Introverts! feedback

ChrisFL

Disney/Universal Fan and MALE
Joined
Aug 8, 2000
I am an introvert, and often feel misunderstood by extroverts, including my fiancee when I had to explain that introvert does not mean shy.

Extroverts don't seem to understand that being introverted can seem like being shy, but it's not the same kind of thing.

I've been reading random things recently and the one thing that stuck out to me is the need to be alone to re-gather our thoughts of experiences, like being with large groups and parties...kind of a re-charge mentally that needs to happen.

I was thinking if being introverted is possibly more of a symptom of this different way the brain works and processes lots of information. Being in a crowd of people, including trying to hold conversations can cause the stimulus issue where we feel like we need to take a break.

Just speculating here. I also have no problem living alone, I've done that for about 3 years and I rarely feel lonely, though I do talk to co-workers a bit, I don't spend a ton of time outside of the house. My fiancee will be moving in next year hopefully (She's overseas right now) so that will be a change of pace for me.
 
My 22 year old son in an introvert, but people who don't know him well don't even realize it. We actually call him an outgoing introvert. He does not like being an introvert, so he works really hard at socializing and being out going. He likes parties and stuff but he really does need some down time afterwards to recharge his batteries. He likes to recharge by playing golf or practicing on his guitar. This is the exact opposite of my extrovert husband and daughter who get their recharge FROM the social interaction. DS went through the job recruiting process this past Fall. Being "on" during all the interview rounds was totally exhausting for him. College graduation with Beach Week, all the grad parties and ceremonies were equally exhausting for him because all the back to back festivities, which he was fully present for, left no time for him to recharge. He came home afterwards and hibernated for a week!
 
I consider myself introverted so I tend to keep to myself. My brother isn't as introverted as I am so it annoys him whenever I say no to going out, but he doesn't understand how exhausting it is to be around people at work for 9 hours having to socialize with them. When I get home I just want to be with my dogs and my DBF. I've never been a socialite and I don't care if that's a bad thing. Why do some extroverts think it's wrong for people to want to simply be left alone?
 
I am an introvert, but you would never guess that if you met me and most people don't believe me when I tell them. I am very outgoing, and have no problem in group situations or with strangers, but I am absolutely exhausted by them, and need time away from people to recharge. I have found that some people confuse social anxiety with being introverted, someone can have social anxiety and be an introvert, but they are not the same thing at all. I married an extreme extrovert, and for the most part it works out, but we have a lot of differences regarding how we approach things which can cause some misunderstanding if we aren't communicating well, and explaining where we are coming from. Thankfully, my husband has a lot of hobbies that take up his time and give me the alone time that I need. I don't think that I personally could be married to another introvert, I just don't think anything about it would work at all whatsoever.
 


I am an introvert, and often feel misunderstood by extroverts, including my fiancee when I had to explain that introvert does not mean shy.

Extroverts don't seem to understand that being introverted can seem like being shy, but it's not the same kind of thing.

I've been reading random things recently and the one thing that stuck out to me is the need to be alone to re-gather our thoughts of experiences, like being with large groups and parties...kind of a re-charge mentally that needs to happen.

I was thinking if being introverted is possibly more of a symptom of this different way the brain works and processes lots of information. Being in a crowd of people, including trying to hold conversations can cause the stimulus issue where we feel like we need to take a break.

Just speculating here. I also have no problem living alone, I've done that for about 3 years and I rarely feel lonely, though I do talk to co-workers a bit, I don't spend a ton of time outside of the house. My fiancee will be moving in next year hopefully (She's overseas right now) so that will be a change of pace for me.

I am an un-shy introvert, and I guess tend to look at introversion as a bit of a continuum. My former career was as a Social Worker, so I had to figure out fairly early how to balance my work demands with self-care and ways to re-charge!

I have to run right now, but I wanted to mention...you might enjoy the book I just started. It's called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. It's a few years old, but it talks about some of the things you mention in your post. I'm finding it very interesting! When I was a Social Worker, I used to think being introverted as something that I needed to overcome, but reading this book, I think maybe it was my secret weapon, although I definitely worked to increase the more "extroverted" skills that I don't naturally have. Anyway, might be interesting reading!
 
