Inviting a friend

[dumbodame]

I have a DD that is 16. She wants to take her friend when we go Candlelight Weekend. Her friend has never been to Disneyland and I am VERY excited to have her come along.

I told DD that I would cover all the expenses except for her spending money for souvineers and snacks. (I will cover meals)

 

[honeydiane1953]

I don't think you can tactfully ask the parents to pay when you are inviting the child. However I also think it is common courtesy for the parents to offer to help pay but there is no guarantee that they will offer.

If you can't pay for the other child then you shouldn't invite the other child.

I have to agree. I understand it would be GREAT with some help from other parent's but wouldn't ask since we invited her/him to go.

 

[Kathi OD]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but any child who we would consider bringing along, we would know their parents well enough to discuss the financial aspect of the trip. I don't think it's out of line to talk to the parents and say, Hey, we're going to Disney World for a week in summer. DS asked if you're DS could come. We would be happy for him to come along and would cover (hotel, food, etc) if you could pay for or provide (airfare, park tix, etc.) for him. We've priced it out and the total would be about $x,xxx. If your family has other summer plans or you just don't want him to be gone for that long, then we completely understand.

Personally I would never accept an invitation for my son to go on a vacation without expecting to pay for his share of it. So I don't think having a conversation about the financials is out of line....

This. I wouldn't be letting my child invite a guest whose parents I didn't know well enough to discuss costs prior to the trip.

When our youngest was at this age (his brother and sister are quite a bit older), the general rule was that the invited child pays for everything except for food and hotel room.

 

[girli565]

I am an only child but my parents only invited friends along on trips when they were low cost ones. We went to the beach a lot for long weekends and my friends could come. When we rented timeshares at beach/island resorts in FL my friends could come bc the only thing my parents had to pay for was food.

I don't think my parents would be able to afford to invite my friend to WDW though. as an adult I don't think it's solely the inviting party's responsibility to pay for everything. I would cover hotel/dining plan (if you're buying a package) but if flights and tickets need to be purchased I don't see why the friend's parents couldn't cover that. Those are very expensive.

I was invited to a trip in high school by my best friend's family and the only thing I had to pay for was my park tickets. I brought some spending money but they would not let me spend my own money on anything except souvernirs. They covered dinners and paid for the hotel & gas to get up to Orlando from Miami.

 

[lisaross]

I think before asking the child, u need to speak with the parents.

I have two boys and would never think of taking a friend on a big vacation like that - perhaps for a day trip...also i don't think i would feel comfortable with my kids going with friends on vacation..maybe because mine are only 9 and 11 --

 

[disneyofcourse]

Honestly, if you can't pay for the other persons whole trip I wouldn't ask "Do you want to come with us" I've taken people before like younger cousins and I just straight out say "You can bring spending money for extra stuff, but I will pay for the room,transport and food"

Another alternative is just ask the parents about it. "Hey, I'm heading out to Disney is 4 months and if I want to bring an extra person its only XXX in cost. Would that be something you guys would be interested in for Timmy?"

 

[fortwildernessishome]

I have not read all of the responses. When I was a teenager, 25-30 years ago, I invited friends on a few different Disney trips. We traveled in our van and camped at Fort Wilderness, so transportation and lodging were obviously covered by my parents. We had many meals, snacks at our campsite, this was all covered by my folks. My friends had to pay for their park tickets, and any meals in the park as well as souviners. Once I knew what friend I wanted to invite, my mother talked to my friends mothers, without my friends knowledge. My Mom had already figured out how much money my friend would need. Everyone seemed happy with the arrangement and we all had a good time.

For my boys, we have never invited friends on our Disney vacations. However, if we did, I would do the same as my parents. I have been a SAHM for 18 years. Over the years we have literally brought my boys friends with us on hundreds and hundreds of day trips. Kids started joining us when my oldest was five. Initially I planned to pay for all the outings for everybody. (I was young and naive!!!) We went to a childrens museum. I paid the admission, we spent the day, had a wonderful time. As we were leaving we walked into the gift shop. My sons friend pulled out a $20.00 and bought himself all kinds of cool trickets. We didnt buy anything as I had used our money on admission. Two days later we brought another friend to a waterpark. I paid everyones admission. At the end of the day, the same thing happened, friend spent a bunch of money in the giftshop. From then on when I invited a child with us, I told their parents how much the admission would be. We have done this for the past 13 years. We have never had a friend not come. In fact over the years, I have had my boys friends parents, give ME gifts for all I have done to give their kids such fun outings in the summer. Of course many of the places we went were free, and in those cases of course no money was needed.

