Irresponsible Storage

[kdonnel]

That is the title of a book I feel I should write.

I have spent many days helping my in laws clean out their basement in preparation for their closing and moving out.

They have a 2700 sqft ranch on a 2500 sqft basement. In the 12 years they have lived there they have managed to fill all 5200 sqft with stuff. It was all stored very neatly on shelves in the basement. Lots and lots of shelves like this:


They have 20 24" deep shelving units and 12 18" deep shelving units.

The closets on the main floor were equally stuffed and organized.

So far we have filled two 20 yard dumpsters, 11' by 8' by 6', and we have made countless runs to Goodwill as well.

I think we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel as there is not enough left to merit another dumpster, just many trips to the dump in the truck.

I think people tend to expand into the space available and boy did they expand. So many things were just junk but slightly difficult to dispose of so it was easier to just put in the basement since they had room.

Irresponsible storage!

 

[mom2rtk]

Feel better?

 

[china mom]

I get it. My mother lived with so much clutter and when it came time to move out of the house that she had occupied for 50 years, we were overwhelmed. She walked around all of that stuff for so long and in the end, it could not have been bringing her joy. Her new place (apartment attached to my house) had just the right balance of minimalism and special keepsakes - except for clothes, she insisted on keeping all of her clothes, even stuff that she would never wear again.

congrats on seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[kdonnel]

Feel better?

My arms, legs, and back are a little tired.

There is a hill from the basement to the driveway. I did 93 floors one day and 112 floors the next day according to my phone. Just under 30,000 steps each day.

I won’t feel truly better until I make my fortune off the book!

 

[Christine]

We've just been through this with my FIL, who passed away in March. Unfortunately, he did not have the nice shelves. His clothing was wonderfully organized, but everything else was not. He was a big Costco shopper so lots of expired food to be thrown out. They counted that he had several hundred flashlights and screwdrivers. It was incredible.

 

[tvguy]

My mother-in-law had 20 fitted sheet sets for her bed. Why does a woman living alone need 20 fitted sheet sets?
She had a bunch of junk when when she passed away, and MY mom saw how much work it was for us to clean up. She spent the next two years sorting through stuff and throwing stuff out. She had every canceled check she and my dad had written back to 1950. I helped her shred those. they were kind of interesting. Checks for 25 cents for a parking ticket my dad got. Check for $1,750 for the new 1957 Chevy 150. $2,500 for their first house (not the down payment, the entire purchase price).
But the reality was, the bulk of what we had to get rid of was stuff they needed. Couches, refrigerators, washers dryers, microwaves beds. Stuff that was very difficult to sell because folks just don't want to buy that stuff used.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I wouldn't describe this as irresponsible storage. I saw the title and thought it was related to improperly storing things (so they were getting ruined or too much weight, etc).

This is really just pack rats, people who have a hard time letting go of things or going through things or purging things.

When we were cleaning our garage to paint the walls and epoxy the floor it wasn't even that full but we found ourselves saying "why did we keep this again?" "this thing is broken how come it didn't end up in the trash a long time ago", etc.

Now in terms of other things I'm a pack rat though I get in moods probably once or twice a year to go through things. Of course things from years and years ago haven't been touched much because of the newer things I would go through lol.

 

[Kitty 34]

My sister and BIL are hoarders.......don't even get me started on their storage situations!! to you OP.

 

[disykat]

I agree with the title irresponsible storage! It IS irresponsible to leave behind a mess for other people to clean up. After the trauma I'm going through with my parents and my husband's parents, I'm trying really hard to start "cleaning up." We don't have a lot stored, but we still have way more than we need - old papers, etc. If you have the space, it's just too easy to fill it.

Husband's parents have WAY too much stuff and not enough money to meet their needs. My parents have less stuff and enough money, but have been very stubborn about making plans/moving when needed, etc. I'm determined to have a financial plan in place, move closer to my kids so it will be easier for them to help us, and to have minimal STUFF! It's really hard to love your parents and be doing your very best to help them, but at the same time be really angry and resentful about the situation you've been dealt.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I agree with the title irresponsible storage! It IS irresponsible to leave behind a mess for other people to clean up.

When people are living their lives they seldom are thinking about what happens with their stuff when they are gone. You may even be lableled as irresponsible in that respects to someone you know when you're gone; you're just living your life at the moment I'm sure.

