Introverted Mom with EXTROVERTED child

[Dazer22]

Are there any introverted Moms out there with extremely extroverted children?

I find that as an introvert, I really have to push myself to bring my daughter to extracurricular activities, arrange birthday parties, attend events at school, and have play dates at my house.

Don't get me wrong, I can certainly manage all these situaitons, and do so gladly to provide my extroverted daughter with the outside stimulation she needs BUT..... I do need to make sure I have my down time and alone time.
It can be draining.

It is challenging since being at home alone ( with just our family) is draining and exhausting for her. You can just see her wilting unless she is interacting with others. She would have company over 24/7 if she could. She also loves a variety of activities and changing it up a lot. As soon I get used to a new interest or activity she is on to something new and interesting.

My question, ( especially as summer vacation approaches) is how do you please the Introverted Mommy and the Extroverted Kid ?

 

[RMulieri]

I am the same exact way..wish I knew the answer.

 

[nessz79]

My younger son is very extroverted like his father. My older son and I are both introverts. It's interesting .

My younger son is only 3 so we haven't had to do too much with activities and parties, etc.

Although I'm introverted, I do still enjoy social activities. I just feel very ackward around strangers. I don't know how you are, but once I get to know the parents of my son's friends, I feel much better. It's just that first couple of times when I don't know what to say and I just clam up.

I don't have any real advice, just wanted to share.

 

[ZeroMyHero]

Does she always have friends over to your house or does she go to them? That would be one way for you to get some down time. Depending on how old she is, I would try to strike a compromise. She doesn't get to run from one activity to the next all the time and you don't get to be a homebody. Again, you don't mention her age, but if she's grade-school age (you mention school in your post) she should be old enough to understand compromise.

I have always been extremely shy and did not want my DD to be the same way. She is very outgoing and friendly, and since I want her to be involved in activities I had no choice but to put my shyness aside. Since doing that, I've made some wonderful friends myself. DD has been a great ice breaker for me. However, I have made it clear that it is not all about her 24/7, that Mommy needs to do her thing sometimes, too. As she gets older, she's better about that. That's why I'm able to post right now in the middle of the day!

 

[deedeetoo]

I am also introverted with an extroverted dd. You don't say how old your dd is but I'm guess from what you write that she is fairly young. My dd is almost 10 and I find this has gotten much easier as she has gotten older. I still have to drive her everywhere, but now I just pull up to gymnastics, basketball, orchestra, chorus, etc and she just hops out the door. She signs up for things and I'm the taxi service that gets her there. Also playdates no longer require me to do anything except drive. She calls her friends and they decide whose house to meet at and then sometimes I have to drive and sometimes I don't.

I can't help you with summers since I work outside the home she just goes to camp instead of school. She isn't home anymore in the summer than during the school year.

 

[nrod]

nessz79 described my situation to a "T". I also just suck it up for my son and get him out there doing his thing. It can be exhausting for me, but so can being home with the 2 boys all day. So it's worth the trade off. And like the OPs have said, I'm so happy that DS is not shy like me. Life is so much easier that way and he certainly has the gift of gab! I admire him so much at times - I hope he is always like that! My other little guy is more like me, but luckily his brother helps him come out of his shell too. So the 4 year old is helping us both.

 

[holly7347]

My DD's are getting good at making instant friends when we go to the park or mall play area etc. So when I haven't had the time or energy to plan a play date I take them to the park or indoor play area depending on the weather and just let them do their thing. It never fails that within 5 minutes of arrival DD#1 is holding the hand of another girl dragging her towards me saying this is my mom, mom this is "jane" then she runs off and play with them the entire time we are there. We have a pass to a local pool/small amusement park so we spent quite a bit of time there in the summer. So I'm hoping she is able to make friends there this summer too. I thought about sending them to a day camp for a week or two this summer but we are going to Disney this summer so the money isn't there for camp this summer.

As far as other extras DD#1 takes a weekly swim class and a weekly dance class and is in preschool 4 mornings a week. DD#2 takes a weekly swim class and is in preschool 1 morning a week. That is generally all I can take on right now. They do have cousins about their age that they see rather frequently especially in the summer.