I think for me the only time I would have felt differently about kids paying their own way, was if their family had invited my kids from time to time and paid my kids way. However, since I have always been home and run our summers like an activiity director and ALL of my kids friends parents were working and unavailable to do day trips, it was always me bringing all the kids. When I say we have done hundreds and hundreds of day trips over the years, I mean it. We simply couldnt have done so much if I was ALWAYS paying for extra kids. However, what always stuck in my head after the first two trips was that is I wasnt paying for somone elses admission I could use that money to buy my kids a tricket from the giftshop like the friends had done.

Honestly though, My kids friends parents have always been very appreciative that instead of their kids sitting at home all day, they got to do some fun stuff with us. It made a little more work for me to have extra kids along, but was always worth it and we have had some remarkable adventures.

To the OP, I say to talk to the friends parents with how much money they would need. Most people are not looking for a free ride for their kids and are just happy that their kids are included in a fun outing or vacation. Good luck!!!

 

[DisneyMomma81]

Personally I would NEVER feel comfortable having somebody pay for my daughter's share if she was invited on a vacation. I use this example growing up if I was invited to go the movies, skating, etc. I always paid my way and the other way around too if we invited friends to go with us. It was just how we did things.

I agree with this - I would never expect an activity that my child was invited to *other than a B-day party* to be paid for by the invitee.

 

[PatsMom]

My daughter is an only child and it was so much fun to see her have another teen to enjoy her trip with! If we invited, we paid. A couple of parents offered money for airfare and tickets and we did accept. But if it wasn't offered, we figured it was worth it to us.

Now she's 19 and she is taking a friend next month. We are paying for the friend since they are both college kids with no money! We plan group things and we plan separate things so the kids can go off and enjoy themselves. They'll spend more time at the pool than we will!

 

[fakereadhed]

I agree with this - I would never expect an activity that my child was invited to *other than a B-day party* to be paid for by the invitee.

I agree too. I'm on both sides of this. If I invite, I'm ready to pay, but when DD was invited on a spendy vacation with her friend I wanted to chip in and they wouldn't let me. I felt very uncomfortable with it, but reminded myself I'd do the same and rolled with it.

 

[angierae]

We are invited DD16's BFF to go with us next year. When we sit down to talk to the parents we are fully planning on paying for everything except spending money. If they offer to pay for some of it, we'll accept (because if it were them inviting MY child, I'd offer, too) but they have two kids and it's not always possible to shell out $600-700 for one kid to do something.

I don't think there's anything WRONG with asking for the other child's parents to contribute, it's just important enough to DD for her friend to go that we're prepared to pay for it if that's the only way she can come.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

If we invite someone to join us on a trip whether it be a day trip or a week trip, we pay.

DS is celebrating his 16th. birthday this year. We go all out for this birthday, not 18 or 21. So he is bringing a friend. We are paying for everything including airfare, hotel, tickets, 3 meals a day etc.

We told his parent where we are eating, gave menu's etc. We stated we would also have usually one treat per day.

When the parent asked what her child should bring, I said any money for food above and beyond our family meals and any souvenier money he would like.

I also stated that if we did not have money for something extra like "deep sea diving" etc, please don't said money for your child to do that alone. I know that is most likely rude, but we are spending a lot of money and I would be extremely sad to see DS watch his friend do something like that and not have the money for it.

The parents of his friend are totally grateful and I think (more like hope) they understand that we can't pay for 5 meals a day or extreme extra's.

We will be gone 11 days so this is not like the visit to the local museum or zoo.

I think if you ask, you should pay. If it is a situation where the children make the plans without parental consent, than asking to contribute is not out of the question. You know little Johnny ask little Bobby without the parents knowing....

 

[okeydokey]

If you are inviting a child's friend as a benefit to your family (so your child won't be bored) I think you need to be prepared to pay. If you expect the other family to pay all the costs, it's not really an invitation.

 

[Pakey]

My son, now 30, is an only child. We always invited someone else along, whether it was to WDW, Hawaii, ski trips, etc. We invited; we paid. I was thrilled to have someone along to make my son's vacations more enjoyable.

 

[Suz725]

we are bringing my DD's friend 16 with us...we are paying for everything except spending money for her. We also told them that they will have to babysit a couple nights for our 4 year old and that if they don't find us for dinner, they are on their own.