I realized just a few years ago that I am introverted. I was much more interested in socializing often years ago. Yet, my job is VERY social. Thus, I need less additional social time than in the past. I do LOVE my recharge time alone. But I love spending time with "my people" when I have adequate time to rest/recharge.

ETA all my internet screen names have "shy" in them because I used to think I was shy but really I am just introverted. lol When I am at work or social functions I filp my switch to "on" and I likely appear extroverted but it does drain me (even though I love my job.) I am fascinated by different personality types btw.
 
Introvert here. On the Briggs-Meyers test, I am a little "i" so not a HUGE introvert. I can be quite social and enjoy social interaction and teamwork but find small talk and being "on" exhausting.

I do find introverts, in general, to be WAY more introspective and self-aware than extroverts. Extroverts generally do not like to be alone with themselves or their thoughts and their thoughts need to be "spoken" to be self-analyzed. I just got out of an "Emotional Intelligence for Leadership" course last week and the instructor touched on this. The instructor was an extrovert but, because of her job as a sociologist type person, she's been forced to self-analyze. She said it is possible for an extrovert to step back and become aware of others' needs, but it's not common for them to do so. So, OP, when you say you feel misunderstood by extroverts, you probably are. They often have trouble understanding how anyone could not be like them.
 


I have always had a need to be alone to "recharge", which has been troublesome for me since I became a parent 16 years ago--kids never leave you alone! My friends get frustrated with me for not wanting to go out to socialize, I wish they understood that being around people is stressful; I work with people all day, spend the rest of my time with my kids, and then I need time to recharge. I have one good friend who is a fellow introvert and she is the only one that understands that I don't find it relaxing to be in large groups of people. When other friends invite me to go out they always want me to go to parties, bars, sporting events, concerts, etc., but she gets that I'd much rather do something more one-on-one when we hang out--we'll go to a movie, out to lunch, walk the track at the local high school, visit the zoo or aviary, run errands together. I am so grateful for her!
 
I am an introvert, and often feel misunderstood by extroverts, including my fiancee when I had to explain that introvert does not mean shy.

Extroverts don't seem to understand that being introverted can seem like being shy, but it's not the same kind of thing.


You don't need to explain or get other people to understand who you are and why. That is their problem.

Here are three great quotes by TED Talk speaker & author on Shame and worthiness, Brene Brown, that I love:


https://scontent-lga3-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/b08202f83feedd274d92ecb1154a95f6/5D062CC8/t51.2885-15/sh0.08/e35/s640x640/52333496_387348912082568_2369425498288496796_n.jpg?_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.cdninstagram.com



https://i0.wp.com/www.becomingwhoyouare.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/brene-1-1.png?resize=550%2C825



https://66.media.tumblr.com/3e05a95c21ae4eb3f5887b642b04873e/tumblr_oza0frrDQC1ur01a6o1_1280.jpg
 
I'm a semi-social introvert married to a very social extrovert. I love the dynamic because when we go to parties or events, I can still be there and have fun but he takes over all the talking and conversation (especially with people we don't know very well). It's also funny because when date night comes around he is constantly thinking of what other couples to invite to make it a group thing. And all I want is an evening with just the two of us!

So I absolutely love the balance of being married to an extrovert, but just be really careful to communicate with each other and not project your own introvert-edness onto your fiance, and be willing to share when you think she might be expecting you to act more extroverted.
 
I'm an introvert in a social job, so I definitely tend to "cocoon" for a while when I get home.

I've noticed over the years that it's not really the people that exhaust me, it's the pace of typical social interaction. I can socialize all day on here - because I can read and process other people's thoughts slowly, and take my time replying.

I don't necessarily dislike parties and things, they're just "expensive" for me energy-wise. I enjoy them if I can relax a bit in advance and have some time to recover afterwards.

I live in a house with two ambiverts - they both seem like extroverts as far as processing their thoughts out loud and getting energy from people, but they both just hit a wall at a certain point. It takes a lot to get them there, but when it happens, it's like a switch flips, and they need space immediately.
 