 

[lunalibre]

You're not alone! DH and I are both introverts (we're engineers; of course we're introverts ). And yet...both of our children are HIGH ENERGY EXTROVERTS. I swear, DS11 uses more words in a day than his father and I do in a month -- COMBINED. Sometimes it's exhausting just listening to the two kids talk!

I will say, once DS was school age and DD was in pre-K, it got much easier. They had each other to keep them entertained. However, there are still times when they (rightfully) demand our attention and, of course, they get it.

As a mom, I have sucked it up and tried to do what the kids needed. The local "pack" of neighborhood kids is welcome at my house. I drive to playdates and camps and let them have friends over. This means that yes, there have been several times where I've gone on "sensory overload" and come close to the meltdown stage. DH bears the brunt of that, unfortunately. He was pushing me for a while to find some sort of "girl's night out" group because "I needed out of the house". No, what I *needed* was an activity to get the REST of the family out of MY HOUSE so I could have it all to myself. So, unfortunately, I really don't have the answer here. I've found if I make time to read a book (even 30 minutes a day), I'm much happier.

Also, at least once or twice a year, I try to get several hours alone in my house -- at least 6-7 hours. For me, it is fantastically relaxing knowing that NO ONE CAN TALK TO ME *and* I don't have to talk to anyone else for that length of time. That sounds awful to an extrovert, I'm sure, but being totally alone for that much time is rejuvenating for me. Maybe your DH would be willing to take your daughter out to lunch, a movie, and some errand running every couple of months so you could have a whole afternoon alone?

Good luck! I'll say that as my kids get older, I'm appreciating what fascinating people they're becoming. It really is easier now that they're 11 and 8, compared to when they were, say, 6 and 3.

 

[lisaland]

I'm a talker...I talk to EVERYONE. Strangers are not excluded! My children, however, are shy and very reserved. It is the most frustrating thing for me. I can't believe they don't tell their teacher when they need something, or they don't tell someone to leave them alone when they are bugging them, or they don't speak up when they need to! I know it's hard for them, and I try to be considerate of their feelings but I drives me nuts. I don't understand why someone wouldn't just speak up when they need to. So...just to let you know, it goes both ways. For the record... I blame this all on my husband (also an engineer).

Lisaland

 

[nessz79]

nessz79 described my situation to a "T". I also just suck it up for my son and get him out there doing his thing. It can be exhausting for me, but so can being home with the 2 boys all day. So it's worth the trade off. And like the OPs have said, I'm so happy that DS is not shy like me. Life is so much easier that way and he certainly has the gift of gab! I admire him so much at times - I hope he is always like that! My other little guy is more like me, but luckily his brother helps him come out of his shell too. So the 4 year old is helping us both.

Just saw this post. Isn't it so neat to have 2 totally different boys? My boys are best friends as they are 1.5 years apart. Best friends meaning they love to play together and they also love to figh!

But the 3 year old has really helped my 5 year old be more social. And the 5 year old helps the 3 year old be more calm when they are in structured environments.

 

[cwestbrook]

I'm 50 and my dd is 25 and married but we've always been just as you described. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Don't for a minute feel guilty about needing down/alone time. I find it very necessary every few days and really like just a little time EVERY day. I'm much nicer to be around so it pays off. You don't say how old your child is but don't feel like she has to be busy all the time. Personally, I think extroverts need to learn to be alone and have down time some. Otherwise, they never learn to be okay when they have to be alone. But that's just an introvert's opinion.

 

[delmar411]

I am also introverted with an extroverted dd. You don't say how old your dd is but I'm guess from what you write that she is fairly young. My dd is almost 10 and I find this has gotten much easier as she has gotten older. I still have to drive her everywhere, but now I just pull up to gymnastics, basketball, orchestra, chorus, etc and she just hops out the door. She signs up for things and I'm the taxi service that gets her there. Also playdates no longer require me to do anything except drive. She calls her friends and they decide whose house to meet at and then sometimes I have to drive and sometimes I don't.