I'm in the U invite U pay camp

 

[aprilgail2]

I think before asking the child, u need to speak with the parents.

I have two boys and would never think of taking a friend on a big vacation like that - perhaps for a day trip...also i don't think i would feel comfortable with my kids going with friends on vacation..maybe because mine are only 9 and 11 --

My daughter is 11 and has been taking friends on vacations for 2 years now-last year seh brought a friend to myrtle beach with us and this year she is bringing a friend camping with us for a week in Ct. I paid for both.

 

[seashoreCM]

For my boys, we have never invited friends on our Disney vacations. However, if we did, I would do the same as my parents. Over the years we have literally brought my boys friends with us on hundreds and hundreds of day trips. Kids started joining us when my oldest was five. Initially I planned to pay for all the outings for everybody. (I was young and naive!!!) We went to a childrens museum. I paid the admission, we spent the day, had a wonderful time. As we were leaving we walked into the gift shop. My sons friend pulled out a $20.00 and bought himself all kinds of cool trickets. We didnt buy anything as I had used our money on admission. Two days later we brought another friend to a waterpark. I paid everyones admission. At the end of the day, the same thing happened, friend spent a bunch of money in the giftshop..!!!

This fits the prevailing model where the inviter pays for all except souvenirs.

If you had difficulty paying then you would have stopped inviting. Then a few of your children's friends might be asking "Can I come?". Then you can freely ask for their parents to help pay.

The BIG problem I have had with teen friends, has been making the commitment to the trip, and keeping it! We had one kid back out a week before, and I could not get a refund on her plane ticket. She decided to play in a soccer tournament instead. Other friends hem and haw, say it depends, etc etc. One reason I would prefer they pay for the plane ticket, it then I am fairly sure they will actually COME

I have also read stories about the opposite, the invitee buys his plane ticket and then the inviting family calls off the entire trip.

My present opinion (for April 26, 2011) tilts slighly in favor of having the inviting family book and buy the plane ticket. Unfortunately this issue can only be resolved with a contract between parents (minors are not bound by a contract they themselves sign).

 

[Tinkmom]

There is nothing wrong with offering to take a friend but explaining that you can pay for some, but not all, expenses.

If you go with the "don't invite unless you pay for everything" mentality then many kids would miss out on the chance to go to Disney! It is an expensive vacation and many families can't afford to fully subsidize another person.

You could mention to the friend's parents that your family is going to Disney and you would like for their child to go. You will pay for the room and food (or whatever) if they could pay for their park ticket and souvenirs. They can accept or decline and no one is going to demand an accounting of their finances. (Most kids now seem to get money for birthdays, etc. and probably could even save for the trip and foot part of their expenses.)

This seems much more of a mature, win/win situation.

 

[csharpwv]

I grew up in a family where a family vacation was just that - a FAMILY vacation. No outsiders, no friends. Just Mom, Dad, and the kids.

Without sounding to harsh - what is the reasoning behind inviting someone else to go on vacation with you?

I agree with pp's - your invitation, your dime.
If the other child's family offers, be prepared to give them a price of how much you will be spending on their child - so that way they know what is a fair amount to contribute.

If they don't offer to contribute, it was your offer to start with - and they are not bound to offer to cover any portion of the trip.

If they OFFER that is different, but you definitely should not expect them to cover part, any, or all of the trip.

That's just my opinion, but I believe it to be fair.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I grew up in a family where a family vacation was just that - a FAMILY vacation. No outsiders, no friends. Just Mom, Dad, and the kids.
Without sounding to harsh - what is the reasoning behind inviting someone else to go on vacation with you?
I agree with pp's - your invitation, your dime.
If the other child's family offers, be prepared to give them a price of how much you will be spending on their child - so that way they know what is a fair amount to contribute.
If they OFFER that is different, but you definitely should not expect them to cover part, any, or all of the trip.
That's just my opinion, but I believe it to be fair.

We went on three vacations last year. 3 weeks cross country, 2 weeks in the north east and one week at Disney. 5 of those weeks were all about our family the Disney trip had a family of friends join us. It was a treat to have little ones with us, and they have several that are my kid's ages. It was a ball. The kids had people to ride the rock and roller coaster more than the 3 or 4 times their dad and I will ride with them.

It also makes for easy fate time for their dad and I. Pizza and movies and they are happy as clams. There are plenty of reasons to include others in our family.

My point is that some people have scad if family time. I homeschool my kids, they are here most of the time. Their dad can telecommute and is home tons or we take off for extended weekends.