My mom thinks it's silly that I keep an old dining room table set that was my grandmothers, then my mom's and now mine. If I pass before her she'll have to lug that thing somewhere (donation, trash, somewhere). But I'm not going to get rid of it now just because she would have to deal with it if I pass before her

True hoarders, like the ones you see on the tv show and whatnot are on a whole 'nother level and often have mental health issues.

 

[gwynne]

Some of this may be the consequences of encouraging elders to "stay in their home" as a long term housing option. They don't need to go through their stuff while they are younger and more able. By the time they are very senior, the can't maintain the yard, home, or all of the treasures and collections.

Seriously downsizing in your 60's can make transitions down the road much more manageable.

Everyone is not going to have the same options or make the same choices. But even clearing out a closet or storage tub each month can really make a dent in all the stuff over time.

 

[disykat]

When people are living their lives they seldom are thinking about what happens with their stuff when they are gone. You may even be lableled as irresponsible in that respects to someone you know when you're gone; you're just living your life at the moment I'm sure.

My mom thinks it's silly that I keep an old dining room table set that was my grandmothers, then my mom's and now mine. If I pass before her she'll have to lug that thing somewhere (donation, trash, somewhere). But I'm not going to get rid of it now just because she would have to deal with it if I pass before her

True hoarders, like the ones you see on the tv show and whatnot are on a whole 'nother level and often have mental health issues.

That's my point. No one's talking about a small inconvenience of having to lug one dining room table. Everyone has furniture that will need to be dealt with. We're talking about years of unnecessary saved paperwork, hoarded stashes, etc. There are lots of stages in between true hoarding disorder and minimalism. We're two years into cleanup at my in laws house and still working - trying to get it taken care of before MIL passes. (Like kdonnel, we're lucky that she is still alive to help. She had a wake up call when FIL passed.) Most of our visits are swallowed up in dealing with stuff. My parents have also made irresponsible decisions resulting in making it very difficult to care for them in their dementia.

The responsible thing is not to let it get out of control and to do some thinking about organizing your "estate" for ease when you pass.

DH and I are trying to get started now because we realize that when you've lived somewhere over 20 years - you've collected! Once we get through with our parents, we hope to do some more serious decluttering of stored items. This thread reminds me that I have two boxes of books waiting to be donated...

 

[cinnaminny]

I would never want to leave my kids with a mess like that. My in-laws really tried to downsize a similar sized house and moved into a very small house. I was very happy and thankful that they did it themselves before they couldn't. And really, they waited a bit too long as it was hard on them. But I appreciate how thoughtful they were about it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That's my point. No one's talking about a small inconvenience of having to lug one dining room table. Everyone has furniture that will need to be dealt with. We're talking about years of unnecessary saved paperwork, hoarded stashes, etc. There are lots of stages in between true hoarding disorder and minimalism. We're two years into cleanup at my in laws house and still working - trying to get it taken care of before MIL passes. Most of our visits are swallowed up in dealing with stuff. My parents have also made irresponsible decisions resulting in making it very difficult to care for them in their dementia. The responsible thing is not to let it get out of control and to do some thinking about organizing your "estate" for ease when you pass.

Then perhaps you shouldn't generalize it to "It IS irresponsible to leave behind a mess for other people to clean up." Mess means different things to different people. There are lots of stages in between the various ways people define a mess. Certainly understand when it's mounds and mounds of stuff but most of us have stuff too that someone would consider a mess to even think about and it isn't a mess to us including you and I. If your point is don't let it get out of control sure your intial statement was just very broad brush.

 

[RUDisney]

My DH's cousins own a sanitation company. We can get dumpsters for free. We've been offering one (or more) to my parents for years.

They can't park in their garage and it's quite the trek to get from one side of the basement to the garage. They have always refused our help. My siblings and I have offered to help them fill the dumpster(s) whenever they'd like. smh

 

[disykat]

Then perhaps you shouldn't generalize it to "It IS irresponsible to leave behind a mess for other people to clean up." Mess means different things to different people. There are lots of stages in between the various ways people define a mess. Certainly understand when it's mounds and mounds of stuff but most of us have stuff too that someone would consider a mess to even think about and it isn't a mess to us including you and I. If your point is don't let it get out of control sure your intial statement was just very broad brush.