I can't help you with summers since I work outside the home she just goes to camp instead of school. She isn't home anymore in the summer than during the school year.

This is my 10yr old DD exactly! LOL She's rarely home and has all these plans that I'm either the driver for or just signing the permission slip. There have been weekends when I see her get off the bus and then don't have her home again until Sunday evening. She actually needs that much interaction with other ppl. I find it exhausting to even think about how much socialization she requires. She'll be home for not even 15mins and she's complaining about being bored. I could stay home for weeks on end not talking or seeing anyone and not even realize how long it had been. I knew she was like this from the time she was an infant. She had that 'never met a stranger' personality that has always radiated out. Unfortunately my younger DD is the SAME! Ack!! But since I'm now a SAHM she is very sadly relying on me to make these plans and playdates. I just can't. I'm not sure what to do because I'm am incapable of doing it. DH could and would and even chats up the moms at the playground or where ever. He even gets their numbers! But I won't call them. My introvertness (ok, that's not a word) has become much worse since I left the workforce. I'm not force to deal with ppl on a regular basis.

I wish I knew how to just 'get over it' because I'd do pretty much anything to help my kids but I cannot just pick up the darn phone and make a simple phone call.

 

[Stephres]

The thing that saved me was the preschool my kids attended offered mini camps during the summer (9-12). They were put on by the church but a lot of preschool friends were there. Both my kids loved these camps and it forced me to make friends with other moms. We eventually started going to church there so I made even more friends.

I know it's hard, but maybe you can find some activity like that. Good luck!

 

[Dazer22]

I wish I knew how to just 'get over it' because I'd do pretty much anything to help my kids but I cannot just pick up the darn phone and make a simple phone call. [/QUOTE]


This is exactly how I feel. Making that call is so difficult and I really have to push myself to do it. I have actually made the calls and made friends with my daughter's friend's parents over the years, but.... instead of sticking with her old friends (whose parents I am so comfortable with), my daughter will decide to invite the " new kid " over instead. She is always making new friends , which is difficult for me because its another new parent at the door.
( The introverts will know how difficult this is.) Definitely one of those kids who has never met a stranger in her life, and has been like this since the beginning.

So yes, I have my meltdowns when I accomodate her too much and go against my natural personality. ( I too am one of those people that can be alone for weeks and actually enjoy it.)

Cwestbrook, made a great point that she will have to get used to being alone sometimes. Maybe we were meant to be together to balance eachother.

Thanks for all your replys. It's nice to know that its O.K. to be an introvert in such an extroverted world !

I'm off now , to go read my book......alone.....in silence.

 

[SageFemme]

No advice but I just wanted to say it's the same exact thing here! I'm an introvert and my fiance and DD4 are both extroverts. As a matter of fact, I'm taking that big step and enrolling my daughter in gymnastics today!

 

[susykt4]

Ahhhhh, what a refreshing thread, to see that others must suffer with me DD7 is constantly bringing friends over. The neighbor kids are usually inside my house before I even make it out of my car after work. It drives me CRAZY to have no down time and to constantly have other people's kids invading my personal space and TIME. DH is also an introvert, but he's less affected by the "invasion" than I am. We finally set some ground rules that the neighbor kids couldn't come over EVERY night! DS5 (introvert) is always more than happy to tell them they can't come over tonight and shut the door in their face.

I definitely agree with all pp's about finding some way to have some time alone at your own house! DH takes the kids to karate on Thursday nights and that hour and a half they are gone is like paradise! I also get up ridiculously early most mornings to have an hour or two of peace. (I also go to bed ridiculously early, but to me it's worth it.)

As for the phone- DD is almost 8 and I'm honestly not sure she'd be able to call 911 in an emergency. I can probably count the number of times on my fingers she's talked on the phone. I know this is terrible and irresponsible but I am nearly phobic about the day (and I know it's coming soon) when her friends will call nonstop. If there's a sound I hate more than a ringing phone I can't imagine what it would be! I can tune out ringing phones at work, but at home a ringing phone is like getting unexpectedly smacked in the face!