I think how us introverts feel when we are in a crowd, is how extroverts feel when they are alone. They need to be around people, like how at times I need to be by myself. It's hard for them to understand us at times, but eventually you can get through to them lol.
 
Really glad to see this thread!


I am an un-shy introvert, and I guess tend to look at introversion as a bit of a continuum. My former career was as a Social Worker, so I had to figure out fairly early how to balance my work demands with self-care and ways to re-charge!

I have to run right now, but I wanted to mention...you might enjoy the book I just started. It's called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. It's a few years old, but it talks about some of the things you mention in your post. I'm finding it very interesting! When I was a Social Worker, I used to think being introverted as something that I needed to overcome, but reading this book, I think maybe it was my secret weapon, although I definitely worked to increase the more "extroverted" skills that I don't naturally have. Anyway, might be interesting reading!



Thank you for this recommendation. I had nice credit on Amazon and just bought this for Kindle.
 
I have to run right now, but I wanted to mention...you might enjoy the book I just started. It's called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. It's a few years old, but it talks about some of the things you mention in your post. I'm finding it very interesting! When I was a Social Worker, I used to think being introverted as something that I needed to overcome, but reading this book, I think maybe it was my secret weapon, although I definitely worked to increase the more "extroverted" skills that I don't naturally have. Anyway, might be interesting reading!
I totally agree with this recommendation. An introvert friend told me to read it when my introvert son hit high school and was dealing with all the social stuff that happens at that age. It really helped me understand how he operates and what his strengths are. I was better able to help him negotiate high school because of what I read. He did really well in high school and college both socially and academically. I am super proud of him!!!
 
I am an introvert, but you would never guess that if you met me and most people don't believe me when I tell them. I am very outgoing, and have no problem in group situations or with strangers, but I am absolutely exhausted by them, and need time away from people to recharge. I have found that some people confuse social anxiety with being introverted, someone can have social anxiety and be an introvert, but they are not the same thing at all. I married an extreme extrovert, and for the most part it works out, but we have a lot of differences regarding how we approach things which can cause some misunderstanding if we aren't communicating well, and explaining where we are coming from. Thankfully, my husband has a lot of hobbies that take up his time and give me the alone time that I need. I don't think that I personally could be married to another introvert, I just don't think anything about it would work at all whatsoever.
Very good point. I think those of us who are introverted don't feel the slightest bit bad about it; our only problem is carving out alone-time in a world where we're busy and have others to care for. Social anxiety, on the other hand, has a very negative impact - can even be crippling to some. Those that suffer and allow themselves to believe it's just a temperament thing are missing out if they never seek assistance for the actual issue. :flower3:
 
I'm a semi-social introvert married to a very social extrovert. I love the dynamic because when we go to parties or events, I can still be there and have fun but he takes over all the talking and conversation (especially with people we don't know very well). It's also funny because when date night comes around he is constantly thinking of what other couples to invite to make it a group thing. And all I want is an evening with just the two of us!

So I absolutely love the balance of being married to an extrovert, but just be really careful to communicate with each other and not project your own introvert-edness onto your fiance, and be willing to share when you think she might be expecting you to act more extroverted.
Between Aaron and I he's more introverted than me but we both have our instances where we're introverted or extroverted. We've also changed as time has changed.

Anywho I think you and Jon work very well together and we def. enjoy being around the two of you :)

I also think just as a generality sometimes people become in their elements and they really show a different side. You get Aaron around his coworkers (especially happy hours lol) and talking power plants (and before that in college just engineering in general or aerospace in particular) and he'll talk your ear off. Otherwise he can be a lot quieter and normally I'm the chatty one :laughing:
 
Extroverts like small talk more than introverts who would prefer silence most of the time (IMO!)
So true!! When I ride in an Uber by myself I usually just look out the window or play on my phone and it's totally fine. But if my DH is in the car then he automatically starts chatting up the driver. Same thing with cashiers at the check out line 😂
 

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