On a message board, people are bound to disagree. Sorry I offended you, but standing by my posts as they accurately depict my opinion.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

On a message board, people are bound to disagree. Sorry I offended you, but standing by my posts as they accurately depict my opinion.

Why does everyone reduce something down to offended or not--it's like the new fad lol. On a message board surprisingly enough people are able to converse without being offended It takes a lot more than discussing someone's viewpoint on a mess left when one passes away to make me anywhere near offended

 

[gwynne]

My DH's cousins own a sanitation company. We can get dumpsters for free. We've been offering one (or more) to my parents for years.

They can't park in their garage and it's quite the trek to get from one side of the basement to the garage. They have always refused our help. My siblings and I have offered to help them fill the dumpster(s) whenever they'd like. smh

It might be that the dumpster is just too much for them. If they are willing to work a little at a time, here are some possible tips:
1. Clear out the car trunk. You don't want the donation site to take a toolbox or something.
2. Put a couple of small to medium sized boxes in your parent's trunk. They can add items a bit at a time, avoiding the whole trying to pick up and carry a heavy box scenario.
3. Clothes? Use old Kohls, Penneys or other plastic bags. Load them in, tie off, drop in trunk.
4. Set aside a box or two in the garage for the trash. The folks who can easily get to a dumpster could pick up that stuff, leaving the box for the next round of items.
Then drive to the donation place, let them unload the trunk, it's a pretty easy way to get rid of the stuff that is still usable.
5. Spend some time shredding. Do it yourself, or call your bank/credit union and find out when they are having a shred day. Start with easy stuff, like receipts from utilities 10 years ago and work your way together to more current paperwork.
6. Maybe set a time limit for each time you work together...like, we'll tidy up the files for an hour, and then do something like take a walk, grab lunch, or what have you.

I understand your parents may not be willing to ever go through these steps, but you might check in now and then and try to start the process. Too much stuff can be exhausting, even though they may not realize it now.

 

[easyas123]

My sister and BIL are hoarders.......don't even get me started on their storage situations!! to you OP.

My in-laws are hoarders. Animals (cats and kittens everywhere) and just stuff/junk. We talk about "the day" when we have to deal with it. Husband and his brother actually have a sketched out plan in mind....first step is getting a sled dumpster delivered. Sadly, we can't/choose not to go there anymore. It can be overwhelming. Have approached them a few times in different ways about cleaning up - we call it downsizing - but they won't hear of it. Meanwhile, stuff is spilling out of every room and every shed on the property.

 

[barkley]

My mother-in-law had 20 fitted sheet sets for her bed. Why does a woman living alone need 20 fitted sheet sets?

if she was around during the depression or ww2 then it likely became a learned habit to never get rid of any usable items. between not being able to afford things and then rationing both my parents were in the habit of never tossing anything that was still in usable condition (even if they hadn't used it in decades). we tossed tons of bedding from my mom's place along with a wealth of tablecloths (though i never remember her using anything other than the wipe able type during the course of my life). i'm guilty of the fitted sheet collection-but in my defense they're ones from when my kids were young (rugrats, yugioh, disney....) and they get a kick when i use them to cover a table for outdoor bbq's (the fitting of them allows them to wrap under the table so the wind doesn't blow them off).

Mess means different things to different people.

'important papers' means different things to different people as well. late mil always made a point to tell where her 'important papers' were kept. everyone assumed-will, banking info....NOPE-dog's shot records and vehicle servicing information (for cars she no longer owned). if you will have to deal with someone's affairs at some point-find out what THEY consider their 'important papers' so you can make sure to easily find what YOU consider them to be.

I agree with the title irresponsible storage! It IS irresponsible to leave behind a mess for other people to clean up. After the trauma I'm going through with my parents and my husband's parents, I'm trying really hard to start "cleaning up." We don't have a lot stored, but we still have way more than we need - old papers, etc. If you have the space, it's just too easy to fill it.

after dealing with a couple family members (and helping a friend with his late mom's) piles of papers to ensure nothing important got tossed, dh and i went through all our paperwork stuff. the boxes of old paperwork that we might need at some point during our lives but can definitely get tossed upon death have all been labeled with a bright orange flame sticker. that way dd knows she doesn't need to look in particular box and can burn/shred the entire contents.