cartoons? All day? We DVR'd all the ones your parents won't let you watch!

"Looks like Mom and Dad are here! We sure had fun today!"

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I know you're talking about your grandparents raising your aunt, which is a parent child relationship.

However, your post put me in mind of another thing I always heard. Grandparents are more lenient with grandkids than their own because they have a secret weapon. It's called, "Send them home!" Extra helping of dessert? Sure! Cookie? Eat the whole box! Cartoons? All day? We DVR'd all the ones your parents won't let you watch!

"Looks like Mom and Dad are here! We sure had fun today!"

That's my paternal grandma....and she still does it to my kids!!! lol DD is with her for spring break this week. She comes back spoiled rotten and overfed.

 

[MrJT]

I am turning 46 very soon, and my youngest turns 8 right before that. And I just became a grandfather about a month and half ago, so I personally would not want to start over as a father in my 40s.

 

[RedAngie]

I read about this about two months ago, and it popped up again the other day on the Internet.

John Tyler, the 10th President of the US, who was born in 1790, has two living grandchildren. Not great-grandkids, nor great-great, but actual grandchildren.

Tyler fathered 15 children, the last in 1853 when he was 63. The mother was his second wife, who was about 30 years his junior. His first wife died years earlier.

This last child, a son, followed in his father's footsteps. He fathered 7 kids, also with two women. The second wife was 35 years younger than him. The last two children, were born in 1924 and 1928 when the Tyler's son was 71 and 75 years old.

Those two Presidential grandchildren, now 93 and 89, are still alive.

https://www.usnews.com/news/us/arti...ler-born-in-1790-still-has-2-living-grandsons

 

[Disneylover99]

I read about this about two months ago, and it popped up again the other day on the Internet.

John Tyler, the 10th President of the US, who was born in 1790, has two living grandchildren. Not great-grandkids, nor great-great, but actual grandchildren.

Tyler fathered 15 children, the last in 1853 when he was 63. The mother was his second wife, who was about 30 years his junior. His first wife died years earlier.

This last child, a son, followed in his father's footsteps. He fathered 7 kids, also with two women. The second wife was 35 years younger than him. The last two children, were born in 1924 and 1928 when the Tyler's son was 71 and 75 years old.

Those two Presidential grandchildren, now 93 and 89, are still alive.

https://www.usnews.com/news/us/arti...ler-born-in-1790-still-has-2-living-grandsons

Neat!

I wonder if those grandchildren have plans to have kids anytime soon.

 

[Vijoge]

I know you're talking about your grandparents raising your aunt, which is a parent child relationship.

However, your post put me in mind of another thing I always heard. Grandparents are more lenient with grandkids than their own because they have a secret weapon. It's called, "Send them home!" Extra helping of dessert? Sure! Cookie? Eat the whole box! Cartoons? All day? We DVR'd all the ones your parents won't let you watch!

"Looks like Mom and Dad are here! We sure had fun today!"

I admit we spoil our granddaughters, but never with the idea that we "can load them up with sugar and send them home" Their parents are perfectly free to leave them with us forever. We'll gladly keep them.

 

[AprilB]

I know this thread is a few months old, but I'd like to give an interesting perspective: 8 Years ago a cousin of my step-mom's (who is a crack-head) got her parental rights taken away (finally!). When DHS called my grandmother (her aunt, and closest relative) and asked her if she wanted custody or the 2 year old could be placed in foster care. There was no way she was going to let a family member be placed in state custody. However, she was 65 and also had an ailing husband she was caring for at the time. My 46 year old step-mom and 50 year old father gladly took permanent custody of this child who (although was almost 3 years old) was still waking at all hours of the night with horrible nightmares, couldn't talk, and was still in diapers due to his previous living situation. My father had previously raised 2 kids (I was 21 at the time and my sister was 19) but my step-mom had never had a child. He still would not change it for anything (even though he has been called grandpa a few times over the years, but then again my dad doesn't have much hair left either). My brother now calls them Mom and Dad and is a straight A student. My dad still takes him to football and soccer practices/games and shares his love of baseball with him. I know the original poster said he was not intending on raising the baby in question, but for others out there, don't let age be a factor for you if there is a child in need.

 

[rastahomie]

UPDATE IN CASE ANYONE IS INTERESTED

"Heather" has decided to keep the baby. I imagine he or she will be born before Christmas, if my math is right, so I'll see him or her then.

 

[disneyeveryyear]

I know someone who became a father for the first time at 60, 2nd @ 64 and twins at 70. No, his wife is not some young thing. I believe she was 53, 57 and 63 when these children were born (with no medical intervention).

Now THAT'S TOO OLD!

 

[IMissEd]

Best wishes to "Heather" and her baby. May they have an easy pregnancy and delivery and a great life together.

 

[Shanti]

What say you, DISers? Am I too old to become a dad?

47 isn't too old for someone who genuinely wants to father a child. It is too old for someone who doesn't really feel like fathering a child.

Likewise, the mother herself is not too young if she genuinely wants to mother this child. It is too young for someone who doesn't really want to be a mother at this time.

Since you have reported that she has decided to keep the baby, I hope you and the rest of your family give them both lots of love and support.